![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 17, 2015, at 0:02:05
Done! Finished! No more physics!
Except, uh, for the physical chemistry, uh, that they have shoved right at the end of the Organic Chemistry Course. Doh.
I don't know... I will keep my fingers crossed for a B-. I suck at physics. And I suck at triangles. Seems that before there were curves there were triangles... But triangles are too hard for me, too...
Anyway... Really (really really really really) looking forward to things this year. Cell and molecular biology FINALLY!!! And... They've given me permission to do the other law paper instead of a general ed. So... I just forked out a couple hundred dollars for the first year law books today... It is pretty cool that I get to do first year law... And to be able to apply to Law II and Med II at the end of this year...
Anyway... The rest of this week off... One week of orientation... Then into things. Deep breath...
:)
Posted by Tomatheus on February 18, 2015, at 11:28:51
In reply to No more physics!, posted by alexandra_k on February 17, 2015, at 0:02:05
Alexandra_k,
It's really good to hear that you're finished with the physics courses that you've been taking. It definitely sounds like it's a relief to be done with them. I remember struggling to get through physics in high school and can therefore only imagine the struggles associated with getting through physics courses at the college/university level, or especially the graduate level. So, congratulations to you for getting through physics.
Much luck to you with the courses that you'll be taking and with the law paper that you'll be writing this year.
Tomatheus
Posted by alexandra_k on February 18, 2015, at 14:29:33
In reply to Re: No more physics! » alexandra_k, posted by Tomatheus on February 18, 2015, at 11:28:51
Hi. These were at Uni - but they were High School level courses. For students who wanted to get into Engineering, but didn't have the GPA and / or relevant physics background. Most were in a similar maths position so we mostly used algebra / trig. I never thought of a circle as a rotating triangle before. I find most of maths / physics to be... Backwards. I mean... To figure out change by taking the final and then subtracting the initial... I never would have thought to approach it like that. It... Felt wrong, somehow. Then we get this horrible problem of needing to ignore - signs sometimes... And I find it fairly upsetting, actually. And 'forwards'. I guess I thought that 'forwards' was a vector. And I got really hung up on that... Whether 'forwards' and 'reverse' were a change in direction... So... What it meant to continue on in the same way (Wittgenstein digression). But, of course, a hammer throw... And you let it go... And it keeps going straight. Of course it does. Huh. Turns out... I'm the one who's a bit backwards. Oh well. I would need to think about this stuff over a period of years before it was properly automatic. As it sort of needs to be, at this stage. And, uh, yeah... I'm glad I got to do it. But I'm also glad I don't actually have to do very much more of it. Mostly because it isn't fun to feel stupid / not be able to do it / to always get stuck on 'simple' mistakes.
I do feel badly that I didn't do better in the exam. I think the first guy really (really really) tried to teach me well. And I sucked at algebra... And the exam was mostly asking us to draw little graphs / sketches. But I still couldn't do most of it. It isn't just that I can't do the math... The concepts... Sit oddly... As well. It is a very different way of thinking... And it seems I'm sort of naturally inclined to get it all backwards / the wrong way around. I remember grading critical reasoning papers and wondering how students can consistently (so very much better than chance) get multi-guess questions wrong. And, well, now I know how that can happen.
Ah well. It was mostly to help me feel better about the odd equation that pops up in biology. And I've looked at those equations again (and the magnification calculations and the scale bars for our drawings etc) and I do feel a lot more confident about all of that. I get little glimmers of... Insight. With respect to seeing how an equation can be rearranged (I don't really follow the steps of the proof / derivation). But sometimes I can just 'see' how to rearrange it to solve for the different variables. I need to practice that a bit so it is automatic / reliable / consistent). But I think that means I'm starting to see what an equation means / be able to read it. I can do (very simple) 'when this variable changes by a factor of x what factor does this other variable change by?' Actually... No... I'm really bad at that. And square roots frighten me. For some reason... Even though I can write an essay on what they mean (sort of, sometimes)... Ak.
