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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kath on July 24, 2006, at 12:42:30
I've posted on Social:
Oh My God - Now my Test begins - News from BC - July 23
about my 22 yr old son who's been using drugs since 13 yrs old or so.
He's spiralling downward & is on the streets in BC now.
Details are in the above post.
Just thought that since this is the S.A. Board someone here might have some useful input for me.
Kath
Posted by ClearSkies on July 24, 2006, at 13:57:26
In reply to Any words of wisdom to help me through this?, posted by Kath on July 24, 2006, at 12:42:30
These words are said with gentleness and compassion: Kath, you have to disengage.
You've been to Al Anon, right? Part of what perpetuates an addiction is the drama that surrounds it. Lurching from one crisis to the next. Send your son your prayers, keep him in your thoughts, but keep yourself apart from his experiences. Sometimes we best show our love for others by stepping back, and letting them go on their journey.
ClearSkies
Posted by Declan on July 24, 2006, at 15:13:52
In reply to Any words of wisdom to help me through this?, posted by Kath on July 24, 2006, at 12:42:30
Hi Kath
What drugs does your son take? Is this IV heroin, or anything going, or is this lifestyle and subculture?
If had a kid in this position I would want to cultivate a respectful, non-exploitative, affectionate relationship.
Declan
Posted by Kath on July 24, 2006, at 20:50:45
In reply to Re: Any words of wisdom to help me through this? » Kath, posted by ClearSkies on July 24, 2006, at 13:57:26
Hi,
These words are very good for me to hear today. I am feeling so much better after being to the counsellor & reading people's replies to my post on Social.
Thank you very much. I'm actually printing off these words & putting them, along with some others in my purse!!
Kath
Posted by Kath on July 24, 2006, at 20:54:40
In reply to Re: Any words of wisdom to help me through this? » Kath, posted by Declan on July 24, 2006, at 15:13:52
> Hi Kath
> What drugs does your son take? Is this IV heroin, or anything going, or is this lifestyle and subculture?Thanks for your babblemail Declan. I'm answering here in case others want to read this also. He uses weed, alcohol, ecstasy, acid, sometimes cocaine. That's it, I think. I'm afraid he'll start using chrystal meth now he's out there as meth use in Vancouver is big & he had a problem with it before out there when he was 17.
> If had a kid in this position I would want to cultivate a respectful, non-exploitative, affectionate relationship.
> DeclanDeclan - thanks for that part above. Could you explain what you mean by non-exploitative?
How would you deal with it if your kid was telling all this awful stuff? Would you try to be detached & not comment?
thanks for answering. Kath
Posted by Kath on July 24, 2006, at 20:56:49
In reply to Re: Any words of wisdom to help me through this? » Kath, posted by Declan on July 24, 2006, at 15:13:52
Further to my last post - would you just not comment, or would you tell that it worried you?
I often feel like I "have to do it RIGHT" - have to say it right; have to say the right thing?
Is it OK to talk from my heart? like "it hurts me to hear you hurting & know you're going through this" or might that encourage him to do it more hoping I'll help him or something?
thx Kath
Posted by Declan on July 25, 2006, at 3:19:41
In reply to Re: Any words of wisdom to help me through this? » Declan, posted by Kath on July 24, 2006, at 20:54:40
Would I talk about it? Yes I would, but that's me. I've been through it and so I have all sorts of things to say about drugs. I would seek to steer things in a generally postive direction, especially with regards to meth, for example.
I would not be aiming to control his drug use (since that is clearly impossible) but I would just be interested anyway, being opinionated about all this.
The nonexploitative thing is mainly that he should not exploit you, but maybe it can cut both ways.
It helped me with my drug addiction when people I loved let me know in a subtle self-disregarding way that they cared about me. Which is just normal good manners. I'm not keen on tough love, but having said that, drug use is not an excuse for bad behaviour. It is an excuse for being unwell though.
Declan
Posted by Declan on July 25, 2006, at 3:29:15
In reply to Re: Any words of wisdom to help me through this? » Declan, posted by Kath on July 24, 2006, at 20:54:40
If my kid told me he was using crystal meth and weed, I would simply concentrate on the meth and ignore the weed. I'd say (this is me) that meth has something going for it as a party drug, but that it lasts much too long and is way too hard on my system at my age, and furthermore is fundamentally uninteresting and destructive. Nonetheless I could imagine myself (easily) using it before a party. If he was using it any more than episodically I would say that it's truly terrible stuff. So that's how I'd talk about it, and I would say that I was worried for him because of the terrible things the drug does. But I wouldn't have an antidrug stance as such. I would want to know all about his life that he wanted to share with me. But that's easy for me. You are going to have to trust your intuition about when the relationship becomes exploitative and draw the line there. But your grief at his self destruction is your problem that you must bear as best you can. He might be more impressed by that than by an antidrug lecture, so to speak, if this makes any sense,
Declan
Posted by Kath on July 25, 2006, at 17:00:54
In reply to Re: Any words of wisdom to help me through this? » Kath, posted by Declan on July 25, 2006, at 3:29:15
Just got a good phonecall from my son in BC.
I posted the details on the Social Board under:
Very Good Newsthx for support all
Kath
This is the end of the thread.
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