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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tanzanite on March 3, 2006, at 22:49:33
This is kind of a follow through on another post. Any ideas on how to build a support system when you are very limited in resources and have anxiety/depression and have no family to turn to except your spouse? My spouse is a source of some support, but I need to find a way to build a better solid support structure around me. Any experiences are welcome. Thanks in advance.
Peace
Tanzanite
Posted by Deneb on March 3, 2006, at 23:37:06
In reply to How did you go about building a support system?, posted by Tanzanite on March 3, 2006, at 22:49:33
Thanks for asking this question. Good idea! I need to know as well.
Deneb
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on March 4, 2006, at 0:56:00
In reply to How did you go about building a support system?, posted by Tanzanite on March 3, 2006, at 22:49:33
This is something that I struggle w/ when I am depressed b/c it is so hard to interact with others when I feel so down. In my case, the problem was not so much a lack of a support system, but it was a problem using what I had. So I made myself make plans to go to movies, etc. w/ friends. So that I was able to keep my connections even when I was feeling so poorly.
Other ideas though: Lean on hubby a little: does he have a buddy from work or something that is also married? You could have hubby invite them over for dinner or plan a double date or something.
Someone mentioned volunteer work. That's a good one. At the very least, you can feel good about being helpful.
You could join a group therapy relevant to your issues. It would be a way to feel supported and to problem solve w/ similar folks.
Join a book club? Take an art class or something where you can chat w/ others as you work. Or take a class at a community college.
I'll let you know if I have any brainstorms...
best,
EE
Posted by Racer on March 4, 2006, at 1:32:25
In reply to Re: How did you go about building a support system?, posted by Emily Elizabeth on March 4, 2006, at 0:56:00
I'm also struggling with this. Some ideas that I've come up with:
1. Church. I haven't been to church in years -- my church did something that I couldn't support, and it colored my view of the Church of Scotland, and I didn't want to walk into just any church. Now I'm thinking it's time to find a church here, for the community. Mind you, I still have the same problem -- I don't want to find myself in another church with similar views. But, it can be a good way to join an existing community, with community supports.
2. Classes. I don't know that I'd say jump into community college, but if you signed up for classes through Adult Ed (which is different), you could learn something interesting AND maybe make some friends. (I've been thinking of taking the Saturday car mechanics classes at our local Adult Ed program. Sounds like fun, interesting stuff, and there will be other people there. And it's geared for women, too, and that's who I want to meet: women. I need more women friends.) What are you interested in?
3. Art classes -- many areas have small art school sorts of places, often not well advertised. You could find yourself something like a ceramics class (can you tell I'm projecting? I want to take ceramics!), or maybe stained glass? Doesn't that sound like fun? And, many times, you can set up practice dates with classmates.
4. Book clubs, or craft clubs, or car clubs -- places that have a focus you're interested in. For me, I could join something like a knitting group, or a book group, or a polymer clay group, or -- well, that's about it for me, but you've probably got a lot more thoughts than that for you.
5. Political work. Go down to your local party headquarters and see what sort of workers they need for the next election. You'll make the world a better place, while you meet people.
Mind you, ALL of these are hard, and especially when you're depressed. But some of them are doable, even when you're not at your best. Church might be the easiest, while you're actively depressed. Depending, of course, on the church. Second, for me, would be a class. But then, I get so obsessive that it's easy for me to lose myself in a class. Whether I'd actually come out of there with any new friends, though...
Good luck. I'll be interested in seeing what other people recommend.
Posted by Dinah on March 4, 2006, at 1:38:06
In reply to How did you go about building a support system?, posted by Tanzanite on March 3, 2006, at 22:49:33
Well, that was actually rather hypocritical of me to suggest, because I'm one of those people who gets more stress than relief in being around others. But I make an effort for my husband's sake.
A compatible church is just about the best source of a ready made community and support system. In both of the churches I have been most active in, there were a fair number of people who moved frequently and found a ready made community wherever they went through their church activities.
I imagine that any group united for a common purpose would be similar in that.
