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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on May 20, 2005, at 5:03:43
Hmm.
He said:He would work with me. Unless I would prefer to work with someone else.
I said that I thought that he had broken my trust on a number of occasions and that it would be hard work to repair that... That I might be better off working with someone else.
I didn't want to push the 'had broken my trust on a number of occasions' bit. Basically... He would just get defensive about that. It was basic stuff about turning his phone off in sessions, telling me beforehand if he couldn't make a time, him changing the times all the time, etc etc.
Maybe that was my mistake...
He said he would work with me if the funding didn't come through.
That he would make sure he got adequate supervision.
That we would really begin to do some work.But...
Somewhere along the way...
He changed his mind.
And the first I knew of him having changed his mind on this was the session when he terminated me.
Out of think air.
I didn't even see it coming.
So.
What changed his mind?
What did I do?
Was it because I said I'd prefer to work with someone else?
Was it punishment for that?
What?
I don't understand.
I don't.But I didn't want to turn it into a 'but you said...' discussion. Whats the point. It doesn't change his decision. It just makes him defensive.
He said...
When he saw me in hospital...
In front of his registrars...
He said that I didn't work in therapy anyway.
That I may as well work with a councellor.Ouch.
The next time I saw him I said that that was really really unfair of him to have said that.
That he said he wanted to keep things light because we didn't even know whether we were going to stay working together (if the funding came through).
He said he based that comment on my file.
What a bastard.
He said before that of course I didn't get far in therapy when they were working with the wrong dx.
He said he didn't judge me based on my file.Why does this keep going round and round.
I just need to accept that he doesn't want to work with me.
He doesn't want to see me anymore.
Thats the way it is.
He doesn't have to justify it or whatever.
Not with more lies.
It doesn't matter why.
I just have to accept it.
Accept that he tried to help me best he could
And that he doesn't want to be a therapist
He wants to be a medication prescriber
And thats just the way it is.Not personal.
He doesn't want to be a therapist
Posted by sunny10 on May 20, 2005, at 14:37:40
In reply to Was it personal???, posted by alexandra_k on May 20, 2005, at 5:03:43
I think you're right- he just wants to dispense meds.
Most of the psychiatrists are the same here... their eyes glaze over even during the brief fifteen minute "med check" appointments!
That's why the "counselors", or "therapists" do the therapy sessions here...the doctors WON'T.
Posted by Toph on May 20, 2005, at 17:43:05
In reply to Was it personal???, posted by alexandra_k on May 20, 2005, at 5:03:43
Hi alex.
I don't think that his refusal to work with you in therapy is any reflection on you personally, just as I don't think his incapacity to be a compassionate professional is any reflection on you either. There's much to be gained from both participants in therapy. If this guy only knew what he will be missing.
Posted by Susan47 on May 20, 2005, at 19:36:35
In reply to Was it personal???, posted by alexandra_k on May 20, 2005, at 5:03:43
..."Out of think air" I know that was probably a type-o, alexandra, but it was a good, funny one. Now did he think himself into terminating you???? You betcha, he did. Y'know what's the matter with men? They don't trust themselves, but they can't ever admit that, see, because there's too much tension in marriage as it is, you know, so God if I ever admitted it to myself that I don't feel I can be trusted, when she comes at me with accusations or whatever, I have no defenses, so I can't admit I feel that way about myself ... so no insight, you have a therapist with a blind spot, he can't work with you and in the end it's always about you, you were the problem. But you never are. They're Therapists, damn it. You keep excusing them. You keep saying they're human. Sure, but they're passing themselves off as helpers, they need to actually know how to help, they need to learn how to stop people from feeling despair because their relationship to them, the therapist.
Some days I make no sense, do I?
Why is it that parents inevitably end up doing paper routes for their children???
Posted by Susan47 on May 21, 2005, at 12:50:05
In reply to Was it personal???, posted by alexandra_k on May 20, 2005, at 5:03:43
I'm sorry I know my last post was confusing if you don't understand I was talking about my own therapist, the way his personal life reflected on our therapy (or my belief in that) and the way he terminated me for his own inadequacies, without being honest about it.
