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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on June 14, 2009, at 23:46:56
I'm guessing this is not a normal goal to have. :/
I got into the overweight category a few months ago and decided to do something about it. I joined Weight Watchers. I have lost about 8 pounds in 13 weeks. I think that is pretty reasonable. I could have lost faster, but I binged some times and wasn't always on plan.
I want to keep losing. My secret wish is to lose so much weight that I end up in hospital. Why in the world would I want that? I'm pretty sure I don't want to die. I'm guessing I am wanting something else, maybe attention or caring from others.
Now I am nowhere near the danger zone, with a current BMI of 23.8. I'm thinking I probably won't get anywhere near how thin I want to be. I don't think my body will allow it.
But I would really like to lose a lot of weight and have everyone notice. My wish is to lose enough weight that my pdoc gets concerned. I am not telling her I am losing weight. I want her to notice my weight loss without telling her. Plus I know she will tell me my weight is perfect now and I just need to eat healthy and not lose weight.
I would really love to have a weight well into the double digits. I told my Weight Watcher's leader that my goal weight was 100 pounds. I lied because my goal weight is closer to 90 pounds, but 99 pounds is the lowest healthy weight they will allow. My leader recommended having a goal weight in the middle of the healthy BMI range.
I don't think 90 pounds will send me to the hospital. I think I would have to be 70 pounds for that to happen. I think 90 pounds is reasonable. I just hope I will be satisfied at 90 pounds. Of course Weight Watchers will kick me out before then.
Another wish I have is to go to the next Babble meet and be really really thin and Dr. Bob will say, Wow, you look great!
Anyways, I will envision that happening and that will motivate me to stay on Weight Watchers. I hope I lose a lot of weight. I've been on Weight Watchers for 13 weeks now. That is the longest I've ever stuck to a plan. I think this is a plan I can stick with for the long term.
The weird thing is, I am OK with my body. I don't think it is about looks at all. Why do I want to be anorexic thin?
Posted by Deneb on June 15, 2009, at 2:33:42
In reply to I wish I could be anorexic thin, posted by Deneb on June 14, 2009, at 23:46:56
I posted this on PC and people say my thinking is disordered. I also think I want attention from getting thin.
I really don't want to die. I think right now I'm just going to get to 99 pounds and hope I will stop losing. I'll get help if I want to go below normal weight.
Sorry about posting. I need to be more careful about what I post because it might upset people.
Posted by yellowbird01 on June 15, 2009, at 20:10:58
In reply to Sorry, I will get help, posted by Deneb on June 15, 2009, at 2:33:42
***possible eating disorder trigger***
Deneb, I am close to your height. When I weighed 90lbs, I was being threatened with hospitalization. Not only that, but I lost the connections with people in my life (all my focus was on my weight), couldnt think clearly, was always cold, my face broke out, and I was very frequently nauseated. The mix between not eating and my medication caused some heart issues at the time - thankfully, nothing permanent, but scary!
It's NOT worth it.
Posted by Deneb on June 16, 2009, at 13:53:25
In reply to Re: Sorry, I will get help (**trigger**) » Deneb, posted by yellowbird01 on June 15, 2009, at 20:10:58
Thanks for sharing your experience yellowbird.
I told my pdoc about my plans and about how I've been on the losing weight phase of Weight Watchers. She told me my build is average and my body isn't meant to be on the lower end of the normal BMI range. She said different people have different builds and mine is average, not thin. She said I was perfect the way I am now, with a normal BMI and healthy.
She thinks I need to focus my attention on other things that are more important. Things like looking for a job, learning how to socialize and school. I am wasting my energy and attention on something that I don't have a problem with, which is my weight.
I think what I will do is continue with Weight Watchers and watch out for any unhealthy behaviours. My pdoc said I am at high risk for developing an eating disorder, probably because of my previous binging and purging. I think she is worried starving myself will lead to binging and subsequent purging. I'm at high risk of developing bulimia, probably not anorexia. Probably not anorexia because I have poor impulse control and am prone to binging and purging.
Posted by Sigismund on June 16, 2009, at 17:31:08
In reply to I wish I could be anorexic thin, posted by Deneb on June 14, 2009, at 23:46:56
It's quite easy really. You can eat yourself thin. It's like the best of both worlds....there is just heaps of stuff you don't eat, but I eat lots and if I didn't drink at all I would be very thin. It's well understood now, but not by weightwatchers.
Posted by Sigismund on June 16, 2009, at 17:33:16
In reply to Re: Sorry, I will get help (**trigger**) » yellowbird01, posted by Deneb on June 16, 2009, at 13:53:25
You want to lose fat weight, not lean muscle weight.....that is the guts of it.
This becomes important as you get older because lean muscle weight can be hard to maintain.
Posted by yellowbird01 on June 16, 2009, at 17:56:06
In reply to Re: Sorry, I will get help (**trigger**) » yellowbird01, posted by Deneb on June 16, 2009, at 13:53:25
People do have different body shapes... just because two people are the same height doesnt mean they should weigh the exact same amount. Personally, I'm 5'2" but my frame is very petite. At my current weight, I'm thin and shouldnt lose anymore, but according to my doctors, not significantly underweight. But most people of my height would be significant underweight at my weight. My bones and body structure are just small.
Have you thought about seeing a nutritionist? They could tell you exactly what weight is best for you, given your personal body structure, height, etc. They could also help you develop a plan that feels manageable for you given your personal preferences for eating/exercise.. and with consideration for your tendency to binge/purse and border on eating disorder behaviors. Weight Watchers is great, but I think meeting with someone who could make sure you're on a healthy track could be very helpful for you.
