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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on January 15, 2012, at 17:26:56
So, I finally called my father back.
It took me two days.
Somehow, I seem to expect that it will take a lot out of me, so I don't do it right away.
After about 20 years of estrangement I talk to him now and again. He mostly talks though. He's not good at listening, and I'm not good at talking anyway.
He said that he found out that an old friend died, and he was sad about it.
He told me about "family day" years ago at his mother's rehab. And that his mother's father was probably bipolar.
He said that I was one of the things in his life that wasn't a f*ck up.
and there was more...
All I could manage was "sometimes things just don't work out."
Because, I've got to say something redeeming and succint about it all.
I kinda wish I had my therapist right now.
Posted by torrid2 on January 15, 2012, at 17:34:56
In reply to parents, posted by sleepygirl2 on January 15, 2012, at 17:26:56
some times a therapist is good a paid friend to talk with where what is talked about is you. Sounds like you were your fathers friend on that vall.
Posted by torrid2 on January 15, 2012, at 17:40:00
In reply to parents, posted by sleepygirl2 on January 15, 2012, at 17:26:56
what a nice thing to say that his daughter was the only thing that was good in his life. It was not a very direct way of telling you how he valued you but still it was a nice thing to say
Posted by gadchik on January 15, 2012, at 17:53:49
In reply to parents, posted by sleepygirl2 on January 15, 2012, at 17:26:56
parents-my relationship w/mom seems very superficial but cordial.my father committed suicide,but I never knew him.
Posted by Phillipa on January 15, 2012, at 18:38:58
In reply to Re: parents, posted by gadchik on January 15, 2012, at 17:53:49
I'm so sorry:(Phillipa
Posted by gadchik on January 15, 2012, at 18:44:33
In reply to Re: parents » gadchik, posted by Phillipa on January 15, 2012, at 18:38:58
thanks,phillipa.We cant pick our families as they say.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on January 15, 2012, at 18:57:09
In reply to Re: parents, posted by gadchik on January 15, 2012, at 17:53:49
I'm sorry gadchik,
Do you know anything about him?
Posted by Beckett on January 15, 2012, at 23:12:33
In reply to parents, posted by sleepygirl2 on January 15, 2012, at 17:26:56
I just bought this: http://www.amazon.com/They-You-Up-Survive-Family/dp/1569243239/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1326690532&sr=1-1
Someone here I believe suggested it once. My parents are gone, but they live on in the nooks and crannies of my synapses.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on January 15, 2012, at 23:49:25
In reply to Re: parents, posted by Beckett on January 15, 2012, at 23:12:33
Thanks :-)
Sounds interesting.
Posted by gadchik on January 16, 2012, at 6:52:28
In reply to Re: parents » gadchik, posted by sleepygirl2 on January 15, 2012, at 18:57:09
> I'm sorry gadchik,
> Do you know anything about him?I knew that he had polio when he was young,that he was very tall,that he liked to sing and play guitar,and that unfortunately,he couldnt be a father.I sometimes think of who I might be if Id had parents that adored me,encouraged me.But that kind of thinking leads to self pity,so I focus on my son,and I believe I gave him all the good stuff I didnt get,not things,but emotional solid ground.Thanks for asking,Im glad you are talking to your dad.I try to think of the things that shaped our parents,and to forgive them.
Posted by Phillipa on January 16, 2012, at 19:06:25
In reply to Re: parents, posted by gadchik on January 16, 2012, at 6:52:28
I forgave mine when had children of own. Phillipa
Posted by sleepygirl2 on January 16, 2012, at 20:59:18
In reply to Re: parents, posted by gadchik on January 16, 2012, at 6:52:28
"the damage done, and the treasures that prevail"
I wish good things for you gadchik.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on January 16, 2012, at 21:05:52
In reply to Re: parents, posted by torrid2 on January 15, 2012, at 17:34:56
I suppose I was his support during that call.
and that's part of why it's hard for me,
More doses of I duuno what?
Humility? Humanity?
Posted by gadchik on January 17, 2012, at 8:13:12
In reply to Re: parents » gadchik, posted by sleepygirl2 on January 16, 2012, at 20:59:18
> "the damage done, and the treasures that prevail"
> I wish good things for you gadchik.Thanks:)
Posted by gadchik on January 17, 2012, at 8:28:37
In reply to Re: parents » gadchik, posted by Phillipa on January 16, 2012, at 19:06:25
> I forgave mine when had children of own. Phillipa
Doesnt having children give you a new perspective on your parents? You see how things that happened to you influence how you parent,and sometimes,you can forgive your mom and dad.I know I made mistakes raising my son,said or did things I wish I hadnt.But I was very careful to notice if I was repeating things from the past.
Posted by Phillipa on January 17, 2012, at 20:28:36
In reply to Re: parents » Phillipa, posted by gadchik on January 17, 2012, at 8:28:37
I raised my kids the opposite of how I was I only commented on positive accomplishments and ignored the negative. Now they are spoiled and selfish adults. What did I do wrong? Phillipa
Posted by gadchik on January 18, 2012, at 8:02:06
In reply to Re: parents » gadchik, posted by Phillipa on January 17, 2012, at 20:28:36
My son is a little spoiled too.I overdid some things to get away from how I was raised.But my husband balanced it out because he was more strict.Neither of us believed in spanking though.
Posted by Phillipa on January 18, 2012, at 19:59:14
In reply to Re: parents » Phillipa, posted by gadchik on January 18, 2012, at 8:02:06
No spanking only time my three got it was once oldest ran into the street and swatted her back upper leg, don't remember any with Son, youngest once only also. Husband was never there to even know what they did wrong and if tried to tell him he said bascially he didn't care I could take care of it. Phillipa
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