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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Arrianna on October 11, 2003, at 15:38:56
To everyone here at "social" babble:
I have not visited this board for awhile until yesterday. Wowzers!! Forgive me if I'm sticking my nose where it doesn't belong, however, the recent events stirred some heavy emotions in me.
I'm shocked, disappointed, and ultimately sad that this wonderful support system here has been interrupted and thus, distracted from it's real purpose. I also feel deceived that I was mislead and "hooked" by a false persona.
To all those here: I feel your pain and sadness. I am upset that this has forced some of you to be driven away. Though, I understand the need to take a break and detach from this clear insanity!! I just hope you'll find other healthy resources to "replace" the board.
On the other hand, (still upset), I would like to propose another action to be taken. Instead of allowing the "grandiosity and insincerity" of one person ((no harm intended)) to win our power, how about we take our power back and continue to "unite". I just feel it's wrong that the one's who've meant no harm have to be punished. Why should they have to disappear from here, while the other one lives on. So, I propose, you all come back strong and united: take your power back. You deserve to be here!!!!!!! We need you - the newcomers need you.
((This has brought up my thoughts and feelings regarding amends and forgiveness, so what is to follow is only a generalization and not meant to point fingers; well actually (lol), maybe it is meant to hint at it))
So, on to the topic of amends then. It was my understanding that the best way to make amends was by sincerely changing your behavior to repair the damage done so as to not repeat it. Thus, to consider and respect the feelings of those harmed.(Just a personal account as an example): in my younger and immature days, I thought a "sorry" was enough. Yet, my sorry's were only a manipulative way to be let of the hook and to release my own guilt. I would say anything and everything that I thought others wanted and needed to hear "so that I'd be forgiven". But, through much experience and reflection, I see that this was just a manipulative tactic and selfish on my part. I really didn't care how others felt - I just wanted to be let off the hook. When my selfish ploy didn't work, I would get angry and defensive because it was ALL ABOUT ME. That would just put fuel my already immature attitue.
Okay, enough about that. Clearly, one is not sincerely sorry and genuinely trying to make amends when one has asked for suggestions and thoughts of others, only to ignore them when it's not what they want!! They go on to disrespect others feelings and wishes and turn it around to make it seem it's the others fault. Then, if that does or doesn't work, they go on to act like nothing happened. It's immature and arrogant!!
If one was genuinely concerned of the other's pain and sincerely wanted to repair a relationship, they would show respect and sincerity by stepping back and giving them time to heal - not try to force it.
Healing takes time - forgiveness takes time - rebuilding trust takes time. We all know that, but do we practice that and respect the process??
Just my thoughts. I really felt a need to put a voice to my feelings concerning this - couldn't sit back and do nothing any longer.
It may have also opened up an opportunity for discussion regarding amends and forgiveness (in general). Maybe by taking something negative and turning it into something positive "for us", it could be a healthy thing. Then again, maybe I should have just left this alone. I hope I haven't stirred up any more emotions or gotten in the way of anybody's "letting go or detachment" process. If so, I apologize.
I just really needed to put my two cents in, or "two dollars" judging by the healthy length of this post. I've never been good by expressing myself in few words. Oh well.
Thanks to all who have taken the time to read this entirely. Again, I'm sorry about the recent breakdown of the board - it has really disturbed me. Yet, I believe that by coming together, supporting one another, and going through this together, we can return to it's real purpose!!
Please add your comments or suggestions. In the meantime, take care of yourselves and wish you all healing and happiness.
Arrianna
P.S. I'd like to request that only "serious inquiries" need reply. "Thanks for your cooperation." (clearing my throat now)
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 12, 2003, at 4:00:36
In reply to My Sympathies...False/Sincere Amends...Disturbed, posted by Arrianna on October 11, 2003, at 15:38:56
> the recent events stirred some heavy emotions in me.
>
> the "grandiosity and insincerity" of one person ((no harm intended))
>
> ((what is to follow is only a generalization and not meant to point fingers; well actually (lol), maybe it is meant to hint at it))Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused. Even if you're stirred up and intend no harm. Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Arrianna on October 12, 2003, at 15:24:30
In reply to Re: please be civil » Arrianna, posted by Dr. Bob on October 12, 2003, at 4:00:36
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 13, 2003, at 3:51:09
In reply to I apologize (nm) » Dr. Bob, posted by Arrianna on October 12, 2003, at 15:24:30
This is the end of the thread.
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