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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on July 10, 2005, at 21:38:24
Is it ok to say that I think I'm doomed because I have a BPD?
This is horrible for me, how did this happen?
How did I go from being just socially anxious to having one of the worst psychological disorders?
Am I really that disordered? I don't think I am. I don't even cut anymore and when I did it was never serious.
I hate this. I just don't know what to think anymore. I think I'm ok. I don't think there's anything that wrong with me, but other people react so very strongly and negatively to what I say sometimes.
Please tell me the truth people, do you think I really have a BPD?
Is it ok to ask if this is going to be the death of me? (being borderline)
This is absolutely horrid...is it ok to say that I think my life is ruined? I don't fit in...I don't even fit in here.
Am I being manipulative by talking about this?
I don't know anymore. :-(
I don't think there is any help for me that will work. I've already gotten help. Is it ok for me to say again that I think I'm doomed?
Deneb
Posted by messadivoce on July 10, 2005, at 23:31:32
In reply to I'm not sure what is ok to say anymore, posted by Deneb on July 10, 2005, at 21:38:24
Hi Deneb,
I haven't ever posted directly to you, but I've read a lot of your posts and I feel like I know you a little. I'm sorry you're going through a very hard time right now, and honestly, I don't think I have any intelligent answers to your questions. I really can't say one way or the other if you have BPD because I don't know you IRL, and even if I did, I'm not a pdoc and shouldn't be diagnosing things in people I know. I think that if anyone on this site would tell you you have BPD, I wouldn't take their word as the truth neccessarily, because it's not a professional's opinion.
<This is absolutely horrid...is it ok to say that I think my life is ruined?>
I'm sorry you feel that bad. :-( It might seem that way right now, but I am of the opinion that no one's life is ever ruined unless they decide it is.
<I don't fit in...I don't even fit in here.>
Just because people might react strongly to things you post doesn't mean you don't fit in. Just because you make some mistakes in how you post doesn't mean you don't fit in.
<Am I being manipulative by talking about this?>
If you are honestly wanting help, then I don't believe it's manipulative. By condeming yourself you are basically giving yourself no way out--but there is a way out. Deneb, I think you need someone to help you deal with might MAY be BPD, or something else.
<<I don't think there is any help for me that will work. I've already gotten help. Is it ok for me to say again that I think I'm doomed?>>
Please forgive me, I don't know your history. Have you seen a pdoc? Have you been diagnosed with BPD and been treated? Why don't you think that anything will help?
Hugs to you.
Voce
Posted by Deneb on July 11, 2005, at 0:02:40
In reply to I'm not sure what is ok to say anymore, posted by Deneb on July 10, 2005, at 21:38:24
I feel like throwing a major temper tantrum to show people that there is nothing wrong with me.
Dear God, please don't let this happen when I go see you guys next year! I must be desparate cuz I don't even believe in God!
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on July 11, 2005, at 0:25:31
In reply to Re: I'm not sure what is ok to say anymore » Deneb, posted by messadivoce on July 10, 2005, at 23:31:32
> Please forgive me, I don't know your history. Have you seen a pdoc? Have you been diagnosed with BPD and been treated? Why don't you think that anything will help?
I've been to p-docs and psychologists before. In high school I was pretty bad...probably the worst I've ever been. I saw the school psychologist for a while, then I was supposed to see this p-doc, but she refused to see me because my family doc said I was suicidal. So then I saw this other p-doc at the hospital two times. The first time he thought I was really crazy because I didn't talk and he made to count backwards by 7's. The second time was just to confirm that I wasn't crazy probably. He must've thought it wasn't very serious cuz he thought I was acting crazy because I might have lost a pet, which I hadn't. He concluded I had a social anxiety disorder and told me to be careful of alcohol and that I would meet a cool guy in university. He was a nice p-doc.
Things got bad again my first year in university. I saw a psychologist at the student counselling centre, she was nice but not much help IMO.
Then I saw the p-doc I've been seeing for the longest time, over 2 years I think, maybe even 3? She knows me well and told me recently that I had a BPD when I asked her. She's kept it from me for a long time I think because I didn't directly ask her. She's also nice. She's on maternity leave. I don't want to see her anymore because she's a busy person...lots of troubled uni students to see.
I don't have a p-doc anymore. I don't really think it was very productive anyways. She talked too slowly sometimes. I liked how she never freaked when I talked about suicide though.
I'm taking an SSRI at the moment. Not sure if it really does anything though. P-doc gave me enough refills for a year. GP told me to just take then and not think about it.
Perhaps I will simply grow out of it...if I survive that is. I really do hope I survive.
I don't think anything will help because no one really knows how to treat BPD. It also has a pretty high suicide rate and lots of stigma from the manipulation and crying wolf all the time. This makes it very difficult to know when a threat is real or not. Heck, even I can't tell the difference sometimes.
Deneb
Posted by messadivoce on July 11, 2005, at 1:23:44
In reply to Re: I'm not sure what is ok to say anymore » messadivoce, posted by Deneb on July 11, 2005, at 0:25:31
Thanks for filling me in on your history. Sounds like you've seen lots of different people, but none of them has been able to stick with you for the long haul.
You say that *sometimes* you don't know the difference of whether or not you are crying wolf or not. So does that mean that most of the time you do know?
I would encourage you to not confine yourself to the limits of your diagnosis. You have had one opinion that what you have is BPD.
IMHO, I think that seeing a T would really benefit you. It sounds like you have plenty of everyday stressers that you may need help dealing with. I hope very much that you can find someone who is willing ride this out with you, and help you find coping mechanisms. The hardest part is always being honest--when are you crying wolf, and why do you do it.