I got 97% on my dyscalculia screening test... So... Apparently that means I don't have trouble... The bits I got wrong were 'conceptual', though. And I do think I'm lacking fundamental maths concepts. My method is... Odd... Mostly backwards, it turns out. Pretty much everything I have figured out myself (even if I get to a right answer). Every single proof / derivation I see... I have this weird... Upset kind of visceral reaction to... Like... Why on earth would they think / want to do it that way? I mean... The obvious answer is 'because their way works whereas yours pooped out by the end of primary school'. But... My way was natural to me up until then and I never... Like... Never... Managed to learn any other.
I do have to get through the second part of Organic Chemistry where we do Ph and Kinetics... Fingers crossed for me... Fortunately, there is a bunch of good stuff up on Khan Academy and I did have a bit of a primer with some of it last year...
P.S., Law sounds a lot flasher than it is. In this part of the world it isn't a graduate degree - it is a 4 year undergraduate degree then you need to do a graduate professional course for a year or something before you can sit the bar / practice. Even med... I guess, is more like that, too. So... Doing first year anything is pretty much a matter of getting entry to university (not so hard in this part of the world) and you can borrow your loan costs / fees from the government for any accredited course... Getting entry to 2nd year is much more difficult... And I'm in the financial center, here, with respect to the law school... And our population only supports 2 medical schools in the country... So... Fingers crossed. I will need more than a little bit of luck. Especially for medicine... Which is what I most want.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 18, 2015, at 14:31:52
In reply to Re: No more physics!, posted by alexandra_k on February 18, 2015, at 14:29:33
but of course what worried me about the hammer was that it was always going forwards...
Posted by alexandra_k on February 18, 2015, at 14:36:28
In reply to Re: No more physics!, posted by alexandra_k on February 18, 2015, at 14:31:52
and of course that's just one example of how freaking long it takes me to learn something as simple as 'firstly, pick a co-ordinate system'. sigh.
Posted by Tomatheus on February 18, 2015, at 15:55:55
In reply to Re: No more physics!, posted by alexandra_k on February 18, 2015, at 14:29:33
Thank you for explaining, Alexandra_k. I shall keep my fingers crossed for you as you get ready for the courses that you're about to take.
Tomatheus
Posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2015, at 15:15:58
In reply to Re: No more physics! » alexandra_k, posted by Tomatheus on February 18, 2015, at 15:55:55
Thanks :)
I just found out I got government help to buy 'medical equipment' Compression gear!! Yay!! It really does help me so very much, but is kind of an odd thing to ask for...
https://trieverything.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/2xu-pwx-hero-image1.jpg
It isn't me... But it makes me feel like a superhero, for sure :)
Posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2015, at 15:22:11
In reply to Re: No more physics!, posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2015, at 15:15:58
It is... Odd... ? To have discovered just how much that helps, anyway. The gym really did change my life... I think because of discovering muscle fatigue, foam roller, compression gear. All of it... Helped me so much.
It is odd to think that a lot of the 'borderline upsets' of the past... Might have sorted themselves out with a good squashing... Or compression gear... Or foam rolling. Or something...
I wonder what would happen if they started incorporating some of that into DBT?
Posted by 10derheart on February 19, 2015, at 18:10:41
In reply to Re: No more physics!, posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2015, at 15:22:11
What's foam rolling?
Posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2015, at 19:49:07
In reply to Re: No more physics! » alexandra_k, posted by 10derheart on February 19, 2015, at 18:10:41
I learned how from here:
http://www.athletestreatingathletes.com/self-muscle-massage/self-muscle-massage-introduction/
Here is a 7 minute video on the basics:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RzcDqjvzGs&feature=youtu.be
Posted by alexandra_k on February 20, 2015, at 20:59:53
In reply to Re: No more physics!, posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2015, at 19:49:07
So... I started reading the law books, and they are interesting, yeah. One of them... I kind of wish I had it when I did that course last semester... Much of the same content... Lots of 'oh, so that's what that was about' moments... But probably... It is perfect for me to be reading it now... AFTER having done the course. We did have a fair chunk of readings to get done last semester, too... I think... Best read now as a reminder, yeah.
