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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart98 on October 15, 2005, at 21:18:42
Sometimes at night, I sit and think about what has happened during the day. My thoughts sometimes get wierd, they get i dont know, but it triggers the depth of fear in my body.
I sometimes wonder if I am going on the edge of insanity, well at night is when i get like this. I almost have an adrenaline exhileration reacting to something, i went crazy the other day. "No No im not not" its ok, everything is ok, dont think about anything. I one night went into a ultra panic attack, smashed my cell phone and pictures. I look at all the shatter and didnt think this is happening.
I pray to god that my thoughts will be normal and stable, i will not have any abnormalties.
Have you ever watched a bathtub when water comes out, then you blast it to the max. That is what happens to nuerons, I go, i sit, i start pacing, i start walking through the house, "this is going to pass". I wonder if adrenaline will save me, from my mind. I sit at the couch and see my reflection in the window, who and why?
When i have gone to mental institutions (United Methodist Mental Hostpital) they have told me i have severe anxiety, i wasnt crazy. When they asked questions, do you have feelings of paranoia? i could awnser becuase i was paranoid that i was crazy. They said that I may have had symptoms of hypomania with panic attacks.
I am sitting here tonight, on my laptop, ready for anything, I dont even want to mention insanity becuase it will start an reaction.
I take Zyprexa 2.5 and may move to 5mg.
They referred me to a Lithium Treatment Center, i almost said you mean Thorazine Treatment Center, i did, they laughed, and told me im not crazy. Belive us we have many here.
Stillness, coldness the sound of silence is around me right now. What is going to happen? I am at the depth of fear now.
Please just tell me what you think?
Posted by crazy teresa on October 15, 2005, at 21:58:27
In reply to the darkness in fear, posted by rjlockhart98 on October 15, 2005, at 21:18:42
Read Phillipians 4: 4-9.
When I try to focus my thoughts this way, the fear dissolves.
XOXO Matt
crazy t
P.S. I loved Dallas!
Posted by gardenergirl on October 15, 2005, at 22:01:55
In reply to the darkness in fear, posted by rjlockhart98 on October 15, 2005, at 21:18:42
I think severe anxiety fits very well. And it sounds like you have some extra stress in your life right now, with starting college and your mom's behavior at the nursing home. Anxiety can often get worse at night.
Have you ever taken a look at "The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook"? Lot's of helpful information and coping strategies in there.
Take care, matt. You are not alone.
gg
Posted by JenStar on October 16, 2005, at 14:00:00
In reply to the darkness in fear, posted by rjlockhart98 on October 15, 2005, at 21:18:42
I don't think you're insane. I think you sound like you DO have extremely deep anxiety about "life" in general, and I am so sympathetic to you.
I also suffer from anxiety and I think I understand something of that deep relentless biting nameless FEAR that you feel at times.
I think anxiety can drive people to do "crazy" things to try and stop it. They say (the ubiquitous "they"!!!) that experiencing pain on ONE area of the body makes you forget about pain in ANOTHER part. So maybe that's where the smashing phone/etc. comes from (?) -- maybe you're just so sick of the fear, that you try to do something else, anything else, to feel another emotion (anger, rage) and forget about the fear for a while?
I'm so sorry you're going thru this. And I'm sorry your mom is not in a place to help you. I'm glad that you're seeing doctors and trying to get help. Stay strong - it WILL get better! :) It really will.
Don't worry about the names of drugs, or the supposed stigma attached. Try what is recommended, and take what you need, whether it be lithium, thorazine (ha) or others. You'll be OK in the end. Give yourself time.
I know that probably wsn't too helpful, and I'm sorry, b/c I wish I could help. But I'm thinking of you and hoping you're ok!
take care!
JenStar
Posted by rjlockhart98 on October 16, 2005, at 16:19:31
In reply to Re: the darkness in fear » rjlockhart98, posted by JenStar on October 16, 2005, at 14:00:00
THanks, Tereasa, i didnt know you promoted scripture! thanks!
Jenstar, your post was fine, I actually smashed my phone becusae i was in a emergency mode, i picked it up and accidently threw it nad it got smashed trying to find my Klonopin, i was nervous explosion. You posted to my posts alot and didnt respond back, your nice. THanks, ill post around.
Stay on your Xanax, Klonopin is relieving but then you get depressed.THanks you alll
Matt
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