It's really the same, though, isn't it? Therapists not knowing how to communicate effectively. Without causing pain, lots of it. I'm so sorry this happens to people. It isn't right.
Posted by sleepygirl on May 22, 2005, at 0:00:01
In reply to Was it personal???, posted by alexandra_k on May 20, 2005, at 5:03:43
unfortunately, it does't sound like he really knew what he wanted. To be a therapist consistency and reliability have to be established, (as best they can be). It's too bad he didn't seem to realize how important in the beginning. maybe-maybe not is just not helpful. I'm sorry he couldn't simply state his limitations instead why you'd "be better off". "didn't work in therapy"-that's all part of it baby- resistance, resentments, disappointment... and all of that, all of you, and its all good.
I'm sorry you're hurting. I hope you find a therapist that's right for you soon.
Posted by alexandra_k on May 22, 2005, at 16:16:19
In reply to Re: Was it personal???, posted by sunny10 on May 20, 2005, at 14:37:40
> I think you're right- he just wants to dispense meds.
Yeah.
I know he talked a bit about seeing other people for therapy. But that was probably his trying to reassure me that he could do that.
> Most of the psychiatrists are the same here... their eyes glaze over even during the brief fifteen minute "med check" appointments!Yeah.
> That's why the "counselors", or "therapists" do the therapy sessions here...the doctors WON'T.Yeah. The trouble was what to do with me when the psychologists wouldn't touch me.
:-(
Posted by alexandra_k on May 22, 2005, at 16:17:22
In reply to Re: Was it personal??? » alexandra_k, posted by Toph on May 20, 2005, at 17:43:05
Thanks Toph.
I don't know.
I don't know why I can't just put this away somewhere and forget about it.
It just keeps coming up to bite me on the *ss...
Posted by alexandra_k on May 22, 2005, at 16:20:19
In reply to Re: Was it personal??? » alexandra_k, posted by Susan47 on May 21, 2005, at 12:50:05
Susan
(((Susan)))
I'm glad you are still around.
I was starting to think we may have lost you there...
I don't know about you, Susan.
Whats up with you
And the way you see your x t.
I don't know...
I could focus on all the lies he told me.
But then I'll feel mad and resentful.
I am trying to aim for something
That I can accept and not feel destroyed about...
But it can be hard to find.
Posted by alexandra_k on May 22, 2005, at 16:29:11
In reply to Re: Was it personal???, posted by sleepygirl on May 22, 2005, at 0:00:01
Hi there.
Thanks for taking the time to respond.
:-)
He got promoted.
I think that at that point he was just focused on that...
And I guess he thought he was wasting his time with me because he could be doing things that clearly were helping (ie giving someone their much needed meds) rather than seeing me and having to listen to me tell him that it wasn't appropriate for him to have his phone on in sessions etc.I couldn't believe that I needed to tell him this stuff.
And then he would say 'ok. There isn't any point holding that against me thoguht because I can't change the past so we'll just have to do the best we can do from this point on'. And then his phone would go off and he would leave to take the call.Over and over.
And the past just got so very much harder to leave behind because he insisted on dragging it into the present.And I was 'bad'for bringing it up...
So I thought, yes. Better to work with someone else. I mean, if he doesn't even get this really very standard any book will tell you kind of stuff then how well are we going to be able to work together? And he might say he is prepared to work with me but his behaviour tells me otherwise.But the point...
The point is that there isn't anyone else within the service who will see me.
And the service has refused to fund me to see someone from outside the service.
So
There it is
And I have to accept that he is gone
But it isn't just him
It is the whole of community mental health
The whole possibility of finding someone who is willing to work with me
Gone
Like that.
But I just have to accept it
Somehow
And so it is about making up some 'story' or narrative on the undeniable facts (that he isn't going to see me anymore) a 'story' that I can live with. Preferably one that I can accept and one that makes neither of us out to be the villan.Yuk
Life sux.