Posted by wildcard11 on March 4, 2006, at 10:32:26
In reply to How did you go about building a support system?, posted by Tanzanite on March 3, 2006, at 22:49:33
I know what you're saying. It is really hard to find the support that is right for you and i know, having no family doesn't help. It took a long time but i have actually found some of the best support here, from people that do understand. I had to learn to be my own support system of sorts so i am finishing one degree from home and taking another to keep me busy while my one year old sleeps, etc.. I play around w/ finishing my book and take things day by day. I'm here if you need someone...
Posted by Gee on March 4, 2006, at 10:54:51
In reply to Re: How did you go about building a support system? » Tanzanite, posted by wildcard11 on March 4, 2006, at 10:32:26
I know it's already been mentioned, but volunteer work has worked great for me. I only do an hour and a half with one, and an hour with the other. Contact your local chapter of big brothers and sisters and see if you can get involved in the in school mentoring. You get paired up with a boy or girl who just needs a friend. Often they don't have the best home life. It can be really rewarding, and the case workers are there to support you 100%.
Also try Girl Guides or Girl Scouts. You can be as involved as you want to. And there are so many ways to meet women! There are adult weekend trainings, camps, meetings. If you decide to be a leader, then you have the weekly contact with the other leaders and the girls and the girls parents. Check out the website of your your WAGGGS chapter.
I did both this past year, and they've both been great. The ladies I've met through guiding have been awesome. I know I can call them up and ask them almost anything and they'll help if they can.
Posted by Larry Hoover on March 4, 2006, at 11:57:27
In reply to Re: How did you go about building a support system?, posted by Deneb on March 3, 2006, at 23:37:06
> Thanks for asking this question. Good idea! I need to know as well.
>
> DenebI speak to you, Deneb, because you have so much energy. Every hospital uses volunteers. Every publicly funded retirement home uses volunteers, in my experience. There are many ways you could help, with no prior training, but just giving your energy to the care of people who need it. In doing so, you touch lives. And you meet people.
As to support systems, you build them the same way. You invest of yourself. Sometimes all it takes is being somewhere, and doing similar things, with similar-minded people. When's the last time you met with your astronomy buddies? When's the last time you looked at the night sky? When is the last time you looked at your namesake, Deneb?
There are some good ideas being tossed around in this thread. But you can't think your way into having a support system. You do things with people, and it happens. The more people you do things with, the more it happens.
It comes from saying yes more, instead of no.
Lar
Posted by Tabitha on March 4, 2006, at 13:02:20
In reply to Re: How did you go about building a support system?, posted by Gee on March 4, 2006, at 10:54:51
Don't think anybody mentioned 12-step groups. I had a good experience with Codependent's Anonymous, "A fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships". The one I attended functioned as a general-purpose support group and social hour. I made some lasting friends there.
Posted by Deneb on March 4, 2006, at 14:29:42
In reply to Re: How did you go about building a support system? » Deneb, posted by Larry Hoover on March 4, 2006, at 11:57:27
> I speak to you, Deneb, because you have so much energy. Every hospital uses volunteers. Every publicly funded retirement home uses volunteers, in my experience. There are many ways you could help, with no prior training, but just giving your energy to the care of people who need it. In doing so, you touch lives. And you meet people.
I always make up some excuse to not do those things, like I'm too busy. I think I'm afraid of the unknown. I don't know if I have it in me. I don't know if I will do a good job. I will seriously consider this though.
>
> As to support systems, you build them the same way. You invest of yourself. Sometimes all it takes is being somewhere, and doing similar things, with similar-minded people. When's the last time you met with your astronomy buddies? When's the last time you looked at the night sky? When is the last time you looked at your namesake, Deneb?I miss going camping with my astronomy buddies. It's too cold for camping now, but that's no excuse for not posting on their message board. I don't know what happened. It's been so long now.
>
> There are some good ideas being tossed around in this thread. But you can't think your way into having a support system. You do things with people, and it happens. The more people you do things with, the more it happens.I don't do things with anyone. Right now at least I have a tutor. That's some human contact. He's a really nice tutor.
