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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Roslynn on January 23, 2012, at 11:56:07
Hi all,
One of my relatives recently told me I have been "depressed for years and years" without getting better. She really got me down (actually made me feel worse) when she said this because I had been seeing myself as getting better, at least a little if not all the way.
How do you deal with stuff like this? :(
Roslynn
Posted by SLS on January 23, 2012, at 13:05:44
In reply to When people bring you down..., posted by Roslynn on January 23, 2012, at 11:56:07
> Hi all,
>
> One of my relatives recently told me I have been "depressed for years and years" without getting better. She really got me down (actually made me feel worse) when she said this because I had been seeing myself as getting better, at least a little if not all the way.
>
> How do you deal with stuff like this? :(
It helps to first be confident in your own observations and conclusions, even if you are too inhibited to assert them. It also helps to be confident that the opinions of others are not always relevant to the way you live your life. Last week, I had someone call me stupid and naive (and a few other things) during a conversation that started innocently enough. It didn't phase me in the slightest. I was pretty sure that I wasn't stupid. It wasn't important to me that I should have to prove that to anyone. I simply terminated the conversation without having any concern for what this person thought of me. In this way, I was able to preserve what I thought of myself.Easily said, I know.
- Scott
Posted by Christ_empowered on January 23, 2012, at 13:57:03
In reply to Re: When people bring you down... » Roslynn, posted by SLS on January 23, 2012, at 13:05:44
Lots of people are asinine, especially when dealing with people they perceive to be "weaker" than them, whether the "weakness" is social status, appearance, or real or perceived disability. It's total BS. I've experienced it, even from shrinks, which is one reason I got into the anti-psychiatry movement for a brief time.
If you think you're getting better, your life is improving, you have outward signs of improvement, then right this person off. A relative? OK, so since you share a certain amount of DNA they can talk to you like that? Like I said: free-range jackasses abound in today's world. Maybe they always have.
Posted by Roslynn on January 23, 2012, at 15:09:30
In reply to When people bring you down..., posted by Roslynn on January 23, 2012, at 11:56:07
Thank you for your responses. Unfortunately this is also someone I have to live with....and is partially putting a roof over my head..
Posted by sigismund on January 23, 2012, at 15:42:37
In reply to When people bring you down..., posted by Roslynn on January 23, 2012, at 11:56:07
I think I would probably say
'Sure I have been. And people really get me down too. You know hell is other people? This is not how you find it?'
Posted by sigismund on January 23, 2012, at 15:43:54
In reply to Re: When people bring you down..., posted by sigismund on January 23, 2012, at 15:42:37
>and is partially putting a roof over my head
Maybe that wasn't a good idea then.
Posted by Dinah on January 23, 2012, at 16:46:50
In reply to When people bring you down..., posted by Roslynn on January 23, 2012, at 11:56:07
Well, sometimes quite badly. I remember glaring at my aunt with what must have been murderous fury. I may have also said something equivilant to "My but you're rude." or "Mind your own business." or "I can't believe you said that." or "That's very hurtful." My cousin stepped in and diverted her, and to her credit, I don't think she ever mentioned it again. She'd mentioned it often enough before. So behaving badly worked for me. Hmmm....
It would have likely been better to thank her for her concern, but state quietly that I would rather not discuss this topic, and walk away if it's mentioned. Or a pointed "So... How are those Saints doing?"
Posted by Phillipa on January 23, 2012, at 17:56:00
In reply to When people bring you down..., posted by Roslynn on January 23, 2012, at 11:56:07
Sounds like she could maybe have a low self-esteem and putting others down helps her feel better about herself. Which relative is this? Do they also take meds? Phillipa
Posted by sleepygirl2 on January 23, 2012, at 20:43:43
In reply to When people bring you down..., posted by Roslynn on January 23, 2012, at 11:56:07
It's hard not to come up with something sarcastic.
Not that it necessarily matters, but why do you think she said that?
Posted by sleepygirl2 on January 23, 2012, at 20:46:06
In reply to Re: When people bring you down... » Roslynn, posted by Dinah on January 23, 2012, at 16:46:50
Sometimes you just have to tell it like it is.
Good job Dinah :-)
Posted by SLS on January 24, 2012, at 4:03:18
In reply to Re: When people bring you down..., posted by Roslynn on January 23, 2012, at 15:09:30
> Thank you for your responses. Unfortunately this is also someone I have to live with....and is partially putting a roof over my head..
1. Believe in yourself.
2. Don't take someone's ignorance personally.
3. Thank them for the valuable feedback.
It is hard to recommend to another person a course of action in a situation like this. People's personalities and emotions are so different. The advice I would give myself might be exactly the wrong thing for you to do. It would be nice if you could have an honest discussion. Perhaps you could write a letter explaining your thoughts and feelings. Don't send it, though. It might help you organize your thoughts in order to have that honest discussion.Another option might be to say nothing, but protect and nurture your self-esteem.
Remember to smile.
- Scott
Posted by Roslynn on January 24, 2012, at 15:21:05
In reply to When people bring you down..., posted by Roslynn on January 23, 2012, at 11:56:07
Thanks all for your suggestions. :)
The person who said this lives with me. I suppose I am like a black cloud that she cannot escape from.
To me, she seems to have huge socialization problems herself. Maybe that explains why she can come out and say things without even thinking how they might affect the other person.
Posted by Emme-V2 on January 24, 2012, at 16:24:23
In reply to When people bring you down..., posted by Roslynn on January 23, 2012, at 11:56:07
You might want to read "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense." One of the only "self help" type books I've ever seen that is truly practical and useful.
This is the end of the thread.
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