![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tina on July 3, 2003, at 21:18:50
I have no friends. I count on my internet "connections" to help me through the days but lately I've been feeling so alone. I don't get replies to my emails. I don't blame them. I hope they are out having fun and enjoying life. I just feel abandoned, like I've done something wrong. I have work but my co-workers aren't friends. I can't talk to them about 'stuff' I can only be cheerful and fun around them or I'm afraid they won't like me or label me the whiner. It's so hard being so dependent on strangers or people who live so far away that I only see in black and white on a computer screen. Why don't I have any friends here, where I live? I can't stand the aloneness. Husband gone, he was my friend, not just my husband and now we can't even be in the same square mile together. For 17 years we have been eachother's best friends to the exclusion of everyone else. He, however, has friends to lean on. He has my own brother among others. I'm alone. I'll always be alone.
somebody please talk to me. Remind me that I am still alive and that I matter.
Posted by mair on July 3, 2003, at 21:49:41
In reply to somebody please talk to me, posted by tina on July 3, 2003, at 21:18:50
Tina - god there's just so much sadness on this Board tonight. My internet relationships are important to me too. You can't control how much those contacts are there for you - I understand that frustration, and i've worried alot about my inability to draw support from non-cyber friends.
As much as i might hold up "real" friendship as an ideal, I doubt very much I could share the depth of my despair with non-cyber friends. At least people here talk the same language, and my non-cyber friends are all pretty much wrapped up with their own lives.
Are there things you enjoy doing outside of work? Finding others who share those interests may help you feel less alone and may demonstrate for you that there are lots of women in your boat.
When I'm depressed, it's hard to think about taking on a single new activity. However if I force myself to get involved in something, I usually find myself obsessing a little less about my own circumstances.
(((( ))))
Mair
Posted by Emme on July 3, 2003, at 22:24:40
In reply to somebody please talk to me, posted by tina on July 3, 2003, at 21:18:50
Tina, I'm so sorry you are feeling alone and abandoned. That is one of the worst things - feelings of isolation. I can't imagine you've done anything wrong. The people you e-mail to who don't respond may be thinking about you very much but don't get around responding for one reason or another. It doesn't mean you haven't touched their lives or that they don't care.
The internet connections here are real - the people here are real. I see how much everyone on this board helps each other, and you *do* make a contribution here.
It does sound like you need some more "live" human contact now that your husband is out of the picture. As a first crack, are there any support groups near you that you'd like to join? Is there any one person at work you think is worth trying to cultivate a deeper friendship with? Do you like yoga....? Some sort of class like that would serve dual purpose of being healthy and surrounding you with other cool people. Just a few randmon thoughts.
I know it feels to you like you will always be alone. I awake many mornings feeling that way and it sure does feel real. But we have to keep reminding ourselves that it isn't necessarily going to be that way. Because I know of more than a few people who's lives turned around when they least expected it.
Hang on tight, keep posting and let us know how you're doing. You are most certainly alive and you certainly matter.
Emme
Posted by Dinah on July 3, 2003, at 22:25:36
In reply to somebody please talk to me, posted by tina on July 3, 2003, at 21:18:50
Hi Tina,
I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated right now. I sometimes worry about my lack of non-cyber friends. But I find my cyber friendships very fulfilling.
You aren't alone. We're all here with you. It seems as if everyone here is going through a downturn right now, but at least we're all here together to commiserate.
I hadn't realized that about your husband. It's got to be extra hard to lose your best friend as well as your mate. :(
Boy, where is my magic wand when I need it. When I was little I used to think if I just believed hard enough in magic that I could make it. Maybe I need that belief back.
Agh, I'm rambling. But my thoughts are with you.
Posted by tina on July 3, 2003, at 23:07:31
In reply to Re: somebody please talk to me » tina, posted by Dinah on July 3, 2003, at 22:25:36
thank you all very much. All of your suggestions are right and I should take them. I'm just so out of practice in social situations. I haven't had a real-life friend since my husband and i got together. It's been 17 years. I don't even know how or where to look, you know? I don't know how to talk to people. I always feel so stupid, one step behind everyone else.
thanks again for replying. I needed it so badly.
my love to all of you and hope for peaceful days ahead
T
Posted by Tabitha on July 3, 2003, at 23:12:53
In reply to somebody please talk to me, posted by tina on July 3, 2003, at 21:18:50
I'm sorry tina. I have a lot of the same feelings about just not having enough real-life support. It's awful. It's hard to validate yourself and remember you're lovable when nobody is there, isn't it? But you are alive, you do matter, and you deserve love and support from real-life people as well as cyber people.
Maybe it is time to look for real-life support groups if that appeals to you at all. I found that to be really a help during the most desperate times.
Hugs
Posted by zenhussy on July 3, 2003, at 23:20:26
In reply to Re: somebody please talk to me Mair Emme Dinah, posted by tina on July 3, 2003, at 23:07:31
> thank you all very much. All of your suggestions are right and I should take them. I'm just so out of practice in social situations. I haven't had a real-life friend since my husband and i got together. It's been 17 years. I don't even know how or where to look, you know? I don't know how to talk to people. I always feel so stupid, one step behind everyone else.
> thanks again for replying. I needed it so badly.
> my love to all of you and hope for peaceful days ahead
> T
>You are reaching out and that is more than most ever do. I'm glad you're not in the space you were in last December if I recall correctly (and med wise my recollection is shot to shi****).
7 months, 7 years, 17 years it doesn't matter. You have within you the ability to figure out the days ahead. Just one baby step at a time (that damn Bill Murray movie--What About Bob?).