Posted by sunny10 on May 23, 2005, at 12:13:36
In reply to Re: Was it personal??? » Susan47, posted by alexandra_k on May 22, 2005, at 16:20:19
if you're mad, you're mad. "feel the feelings, alexandra_k"... and other assorted psych cliches...
What you don't want to do is decide that you don't have a right to be mad at the doc (because doc is human) and wind up being mad at yourself for daring to be mad- only to "make it logical", you decide that there must be something wrong with YOU!!! There's nothing wrong with you. You have been done an injustice by another human being and it hurts.
Posted by alexandra_k on November 6, 2005, at 22:46:41
In reply to Re: Was it personal??? » sleepygirl, posted by alexandra_k on May 22, 2005, at 16:29:11
i only very rarely remember my dreams
i remember my dream from last night
full of stuff...
from politics
and substance
and stuff that went on from boards that shalt not be named.there is a coffee shop on campus
and last semester
when i was working
i spent a fair bit of money in that coffee shop
they are rip offs really
it is just that they really do very good coffee
and they are the only place that do
really very good coffee on campus
and so...
i spent a fair bit of money there
and that is something...
that i feel guilty about
at times
because it does seem to be something of a waste
of money that i should have saved
or could have given to people who needed it more than me
or whatever.
and there are things like that with my life
where i feel guilty
and i don't know...anyway in my dream
i went to the coffee shop
(it was in a different location but you know how dreams go)
i went to the coffee shop
and i was having coffee
and i was worrying about whether to get a job or not
because i could get a part-time job
and that would give me a little extra money
and once my thesis is handed in
i suppose i could get a full-time job
and go off welfare for the first time in my life
though i have to say that yes
i'd much prefer to live on the dole
have a couple months off before starting my phd
and yeah, just laze around for a couple of months
not doing a lot
maybe doing some leisurely reading
preparing myself for thatanyhoo
the guy that runs the place came up to me and asked me if i wanted a job there
and i felt...very anxious indeed.
and i had some time to deliberate
and deliberate i did
and i decided 'no'
it would be mroe stress than it is worth
and then i felt incredably guilty
and then i woke up.what is up with me?
what is going on?
maybe... i really am just a lazy sh*t.
other people do work over the summer
i go on the unemployment benefit and have a break
a holiday for a few months
other people save
so they can get a car
so they can have a proper holiday for a week or something like that
i've always thought i was entitled to be lazy over the summer
and the price i paid was not having a car
not having money for a proper holidaybut maybe...
i'm not entitled to a holiday
i should be working
and its not about the extras
its about having to work for ones basic needs
and i don't know anymore i don't knowmost people over here do think they should work if they are able
i guess i'm different because i've been on welfare ever since i can remember
but maybe i am just lazy
i don't know anymore
i'm sorry...
Posted by Damos on November 6, 2005, at 23:52:07
In reply to Re: I had a dream..., posted by alexandra_k on November 6, 2005, at 22:46:41
Oh no, not Voldeboard!!!!!
Can I ask what you are sorry for here? Cause I can't see anything that warrants it.
Your internal contradictions and the way you question yourself and your motives are part of what makes you you. The way you have experienced life has also strongly coloured your humanity and sense of social/moral responsibility, as has your experience with the 'system'. Hence, nothing is simple for you.
Personally, I think the most important thing is for you to get yourself into the best place (physically, mentally, emotionally) that you can before you dive into your Phd.
The fact that you feel guilty about the choice is important in itself - there are an awful lot of people who have been through a heck of a lot less, who have significantly more in terms of support and resources than you who wouldn't even think twice.
The choice to be "a lawyer for humanity" is not an easy one and your biggest contributions may be yet to come, but do not forget that you have done volunteer work with kids who might have otherwise had no-one, that you contribute significantly here and in other places.
You need to do that which is best for you. The best way you can repay society for whatever support you have received is to be the best philosopher you can be; to continue to try and make a difference. You need to remember that you have gone ahead and done something with the assistance you have been given.
You should not feel guilty about making what is the best choice for you.
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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