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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Dinah on January 17, 2003, at 19:51:50
In reply to Re: SI and suicidal ideation and me, posted by Dinah on January 17, 2003, at 19:48:19
Posted by judy1 on January 18, 2003, at 11:37:18
In reply to Re: SI and suicidal ideation and me, posted by Dinah on January 17, 2003, at 19:48:19
I just wanted to say how sorry I was (I just read the thread you were referring too), I would have been incredibly hurt if someone posted about me. I think you reacted in a strong and healthy way, I am really impressed. Do you have any idea why you're having such a hard time now (and I apologize if you've already said why, I'm not very good about reading all the posts). Is it the time of year- holidays? winter? You mentioned the cortisol testing on PB, does your dr. suspect hormonal or thyroid problems? Just wondering, you don't have to answer- I just hate to see you having such a difficult time. take care- judy
Posted by Dinah on January 18, 2003, at 20:36:46
In reply to Re: SI and suicidal ideation and me » Dinah, posted by judy1 on January 18, 2003, at 11:37:18
Hi Judy,
Thank you. I do see an improvement in that area myself, and my therapist was proud of me.
I asked about the cortisol because I guess I always hope there's some answer out there, and I was curious to see if that was a possibility. But it doesn't look all that promising, unfortunately.
I am pretty sure I'm stressed from a combination of work, my brother being called up for duty, the obligation to care for my aging parents since my brother currently lives with them, and those darn cyclothymia swings. They all kind of converged this time.
But I've been goofing off today, and I'm feeling much better. Sometimes a lousy memory can be a blessing. :)
How about you? Have you gone back to therapy, or is your therapist still out of town?
Posted by judy1 on January 19, 2003, at 15:52:13
In reply to Re: SI and suicidal ideation and me » judy1, posted by Dinah on January 18, 2003, at 20:36:46
It does sound like you have a lot of stresses on your plate- I'm glad you took some time for you and it helped you feel better. I actually just made an appt. with my pdoc this coming week (he does therapy too) and will probably see my therapist soon- both New Years resolutions. take care, judy
Posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:37:41
In reply to Re: Thanks everyone..., posted by Dinah on January 16, 2003, at 12:35:21
No one here. Panic attack. Pls respond who has experience with sky-high anxiety in response to boyfriend slam door behind him, broken heart, fear, sad, angry, burden on those few left that you love, alone or feeling extremely lonely, PTSD, BpersonD w/o severe psychotic symptoms, daggers of invalidation, inability to learn, consider finished work on earth, too ill now, raised them well to be wise young adults. No crisis lines opens, all busy. Panicking!!!! No med to help. No $ for hospital. Plan, tools, place. Those that identify, show me you are out there please...it's dark here. Corafree
Posted by Larry Hoover on October 17, 2004, at 10:14:14
In reply to Urge Plan Tools Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:37:41
> No one here. Panic attack. Pls respond who has experience with sky-high anxiety in response to boyfriend slam door behind him, broken heart, fear, sad, angry, burden on those few left that you love, alone or feeling extremely lonely, PTSD, BpersonD w/o severe psychotic symptoms, daggers of invalidation, inability to learn, consider finished work on earth, too ill now, raised them well to be wise young adults. No crisis lines opens, all busy. Panicking!!!! No med to help. No $ for hospital. Plan, tools, place. Those that identify, show me you are out there please...it's dark here. Corafree
>
>I've babblemailed you. Please answer.
Lar
Posted by corafree on October 18, 2004, at 18:48:30
In reply to Re: Urge Plan Tools Suicide » corafree, posted by Larry Hoover on October 17, 2004, at 10:14:14
Lar, I'm sorry but I deleted your babble because I was afraid, didn't know your name. I'll see if it is still in my deleted files. Do you have a problem w/ suicidal ideation (seems like I go 3 to sometimes 4 months w/o), as I do? cf
> > No one here. Panic attack. Pls respond who has experience with sky-high anxiety in response to boyfriend slam door behind him, broken heart, fear, sad, angry, burden on those few left that you love, alone or feeling extremely lonely, PTSD, BpersonD w/o severe psychotic symptoms, daggers of invalidation, inability to learn, consider finished work on earth, too ill now, raised them well to be wise young adults. No crisis lines opens, all busy. Panicking!!!! No med to help. No $ for hospital. Plan, tools, place. Those that identify, show me you are out there please...it's dark here. Corafree
> >
> >
>
> I've babblemailed you. Please answer.
