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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kath on September 30, 2008, at 10:52:35
...these last few days.
It's worse when it's rainy or dull.
I feel awful today. Really depressed & gloomy & add a bit of 'desparate' to the mix...not liking having to go on day to day.
I am upping my St John's Wort hoping it'll help. I think part of this down-ness is SAD.
I feeling like curling up & just whimpering sometimes.
I'm going to an appointment with a doctor who does 'energy work'. I hope it helps me feel better.
:-( Kath (very whiney & very 'young')
Posted by Phillipa on September 30, 2008, at 12:37:26
In reply to Feeling pretty bad......, posted by Kath on September 30, 2008, at 10:52:35
Kath I'm sorry but you seem to have great luck with energy work. You're a very unique person in a great way to me. Could be sad and what's the St John's Wort feel like? Love Phillipa
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 30, 2008, at 14:38:57
In reply to Feeling pretty bad......, posted by Kath on September 30, 2008, at 10:52:35
Do you have a light box you can start to use when the days begin to get shorter? That might help boost your mood. I hope you feel brighter soon.
pc
Posted by Kath on September 30, 2008, at 16:34:04
In reply to Re: Feeling pretty bad...... » Kath, posted by Partlycloudy on September 30, 2008, at 14:38:57
Thanks both of you.
I have been using my light box for at least a couple of weeks now. It even has a "dawn" setting, so that it comes on very gradually & then gives a very gentle clicking alarm (I set it for 1/2 hour after the 'dawn' starts) & at that point it comes on 100%. It could be my imagination, but I think it even helps if my eyes are closed.
The energy work helped a little today.
I think feeling so badly was partly SAD & partly depression & BIGTIME the result of having our son living here since early June. And THAT burden is lifted!
He got a place today!!!!!! We went & saw the nicest lady (32 with a 7 year old; renting rooms to help her be able to keep her house after a divorce). She was showing a bedroom upstairs, with the use of the house. But then she told us she was renovating her basement into an apartment to rent 2 rooms out. She said she'd show us even though it's not finished yet. Even though she had people who she'd arranged to show it to once it was finished, it ended up with my son arranging to rent one of the rooms when it's finished in about a week!! We even gave her cheques for first & last month! And when he moves in, she'll have him sign a 1 year rental agreement. (THAT is great news for me, as it means he has stability & I don't need to worry about him getting kicked out.) There are the 2 rooms that she'll rent out, 1 room that will be her office, a kitchen & a living room. It has a separate entrance from hers also.I know that I was EXTREMELY upset about having our son still here with little chance of being able to rent a room in our town. It's mostly apartments here.
I feel sort of unbalanced lol - like I've been leaning against a wall to keep it from falling & someone moved the wall all of a sudden & all this extreme 'bracing' that I've been doing isn't necessary & I am reeling. It feels like it is good & should be good, but actually feels quite disconcerting & unpleasant. I think I was really at the end of my coping. I'd often think "I just can't cope with this any longer." It was that I was afraid he wouldn't be able to find anything & would keep staying here. If he didn't smoke it wouldn't be as bad (even though he smokes outside it still bothers us).
BUT 'he' is my addiction. Worrying about him, etc - so having him living in the same house is the very very very worst scenario for me. The stress of it is huge...having him here; being over-vigilant in being aware of his life, his moods/emotions etc. Too too hard to keep my own sense of 'self'.
Anyway, part of me is afraid to let my guard down & feel O.K.
sigh. But I am exceedingly thankful!
sigh. Kath
PS - I think now the thoughts of 'I don't want to be here' should ease up.
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 30, 2008, at 17:31:56
In reply to My son finally got a place to live!, posted by Kath on September 30, 2008, at 16:34:04
That is very good news, Kath. I know that it wasn't until my own household returned for what passes as normal (ha!) that I found out what physical and emotional toll had been taken on my wellbeing over the course of the previous several months. Even though all our actions were done in love, they nevertheless were very stressful times for both me and my husband. We're still dealing with what I think of as the "fallout" - as I continue to get treatment for a back that retained all the pain that our little dysfunctional family went through, and my husband continues to have problems with his sleeping patterns. I don't think we know what our own "normal" really is any more.
But knowing that your son has a safe and secure place to live must lift a weight from your heart.
((((((Kath)))))
Posted by llurpsienoodle on September 30, 2008, at 18:08:05
In reply to Feeling pretty bad......, posted by Kath on September 30, 2008, at 10:52:35
(((((((KAth)))))))))
sorry you're feeling bad... I know that you'll feel better knowing that your boy will have a safe and secure place to call his pad.
How's the pottery?
