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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by indie on December 23, 2004, at 23:28:16
I've been away from here, but I wanted to jump back in to communicate with some folks who understand the crazy mental ride that is depression and bi-polar.
Issues, issues, issues.
I am bipolar and been in a deadly depression for months...like 13 months. Messing around with meds and one day I switched...just like that. Awake and ready to take on the world. Since finishing my Masters degree in May I have been on a friends couch...mostly dispondent, some consullting work here and there, but really didn't give a piss about anything.
Two weeks ago I woke up. I started looking for jobs. I got my own apartment. (which feels so good after couch dwelling for 6 months!!) Anyway, in my job search I was offered a job as a financial analyst. I also found my dream job, but they chose somebody else. Let me tell you, I am not taking rejection well these days. My moods are all over the map. The slightest victory makes me feel ecstatic, the slightest set back makes me feel worthless and I end up irritable as hell for days.
So now I have this job offer...which involves alot of sales. One minute I am so excited about a new challenge, the next I feel that the whole thing goes totally against my grain and thinking about it makes me nauseous. How can I take a job when my feelings toward it are so unstable. At this point, I need an income. But I can't stand spending 40-60 hours a week doing something that is just to pay the bills. I NEED to feel inspired...it keeps me on such a more even keel.
My mind is all over the place. I am not sleeping much. After such a long stretch of depression I just don't know what to do with the energy. I am visiting my Mom and some other family for the holidays. One minute we are laughing so hard it hurts, the next I am totlly irritated and snapping at people.
I feel like living in my mind is like an African safari. A marvelous place filled with beautiful landscapes and wonderful cultures to discover. A crazy place where the danger of a killer tiger tracking me down and ending it all.
I just really needed to vent all of this. I feel that I am on the edge between getting my life back on track and running it into total chaos. I can't sleep, so I thought that I would write it all down. Any thoughts...maybe advice...would be marvelous.
Indie
Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 23, 2004, at 23:59:22
In reply to Needing some advice., posted by indie on December 23, 2004, at 23:28:16
Hi Indie...I am not BP but do know what it is like to have anxiety. Maybe that is what you could be having right now on the job issue and maybe not but ? The lack of sleep is it from the worry and conflict over the job? Could you be cycling? I think it is very quiet in here tonight. I should be wrapping gifts but wore my self out today. Could you do this job while you find your dream job??? I am also curious and if you don't want to share thats ok but what is your dream job??
Posted by indie on December 24, 2004, at 9:12:00
In reply to Re: Needing some advice. » indie, posted by Fallen4MyT on December 23, 2004, at 23:59:22
> Hi Indie...I am not BP but do know what it is like to have anxiety. Maybe that is what you could be having right now on the job issue and maybe not but ? The lack of sleep is it from the worry and conflict over the job? Could you be cycling? I think it is very quiet in here tonight. I should be wrapping gifts but wore my self out today. Could you do this job while you find your dream job??? I am also curious and if you don't want to share thats ok but what is your dream job??
I think you may be right about cycling...a little too rapid cycling. Of course it's not too bad. At least it's not flinging me from suicidal to totally erratic and compulsive as it can. I'm within the range that I can manage everyday life OK. As for anxiety, I actually think that a new drug my doctor has me on is really helping my anxiety that is almost always present.
I say my dream job. My dream job would actually be as Indiana Jones' assistant :-) or something that would have as much travel and adventure. For the moment however, my doc doesn't want me leaving the country and I feel much safer being near him given all of my recent instability. So, given that I must sit still a bit, I found a job working for a company that builds software for non-profit companies. My job would've been working on-site with with the companies to deploy the software and working a bit on the technology side to customize the product for specific needs. I'm sure it may sound a little mundane, but it is perfect for an environmentalist who loves technology. (My ex calles me a "tree-huggin geek" - a name that I actually find quite endearing) Anyway, neither here nor there. I didn't get it. The boss said that they may have a position coming open in a couple of months and that she felt that I was a very strong candidate and would contact me if it does. YadaYada. I need to avoid getting my hopes up on that.
I suppose I can look for a dream job while I am working...but I do consulting work too so I will end up working 60-70 hours a week. YIKES!! Don't want to completely abandon my friends after they have been so supportive and patient through this depression. Maybe noy sleeping could be a good thing here :-)
OK. Really long answer to a short question. I'll stop babbling now (no pun intended).
Thanks for your note. It makes me feel better knowing that somebody is listening out there.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 26, 2004, at 19:59:27
In reply to Re: Needing some advice., posted by indie on December 24, 2004, at 9:12:00
You're more than welcome and do not give up on dream job..that one may have passed but there are other places that may have a better one more suited for you...The job description cracked me up....Good luck and let us know how it goes it may take a little more time . It sounds like a LOT has happned in a short time.
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