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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Fivefires on February 23, 2007, at 19:37:49
I keep thinking about this. I'm giving up. I'm so tired of trying this med or that. I'm so alone IRL. Would I be considered burning out or fading away. I think it's fading away. I'm so embarrassed. I used to be so proud of myself and now I don't even know myself. I know .. hardly makes sense. ICM calls but cannot use a man to help as they R really after s*x and that hurts my heart.
5f
Posted by karen_kay on February 23, 2007, at 19:51:59
In reply to Rather burn out than fade away, posted by Fivefires on February 23, 2007, at 19:37:49
well, i used to think that. i think i did. ok, this is what i used to think, prior to having a baby duckie.
i used to think i'd go down something like this: i'd discontinue meds. i'd be horribly depressed for quite a while. i'd eventually come out of it, only to then cycle into a complete manic episode. from there, i'd become completely psychotic, believing the president of the usa to be involved in some sort of conspiracy involving robots and technology (shivvering right now). i'd be imprisoned forever, only to believe this to be the truth and waiting for the robots to get me.
now, since havign the duckie, i have realized, though i'd have a good run for quite some time before becoming psychotic (oh yes, i'd have some fun!!!), it wouldn't be quite fair to force him to live this life as well. that kid from the terminator seems like his life sucks pretty bad. wouldn't want my duckie going through that (especially stealing animal drugs and befriending robots with strange voices).
i'm going to stay on meds for the sake of my duckie. and for the sake of mr kk. and for my own sake as well. good grief, for the sake of the rest of the world too!
Posted by Fivefires on February 23, 2007, at 21:28:30
In reply to Re: Rather burn out than fade away, posted by karen_kay on February 23, 2007, at 19:51:59
>i'm going to stay on meds for the sake of my duckie. and for the sake of mr kk. and for my own sake as well. good grief, for the sake of the rest of the world too! >
>
No duckie, no mr 5f, .. no self.I'm not sure what to say re: rest of the world.
sincere, 5f
Posted by Fivefires on February 23, 2007, at 21:44:31
In reply to Re: Rather burn out than fade away, posted by karen_kay on February 23, 2007, at 19:51:59
karen_kay
I'm sorry, but did I not convey 'sadness' in my post?
Maybe it's just me, but there is something about your response which did not feel comforting.
Fivefires
Posted by TexasChic on February 23, 2007, at 22:11:11
In reply to Re: Rather burn out than fade away » karen_kay, posted by Fivefires on February 23, 2007, at 21:44:31
Its so so easy to misinterpret posts. I've written many many times about how difficult it is in this environment to convey what you really mean. You don't see facial expression or hear tone of voice or see body language. And some people just don't convey what they're thinking that well! But I've found most people here are very sincere and want to help.
As for be sick of the psch med merry go round, believe me when I say alot of us now EXACTLY what you're going through. I don't know if I have any actual advice, but I've been there and I eventually got better. Hopefully that is somewhat encouraging.
If you keep posting we will keep trying to support you. Try not to judge people too harshly for not communicating in the comforting way you may be searching for. We're all human and flawed.
I hope you get to feeling better soon!
-T
Posted by Fivefires on February 23, 2007, at 22:42:11
In reply to Re: Rather burn out than fade away, posted by TexasChic on February 23, 2007, at 22:11:11
Tks T, but, how else would one know what to say or not to say?
If anyone ever feels that I've not supported them in a follow up to their post, I personally would want to know it.
This is prob' why I am alone. I expect too much from others.
tks, 5f
Posted by Phillipa on February 23, 2007, at 23:00:20
In reply to Re: Rather burn out than fade away, posted by Fivefires on February 23, 2007, at 22:42:11
Five fires I think T just gently let you know that you hadn't taken the previous post in the way it was intended as we all have problems. Love Phillipa
Posted by karen_kay on February 24, 2007, at 7:23:37
In reply to Re: Rather burn out than fade away » karen_kay, posted by Fivefires on February 23, 2007, at 21:44:31
Posted by zazenduckie on February 24, 2007, at 11:37:48
In reply to Rather burn out than fade away, posted by Fivefires on February 23, 2007, at 19:37:49
I'm sorry you're alone and tired of trying. I hope you won't give up. Things change. It's the only thing you can really count on. Maybe things will change for the better. I hope so.
