![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on December 4, 2003, at 17:02:32
Actually, I'm starting to recover now, FINALLY. Feeling almost human, hardly ever feeling *really* lousy, almost thinking I might live past 40. Y'all know what that means, right?
FALLOUT!!!
Now to start trying to rebuild whatever remains of my life. That's the hardest thing for me, so here I am, waiting to see who's got my back. Let's see, about half my hair has fallen out, I have an almost constant low-grade headache, and I have lost almost 30 pounds. I do know the answers -- that's right, "Racer knows *all* the answers, just ask her, she'll be the first to admit it..." -- one step at a time. Baby steps. The problem is, when all hell has broken loose, when the walls have caved in, etc, which is the first step? I'm trying to put the weight back on, telling myself I'll feel better and stop worrying about it if I can get another ten pounds on. That's my short term goal, right now, ten pounds.
Problem, of course, is that while I'm promising myself to work on getting the weight on, I'm also aware of an ambivalence about it. Part of me is back to trying to keep this ten pounds off, AND lose more. I'm worried about that, since the last thing I need right now is another go round with my old friend anorexia, but I'm never sure when it starts if it's anorexia, or normal. That's one of those things about eating disorders, for me at least: when I'm getting sick, everyone around me rewards me for it. "Oh, look at you! You look great!" In fact, at some points in my life I'd hear from the same people both that I was way too thin, and by the way -- how'd I manage to stay so slim? Doesn't help that I'm very large busted, because it means that I don't show how thin I really am in everyday clothes. I know the jeans I'm wearing as I type were too small to get my butt into at all six months ago, and that I was about to get rid of them as "never be that thin again" clothes. They're loose now.
Anyway, there's Racer's Rant for today.
How about the rest of you? How's everything going for everyone here? How's Greg?
Posted by allisonm on December 4, 2003, at 18:19:41
In reply to If it's not one thing..., posted by Racer on December 4, 2003, at 17:02:32
Racer, I wish I could give you some of the 25+ lbs. I've gained in the past year. I used to be able to fit in size 12 jeans. Now I'm lucky that the 18s fit still.
It doesn't help that the holidays are coming up, either.
Do you like to cook? That makes me gain weight -- especially if I like what I'm cooking because I keep eating it.
One other idea: my boyfriend has always had trouble keeping weight on. (I think that's been part of my downfall... He loves apple pie. I like to make apple pie. If I make him apple pie, I get to eat some too...) Anyway...he buys that superduper high-calorie nutritional supplement that comes in cans. Wal-Mart has its own brand, one regular, one even higher-cal. He has one of those higher-cal ones every night.
One last idea: (light-hearted, but also serious). I went to Starbuck's today. They have eggnog lattes this time of year. (Oh, gawd help me. I don't own jeans any bigger than these...)
Posted by noa on December 4, 2003, at 19:53:58
In reply to If it's not one thing..., posted by Racer on December 4, 2003, at 17:02:32
Racer, First of all, I am so happy that you are recovering.
But you are right--when we come out of our deep depression, we have to face the mess that piled up while we were in there. And that is so stressful.
If you have a history of anorexia, perhaps you should find a really good nutritionist whom you feel really comfortable with and who will not just tell you what to do, but will help you figure out how to manage your eating and weight in a way that is sensitive to how you are feeling, and gradually, too. And focus less on how much weight you need to put on but how to take good care of yourself.
Another thought I have, one that is typical of me, is whether you've been worked up for any endocrine problems.
Either way, if your hair is falling out, something is not right.
But also, be patient with yourself. Even though you are feeling much better than you were, you just came out of an extremely severe depressive episode.
Posted by noa on December 4, 2003, at 19:56:17
In reply to Re: If it's not one thing..., posted by allisonm on December 4, 2003, at 18:19:41
PS--having now read Allison's post, which tickled me, let me tell you that I have enough spare pounds to offer you AND about a dozen others who need to gain weight!
Posted by Racer on December 4, 2003, at 20:28:52
In reply to Re: If it's not one thing... » Racer, posted by noa on December 4, 2003, at 19:53:58
>
> But you are right--when we come out of our deep depression, we have to face the mess that piled up while we were in there. And that is so stressful.See, that's why I'm here: you understand about this stuff. That alone helps so much.