I hope what I say is helpful and not just nonsense.
Posted by Tamar on July 11, 2005, at 2:55:33
In reply to I'm not sure what is ok to say anymore, posted by Deneb on July 10, 2005, at 21:38:24
Hi Deneb,
> Is it ok to say that I think I'm doomed because I have a BPD?
> Is it ok to ask if this is going to be the death of me? (being borderline)
> Am I being manipulative by talking about this?
> Is it ok for me to say again that I think I'm doomed?
I think it’s OK to say all these things. But it REALLY helps if you put a trigger warning in the subject line whenever you talk about suicide or self injury.
People here are very supportive. But (speaking for myself) it’s hard to be supportive if I’m freaking out because the words in your post triggered me.
If you put a trigger warning in the subject line, I can take a deep breath and prepare for what may be coming before I click on a post.
If there’s no trigger warning in the subject line and I see words about suicide or self injury I might feel suddenly shocked and then it’s hard for me to reply.
As far as I can tell, there aren’t any subjects that are prohibited here. The important thing is that everyone is sensitive to the feelings of others.
I’m sorry you feel doomed. I hope you’re feeling better soon.
Tamar
Posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2005, at 3:34:49
In reply to Re: I'm not sure what is ok to say anymore » messadivoce, posted by Deneb on July 11, 2005, at 0:25:31
>Is it ok to say that I think I'm doomed because I have a BPD?
Well... Yeah you can say it but it isn't true.
>How did I go from being just socially anxious to having one of the worst psychological disorders?
Because of your other symptoms...
>Am I really that disordered? I don't think I am. I don't even cut anymore and when I did it was never serious.
Thats just one symptom. But it is typically considered to be the hallmark of BPD. Don't worry so very much about being *that* disordered. Personally... I found it really hard to think of myself in terms of my dx all the time. I am a person. And I have a couple (maybe even more than a couple...) of problems. Its about your problems and about getting help for your problems. The actual dx isn't all that helpful. And it isn't all that helpful to consider how you are the same / different from the 'typical borderline' or whatever. Work towards what you want out of life rather than spending your life running from a dx. Thats my advice anyways...
>I think I'm ok. I don't think there's anything that wrong with me,
Mostly you do really well :-)
Its just that sometimes you lose it a little with the paranoia, anxiety, morbid preoccupation etc. Its just about lessening the impact of the latter so you are more able to live your life along the lines of the former.>but other people react so very strongly and negatively to what I say sometimes.
I think thats mostly when you are intensely upset. Because that upset is catchy. Other people feel it - but because they feel it in response to you and where you are at they tend to feel it towards you if that makes any sense.
>Please tell me the truth people, do you think I really have a BPD?
In my humble opinion... Yup. But thats ok. I think one day you won't have it anymore. And you will have all the positives of that personality style: you will be colourful and energetic and vibrant and passionate and you will be able to help others who are struggling with the issues you have made headway on.
>Is it ok to ask if this is going to be the death of me? (being borderline)
Nope. Or at least: It is up to you. The crossroads... There was something from girl interrupted... I wish I could remember it...
She said she was ambivalent.
Her Dr said that yes, she thought that was apt.
She thought ambivalent meant that she didn't care.
But the Dr looked it up in the dictionary and ambivalent suggests a struggle between two opposing courses of action. Yup. That was it. A struggle between two opposing courses of action.
Would she embrace / revel in her flaws? Her faults? Embrace her pathology?
Or would she begin the long road to getting better. To making a life worth living for herself.
That was a decision she had to make.
That was a decision I had to make.
That is a decision you have to make too.Because you have so much potential. I know sometimes it is hard for you to see that - but you have so much potential.
But the decision is in your hands. Do you want to make a life worth living and beat this, or do you want to go round and round the same dull round...
>This is absolutely horrid...is it ok to say that I think my life is ruined? I don't fit in...I don't even fit in here.
You might feel like you don't... But you fit in fine :-)
>I don't know anymore. :-(
I feel like that a lot too :-(
>I don't think there is any help for me that will work. I've already gotten help.
Yeah. And sometimes you say you found it helpful. Unfortunately... There isn't a magic cure. No magic pill. Nobody can make it all better for you. But life is a journey and I reckon what you most need (or at least what I most need) is people to walk alongside you for a while. A clinician onside would be helpful to you too.
> Then I saw the p-doc I've been seeing for the longest time, over 2 years I think, maybe even 3? She knows me well and told me recently that I had a BPD when I asked her. She's kept it from me for a long time I think because I didn't directly ask her. She's also nice. She's on maternity leave. I don't want to see her anymore because she's a busy person...lots of troubled uni students to see.
Yes dear - but you will be one of them! I remember you posting about her. Sounds to me like she was really helpful to you. Really helpful. Not the magic cure to be sure, but helpful nevertheless. And you felt that you could talk to her about what was going on for you. That can be hard to come by... It is a real bummer that she had to have leave. I really think you should try to see her again.
And I also really think that you should try and find out about whether you can do DBT. Its up to you but I think it would help you HEAPS. But you need to be pro-active to get the help that is out there.
> I don't really think it was very productive anyways. She talked too slowly sometimes. I liked how she never freaked when I talked about suicide though.Yeah. The latter is important. As for talking slow... Well... Nobodies perfect and that could be soothing sometimes. I remember you talking about her and I remember thinking I was glad you had such a nice sounding and helpful clinician to talk to.
> I don't think anything will help because no one really knows how to treat BPD.Yes they do.
Yes they do.
They have had really good success.
Especially with DBT.
And with talk therapy in general.
>
This is the end of the thread.
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