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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on December 18, 2004, at 3:41:48
I managed to distract myself here yesterday. But now I have things I haven't yet done that need to be done by morning, and I can't afford to distract myself anymore.
I don't want to go. That's my daddy that will be where he really shouldn't be. At least there won't be a huge crowd there. Daddy was afraid of crowds. They made him feel panicky and claustrophobic way more than enclosed spaces.
I really really don't want to go.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on December 18, 2004, at 8:08:36
In reply to I'm scared and don't want to go, posted by Dinah on December 18, 2004, at 3:41:48
Dinan,
I'm sorry you're feeling kind of panicky right now. You know though, what you really need to be doing, and I'm sure that you have the strength within you to at least try. I hope that you can find the strength to get the things done that need to be done.
Dee.
Posted by fallsfall on December 18, 2004, at 14:08:37
In reply to I'm scared and don't want to go, posted by Dinah on December 18, 2004, at 3:41:48
(((((Dinah)))))), sweetie.
Lots of the things we think we *must* do, are truly optional. Don't freak out about the things that "should" be done. Feed yourself and your son (hubby can worry about himself). Feed your dogs and make sure they have water. That's about it for the musts.
Here are things that (in my opinion) you should NOT do: iron clothes, clean your house (including bathrooms), worry about your son's haircut, "entertain" people, worry about anything having to do with work (and certainly don't DO any work today!!), care what anyone thinks about you or how you are grieving, expect to agree with your mother.
Now, that leaves a couple of things in the optional category: Take a bath, be pleasant and sociable, make any commitments (social or otherwise) for the future, smile, cry, wear "appropriate" clothes, take a break if you need one.
You probably do have to do your best to go - but if your best means that you *can't* go, then you do have to forgive yourself.
And one more must - you *must* let us know how you are doing.
As someone said earlier "Daddies aren't supposed to die".
((((((((((Dinah))))))))))
Posted by 64bowtie on December 18, 2004, at 16:52:52
In reply to I'm scared and don't want to go, posted by Dinah on December 18, 2004, at 3:41:48
Posted by Poet on December 18, 2004, at 18:07:26
In reply to Re: I'm scared and don't want to go » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on December 18, 2004, at 14:08:37
Dinah,
Fallsfalls said everything that I wish I could have thought of.
Please let us know how you are doing.
Poet
Posted by Poet on December 18, 2004, at 18:16:05
In reply to Re: I'm scared and don't want to go » fallsfall, posted by Poet on December 18, 2004, at 18:07:26
Posted by starrc68 on December 18, 2004, at 18:17:59
In reply to I'm scared and don't want to go, posted by Dinah on December 18, 2004, at 3:41:48
my heart goes out to ya hun, anytime let me know ill try to be here for ya.
candy
Posted by Emme on December 18, 2004, at 19:36:07
In reply to I'm scared and don't want to go, posted by Dinah on December 18, 2004, at 3:41:48
Dinah,
I'm so sorry about your father's death. Please accept my condolences. It's late now and I hope that the worst of this day is over. You'll be in my thoughts.
(((Dinah)))
emme
Posted by Dinah on December 18, 2004, at 20:59:35
In reply to Re: I'm scared and don't want to go » Dinah, posted by Emme on December 18, 2004, at 19:36:07
Where I'm relatively sure Dr. Bob would have directed this anyway. Here's a link
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040811/msgs/431436.html
I think I'm going to go sleep a bit more.
Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2004, at 10:40:38
In reply to Re: I'm scared and don't want to go, posted by deirdrehbrt on December 18, 2004, at 8:08:36
Dee, I did want to tell you how much your post helped. I didn't have time to post, but I did read your post before I went to the funeral. And your concentrating on trying rather than succeeding was a big help.
It tends to upset me when the assumption is that I can succeed. I had quite a tussle with my therapist before he understood that I didn't want reassurance that I would make it through with appropriate behavior, that what I wanted was reassurance that if I tried but failed, it wouldn't be so terrible.
I just really appreciated what you said. Thank you.
This is the end of the thread.
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