The course I'm doing is more... Particular details. Showing us a bit of how to interpret statute and how to do some legal writing stuff. But harping back to the broader outline of the role of different institutions etc... And history is important because of intent / meaning of statute... Begins with the freaking Norman invasion, they reckon... It actually is very interesting.
I feel like Socrates' slave boy... Except... None of geometry / maths / physics felt like a reminder of anything... But law does. I'm like 'ooooh, I see, now'. Feels like a reminder, yeah. Things click into place. Learning about equity law. Huh... How did trusts and inheritance stuff get to be part of equity. Huh. Huh. Huh...
It has just properly sunk in that I have 8am classes 4 days a week... And I need to bus out to a satellite campus on the other day... So... A bustly 5 day week... Huh. Only 5 weeks of content before a 2 week study break, though, so... Breaking it down... It is manageable. Whatever it is. And if I get behind I have 2 weeks to catch up before the first round of assessment*
*Though of course the break time will have to involve some reading ahead because then 5 weeks of content before a chemistry test... then into exams...
don't know about population health yet... but the mid-semester break is when you study for the UMAT. UMAT is held in the second week back of class... so... lots of people f*ck up there with getting irrevokably behind...
really do need to be distributing things... learning kinetics (one of the last parts of chemistry) now since i know it's going to be one of the hardest parts for me (and i do know enough about it to know what i need to learn - which is half the battle).
i got... a referral to an orthopedic surgeon to see about my feet... his website says something specifically about tendon lengthening to restore balance... seems that things have progressed in the last 10 years... i remember waving an article at one of the surgeon people and they didn't want to know...
we will see what he says, though... apparently it starts with the hindfoot... then midfoot... then they look at the toes. my hindfoot is pretty badly deformed on my right foot... the midfoot is pretty deformed too (compartment syndrome)... still... the bones are very much out of alignment... the toes... feel like the main problem... but i think surgeons just despair about my hindfoot... anyway... we will actually see...
yeah...
yeah...
Probably because.... I most want my foot to be straight and me to be able to push through the ball of my foot... to... run... or jump off. my foot isn't the right shape for me to do that, though, and my toes claw painfully when I try and extend my foot back away from the ball... Maybe they are seeing that even if my toes are lengthened... I won't be able to push through the ball because of the deformed midfoot... I don't know... I've done my best with rehab... Tried to densify proper form with weightlifting... Tried to get foot dexterity / train the nerves to work again as much as I can... I guess now is the best time for it, if I need to be non-weight bearing for a while... I don't need to hobble very far, these days... And I'm close to the gym.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 20, 2015, at 21:53:15
In reply to Re: No more physics!, posted by alexandra_k on February 20, 2015, at 20:59:53
and so... we have this Accident Compensation Company or Corporation or whatever it is (ACC)... And employers pay a levy into it... And if you have an 'accident' at work or during recreational activity... Instead of suing someone for damages... ACC covers medical costs / loss of income. To help us be less litigious... Or something...
And so...
If I was drunk and decided I wanted to walk along the overbridge railing just to, you know, have a little R&R... And then I fell... Then ACC would have covered me. Or if I was high... And thought I could fly...
I keep thinking of 'a land before time'... 'did I fly??????'. 'noooo. you falled'.
Whereas... Freaking the f*ck out and jumping... 'Jumping' never used to be considered 'recreation'. Or... Suicide attempts.. Were thought to have some kind of 'intent' such that they weren't an 'accident' (even though nobody in their right mind would surely have intended the extent of anything serious enough to need a claim???)
Anyway...
Point being... ACC was denied for my accident / jumping / flying thing.
They have subsequently changed the ruling... It is retrospective... Or active... Or whatever...