Hope the energy work can realign your physical and mental strengths
hugs,
ll
Posted by TexasChic on September 30, 2008, at 23:03:01
In reply to My son finally got a place to live!, posted by Kath on September 30, 2008, at 16:34:04
I'm sorry you've been feeling badly, but good news about your son's apt!I have so much admiration for you. You are an amazing Mom and person. For the thousandth time, I wish we lived closer to each other!
-T
Posted by Kath on October 1, 2008, at 10:19:11
In reply to Re: My son finally got a place to live!, posted by TexasChic on September 30, 2008, at 23:03:01
Thanks TC!!! Such kind words.
I wish we lived closer also!!!
There've been many times over the last while when I've remembered your words that you'd 'hang in there' if I would. :-)
They've actually helped me find the emotional energy to cope.
I was thinking them the day before he found the apt & was thinking 'well that's good that TC's emergency has resolved itself. It'll be easier now, I suspect for her to keep her part of the deal. Even though it's still hard for me, it's still a bargain.
(It's not as if I'd actually DO anything. But sometimes my mind goes in that direction. Almost as a wish.) But somehow, knowing I've made an agreement with someone changes the way I feel generally. It's almost as if someone has said to me 'hey, I know how bad my pain is & can maybe imagine how bad yours is - let's agree to both carry on coping with it, ok?' & that's really helping.
I know there are tons of lovely people here who are also in terrible pain. But for me, the making an actual commitment with you helps me. :-)
My mind is still pulled to what-if-this; what-if-that; will he ever be able to get & hold a job; etc etc. But NOW at least I know that YES - he WILL have a nice place to live & having a year rental agreement is Super icing on the cake for my peace of mind.
Thanks for your support.
love, Kath
Posted by TexasChic on October 1, 2008, at 20:13:29
In reply to Re: My son finally got a place to live! » TexasChic, posted by Kath on October 1, 2008, at 10:19:11
Awww, that was so sweet, thank you! It was late when I was trying to write that post and my computer kept freezing up, so it was really hard to get out what I wanted to say. I'm glad it translated as I intended.
I think about you a lot too! It helps to think, okay, there is SOMEONE out there that wants me to get through this. In real life I rarely hang out with anybody, but I feel like you are someone with whom I actually could.
There have been times when things were bad and I've thought, well the people at babble would totally understand this, so who cares what these people think. I sometimes picture a group of yall over my shoulder (you know, like the angel and devil thing) and while the mean people are putting me down, the babble people are cheering me on and jeering at the mean people (sometimes KarenKay beats a few of them up). Its good to know there are people out there who understand me, because IRL it seems that nobody ever does.
-T
Posted by Kath on October 1, 2008, at 20:18:47
In reply to Re: My son finally got a place to live! » Kath, posted by TexasChic on October 1, 2008, at 20:13:29
Oh boy, do I wish we were close enough to hang out together!!!
Yup Babble friends are pretty amazing. It never fails to surprise me how close I feel to people I've never even seen. I've only ever met 1 babbler, years ago. It was really special. I wish I was close enough to meet more. :-(((
I send biggie hugs, love, Kath
Posted by TexasChic on October 1, 2008, at 20:28:32
In reply to Re: My son finally got a place to live! » TexasChic, posted by Kath on October 1, 2008, at 20:18:47
Thanks! And remember, I'm holding you to our deal!
-T
Posted by Kath on October 1, 2008, at 21:29:36
In reply to Re: My son finally got a place to live! » Kath, posted by TexasChic on October 1, 2008, at 20:28:32
Yes - I know. :-)
I think a deal like that is ongoing - for me anyway!
There's no danger of me not sticking to it, (sometimes I might feel like adding dammit to that statement!) But for some reason, I like that we have our deal & somehow it's like someone really understands my pain. And I know that lots of my friends here have a pretty good 'feel' for my pain.
I guess if we're in pain ourself, it's not that difficult to empathize with others.
:-)))
Just had a copy of tea (oops - I mean a cup) with 2 sugars, so feeling pretty good right about now!
hugs, Kath
Oh and I plan to take a clomazapam at bedtime (spelling?) I take 1/2 a .5mg pill - sometimes 3/4 of a pill. I don't take them all the time.
My doctor gave me a prescription to take if I'm feeling really stressed out. I think it was over the last 2 years he gave me the prescription. I don't use them during the day at all....don't like the effect - they don't de-stress me - well they don't help the anxiety. years ago when my 32 yr old daughter was 15 & having (& causing) BIG problems I had them & sort of got psychologically dependent on them. Funny how they only appeal at bedtime now.
Anyway I think I'm also gradually realizing - Holy Sh*t - my son has got an APARTMENT!!!!!!!! And will have a year lease!!!!!!!!!! Oh My Gawd.
(Part of me is scared to even say it, even though we've given the first & last month cheque. I guess it's that "what if" part of me rearing its ugly head.) Man do I feel wired! LOL
hugs, Kath
This is the end of the thread.
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