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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 34. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunny10 on April 18, 2005, at 11:05:35
I love you, too, you know....
I know that I don't make any sense to you right now. I know that you are guessing that my relationship with my SO is purely abusive and that I am acting like every abused "spouse" you have ever heard of.
The thing is, it is not me that is foremost abused. It is chemical abuse (whether coke or excess alcohol to make up for lack of coke). The agression is due to the chemical. He has had many, many, many days of being a noraml, kind, rational man over the last year and a half. Two instances of pushing and shoving (drunk while coming down from coke) and then this last time (who knows, maybe he was lying and coke WAS involved along with the alcohol again) which was the last time I will ever be in that position.
Even if he "walks the walk"- which I am less sure about every day- I will not live with him. I don't know that I would ever live with him again. Only time and couples counselling would tell that for sure- but I have already decided in my mind that unless he goes to anger management clases/therapy, I will not even go for couples counselling or attempt to work things out at all. And I am not sure it will ever come to that. I feel him pulling away emotionally already.
When you girls talk about Women's shelters and/or legal aid from women's shelters, you must understand that I do not qualify as a battered woman in need of assitance. I am already out of the house. We have no children in common. We are not married- there is no divorce, alimony, child support, et cetera to battle over. That's the assistance they give, legally.
The suggestion to use them is not a useful one for me. I am just plain overwhelmed- tired emotionally and physically. Coming into the realization that he is probably just pretending to want to work on "us"- and will probably split as soon as he has saved enough to get out of town.
Abused (emotionally and physically), and soon to be abandoned again. Story of my sad, pathetic existence. I am sick of it. Sick of being the only one who ends up hurt, lost, afraid, and exhausted.
I wish I had been aborted. If I haven't changed after 37 years, the probabiity that the same cycle will repeat itself over and over is so high as to be cataclismic. I don't want this life. And I keep trying over and over with so much exhausting effort to do therapy, read, practice copinkg skills- and nothing ever changes. I'm tired of trying any more. I give up.
It's not that I don't love you, anymore that I don't write more or call. It's because I have nothing good to say at all...
Posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 11:19:54
In reply to Susan47, posted by sunny10 on April 18, 2005, at 11:05:35
Don't believe everything you "know", or what your mind tells you. That's a constant struggle for me. What you're thinking I'm thinking is wrong. I understand more than it may seem. Trying to balance everything is just that .. it's a balancing act. Sometimes one side outweighs the other, that's all. And they go back and forth, back and forth ... that's life, honey. And in the end none of us survives anyway. We just do the best we can. To others that doesn't always seem enough, or right, or what they would do. That's what makes us all so fascinating. Isn't it?
Posted by sunny10 on April 18, 2005, at 11:32:11
In reply to Re: Susan47, posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 11:19:54
right now I gotta say it sounds like an exhausting waste of time..
Posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 11:32:43
In reply to Susan47, posted by sunny10 on April 18, 2005, at 11:05:35
The time for a women's shelter did come and go, because the time to go would definitely have been instead of the airport. That time and that time alone would have solved a lot. If you'd done it then. If it ever happens again, that would be the first place I'd turn to if it weren't the police. As you said, it'll never happen again.
Posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 11:37:00
In reply to Re: Susan47, posted by sunny10 on April 18, 2005, at 11:32:11
Right now your self-loathing is spilling over onto everybody else. You won't alienate me I don't think, I'm pretty alienating myself at times .. but don't push away the people IRL who could help. Even just by listening. Okay?
Posted by partlycloudy on April 18, 2005, at 11:58:54
In reply to Susan47, posted by sunny10 on April 18, 2005, at 11:05:35
> I wish I had been aborted. If I haven't changed after 37 years, the probabiity that the same cycle will repeat itself over and over is so high as to be cataclismic. I don't want this life. And I keep trying over and over with so much exhausting effort to do therapy, read, practice copinkg skills- and nothing ever changes. I'm tired of trying any more. I give up.
>Sunny - I read this and saw myself in your words. Please don't worry about your capacity to change and adapt - we human beings are pretty amazing at reinventing ourselves, with the right help.
I for one am amazed at your capacity to help and encourage others when you are feeling so badly yourself. And I want to thank you, sincerely, for all the help you are to me.
That's all.
Hang on.
pc
Posted by Larry Hoover on April 18, 2005, at 12:08:53
In reply to Susan47, posted by sunny10 on April 18, 2005, at 11:05:35
>If I haven't changed after 37 years, the probabiity that the same cycle will repeat itself over and over is so high as to be cataclismic. I don't want this life. And I keep trying over and over with so much exhausting effort to do therapy, read, practice copinkg skills- and nothing ever changes. I'm tired of trying any more. I give up.