> Either way, if your hair is falling out, something is not right.
The doctor says, "well, any dermatologist will tell you that stress can cause alopecia..." I checked online, and found that there's something called (don't quote my spelling, it's from rotten memory) telogenic effluvium or something like that, where hair starts falling out all over the head from stess. The articles said it wasn't medically significant, and usually the hair grows back. I'm waiting...
>
> But also, be patient with yourself. Even though you are feeling much better than you were, you just came out of an extremely severe depressive episode.And that paragraph illustrates what I really need, to be reminded that it's OK not to be "all better" overnight. I need someone to remind me that I'm recovering, that it really was as bad as I think it was, and that recovering is a process rather than an event. Thank you for helping take care of me.
Posted by Racer on December 4, 2003, at 20:35:53
In reply to Re: If it's not one thing... » Racer, posted by noa on December 4, 2003, at 19:53:58
Heheheh, here's proof that I'm feeling better: I was watching a repeat of Law & Order Special Victims Unit on USA the other night, and there was a scene in a courtroom, Richard Belzer (my favorite character in any of the L&Os) testifying against a psychiatrist. Seems a woman went to him for Prozac, he diagnosed "hysteria" and told her to disrobe, put her feet in the stirrups and "imagine Hunky Actor on top of her." (Can't remember which actor they used in the show.) Anyway, Belzer's character then goes on to explain the history of diagnosing hysteria, complete with the recommended treatment -- which was said to be spelled "orgasm" -- there's the scene, got it? Me, sitting in my chair, knitting away on a Christmas present, watching that scene on TV. Now for the punch line: I was thinking to myself, "yeah, sure, only I'd have the actor on top of me while imagining the pdoc..." lol
Again, kinda nice when Dr Feelgood doubles as Dr EyeCandy...
Posted by judy1 on December 5, 2003, at 11:00:57
In reply to Re: If it's not one thing... » noa, posted by Racer on December 4, 2003, at 20:28:52
when I was going through a bulimic bout, there were people on the ward who were anorexic and they all had loss of hair in common. I think it had to do with malnutrition, and improved once they were getting help with their diets. This is a truly life-threatening disease, and I hope if you are concerned you may have it you get help.
take care, judy
Posted by noa on December 5, 2003, at 12:03:23
In reply to One more thing... » noa, posted by Racer on December 4, 2003, at 20:35:53
LOL!!
You know, I've been in recovery a while and doing pretty well, and recently was discussing how stressed I feel just trying to get through the day to day, and my therapist said something so incredibly helpful--he reminded me how far I've come and how well I'm doing compared to all those years when I wasn't and how I'm dealing with increased job responsibilities now, etc. etc. and to go easy on myself because afterall,
(and here are the six little words he said that I found so incredible helpful):
"You Do Have a Depressive Illness."
Posted by stjames on December 5, 2003, at 15:19:07
In reply to Re: If it's not one thing... » noa, posted by Racer on December 4, 2003, at 20:28:52
The doctor says, "well, any dermatologist will tell you that stress can cause alopecia..." I checked online, and found that there's something called (don't quote my spelling, it's from rotten memory) telogenic effluvium or something like that, where hair starts falling out all over the head from stess. The articles said it wasn't medically significant, and usually the hair grows back. I'm waiting...
Hey racer !Yes, my mom went through this decades ago, when her mom was starting to fall apart. For her, it did grow back. The dermatologist had her on Rogain, so you might try that.
Posted by shar on December 5, 2003, at 22:51:03
In reply to If it's not one thing..., posted by Racer on December 4, 2003, at 17:02:32
Well, Racer......I have about 15-20 pounds you can have! But, really, you gotta give it a couple of months. Do not let evil anorexia get its claws into you again. Better Rubenesque than the alternative!
I think if I was a man I would like something to hold onto.
At any rate, Racer, just hang. For a lot of us, that's all we can do. And, you know, the holidays seem especially hard. Just hang, make pies, whatever makes you happy. Then, in a few weeks we can go back to our normal idiosynchrasies.
Happy holidays! Stay here! It beats the alternative ( imo ).
Shar
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble 2000 | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.