> I keep thinking about this. I'm giving up. I'm so tired of trying this med or that. I'm so alone IRL. Would I be considered burning out or fading away. I think it's fading away. I'm so embarrassed. I used to be so proud of myself and now I don't even know myself. I know .. hardly makes sense. ICM calls but cannot use a man to help as they R really after s*x and that hurts my heart.
>
> 5f
Posted by Fivefires on February 24, 2007, at 11:52:25
In reply to pardon me for trying to cheer you up. (nm) » Fivefires, posted by karen_kay on February 24, 2007, at 7:23:37
karen_kay
Certainly. Tks kk.
I, too often, have difficulty cheering another up and understanding someone trying to cheer me up. I've lost trust in humanity. It took lots of trauma to reach 'this level of difficulty'. I appreciate your endeavor.
5f
Posted by Fivefires on February 24, 2007, at 11:58:06
In reply to Re: Rather burn out than fade away » Fivefires, posted by zazenduckie on February 24, 2007, at 11:37:48
Posted by karen_kay on February 25, 2007, at 10:25:51
In reply to Re: pardon me for trying to cheer you up. » karen_kay, posted by Fivefires on February 24, 2007, at 11:52:25
i'm sorry dear, my communication skills still aren't up to par.
i was just attempting to cheer you up.
((((((((((cf, 5f))))))))))))))))
hang in there. what i was basically saying is just that i too was at that point. but, look at me now. things have changed. or maybe they haven't. i've just found more things to keep me going.
take very good care of yoruself friend. you do have things to look forward to everyday. whether it's somethign as simple as the coffee that needs you every morning, the bath that needs you every night, the ciggies that need to be smoked (or doobies maybe?? :). there are stilll teh sunrises and sunsets, teh beautiful weather, babble still needs you, tv ratings need you, britney spears needs you to buy her albums (lord knows not many people are supporting her now), gosh, i could go on and on.
look for those little things. there are millions of bottle of wine out there begging for you to buy, open and enjoy them. tons of pairs of undies that need for you to wear them (and take them off). tons of men out there (you jsut don't realize it yet) waiting to touch you (sorry, i know this is starting to sound dirty and i don't mean it to), many first kisses and touches. see, there's so much out there and you jsut don't realize it darling.
you better hang in there, if not for our sake, for the sake of those underpants, you hear me????
Posted by Fivefires on February 25, 2007, at 16:46:25
In reply to ummm... » Fivefires, posted by karen_kay on February 25, 2007, at 10:25:51
Well yeah I hear ya'. Ya' got me sittin' here in tears! Good tears tho'! I'm aware there is so much to you I'd never known. Thank you so much for a wonderful, even beautiful, pep talk.
Ya' really think, at this mid-age, I may meet a man w/ enough room (like three-quarters) on their plate, for me? Three-quarters of a plate doesn't leave them much to eat does it? I suppose could share, go halfsies, w/ 'a good man'.
Someone said hope cannot work w/o grace, so I'll end saying ..
gratefully, 5f
ps: Feel so much better, think I'll brew a little coffee; still midday here. I was just going to skip it today. :)
Posted by karen_kay on February 25, 2007, at 19:21:03
In reply to Re: ummm... » karen_kay, posted by Fivefires on February 25, 2007, at 16:46:25
i'm drinking coffee right now :) it was really begging me!
glad you feel better and sorry i wasn't able to convey my real meaning the first time dear. i'm having that problem. now, if only i could work on posting just once without mentioning myself...
Posted by alesta on March 2, 2007, at 16:31:22
In reply to Rather burn out than fade away, posted by Fivefires on February 23, 2007, at 19:37:49
> I keep thinking about this. I'm giving up. I'm so tired of trying this med or that. I'm so alone IRL. Would I be considered burning out or fading away. I think it's fading away. I'm so embarrassed. I used to be so proud of myself and now I don't even know myself. I know .. hardly makes sense. ICM calls but cannot use a man to help as they R really after s*x and that hurts my heart.