You're tired. You need a hug. Maybe a snuggle. {{{{{{{{Sunny}}}}}}}}
I'm going to give you my objective view of your situation (*as if* I can really be objective)....
Something really crappy, scary, and violent happened in your closest personal relationship. You immediately recognized it for what it was, took steps to isolate yourself from further harm, and you're working diligently at coping with the changes it has made *in your life*.
You are living the Serenity Prayer.
It may have taken you 37 years to obtain that wisdom, but it is there, right now. And, it is your wisdom. You're not reciting advice you've heard from others. You're living in your own wisdom.
You're tired. You're frustrated. Those will pass. But the wisdom will not pass. It will continue to grow. Just like you, it will continue to grow.
Nurture yourself. Get grounded. Get ready. And give 'em sh*t.
Lar
Posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 12:12:00
In reply to Re: sunny10, posted by Larry Hoover on April 18, 2005, at 12:08:53
And PC, oh, right on.
Posted by sunny10 on April 18, 2005, at 12:53:51
In reply to Re: sunny10 » Larry Hoover, posted by Susan47 on April 18, 2005, at 12:12:00
want to just give up... have utilized last of my inner resources.
Tired of trying. Tired, just tired...
Posted by Larry Hoover on April 18, 2005, at 13:24:21
In reply to Re: not feeling very Serene..., posted by sunny10 on April 18, 2005, at 12:53:51
> want to just give up... have utilized last of my inner resources.
>
> Tired of trying. Tired, just tired...Then please rest. Please?
Hugs,
Lar
Posted by sunny10 on April 18, 2005, at 13:34:22
In reply to Re: not feeling very Serene... » sunny10, posted by Larry Hoover on April 18, 2005, at 13:24:21
Posted by Larry Hoover on April 18, 2005, at 14:58:03
In reply to Re: gotta work- would if I could (nm) » Larry Hoover, posted by sunny10 on April 18, 2005, at 13:34:22
Rest is also a state of mind. It is, in part, an attitude. That's why the addict lives for today. All the sorrows over yesterday cannot be undone. All the fear over what tomorrow may bring, do not bear on today. Anybody can manage just one day.....ya know?
I hate to dig into tired old aphorisms, but that's what they're for. When you're too tired to think, they're good guidance.
Take care of you,
Lar
Posted by AuntieMel on April 18, 2005, at 17:40:58
In reply to Susan47, posted by sunny10 on April 18, 2005, at 11:05:35
"Abused (emotionally and physically), and soon to be abandoned again. "
Hold on for a minute, missy. Who took off to the airport? Who called around and found a place to stay? Who is saying clean up or else?
There was *attempted* physical and emotional abuse there, but you refused to accept it as your due.
You deserve a whole bunch of back pats for that.
"If I haven't changed after 37 years, the probabiity that the same cycle will repeat itself over and over is so high as to be cataclismic."
Refer to what I put above. I'm seeing changes and I hardly know you. I know you are tired - and rightly so after this last merry-go-round - but when you get rest enough to look, I hope you can see that:
THIS TIME YOU ARE NOT A DOORMAT.
Posted by sunny10 on April 19, 2005, at 10:01:22
In reply to Re: Sunny?, posted by AuntieMel on April 18, 2005, at 17:40:58
just trying to keep head above water...
Must admit to using humor within other threads here as way to bury head in sand... it's strange to reply "with humor" without actually feeling the "fun" of it...
Am I making any sense at all??????
Posted by alexandra_k on April 20, 2005, at 5:00:07
In reply to Re: I love you, AuntieMel and Lar, posted by sunny10 on April 19, 2005, at 10:01:22
Aw hon, I had no idea.
I didn't know any of this was going on for you.
I just saw this tonight
And read the thread over on psychology
About what your parents were like.
Sunny, you are such a warm and kind and giving and smart and funny person.
((((Sunny))))
What a crap life
crap
crap
crap
It makes me so mad.
I am really glad you are here
Glad and grateful.
You are wonderful Sunny.
If you went anywhere I'd miss you very much.
Quite often I feel like I wish I never existed.
Peoples don't like me saying that...
And when I hear you say you wish you had been aborted I get why.
YOU ARE NOT A DOORMAT ANYMORE
(Very good PC)
YOU ARE WORTH A WHOLE HEAP
YOU DESERVE TO HAVE SOMEONE REALLY SPECIAL WHO TREATS YOU LIKE THE TREASURE THAT YOU ARE
And one day...
One day...
You might.
I might.
Oh God.
Just possibly
Possibly
It might be true.
