![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 29. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lostsailor on March 22, 2003, at 10:07:01
Why? Why is it that in times of need I close up and vanish. I have poked around the posts regularly but feel I have nothing to add or say, except for my cheesy poem the other day.
Many of you have become “friends” and I don’t want anyone to think I don’t care. I do deeply. Honest.
I recently started to have waves of panic again and some depression. Doc switched me lexapro to paxil CR and I feel mindless and numb. I don’t know if it’s the med change or my symptoms running their course. Perhaps it’s a bit of both.
When I read some of your posts, I feel I have nothing good to add. I want to be supportive but feel insecure and miniscule right now. I don’t know if what I’ll add will just worsen some of the problems you/anyone here is going thru.
God I hate my anxiety, depression and most of all the 12 pills or so a swallow a day. I miss my “real life” friends, which I have totally withdrawn from to the point of becoming almost an urban legend. The only ones I have managed to keep must work at being around for me, but they do it, as I do for them in my own way. I know I pester them with questions of who’s doing what in my old social circle and they are often inundated with questions about me.
Thank you all and God bless.
~tony
Posted by justyourlaugh on March 22, 2003, at 10:21:59
In reply to why do I do this????, posted by lostsailor on March 22, 2003, at 10:07:01
tony,
i cried yesterday because "ace"told me told "go away"on babble...i was trying to say to him that i noticed he was so happy ...and mabe "hello"
i feel he "pushed me out of the bar"..the "who the hell are you kind of feeling" that makes me want to s...better stop theretony
i like cheese,,,
:)
id rather something than nothing.....
peace
jyl
Posted by Dinah on March 22, 2003, at 10:30:10
In reply to why do I do this????, posted by lostsailor on March 22, 2003, at 10:07:01
Darn, Tony! I wrote a much better post to you, but it doesn't seem to be here.
What you're describing isn't all that unusual. It's part of the disease, and you really shouldn't beat yourself up over it.
Sometimes we can contribute more than other times, and that's okay. Sometimes we need to take more than we give and that's okay. There is no requirement that you add to a thread at all, and certainly none that your addition be brilliant, wise, or witty. If there was, I'd never be able to post. :)
If you need help in riding out this wave of anxiety and depression, please post. And please call your doctor about your mood change. If it's med related, he needs to know.
I hope you feel better soon.
Posted by Dinah on March 22, 2003, at 10:33:47
In reply to Re: why do I do this???? » lostsailor, posted by justyourlaugh on March 22, 2003, at 10:21:59
((jyl))
I'm sorry you were hurt. I think it's better to keep up some level of self protection on the board. When I find myself crying over the board in my therapist's office I know it's time to step back some.
But know that there are lots of us here who care about you.
Posted by kara lynne on March 22, 2003, at 12:13:21
In reply to why do I do this????, posted by lostsailor on March 22, 2003, at 10:07:01
I was thinking just yesterday that I missed your posts. I really do, I was looking for them. I'm going to back and read this thread after I've gotten some tea for my still-sick stomach, but I just wanted to get that in for now.
Posted by IsoM on March 22, 2003, at 13:39:37
In reply to why do I do this????, posted by lostsailor on March 22, 2003, at 10:07:01
Tony, when I feel good, I'm sociable & effusive. When I don't, I hole up too. I can't bear to interact with any one then. You're not alone, most of us are that way.
I hate being around any one when down & have nothing to say that it's griping & negative. Most of the time, I'm so irritable that anything someone says sounds like tripe to me. Funny shows that I'd normally love becomes mindless garbage. I know I'm not looking at it with the right perspective at those times but I honestly don't give a damn. The whole world could go up in smoke & I'd be glad of it. Because I know my reasoning is very faulty then, I hide away so I don't spread my vitriol around & wait till I feel better again.
If you have nothing good to post at these times, don't feel bad. Come here & take what good you can. At least you can read the posts. I can't even do that. And go hug your kitty - they're a natural tranquillizer & can soothe our souls.
Posted by IsoM on March 22, 2003, at 13:43:00
In reply to Re: why do I do this???? » lostsailor, posted by justyourlaugh on March 22, 2003, at 10:21:59
I noticed that ace had no idea where you were coming from, jyl, I felt so bad for you. He was very confused & feeling defensive, like he thought you had an ulterior motive. Please forgive him - I think he's young & was feeling so good (high?) he didn't understand you were only reaching out. Here, more people know where you're coming from. I don't think ace reads the other boards.