>
> Lar
Posted by Larry Hoover on October 18, 2004, at 19:31:44
In reply to Re: Urge Plan Tools Suicide » Larry Hoover, posted by corafree on October 18, 2004, at 18:48:30
> Lar, I'm sorry but I deleted your babble because I was afraid, didn't know your name. I'll see if it is still in my deleted files. Do you have a problem w/ suicidal ideation (seems like I go 3 to sometimes 4 months w/o), as I do? cf
That's okay, though babblemail is about as safe as anything could be.
I do get suicidal, ya, but I was just trying to reach out, once I saw your message. I bet you I could do better than one of those hotline people.
Lar
Posted by rayww on October 19, 2004, at 1:23:10
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:43:36
raised them well to be wise young adults.
You did good then. I read somewhere today that every person has a gift. Every single person. Your gift can pull you through if you let it. I think you know what it is.
Posted by corafree on October 19, 2004, at 1:23:11
In reply to Re: Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by rayww on October 17, 2004, at 0:03:49
But it was my life's dream that I would be their rock. I have given, but still want to give to them.
My daughter just had a baby and because I am 'undependable', some days good, some days bad, when I offered to come to her place and care for the baby when she first begins work, she didn't like the idea.
But, but, but ... always some reason for me. Even reading my own writing, I see myself a person who has given up. And there again, so unlike me.
Things have hurt too much. There is so much fear where my heart is. As for love, there is so much in me that it brings tears to my eyes. I've loved everyone who has loved me and been hurt very very badly and laughed 'til the cows come home. I don't know how to spell know.
Am I getting this here?
thank you cf
> raised them well to be wise young adults.
>
> You did good then. I read somewhere today that every person has a gift. Every single person. Your gift can pull you through if you let it. I think you know what it is.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2004, at 1:23:11
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:43:36
Hi there, it sounds like you are having a hard time of things at the moment. Do you have a clinician that you can talk to - a T or something?
I know that sometimes things can seem hard and that there seems to be little hope that things will improve. I know that when I am in that place the absolute last thing that I want to hear is 'things will get better' as it invalidates my distress. But it is true.
Sometimes all we can do it try to take simple pleasures in the moment, like pets, baths, walks, etc.
I do hope that you hang in there and that things get better for you soon.
You are in my thoughts.
a_k9
Posted by nicolas on October 19, 2004, at 1:23:12
In reply to Re: Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by alexandra_k on October 17, 2004, at 18:52:14
If you are still feeling suicidal please check yourself into a hospital.
I can't know exactly how you are feeling but I have experienced despair. I have rebuilt my life slowly this last year. Right now, if you are still in crisis, you need to get yourself to a safe place ... given time your agitation will pass and then from there it will be one day at a time. But please, if you are still making plans you need to get in a safe place now.
Posted by rayww on October 19, 2004, at 1:23:12
In reply to Re: Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide » rayww, posted by corafree on October 17, 2004, at 18:28:38
You have the gift of love, and because you love so much, you also feel deep pain. God loves too, and understands your pain. Lean on Him, not just in your trials, but also in your love. I know God lives, and I know He loves each one of us.
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 19, 2004, at 1:27:01
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:48:11
My god...we are here.
I can hear your panic and hope that my little voice can reach you.go to a place in your environment where you feel safe.
Okay, take a deep breath and try to relax your body.
Start with your feet and tell them to let go of all the tension stored in them...let go and breath. then go up to your ankles and do the same. Each time inhaling and picturing yourself letting go of the tension. Go through your body till you get to the top of your head. Pay attention to your face and relax the muscles in your jaw, around your eyes....Okay once you are into being more relaxed.
just breath and know we are here.This helps me with panic, fear and desperation.
In my personal experience....when hard things happen I need to wait a while to make any decisions...things have a way of changing given enough time.I too have been on that edge.
Please keep reminding yourself that you really don't have to do anything right now.
What's the rush?
Pain is hard to go through but sometimes we just have to let it wash over us and then let it move on.
It does leave...
remember that.
keep breathing into the pain...
just feel it and let it go.Please keep talking and posting.
My thoughts are with you today.
Jai
Posted by corafree on October 19, 2004, at 1:27:08
In reply to Re: Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by Jai Narayan on October 17, 2004, at 9:48:07
Tks for the session Nai. For me, being such an extremist, I think I've always tried to inhale too much air. It's better I breathe in a small amount slowly and calmly, yep, works much better,..printing this.
> My god...we are here.
> I can hear your panic and hope that my little voice can reach you.
>
> go to a place in your environment where you feel safe.
> Okay, take a deep breath and try to relax your body.
> Start with your feet and tell them to let go of all the tension stored in them...let go and breath. then go up to your ankles and do the same. Each time inhaling and picturing yourself letting go of the tension. Go through your body till you get to the top of your head. Pay attention to your face and relax the muscles in your jaw, around your eyes....