Apparently... The most significant ACC claim costs occur in the 1 year after injury. It is about limiting ACC costs in that first year. So... ACC didn't give me a wheelchair - the district health board (hospital) did. ACC didn't give me crutches - the district health board (hospital) did. I didn't get to go private on physio... I had to go back to the hospital to see the hospital (district health board) physio...
I thought denying my ACC claim was about them trying to limit costs LATER in life... Because they predict I'll be in a wheelchair... But turns out that it isn't so much about that... As it is about limiting costs (or redistributing costs, actually) in that first year. Actually... Limiting.... ACC would (maybe) have given me a MOTORIZED wheelchair etc...
Anyway... My point is that ACC has... Subsequently been approved. Which means... Something something about my actually being able to go private now. Because something something about ACC... Seeming to actually be... Some sort of kind of weird-ish proxy for having private health insurance.
About 1/3 of NZers have private health insurance. This surprises me... I didn't quite get why... Apparently it is because it allows you to CHOOSE your specialist... Instead of going through the hospital / seeing whoever is rostered on there... So... You and / or your GP can do a little research.. Maybe find someone who ACTUALLY specialises in whatever is wrong with you...
And they probably work (some of the time) in the hospital, anyway... But you want to ensure you get THAT ONE. I think... Maybe.... That is the point.
You get some choice in time of operations.. And you get to choose who.
That's a pretty big deal. Given that you have to trust some bastard, and all...
Posted by alexandra_k on February 20, 2015, at 22:24:19
In reply to Re: No more physics!, posted by alexandra_k on February 20, 2015, at 21:53:15
> If I was drunk and decided I wanted to walk along the overbridge railing just to, you know, have a little R&R... And then I fell... Then ACC would have covered me. Or if I was high... And thought I could fly...
> I keep thinking of 'a land before time'... 'did I fly??????'. 'noooo. you falled'.
> Whereas... Freaking the f*ck out and jumping... 'Jumping' never used to be considered 'recreation'. Or... Suicide attempts.. Were thought to have some kind of 'intent' such that they weren't an 'accident' (even though nobody in their right mind would surely have intended the extent of anything serious enough to need a claim???)> Anyway...
> Point being... ACC was denied for my accident / jumping / flying thing.
So... I was reading something the other day... This guy used some engineering something to measure 'information' and figured that autistics brains were processing more information in sensory deprived environments, or whatever.I mean... Some people like to think. No sh*t.
Anyway...
There was something, too, about deficits or differences or what the f*ck ever... In moral judgements.
Apparently... Autistic people don't think intent is relevant.
Huh. That is an actual moral theory. So... For example... An act utilitarian thinks that the right act to do is the act that promotes the greatest good for the greatest number of people. So... Say you do the act that *you think* will promote the greatest good for the greatest number of people but... Suppose that even though you succeed in the act, your act FAILS to promote the greatest good for the greatest number of people.
Apparently the autistic people say that you morally did the wrong thing. You are responsible for that.
But other people don't. Other people think that people... Crying and expressing remorse and so on and so forth is an accurate / reliable / honest indicator of INTENT and that we should rely on these indicators of intent to mitigate. Aaaaaaaw that corproation person didn't MEAN to screw over people... Aaaaaaw they aren't responsible. Or aaaaaaaaaw that super popular athlete guy didn't MEAN to bash his wife... aaaaaaaaaaw clearly he's innocent.
Uh huh.
There was something about how 'once you tell autistic people this, they'll learn the 'rules' to make this finding go away'.
F*ck*ng arrogant *ssh*l*. Who says YOUR ethical theory is true / is likely to be true / is most legitimate?
?
Knowing that it's false is liberating... The ways of narrating intent. F*ck*ng secret... I swears...
Posted by alexandra_k on February 20, 2015, at 22:28:59
In reply to Re: No more physics!, posted by alexandra_k on February 20, 2015, at 22:24:19
I mean, c'mon...
anyone?