Posted by henrietta on June 16, 2009, at 19:50:03
In reply to Re: I wish I could be anorexic thin, posted by Sigismund on June 16, 2009, at 17:31:08
There is a fine line between supporting and enabling, and on a site such as this, filled with
"laymen", non-pros, whatever, it is dangerous to cross that line.Birdsong, I applaud your courage and wisdom.
Posted by Deneb on June 16, 2009, at 20:09:57
In reply to Re: I wish I could be anorexic thin » Sigismund, posted by henrietta on June 16, 2009, at 19:50:03
> There is a fine line between supporting and enabling, and on a site such as this, filled with
> "laymen", non-pros, whatever, it is dangerous to cross that line.
>
> Birdsong, I applaud your courage and wisdom.Henrietta, what is that supposed to mean? Birdsong isn't even in this thread.
Pdoc told me to ignore everyone who is not helpful to my progress. I think I will do that now.
Posted by Deneb on June 16, 2009, at 20:11:01
In reply to Re: I wish I could be anorexic thin, posted by Deneb on June 16, 2009, at 20:09:57
Posted by henrietta on June 16, 2009, at 20:30:29
In reply to Re: I wish I could be anorexic thin, posted by Deneb on June 16, 2009, at 20:09:57
I wasn't addressing you.
Posted by Deneb on June 16, 2009, at 20:33:41
In reply to Re: I wish I could be anorexic thin » Deneb, posted by henrietta on June 16, 2009, at 20:30:29
You are posting in my thread so naturally I will read your post. If you want to talk to BirdSong, I suggest doing it privately.
Posted by Deneb on June 16, 2009, at 21:01:14
In reply to Re: I wish I could be anorexic thin » Deneb, posted by henrietta on June 16, 2009, at 20:30:29
Sorry if I seem kind of passive aggressive. I think I got angry. I know you mean well, just like BirdSong.
I know there is plenty to work on, I am still very flawed. I know writing about suicide is not good, not matter if I say I am not really going to do it.
I struggle hard with my disorder. I am learning day by day and I want to improve myself.
Improvements may be slow though so I hope you forgive me if I act out in anger or start spirilling out of control.
Sorry if I hurt anyone with my posts.
Posted by Sigismund on June 17, 2009, at 0:51:04
In reply to above for Henrietta ^^ (nm), posted by Deneb on June 16, 2009, at 20:11:01
Maybe the idea is that I was encouraging you to lose weight?
Posted by 10derHeart on June 17, 2009, at 2:25:05
In reply to Re: I wish I could be anorexic thin, posted by Deneb on June 16, 2009, at 20:09:57
Posted by henrietta on June 17, 2009, at 10:28:21
In reply to Sorry Henrietta, I think I was angry » henrietta, posted by Deneb on June 16, 2009, at 21:01:14
or maybe frustrated is a better word. One sure way for me to avoid that is to stop reading and stop caring. I think I'll try that.
Posted by Sigismund on June 17, 2009, at 14:13:09
In reply to Sorry Sigismund and Deneb, I think I was angry, posted by henrietta on June 17, 2009, at 10:28:21
Yeah well clearly there was some kind of line somewhere between something and something else.
Posted by Sigismund on June 17, 2009, at 15:11:00
In reply to Re: Sorry Sigismund and Deneb, I think I was angry » henrietta, posted by Sigismund on June 17, 2009, at 14:13:09
>clearly there was some kind of line somewhere
Was that the line between eating yourself thin and starving yourself fat?
Posted by henrietta on June 17, 2009, at 19:16:03
In reply to Re: Sorry Sigismund and Deneb, I think I was angry » henrietta, posted by Sigismund on June 17, 2009, at 14:13:09
Actually, Sig, I DO owe you an apology. (I didn't really owe Deneb one---I said nothing to her to that required an apology.)
I owe you an apology because I've been thinking for quite some time about the enabling that goes on on this site. Some, or most, I think, because of s0-called "civility" rules.
The reason I feel I owe you an apology is that I pounced on you for what some (including me) might consider enabling behavior in this instance, but enabling goes on everywhere, all the time, constantly on this site. I shouldn't have picked on you. I admire your sensibility, and always enjoy your posts. Your small lapse, well-intentioned and good-humored,should not have been used (by me) to address a site-wide, intrinsic problem.
And I do think it took courage and compassion for Birdsong to speak up.
With respect,
henrietta
Posted by henrietta on June 17, 2009, at 19:23:55
In reply to Re: Sorry Sigismund » Sigismund, posted by henrietta on June 17, 2009, at 19:16:03
Fake or forced apologies demean the concept. This one is sincere.
Posted by Sigismund on June 17, 2009, at 19:37:44
In reply to Re: Sorry Sigismund P.S., posted by henrietta on June 17, 2009, at 19:23:55
Yeah yeah, we're fine.
I was trying to argue against calorie counting and all of that nonsense, in favour of good old fashioned food like your great grandparents ate, minus perhaps dairy (especially for people of east Asian heritage) and gluten (ditto). 3 or even 5 meals a day to keep insulin/blood sugar/cortisol stable. That kind of stuff.
Everyone I know who is overweight eats so damn little. I went to see an old friend who was twice my weight. She had no food in the house except green tea and a mango (which we shared) and ice cream (which we didn't).
Posted by henrietta on June 17, 2009, at 19:51:46
In reply to Re: Sorry Sigismund P.S. » henrietta, posted by Sigismund on June 17, 2009, at 19:37:44
how do you do that nm thing, anyway?
Posted by Sigismund on June 17, 2009, at 20:09:54
In reply to Huge Bergman fan in my day, BTW. » Sigismund, posted by henrietta on June 17, 2009, at 19:51:46
It's just bove the big box in which I am currently typing, a little box next to Message. Click on that.
This is the end of the thread.
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