Posted by justyourlaugh on March 22, 2003, at 13:54:50
In reply to being pushed away... » justyourlaugh, posted by IsoM on March 22, 2003, at 13:43:00
i guess i saw in him that he is infact not happy.
quite high,but not happy.
j
Posted by agentkiller on March 22, 2003, at 13:57:34
In reply to being pushed away... » justyourlaugh, posted by IsoM on March 22, 2003, at 13:43:00
lets not post about our fellow "poster friends"
:)
tc
agent
Posted by gabbix2 on March 22, 2003, at 15:02:11
In reply to Re: being pushed away... » IsoM, posted by agentkiller on March 22, 2003, at 13:57:34
I think usually its a pretty good rule to not post about each other, but If I had been told to "go away" by someone on the board, depending on my mood, it could be devastating and it
would make a big difference in how I felt if
someone could offer me a different perspective.
A while ago I was verbally attacked here it was quite a different situation, but if there hadn't been people here who had been willing to risk what could have looked like not minding there own business, it would have felt so much worse.
Obviously just attacking someone for reacting in a way you don't understand isn't acceptable, but I don't think interaction between people especially when its so emotional, can benefit from strictly following a fixed set of rules.
Posted by agentkiller on March 22, 2003, at 15:34:32
In reply to Re: being pushed away... » agentkiller, posted by gabbix2 on March 22, 2003, at 15:02:11
good point gab....
thanks.
but mabe i am ace?:(
Posted by Tabitha on March 22, 2003, at 15:43:30
In reply to why do I do this????, posted by lostsailor on March 22, 2003, at 10:07:01
I missed you sailor. don't blame yourself-- if you're not posting there's a reason. if it doesn't feel right to post that's OK.
Good to see you posting again (just my selfish reaction).
Posted by Tabitha on March 22, 2003, at 15:56:44
In reply to Re: why do I do this???? » lostsailor, posted by justyourlaugh on March 22, 2003, at 10:21:59
I saw that, looked like you were just trying to be friendly/flirty and you got yelled at. I've had that happen with people, had friendly overture misunderstood or rejected harshly. It's so hard not to take it personally, remember you didn't do anything wrong even though you got a bad reaction.
Posted by Dinah on March 22, 2003, at 16:10:46
In reply to Re: being pushed away... » gabbix2, posted by agentkiller on March 22, 2003, at 15:34:32
> good point gab....
> thanks.
> but mabe i am ace?:(Oooh, I hope not. :-O
Dr. Bob frowns on using more than one posting name at once. I'd hate to see you get in trooouuble.
Posted by fayeroe on March 22, 2003, at 16:38:55
In reply to Re: being pushed away... » agentkiller, posted by Dinah on March 22, 2003, at 16:10:46
lost sailor and others: i've posted on here for ages and no one ever responded.i just kept coming back. but my take on that is that "we all star in our own movie" and sometimes for reasons unknown, we aren't noticed.
it hurt my feelings but it didn't stop me from reading and responding when i wanted to. i've since found one of the other boards where we interact alot and i really enjoy that. i still read this and i responded to your (lost sailor) poem the other day.I also isolate myself too much and my friends have to drag me around. thank God that one of my best friends is a counselor and he and i share alot of the same "quirks"..so we help each other out.
as for talking about other posters specifically, i don't think we should. and we should never, ever use different names. that is very deceitful and hurtful. that's like being high and someone not knowing who they are dealing with...the person or the drug. everyone has a place on here. it's everyone's board. perhaps visting here will help others to mature. who knows? pat
Posted by justyourlaugh on March 22, 2003, at 16:51:36
In reply to Re: being pushed away..., posted by fayeroe on March 22, 2003, at 16:38:55
fay...i feel like an ass now...
oopppsss!
sorry to all:(
you are so right...see fay,we are all learning too.i want "fight club"to be my movie....
i love brad when he acts twisted..12 monkies,...hummm can he turn left?
ooppss again,broke the first rule of "fight club"-lol
happy saturday
jyl
Posted by fayeroe on March 22, 2003, at 16:59:13
In reply to oooppppss » fayeroe , posted by justyourlaugh on March 22, 2003, at 16:51:36
> fay...i feel like an ass now...
> oopppsss!
> sorry to all:(
> you are so right...see fay,we are all learning too.
>
> i want "fight club"to be my movie....
> i love brad when he acts twisted..12 monkies,...hummm can he turn left?
> ooppss again,broke the first rule of "fight club"-lol
> happy saturday
> jyl
>
> i am having a happy saturday and i've always loved asses....their warm noses and long ears! and brad would be hard to beat anywhere! lucky jennifer. i may be bent but i ain't broke! xoxo pat
Posted by IsoM on March 22, 2003, at 19:36:51
In reply to Re: being pushed away... » IsoM, posted by agentkiller on March 22, 2003, at 13:57:34
Heck, I'm not coming down on ace. I like the guy. I think he misunderstood jyl, rather than being nasty or unfriendly, & I just wanted jyl to know that. Can't see where I was saying anything negative about ace or jyl as I'm sure not thinking it. We all need not to be too hasty in reading negative ideas into each other's posts.
But then maybe I'm doing that with you too by reading more into your "frownie" than you meant.