You need to express what people think is 'appropriate' remorse. it isn't at all about authenticity, or whatever... it is... b*llsh*t. for reals.
stupidity... how did THAT get to be an excuse?
popularity... how did THAT get to be an excuse?
being rich... how did THAT get to be an excuse?
think of a surgeon...
think of sophie's choice. here's the choice: either your son dies or your daughter dies. if you don't pick which one dies - then they both die.
question... if she picks 'kill this one' then is she responsible for that ones death?
answer:
normal people: yes... she should feel guilty forever after for being responsible for that ones death.
not normal people answer:
she made the best of a bad decision so her conscience should be clear.
yeah... normal people morality. awesome.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 20, 2015, at 22:37:52
In reply to Re: No more physics!, posted by alexandra_k on February 20, 2015, at 22:28:59
paris
in the
the spring.anybody spot the repeated word?
i found a missing word in the UMAT guide. i emailed them... you said x... i think you meant to say 'insert missing word' x... i also said... that they said... something about compassionate marks for a test result. i said that i didn't think tests were the appropriate object for compassion... rather... people were.
but, what would i know. they have authority over section 2 (interpersonal skills) and all...
i said 'maybe it is a matter of stylistic variation'.
anyway... they acknowledged the missing word and changed it.
i wondered whether that should give me a mark towards 'pick the middle' but actually it is a sort of... reverse skill. one they don't care for. they like minds to go on in the same way... the way they have decided is appropriate. they don't have much use for the divergent mind... house isn't helping / benefiting populations... he's... an unnecessary... unfortunate... annoying expense.
for reals.
my GP said something about... how some people were doing ward rounds and they asked for dx and one guy was like 'it's x!' and it turned out he was right... and people were in awe... how did he do that???? then someone said... well... he guessed that in the last 5 cases...
point being it didn't seem to miraculous then.
and i was like... well... if it's that in 80% of the cases...
i mean... you don't want to be the guy yelling 'bird flu' or sending for labs during ebola relief...
i do get that.
geez... how stupid do people think i am... OTOH times tables really aren't supposed to be that hard :-/
Posted by alexandra_k on February 26, 2015, at 15:02:27
In reply to Re: No more physics!, posted by alexandra_k on February 20, 2015, at 22:37:52
i got a D for physics. first course i've ever failed at uni. so now when lecturers look me up instead of looking at my grades and noticing i got a first in law they'll just stop once they see the 'academic standing: at risk' notification.
aw.
but it doesn't matter for program entry, so, it doesn't matter. deep breath. let it go.
we had first year health science orientation. pretty full on. it was reassuring... how i didn't seem to be the only one getting tired near the end. how at various points when i felt like groaning about this or that... many other people did.
320 people in first year health science. they had a range of lecturers / students etc talk to us and there is very much a sense that the best students get to go off to do medicine and that medicine is the flagship program - but they will spend time trying to half-heatedly convince themselves / others that it's not).
could tell that some people didn't have a hope right from that first day. when people are well rested and fresh. some other people stood out as being... self possessed. basically, i think that is it. calming.
this year really is mostly an exercise in sucking it up, i think.
the majority of the lecturers simply will not make their powerpoint presentation notes available to students prior to class. students have been at them over the years... taking it to student representation meetings and so on... it is standard for psychology... spend 10 minutes going through the slides... then listen to the lecture and follow along and jot your notes on the slides... then re-tell the lecture to yourself with the use of your slides after... then... write out your slides from memory...
but, no. they want you to be playing with coloring in pencils or doing fill in the blank games during class... and they simply WILL NOT be responsive to what their best and brightest students have to say about the issue.
and it is... frustrating. it interrupts all students learning. well, the learning of intelligent and motivated students with good study strategies, anyway. it interrupts mine... people with certain kinds of learning disabilities learning even more so. since i'm especially distracted by people playing footsie and 'look at me and smile or i'll kick the back of your seat all semester' games that the kids play... especially once some of them learn they don't have a hope so really have nothing to lose...