>
> 5fhi...these are normal feelings when you're depressed...i relate dude/dudette...trust me. i don't have an answer...but at least i know i'm not alone.:) sorry...my inspiration has run dry as of late. wish i could help more....((((((fivefires))))))). please stick around, FF...there could be something good around the corner...
be good to yourself,:-)
amy
Posted by Fivefires on March 9, 2007, at 7:11:50
In reply to Re: Rather burn out than fade away » Fivefires, posted by alesta on March 2, 2007, at 16:31:22
Hi Alesta.
I've been so ill, I've been too weak to come to babble. I apologize.
Butt, a couple days ago, had an 'if-if-any' :)
My body clock is remembering my emotions and behaving as it did at the times of these emotions.
Since realizing this, I've gotten the strength to babble today.
To further explain, ... January .. father's health withered, February ... father passed away, and March ... I had a physical and almost mental breakdown.
I was just getting out of the hospital this day in '05 after the breakdown.
So, how do I prepare for next year? I need to read about it. I need to learn about it! Any ideas appreciated.
TY for your support ...
I think u might be right ... things may get better!
5f
Posted by Phillipa on March 9, 2007, at 18:29:43
In reply to Re: Rather burn out than fade away » Fivefires, posted by alesta on March 2, 2007, at 16:31:22
Five fires need to be posting more. Not isolating not good for you or your head. Love Phillipa
Posted by Kath on March 16, 2007, at 13:30:42
In reply to IF-IF-ANY - IT'S MY BODY CLOCK! » alesta, posted by Fivefires on March 9, 2007, at 7:11:50
FF the above post was for you!
Sounds like a good thought to me.
Do you find journaling helpful?
I've been doing (don't remember if I've mentioned it) a method where I have a notebook & write the FACTS on the left side.
I draw a line & on the right I write feelings;selftalk;triggers, etc. It's really helpful for me. Especially if I'm feeling BADLY. I write the fact that I seem to be upset about on the left then go to the right....ask myself 'when have I felt like this before?' & usually the answer seems to pop into my head.
Of course, then I have to deal with that!!
Sometimes I then use the EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) www.emofree.com & often that seems to help BIGtime.But at least it helps me be clear.
I send hugs, love, Kath
Posted by Fivefires on March 23, 2007, at 18:25:50
In reply to A couple of helping techniques » Fivefires, posted by Kath on March 16, 2007, at 13:30:42
Hey Kath! Back at ya!
Will go back up as not sure which follow up.
When began this thread, I was examining thoughts of society's view (or maybe my view) of people who commit suicide as an act of selfishness v. 'wipe outs' as an act of near heroism.
Anyway, emofree is where I need to be a lot of the time. When I'm feeling deeply hurt, 'I really need help' keeping emotions in check.
I've been on new med (generic Lib*ium; yeah I know.) for past 3wks. Nothing else in the psychiatric category. I can chose to stay w/ it or go w/ Xa*ax-XR generic.
I wonder if 'my not following up and posting' says something about how it is working for me.
Do you think it speaks of how I am feeling?
I'm having a hard time sitting back and looking at it myself.
My P will let me go either way, as my nerves are of need; Libr*um or Xa*ax-XR.
The font just got smaller as I tried to do a word processing techinique to hold hyphenated words together. I used to be a transcriber. In fact, just now, when sat down, I stuck my right foot out feeling for a foot pedal! Duh!
Think I'll copy/paste part of this to meds board.
Anyway, apologize 4 off subject and not following up sooner.
Oh .. another excuse :) .. I'm so bad!
I've gotten a lot of allergy type stuff for the first time in my life, so I'm using nose spray, inhalers, etc. Really bad stuff in air here in SW. And now I've either got 'the flu' or 'an intestinal allergy thing if that's possible', so need to go jump back under the covers.
I did have plans for 2nite, but began feeling ill again just couple hours ago.
I like 'fact on left, feelings on right' journaling idea a lot!
Wish I could put web sites on my desk top. Does any1 who might be reading this know how to do that?
The emofree site is one I definitely need to check out.
I've thought sometimes should see if Emotions Anonymous is close enough to where 'I don't like living' or 'living doesn't like me'.
I always have to complain about where I live, every chance I get. Think should probably 'do something about it' or shut up.
Tks for sharing and being here Kath. You've got so many good ideas and coping skills. You're a really great person.
hopeu&yours&allaboveRwell
5f
This is the end of the thread.
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