And things will get better.
They have to.
And we love you.
Don't forget that.
Please.
Posted by Susan47 on April 20, 2005, at 10:09:25
In reply to Re: Sunny, posted by alexandra_k on April 20, 2005, at 5:00:07
Yes, you and Sunny are both treasures. Yes.
Posted by sunny10 on April 20, 2005, at 13:17:13
In reply to Bingo Alexandra, posted by Susan47 on April 20, 2005, at 10:09:25
we are so lucky to have found each other here...
Good thing I've never been one to harbor celebrity crushes or I might fall for Dr. Bob !!!!
My 20 yr old cousin has a thing for Josh Hartnett- could never understand how she can have a crush on someone she never met...
Posted by partlycloudy on April 20, 2005, at 13:33:41
In reply to Re: and you, Suze, PC, Lar, and AuntieMel, posted by sunny10 on April 20, 2005, at 13:17:13
> we are so lucky to have found each other here...
>
I say that to myself every day :-)> Good thing I've never been one to harbor celebrity crushes or I might fall for Dr. Bob !!!!
>
> My 20 yr old cousin has a thing for Josh Hartnett- could never understand how she can have a crush on someone she never met...
>
Ahem. Admission to having collected Tiger Beat magazines when I was about 11 years old; and having mad crushes on Donny Osmond (head sinking very low) and - wait for it - Michael Jackson when he was still cute. Their posters were plastered over my room. (dreamy sigh...)
Posted by Susan47 on April 20, 2005, at 14:48:49
In reply to Re: and you, Suze, PC, Lar, and AuntieMel » sunny10, posted by partlycloudy on April 20, 2005, at 13:33:41
My walls were empty and bare, I think I might have had one oil painting once. If I'd put anything on my walls I would've regretted it. I wasn't even allowed to read those magazines, when I was old enough I hid them though. And I read them on the sly.
Posted by Larry Hoover on April 20, 2005, at 16:49:42
In reply to Re: and you, Suze, PC, Lar, and AuntieMel, posted by Susan47 on April 20, 2005, at 14:48:49
> My walls were empty and bare, I think I might have had one oil painting once. If I'd put anything on my walls I would've regretted it. I wasn't even allowed to read those magazines, when I was old enough I hid them though. And I read them on the sly.
A-hah! That explains the late blooming effect. <Spock eyebrow>
Lar
Posted by 10derHeart on April 21, 2005, at 0:58:07
In reply to Re: and you, Suze, PC, Lar, and AuntieMel » sunny10, posted by partlycloudy on April 20, 2005, at 13:33:41
Uh, PC, what in the heck were you doing in my bedroom all those many years ago?!!
Who let you in?
Or...are you me?
That was unreal - your description. I'm thinking hard to make sure I didn't write that post and then somehow impersonate you on Babble.
Wow. Uncanny.
(I had David Cassidy, too, though. Mmmm...)
Posted by 10derHeart on April 21, 2005, at 1:03:00
In reply to Re: and you, Suze, PC, Lar, and AuntieMel » Susan47, posted by Larry Hoover on April 20, 2005, at 16:49:42
<Spock eyebrow>
Mmmm, Spock...
(Yes, I know full well Leonard Nimoy's a man past 70 now, and old enough to be my father, but...who cares?!!)
Spock...yummy!
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on April 21, 2005, at 3:14:13
In reply to Re: and you, Suze, PC, Lar, and AuntieMel » Larry Hoover, posted by 10derHeart on April 21, 2005, at 1:03:00
> <Spock eyebrow>
>
> Mmmm, Spock...
>
> (Yes, I know full well Leonard Nimoy's a man past 70 now, and old enough to be my father, but...who cares?!!)
>
> Spock...yummy!I think you're the only other woman I know of who thinks Leonard Nemoy is yummy.
mmmm Spock
>
Posted by partlycloudy on April 21, 2005, at 4:45:08
In reply to Re: and you, Suze, PC, Lar, and AuntieMel » partlycloudy, posted by 10derHeart on April 21, 2005, at 0:58:07
> (I had David Cassidy, too, though. Mmmm...)
Just the Rolling Stone cover! Though I had ALL the Partridge Family LP's.
Posted by partlycloudy on April 21, 2005, at 4:47:32
In reply to Re: and you, Suze, PC, Lar, and AuntieMel » 10derHeart, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on April 21, 2005, at 3:14:13
> I think you're the only other woman I know of who thinks Leonard Nemoy is yummy.
>
> mmmm Spock
> >Oh, yeah? (I once stood in line for 2 hours to see him at a book signing and it was so totally worth it!)
I guess crushes never really stop, do they?
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