Posted by tina on March 22, 2003, at 19:56:58
In reply to Re: why do I do this???? » lostsailor, posted by justyourlaugh on March 22, 2003, at 10:21:59
I do it too. I feel like a burden or unworthy of attention. I feel like my needs are unimportant and I don't want to feel as though I am unloading on anyone. I think it's a normal aspect of depression. Try to just let yourself feel the way you feel and not to feel the need to justify it. We all have down time and wonder if we are being useful. I like your posts, even your lame poem. Keep posting just so we know you're still here. It doesn't have to be nobel prize literature...just a hello will do. We won't ask you to be something other than who you are!
take care and go easy on yourself
tina
Posted by justyourlaugh on March 22, 2003, at 20:10:58
In reply to Re: why do I do this???? tonylostsailor, posted by tina on March 22, 2003, at 19:56:58
hi tina,
good to see you,
i see you post on babble sometimes but i know anything about meds(except the ones you cant get rip roaring drunk on-lol)
i was kind of shy about emailing...its the "i dont want to be a bother"part of depression that seems to always bite me in the ass...
sorry
jyl
Posted by tina on March 22, 2003, at 21:28:05
In reply to tina » tina, posted by justyourlaugh on March 22, 2003, at 20:10:58
Well, you aren't a bother missy so you just email me anyway!!! and I'll email you.
good night jyl, sweet dreams
tina
Posted by bozeman on March 22, 2003, at 23:51:12
In reply to why do I do this????, posted by lostsailor on March 22, 2003, at 10:07:01
'Cuz you're human, tony.
But don't let it get you down, you've got enough on your mind already. I understand completely -- my most pervasive lifelong personality trait is I'd rather avoid someone for ten years (literally) than tell them bad news about my life. If I'm sick, broke, or depressed, I'll flat out lie and tell them everything is terrific. Nobody wants to talk to a whiner, yada yada yada. I know it's neurotic but I can't help myself.
When you have something you feel like saying, say it, we'll all listen. You're funny as heck, even when you're not trying to be (dry wit comes out in spite of us, sometimes), warm, sensitive and caring. Aurora puts up with you, and you know she wouldn't if you were actually spouting nonsense (she has way too much class for that. :-) Be gentle with yourself right now, and do let your doc know what you're going through, if you haven't already. Joy, sadness, anger, tears, we love you just the same.
Hugs
bozeman
Posted by bozeman on March 22, 2003, at 23:53:04
In reply to Re: why do I do this???? » lostsailor, posted by IsoM on March 22, 2003, at 13:39:37
Ditto on everything you said.
Sent you an email, don't know if you got it. Was too sick to sit at computer at all for a while so it was pretty late.
Thanks for being there for me.
bozeman
Posted by sienna on March 23, 2003, at 1:00:05
In reply to why do I do this????, posted by lostsailor on March 22, 2003, at 10:07:01
hi
i feel thata smae way a lot of the time when im posting and feeling that i have nothing to add. But then i think it helps for people to know thres others out there that care and are reading. I think its best to do what youa re comfortable with. I have whittiled down to my closest frineds that know im having a hard time.
I just feel wierd around people who dont know that im sick. I feel like i have to pretend im not whereas my frineds that know I am more open with. I share the bad and the good. My best friend came and made me some food today becuse i slept till past time to be able to get food to go, and i dont have any food in my house anymore and even if i did I dont really know how to fix it when i am this way. She knwos i wont ask for help, but she is my angel.
Anyways, I tend to isolate myself too. The computer is good becuase there are lots of us and we can talk to each other. Now im feeling sort of like i dont have the answer that is right to post and that this is allnonsense, but i just have to believe that beucase i care about you that youwill feel that and even if what i say dioesnt make siense that youwill know that someone cares.
The med change may take a few days to work properly. I just changed my meds and its a headache for me too. I increased my AP and slept all day. Now im wide awake and its 11pm.
Anyway, i wish i had better words of wisdom. But i do care and i do hope you are feeling better.
Sienna
Posted by lostsailor on March 23, 2003, at 1:17:22
In reply to hi lostsailor, posted by sienna on March 23, 2003, at 1:00:05
My ,oh, my. All this for me??? What can I possibly say to all of you to acurately describe my feelings at the momment. You, collectively, have brought a true smile to my face. Not the one I wear often when in public, when I go out...lol, but a true good old fashioned and genuine one.
I knew all of you would understand, as we go thru so much together even though miles may seperate us. this community is great. I read all the posts when JYL was having a hard time, Jodies constant nerotic late night posts ( you all know that's a joke) Kara's relationship dilemas, tabitha's Blockbuster, now Morman, desires...lol and boze's ill kitty.
The computer is so interesting in the ways it crosses bridges that otherwise would leave one isolated. I think Dr. Bob should be proud, not only for his research and work on the site, but even hi occasional cameos. Thanks doc!! and thank you all.
hugs to all, ~tony
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.