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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Penny on July 4, 2003, at 20:34:20
I know many of you are there with me.
I was feeling better this morning, after sleeping virtually all day yesterday, but now I'm really crashing. Took a nap this afternoon, which turned into a 3 hour affair, and when I woke up my mood had taken a downturn. I had thought about going to see fireworks tonight but just can't make myself, and, honestly, I think I'm punishing myself in a way by not going - it's like the game "How much worse can I make myself feel???"
Money issues really have me bummed out right now. Rent's due by tomorrow and, while I have the money, there won't be much left over, which would be fine except that the new fiscal year started which brings a new deductible with my insurance, which is $350 and could be worse, but I just don't have a spare $350 lying around. Much of it is due to poor planning, and I have gotten myself into a financial mess and I feel like I've ruined my life even though I'm only 26. Like there is no way out of this except one, and I think you all know what I mean. I know that's crazy - to think of ending one's life due to financial stresses, but I can't bear the thought of having a check bounce or not having money enough to do the things I need to do.
Even with a full-time job making more money than I have in the past, the rent is killing me. I should have known that before I moved in here, and I guess I did, but it's just one of many stupid stupid decisions I have made over the past several years. And now I'm stuck. And I truly don't know what to do.
I've applied for a part-time job, but honestly don't have the energy right now to have a second job - hell, I don't have the energy to have a first job! It's all I can do to make myself get up and go to work during the week, then I spend the week feeling guilty for not wanting to be there and feeling guilty for not doing a good job and feeling worried that if I don't change things soon, I'm going to lose my job and then what??? At the same time, I feel like what's the point in having that job if it doesn't even pay the bills?
If I didn't have therapy and doctor bills, and meds to buy, I wouldn't be in the tough financial position I'm in, or it wouldn't be as bad, should I say. So, one more thing to be angry at myself about.
It's a vicious circle.
Posted by ruby on July 4, 2003, at 21:07:36
In reply to Spiraling into the Pit of Despair, posted by Penny on July 4, 2003, at 20:34:20
it sure does seem like things pile up on us every once in awhile..i wonder why it happens like that. i can identify with what you are writing and experiencing...i've sure been there and so i know how oppressive it can feel.
please hang in there and take care of yourself the best way you know how right now. you are in my thoughts, hoping things starting spiraling upwards and out of the pit soon, soon.
Posted by Dinah on July 4, 2003, at 21:27:06
In reply to Spiraling into the Pit of Despair, posted by Penny on July 4, 2003, at 20:34:20
I'm so sorry Penny. I've tried to think of something to say, but it's a bit close to the bone for me. I've been thinking similar thoughts myself, even though I know they aren't logical.
I hope your appointment with the substitute therapist is able to help some. And I have this theory that holidays and the resulting change of routine isn't necessarily good. On the other hand, I've been in space for two weeks. No idea what day it is or where to put myself in time and space. So maybe my theory isn't worth the server space it's written on.
Posted by noa on July 4, 2003, at 22:03:50
In reply to Re: Spiraling into the Pit of Despair » Penny, posted by Dinah on July 4, 2003, at 21:27:06
I know. Money problems can be so anxiety provoking and depressing. Chronic stress, really.
I'm in a better place financially, now, but for many years I was a financial mess. I was in so much debt because I couldn't make ends meet so I allowed myself to be lured by credit cards. And those debts just grew and grew out of control. I stopped opening the mail (unfortunately, I still seem to hold on to this habit!).
Finally, about 6 years ago, I went to the local non-profit consumer credit counseling services and that really helped. I had to make some decisions to cut costs--like moving to a lower rent apt.--and then they arranged the repayment schedules with the credit companies, many with lower or no interest, although some did not accommodate at all. The payments were taken directly by automatic debit every month. It was a 6 year plan to pay everything off. It meant really scrimping, but because I had the program, I felt supported and structured enough to do it. As it happens, a couple of years ago, I got some money in a legal settlement, so I was able to pay it all off earlier than expected, but it would have been paid off by this year anyway.
I felt so hopeless before that but having that repayment plan gave me hope.
I know how awful financial stress can be. Is there anyone who can help get it under control?
I didn't get a handle on it until I was 40--I strongly recommend getting help soon while you are much younger than I was.
Posted by noa on July 4, 2003, at 22:05:38
In reply to Spiraling into the Pit of Despair, posted by Penny on July 4, 2003, at 20:34:20
BTW, would your therapist consider sliding the fee for you until your finances are in a better place?
Hang in there. It can get better. Really. I didn't believe any of it could get better--the money problems, the depression, none of it--but it did. Hang in there.
Posted by Penny on July 4, 2003, at 22:36:51
In reply to Re: Spiraling into the Pit of Despair, posted by noa on July 4, 2003, at 22:03:50
Yeah, I went to the local credit counseling service at the women's center here. Took my budget and my debts and they told me I should seriously consider bankruptcy. The credit cards got completely out of control.
I went and talked to a bankruptcy attorney and she's been very helpful. Said that because I have no real property (financing my car, which would be the only property worth anything if I owned it outright), what I do have is exempt and I don't have to do anything. Of course, my credit is shot to hell, but bankruptcy is not necessary. I paid her $100 to start talking to my creditors for me so they don't call me or send me anything anymore, which lessens the stress. I have finally been sued by one of the creditors, and she said when they get a judgment against me, I should bring my paperwork I receive to her to fill it out, to ensure all my property is exempted. She'll charge me $50.
