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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AdaGrace on February 21, 2005, at 18:01:46
He promissed me a Valentine.
A lifetime of Valentines actually.He would always ask me "What are you doing for the rest of your life" "Wanna spend it with me?"
I would say "yes" of course.
But it's not to be.
Never was.Valentines Day never ever meant anything to me except those 4 years we were together.
Now they mean nothing again.
What a silly foolish reason for a holiday.
Really, what rubbish.
There is no eternity for love.
Only the eternity without it.The never ending soul burning eternity I will spend without his love to suround me.
AdaGrace
Posted by Susan47 on February 22, 2005, at 0:20:22
In reply to Valentine promised, but not received, posted by AdaGrace on February 21, 2005, at 18:01:46
Yup.
I know that feeling.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 22, 2005, at 1:03:40
In reply to Valentine promised, but not received, posted by AdaGrace on February 21, 2005, at 18:01:46
That one isn't really a biggie over here. Not past High School anyway. Actually, truth be told it isn't big at all. We barely acknowledge it.
Lucky us.
Yukko
Wassup with all these depression inducing days of 'celebration'?????
Posted by sunny10 on February 22, 2005, at 14:51:52
In reply to Valentine promised, but not received, posted by AdaGrace on February 21, 2005, at 18:01:46
AdaGrace,
I don't know whether I've told you this or not, but my last love lasted four years with a married man.
I had ended it, he kept begging me back- we worked together and he would press me about it at work, too.
I had to quit my job to get away. But then I let him back. But I had "frightened him so badly" (his words) that he "knew he couldn't live without me". He spent a Saturday morning in my bed, asking me to marry him when his divorce was final. When he left, it was to tell his wife that he wanted a divorce. I knew that he wouldn't be able to tell me how it went until Monday, and I told him that I understood that.
On Monday, he called me at my new job (that had taken me six months to find- I was unemployed and very poor for those months...). He told me that he talked to his wife, and that "they had decided to go to couples therapy and save their marriage". He told me that he was never allowed to see me or talk to me ever again.
I was in a major depressive episode for two years before I went to the outpatient day program.
It was the hardest thing that I have ever been through in my entire life. There was nothing that helped other than time, meds, and lots of therapy for me to find myself again.
A great guy found me, though, AdaGrace. I had given up looking. I had become determined to learn how to enjoy my own company and had to learn the fact that I was actually capable of taking care of myself; I didn't "need" love; I had gotten to the point that I would only accept love that I "wanted", not needed. That took a long time in therapy, too.
But it does feel better after time, honey, it really does. You need to let yourself grieve for the relationship that you thought would continue on. That relationship died, sweetie, you need to mourn. It's okay, and it's normal, and it hurts A LOT. And at some point, you will be able to look back on that relationship with some detached fondness. You will be able to hold on to the parts which were good, and realize that not all of it was. And that he wasn't the right one for you- no matter what the reason.
I very firmly believe that there will be a right one for you, sweetie. Love yourself; faults and all; and the right one will love you exactly the way you are.
And if you feel that I am talking out my butt, and that I am full of sh*t, you have that perogative as well. All your human rights and feelings are yours; you own them..... grab them.
hugs and mucho kisses,
sunny10
Posted by Susan47 on February 22, 2005, at 16:59:04
In reply to Re: Valentine promised, but not received, posted by sunny10 on February 22, 2005, at 14:51:52
See now, I didn't know that about you, Sunny, and now I know another part of the puzzle that makes you so wonderful.
Being thrown away in love is what women have done to them all the time when they get involved with a married man, and I just honestly, honest to God I don't know how these men can ever live with themselves again. How can they look in the mirror and see anybody worth anything? Where does their worth come from, when they've destroyed another person so totally? Men. We give them more power than they'll ever deserve.
Posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 11:17:31
In reply to Re: Valentine promised, but not received » sunny10, posted by Susan47 on February 22, 2005, at 16:59:04
that's the question I have come to realize was the key to never experiencing that particular pain again.
Loving a person who is not available (legally, emotionally, or geographically, even) is not a particularly smart thing for me to have done.
There were a lot of reasons for allowing the entire relationship... I had to piece it all out and take really tough steps to refuse to allow myself to be abused - this time was the emotional kind, again- again!
It's part of the "devil you know" theory... I was used to thinking of myself as an idiot PLUS I had an over-developed fear of abandonment AND I had been in multiple abusive relationships before...
In a very self-sabotaging way, I was COMFORTABLE in this kind of relationship... How scary is that?!?
And, I hear there are plenty of others just like me out there.
My sister is one.
But she doesn't want to be helped- thinks she is beyond "saving"... Doesn't believe she is worth it. And we all know that the only person who can "save" us is us...(wish I could get her some insurance for therapy, though....She said she WOULD go, if only she had the money...)
She is me, two years ago...
Posted by Susan47 on February 23, 2005, at 11:33:13
In reply to Re: ah, but why did I let him?!? » Susan47, posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 11:17:31
Sounds like your sister feels worse about herself than you did about yourself. Isn't she older? She's spent more time denying, maybe?
I'm one of those who feels more comfy in an emotionally abusive relationship. I'm sure it's why I decided to allow myself to replay that with my last therapist. Trouble is, I outsmarted myself :].
Posted by sunny10 on February 23, 2005, at 11:43:53
In reply to Re: ah, but why did I let him?!?, posted by Susan47 on February 23, 2005, at 11:33:13
This is the end of the thread.
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