As someone who spends a lot of time on the ol' emotional roller coaster I have faith that you will emerge from this stronger, better, faster....wait, that's the bionic woman beginning! ; )
Late night humour.
Hope your Canada Day was good. Twas my first up here and I had a nice one. I'll miss the warmongering back home (on the 4th with all that damn patriotic bushieisms--love my country, love my flag but fear my government) but am glad to be up in a province that is full of the kindest of Canadians.
Take care and as you can read you are well loved by many here.
zenhussy
Posted by Snoozy on July 3, 2003, at 23:39:05
In reply to somebody please talk to me, posted by tina on July 3, 2003, at 21:18:50
Hi Tina -
I'm sorry you're feeling so alone. I know this isn't an answer for everything, but have you thought about having an animal companion? You're never alone, and they don't judge you, just love you unconditionally. And you have someone waiting for you when you get home from work :)
I hope you feel better - you are alive and you do matter!
Posted by Ron Hill on July 4, 2003, at 0:34:35
In reply to somebody please talk to me, posted by tina on July 3, 2003, at 21:18:50
Tina,
I like it that you are opinionated.
I like your passion for your beliefs.
I like it that you shoot straight and say it the way you see it.
I like your openness and your willingness to make yourself vulnerable.
I like your honesty.
I like it that you take ownership for your behavior and actively seek solutions for any such issues (e.g.; irritable mood states).
And my list would be longer if I knew you better.
-- Ron
Posted by zenhussy on July 4, 2003, at 0:42:53
In reply to Re: Some things I like about Tina » tina, posted by Ron Hill on July 4, 2003, at 0:34:35
How very thoughtful and kind Ron. I tried to get to bed but am up again and saw this lovely post you put here.
Very sweet.
If I hadn't self medicated with the entire bottle of vino again tonight I might be able to compile a list myself but for now hope that your list will give Tina a needed boost.
zh
Posted by Greg on July 4, 2003, at 4:00:38
In reply to somebody please talk to me, posted by tina on July 3, 2003, at 21:18:50
Boops,
I've known you at your best, and at your worst. And as my son would say, you are very cool for a girl :) With all the times we've talked on the phone, and it having been so easy right from the very first time, I can't imagine anyone NOT wanting to be your friend. You're so open and outgoing, very easy to talk to, and an incredible sense of humor (you have to have one of those with me, eh?)
You gotta remember that walking in new territory now. You'll be doing a lot of things that you've never done before or never had to. Some of these things are going to be pretty scary at first, but you'll get by. If you've got someone at work or living in your neighborhood that you get along with, maybe could casually tell them that you're going to go to a movie and ask if they'd like to come along. That would be a good way to start developing some friendships. Some of the others have suggested getting involved in a group. The group dynamic is excellent for developing a person's social skills, provided you actively communicate while you're there.
I think I understand some of what you're feeling Tina. It really sucks being alone and not having any friends to talk to. I went thru that when my first wife and I got divorced. I was so lonely for the first six months that I just wanted to die. But then I started to make new friends, and more importantly for me, I started enjoying the liberating freedom of being single again. I spent the following twelve years being single by choice. Things change with time.
You're a wonderfully kind and caring woman, and I'm grateful that I get to call you friend. I bet there's a lot of people there where you live that would like the chance to do that in person.
XXOO,
Greg
Posted by NikkiT2 on July 4, 2003, at 8:10:30
In reply to Re: somebody please talk to me » tina, posted by Greg on July 4, 2003, at 4:00:38
I so wish I lived closer.. recently I want to move to Canda sooo badly!! Thats the thing about the internet... I have some of the most amazing friends that mean the damned world to me, but they're all so far away from me. I have very few "real life" friends also, and the ones I do have have all been met on the internet (remember thats even where I met J!)
I can't really add to what others have said. Maybe you could find an internet site that deals with people more local to you and meet people on line there that you might be able to then meet in real life too.. thats what I did, and I know lots of others that have done the same.
And Gregs suggestion of just saying "I;m off to a movie, anyone fancy coming along" is a good one.
Hang in there sweetie.. it will start getting easier
nikki xxx
Posted by noa on July 4, 2003, at 10:30:27
In reply to somebody please talk to me, posted by tina on July 3, 2003, at 21:18:50
(((Tina)))
Mair said it--there is so much sadness here today. I'm sorry you are going through such hard times.
Are there any support groups that you can go to where you are?
Posted by noa on July 4, 2003, at 10:32:24
In reply to Re: Some things I like about Tina » tina, posted by Ron Hill on July 4, 2003, at 0:34:35
And she's a damn funny wit, too!
Posted by tina on July 4, 2003, at 19:52:48
In reply to Re: somebody please talk to me » tina, posted by Snoozy on July 3, 2003, at 23:39:05
I have a 7 year old dog. She is great but she's not much for conversation.
Posted by tina on July 4, 2003, at 19:53:56
In reply to Re: Some things I like about Tina » tina, posted by Ron Hill on July 4, 2003, at 0:34:35
Wow Ron, I can't believe that's what you see in my posts. thank you for the compliments.
T
Posted by tina on July 4, 2003, at 19:57:07
In reply to Re: Some things I like about Tina » Ron Hill, posted by noa on July 4, 2003, at 10:32:24
thanks Noa. I usually use humour to cover the crappy bits of myself. It seems I'm good at it though. ;)
hugs
tina
Posted by noa on July 4, 2003, at 21:43:33
In reply to Re: Some things I like about Tina » noa, posted by tina on July 4, 2003, at 19:57:07
Re humor: They say it is a higher level defense, whatever that means.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.