>
> It comes from saying yes more, instead of no.I said "yes" a couple of times when my high school friends asked me out to dinner. I wouldn't consider them my support system though.
You're right Lar. I need to put more energy into finding friends and meeting people. It's just difficult because I'm not much of a people person.
Deneb
Posted by Dinah on March 4, 2006, at 14:41:43
In reply to Re: How did you go about building a support system? » Larry Hoover, posted by Deneb on March 4, 2006, at 14:29:42
I'm not either. But I was delighted recently to be readmitted to a club that I had let my membership lapse on. (Well, it wasn't actually my fault, but the result was the same).
Even more delightful was the card I got from someone I knew long ago in the club.
I think it'd be a good idea to hook up with your astronomy friends again.
Posted by JenStar on March 4, 2006, at 16:38:23
In reply to How did you go about building a support system?, posted by Tanzanite on March 3, 2006, at 22:49:33
I think Larry is exactly right with what he says! It's important to get out there and DO stuff with people. The more people you come into contact with, the more chances you have to meet people with whom you click.
Here are a few of my ideas:
1. Check out craigslist.com for your area and look under the "platonic" friends category to possibly meet others looking for friends. Just be careful to meet in public places.
2. Join a bookgroup at the local library.
3. Volunteer at a local food bank, but set it up so you do it on a regular basis. That way you'll get to know the people there and have a chance to meet like-minded friends.
4. Go to church (even if you're not especially religious). Join some of the social groups there. Church people can be REALLLY nice and welcoming.
5. Volunteer at a local art museum or ball park.
6. Take a class at a local community college or parks/rec dept.
Good luck! :)
JenStar
Posted by Phillipa on March 4, 2006, at 19:23:16
In reply to Re: How did you go about building a support system? » Tanzanite, posted by JenStar on March 4, 2006, at 16:38:23
I like the idea of a support group first with people who share the same fears you do. I asked the threrapist I just started with about support groups and if the time of day is right yes I would go as she asked me if I would go. A lot has to do with the horrible traffic in Charlotte and my late sleeping and going to bed late. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Tanzanite on March 4, 2006, at 23:28:42
In reply to Re: How did you go about building a support system?, posted by Phillipa on March 4, 2006, at 19:23:16
Wow, have I received a lot of responses and a lot to ponder. The biggest obstacle right now is our transportation prob. The used car we bought needs a new trans and we have no recourse on it. The one we are paying on is not running and we hopefully will be able to get it to the shop this week and fix it for way less than the other. So at least I pray. Once those things are out of the way, I have some basic things to take care of. I do want to join a church, with or without my hubby. And even my psychologist whom I just had an appt. with for the first time the other day agreed I needed to build a support system. So this is my first goal I guess you could say. It was funny that the one church I thought about joining that was supposedly very accepting is the one he mentioned other patients have loved to go to. He himself does not subscribe to organized religion because of personal experience as a child, which I was amazed that he opened up to me. But, he was supportive of this. Twelve step groups-I had completely forgotten about that!. I am sure there have got to be some kind of support groups around here somewhere. I am in no physical condition at the time to do volunteer work right now, but if my health improves that is also a great option. You all had great advice, and it is so much appreciated. I am trying so hard to stay positive. Or at least find hope in the dark if that makes any sense. Well thank you all and best of wishes for each one of you.
Peace
Tanzanite
Posted by joslynn on March 6, 2006, at 15:51:14
In reply to How did you go about building a support system?, posted by Tanzanite on March 3, 2006, at 22:49:33
I had to rebuild my support system after friends moved/got married/had babies.
How I did it: Church and 12-step groups (for me it was ACOA and AlAnon, due to alcoholism in family).
In 12-step groups, some people are healthier than others, but if you are a perceptive person, you will be able to figure out who is good for where you are at and who should be kept at a distance.
Posted by Tanzanite on March 7, 2006, at 0:40:50
In reply to Re: How did you go about building a support system, posted by joslynn on March 6, 2006, at 15:51:14
I really appreciate that advice too. First we have to hope they can fix our car. One thing at a time I guess. Nice to meet you. Peace and blessings
Tanzanite
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