sigh.
deep breaths.
i need to make a list... a list for when motivation gets hard.
it is a marathon, not an olympic lift. nobody gives a sh*t about ability that can be displayed in a moment... people give a sh*t about things like reliably being in class / at the bus stop at 8am on 5 days of the week... doing all the little activities worth about 0.5% of a mark each because they... add up... eventually... over the very (very very very very) long run...
i will learn organisation and management because... that's what it is a test of, really.
i suppose i am ahead in some ways... having a verbal age such that i can read my textbook... knowing where to find handly little youtube clips etc etc...
deep breath:
- it is a marathon. that is the point. it is supposed to feel overwhelming at times. just take a deep breath and keep going...
- when motivation flags... you don't want to be left behind with the straggly people. and the straggly lecturers and... so on. that's the thing about working your way up... it isn't infallible because of nepotism and the like... but it it about working your way into the right group. like-minded group. it takes time, yeah. because it takes time to see who / what people really are. that's why it's hard.
i see what other people are doing... with their being friendly and sociable with most people... early on the herd size is huge. then, over time, people sort themselves into smaller groups of more like-minded individuals. the herd size gets smaller. i... can't do that.
partly it is because i can't think of these kids as peers so much... because of the herd thing. i'm used to... academics. who disperse / spread themselves throughout environments. rather than clumping. i enter a space... i occupy the least occupied part of it. i flinch when someone else enters the space and bumps up on me when there is an unoccupied bit over there or there or there or over there... people are supposed to be so good at the non-verbal communication. do that then. why do you need to crowd me??
and when i see a group of students... my natural tendency is to... be off to one side. or in front. because of however many years of teaching. so i just don't feel like part of it.
so, what happens is usually that most people sort of sense my aloofness and leave me be. but i'm at risk that some thick skinned dumb *ss will think that i need rescuing, or something... or i end up with... stragglers who don't know what the hell is going on... i think... the latter will mostly find me (lab partners and so on)...
but: it's a marathon. just hang in there... and it will be okay.
when things are unnecessarily time consuming... because we are prevented from using most efficient study techniques... when they spend 2 hours on a workshop that could have been done in 10 focused minutes...
it is an opportunity to practice nodding and smiling. let other people talk... follow along... it isn't information dense anyway... try and... learn to refuel / recharge while it is going on... not sleeping... but thinking... refuel then...
yeah.
it is going to feel like an awfully long year...
5 weeks till study break. only 25 8am starts until study break. i can do anything for 25 days - right? only 5 days and then i get to sleep in over the weekend. one day at a time...
___
there was some useful advice given. advice that students have... failed to grasp. distorted. passed on. e.g., a few of the people... deans and the like... said about how you need to find what you are passionate about / enjoy. to do that. to have fun. students interpret that as party party party join clubs and so on... but i think they meant... academically. or... perhaps not. i guess some people discover party party party is their fun. then they discover academic standing at risk by the end of the first semester and then discover... they don't get entry to year 2 after they finish up their second.
but it is for the best. it is part of moving up... moving side-ways... moving. instead of becoming stuck in the wrong place.
people are 'i discovered medicine was not for me when i got sick of being stuck in the library until 9 or 10 pm every night'. and... uh... i would burn out if i tried to do that, too! jeepers! but coming home to my studio... enjoying cooking a meal... taking a break for the news to learn about what we are trying to teach the population at the moment... and... remembering / reliving the trauma of the day... it isn't something i have to force my mind to do... it's something of... what it does if left to wander... but then i get curious about the holes / bits i forgot... and that will occupy me till bedtime. and beyond.
so... is there really any other way?
only... it's not really about that... it's about the busy-work tasks with o.5%... and doing chemistry problems and so on... but being stuck in the library until 9 or 10pm???
why do people think it is about that? i mean... the library is the place people go to when they are *trying* to work...
is it because it helps the middle classes accept their station in life? To believe that the medical people etc work harder than they do?
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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