The problem is, I was paying all of my bills and doing fine while I was in Charlotte - but I didn't have rent or utilities to pay as I was a live-in nanny and took care of the kids in exchange for rent/utilities. The only thing I had to pay was phone and internet and then my normal living expenses and other bills. Then, last June 30, my job ended and my plan was to move back to chapel hill to go back to school, which I did in August, but after doing a little freelance work in July which was helpful, and after a nice bonus from the family I nannied for, I moved back to CH with no job. It took forever to get unemployment filed, and even then, due to all kinds of circumstances, I only ended up getting $500 before I started my current job on Oct. 15.
I was living with my roommate after moving back to CH, and she didn't charge me rent, but I tried to help out. I also started school, was still going to therapy, was still on meds and paying for COBRA, which was outrageously expensive, had gotten my car payments deferred for a couple of months, thank goodness, had gotten my student loan payments deferred thanks to school, but the money I had didn't last long. Fortunately I found a job as quickly as I did, and I thought the salary would be adequate, but it's not. After my rent and utilities, car payment, car insurance, cell phone (which I suppose I could get rid of, though it's the only phone I use), therapy, doctor and meds, there's nothing left. That doesn't even figure in food, clothing, gas and other necessities, and it certainly doesn't figure in credit card payments.
I feel like there's no way out. I know that if I can just get through nursing school I'll be making more money, and if I go to duke, they'll pay back my tuition loans for me, but I'll also have to have enough money to live on for the 16 months I'm in school, and with ruined credit, I just don't see it happening. So I don't know how I'm ever going to make it through school, and, if I don't, not only will I remain financially unstable, but I'll remain emotionally unstable, I feel like, because I'm quite unhappy sitting behind a computer screen all day long.
Posted by Penny on July 4, 2003, at 22:38:58
In reply to Re: Spiraling into the Pit of Despair » Penny, posted by noa on July 4, 2003, at 22:05:38
Haven't asked my therapist, but my pdoc is charging me on a sliding scale, which I'm so thankful for. I hesistate to bring it up with her, though I guess I could. It's hard for me to say things like that. I was just talking to my pdoc about my financial situation and he said, "Well, until you get on your feet, I'll just charge you a nominal fee and write off the rest of what you would pay me." He gets a good amount from insurance, fortunately.
Posted by zenhussy on July 5, 2003, at 0:34:52
In reply to Re: Spiraling into the Pit of Despair » noa, posted by Penny on July 4, 2003, at 22:38:58
> Haven't asked my therapist, but my pdoc is charging me on a sliding scale, which I'm so thankful for. I hesistate to bring it up with her, though I guess I could. It's hard for me to say things like that. I was just talking to my pdoc about my financial situation and he said, "Well, until you get on your feet, I'll just charge you a nominal fee and write off the rest of what you would pay me." He gets a good amount from insurance, fortunately.
Penny,
My finances still are a wreck but when they were even worse a while back I deferred all payments to both pdoc and therapist (both now former as I have moved on to other people who 'fit' me better now) and went several months without paying either. I didn't have insurance and was in quite the financial pickle.
As ma has always said " the answer is no unless you ask". Well it took tremendous courage to ask both pdoc and therapist if I could stop paying them so that I could afford rent and food and both were more than happy to suspend payments for a few months. It relieved some financial woes for a bit and helped me stabilize for a bit.
Hang tough cookie.
zenhussy
Posted by Penny on July 5, 2003, at 11:11:55
In reply to Re: Spiraling into the Pit of Despair » Penny, posted by zenhussy on July 5, 2003, at 0:34:52
Very true. My last therapist offered to let me pay her when I could after my job ended, which I was most thankful for.
I'm sure if I talked to my current therapist about my situation, she would work with me as well. It's just a matter of asking.
Why do I feel like I should be able to handle all of this on my own???
Posted by yesac on July 6, 2003, at 22:32:06
In reply to Spiraling into the Pit of Despair, posted by Penny on July 4, 2003, at 20:34:20
> I know many of you are there with me.
Yes I certainly am!
>"How much worse can I make myself feel???"
I really wonder sometimes if that's what I am doing. I feel like "I could snap out of this if I really wanted to" but yet I don't. Maybe it's true, or maybe I'm just being hard on myself.
I know exactly what you mean about finances. I am doing okay, but I sure feel like I don't have "extra money". It stresses me out all the time. And with the new deductible now. I feel like if only I didn't have my mental health treatment (therapy, meds, psychiatrist) then I would probably be okay. But no. I have to pay hundreds of dollars a month for that that most people don't have to pay.
Anyways, I hope you've felt a little better the past couple days.
Posted by Penny on July 7, 2003, at 13:26:59
In reply to Re: Spiraling into the Pit of Despair » Penny, posted by yesac on July 6, 2003, at 22:32:06
Feeling a *little* better right now, after a chocolate bar, but will probably crash soon I suspect.
Hope you are hangin' in there. When are you back in CH?
Take care.
Penny
This is the end of the thread.
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