>
> Okay once you are into being more relaxed.
> just breath and know we are here.
>
> This helps me with panic, fear and desperation.
>
>
> In my personal experience....when hard things happen I need to wait a while to make any decisions...things have a way of changing given enough time.
>
> I too have been on that edge.
>
> Please keep reminding yourself that you really don't have to do anything right now.
> What's the rush?
> Pain is hard to go through but sometimes we just have to let it wash over us and then let it move on.
> It does leave...
> remember that.
> keep breathing into the pain...
> just feel it and let it go.
>
> Please keep talking and posting.
> My thoughts are with you today.
> Jai
>
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 19, 2004, at 1:27:10
In reply to Re: Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide » Jai Narayan, posted by corafree on October 18, 2004, at 18:43:48
Dear Sweet Corafree,
I am so glad you are breathing.
Sorry if my message is...
My heart is in the right place.
I do care.
Jai
Posted by daisym on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:29
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:41:40
Cora,
Take it 15 minutes at a time. During those minutes, breath deeply and slowly. Try to empty your mind of these negative emotions, go to a safe calm place in your mind.
Breathe in. Breath out.
Breath in. Breath out.
You do not know that your work is finished, how can any of us know that? Maybe your purpose is to distract me from my own pain tonight...to make me reach out and acknowledge that someone still needs me.Are you still breathing in and out?
I'm going to send this now. Watch for the next one.
DaisyLet me know you are reading, if you can.
Posted by daisym on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:30
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:41:40
More...
I have lots of experience with anger being thrown at me. And it sets me off too. You have to learn, like I do, to shield your core vulnerable self from the verbal darts being hurled your way. We can't let our selfworth go up and down based on someone else's mood. I'm telling myself as much as I'm telling you.
I wanted to also say that money doesn't matter at all if you aren't here. You should call 911 on yourself when you feel this way. Hospitals have programs for people without insurance or the means to pay. There ARE people to help you.
In the meantime, keep breathing and trying to find your center. I know you feel all alone in the dark, but you aren't. There are many sad souls with you tonight, each feeling what you are feeling. You just have to make up your mind to keep trying.
Take it 15 minutes at a time. You can do this. Call for help if you really think you can't.
I'm saying a prayer for you. I hope you feel it.
Daisy
Posted by shortelise on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:30
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:41:40
Hey Cora,
Are you there
Posted by shortelise on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:31
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:41:40
I hope you are ok. I am going to sleep now as you are not responding. Take care.
ShortE
Posted by Aphrodite on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:31
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:41:40
Cora, It's Sunday morning. Are you there? I hope things look differently in the light. I've been where you are, and it's so painful, but it doesn't last. You don't want your life to end; you want the misery to end, but you're overwhelmed right now.
I hope you're not responding because you've gone to the hospital or at least to friends or family. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.
Posted by fallsfall on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:32
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:41:40
Corafree,
I'm sorry I wasn't around last night. Daisy had wise words for you.
The hospital will help you even if you have no money and no insurance. It sounds like you really needed help last night. I hope that you found it.
Please let us know how you are doing today.
Posted by shrinking violet on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:34
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:41:40
Oh Cora, I'm so sorry I wasn't here. I hope you're all right, and that you received the help you needed. Let us know.
Posted by Poet on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:35
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:41:40
Cora,
I'm so sorry that you were all alone in that dark place. I'm sorry that I wasn't on line to help you, but Daisy's advice was wonderful. I hope you followed it.
Please let us know that you are okay. Many of us have been in that cold dark place, I know I have. We care about you.
(((((((Cora))))))))
Poet
Posted by corafree on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:36
In reply to Re: Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide » corafree, posted by daisym on October 17, 2004, at 0:40:18
Yes reading, trying to calm myself, but distracted by my heart racing...anxiety like a demon choking me so breathing difficult to control. Whoa, and the panic has settled inside me like it's right at home. I will try to think positively and go slowly. I see more posts below and sorry if not replying quickly, but this is kind of difficult. I'll be back. THANK YOU cf
> Cora,
>
> Take it 15 minutes at a time. During those minutes, breath deeply and slowly. Try to empty your mind of these negative emotions, go to a safe calm place in your mind.
>
> Breathe in. Breath out.
>
> Breath in. Breath out.
>
>
> You do not know that your work is finished, how can any of us know that? Maybe your purpose is to distract me from my own pain tonight...to make me reach out and acknowledge that someone still needs me.
>
> Are you still breathing in and out?
>
> I'm going to send this now. Watch for the next one.
> Daisy
>
> Let me know you are reading, if you can.
>
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