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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wharfrat on January 14, 2003, at 16:10:12
Should have listened to my old man
Posted by Dinah on January 14, 2003, at 16:34:13
In reply to Should have listened ...., posted by wharfrat on January 14, 2003, at 16:10:12
Posted by wendy b. on January 14, 2003, at 16:57:24
In reply to Should have listened ...., posted by wharfrat on January 14, 2003, at 16:10:12
> Should have listened to my old man
"Goodbye Yellow Brick Road"My memory ain't gone jist yet...
W.
Posted by wharfrat on January 14, 2003, at 17:02:02
In reply to Re: What did he say? (nm) » wharfrat, posted by Dinah on January 14, 2003, at 16:34:13
You know, the usual things a dad tells his son. "Study hard in school and go to college so you can get a good job that you're happy with so that you don't have to struggle like I do to make ends meet." I thought he was full of it. I thought he was just a cheap, tight SOB. I was to smart for a bunch of math and college and that BS. And now I'm him and I'm telling my son the same thing and he thinks I'm full of it etc. etc. I feel really bad. My dad just wanted me to be successful and happy and I blew him off. All I had to do was listen and take his advice. But for some reason as a teenager, I had this idea that I was smarter than someone 31 years older than me. I can't understand why my kid thinks that I'm hassling him when I talk to him about his future. He's 14 years old and does'nt have a clue what he wants to do when he grows up. I guess what comes around goes around. I guess this has been going on since the beginning of time. I hope one day he does'nt have to say "I should have listened to my old man"
Posted by Noa on January 14, 2003, at 19:12:54
In reply to Re: What did he say? » Dinah, posted by wharfrat on January 14, 2003, at 17:02:02
Remember the saying, "don't trust anyone over 30?" The kids of the 60's thought they invented that but I would guess it's been going on for eons.
You kid is still quite young. He doesn't need to know what he is going to do. I think what is important is if you can get him talking about his dreams. Just listen to him. And then, after a bit, start slipping in little questions to guide his thinking about how he can make his dreams happen. The world is full of possibilities that were not there when we were kids. There is no corporate loyalty or security anymore and there are a lot of new ways of working.
But keep in mind that what your kid dreams of right now can change in a couple of weeks, so don't let yourself get too invested in any idea of the moment. I think the key is, does he see possibilities for himself?
Myself? I got the lectures, too. But I got lots of mixed messages. Sometimes the message was gung-ho about high achievement, advanced degrees, blah blah blah. But sometimes the message was about the futility of a woman getting a professional degree because "they just quit to have babies anyway." Then it would be back to declaring that I needed to be this or that profession--"you need a skill, you know, so you don't end up on an assembly line..." etc. etc. Sometimes the professional aim was super high (doctor), and others it had a "practical" bent to it, as when my mom insisted all the way through my first year of college that I needed to become a dental hygienist because it was a portable, practical skill. I had nothing against the field of dental hygiene, but I had no interest in it and don't know where that bug in my mom's head came from (she probably read about it in the paper or something), and besides, my parents were paying every last little penny they had for me (and I was beginning my decades of being up to my ears in student loans) to go to an academic college that did not have a program in dental hygiene, so it was a bit odd that she obsessed about that.
Then again, it would be back to emphasizing finding Mr. Right--and it was His profession that mattered, not mine. Back and forth back and forth.
Anyway, it was very wierd, this conflicted message thing. And it was a lot of "telling me" and not a lot of willingness to listen to me. And I was very confused and I changed my major three times in college and still graduated with something impractical and went on to something very different after that. Once I was working, I started to figure out what I liked, and it was only as an adult that I was ready to really decide on a career path.
Posted by Ginjoint on January 15, 2003, at 8:36:06
In reply to Re: What did he say? » wharfrat, posted by Noa on January 14, 2003, at 19:12:54
What an interesting and lovely post, Noa...I think your point about the importance of simply being able to see possibilities in oneself is crucial.
Ginjoint
BTW, I can completely empathize with your "back-and-forth" experiences. :)
Posted by wharfrat on January 15, 2003, at 9:20:09
In reply to Re: What did he say? » wharfrat, posted by Noa on January 14, 2003, at 19:12:54
Noa,
I appreciate your reply and agree with you about the "he'll be interested in something totally different in 2 weeks" That's him exactly.
But, this is the deal and I hope I'm not sounding mental. I do not have the money nor will I have the money to personally send my kids to college.They need to get into something, stick with it and get scholarships. My 9 year old wants to be an actor. He's been taking acting classes since he was 5. He auditions for every play that comes along. Sometimes he gets a part, alot of times he does'nt. But he is determined to be an actor. The thing is, he does'nt make very good grades in school. And he really tries hard in school. The 14 year old DOES make good grades. Always has. Does'nt even have to try. The thing is, everything he's gotten into, soccer baseball, football, basketball, orchestra, boy scouts, band etc. etc. he has quit. He's the strongest trumpet player the band has and he wants to quit because "It's not cool to be in band" He has'nt stuck with anything for more than a year. They will have to invent a new activity in school just so he can join and then quit!!! There are not any college scholarships out there that I know of for being cool or quitting. I'm just worried that he will have trouble holding a job because when things don't go his way he'll quit. I don't know. When I posted yesterday, I was having a really bad day, as if I missed my med dose or something, or as if my meds suddenly stopped working. Used to worry excessively about stuff like this. Since medication, only worry on occasion.Me? I hated school from day one. Made terrible grades. I'm 42 and it was only 3 or 4 years ago that I stopped dreaming that I was'nt going to graduate from high school. Obviously never went to college. There are not a lot of GOOD jobs out there available for people without college degrees. Back in the day, you could start working after high school at a company and work your way up to a high position. Now, you can't even get hired by a company unless you have a college degree. My job pays pretty good. I got lucky. But, there are NO benefits, NO 401K, NO retirement, NO profit sharing, just a paycheck on Friday and MAYBE a christmas bonus of $50.00. And I'm stuck here because anywhere else, I would need a college degree to make the kind of money I make here. It does'nt seem fair but that's the way it is in this day and age and I want my kids to realize that there's a little more to the future than the next girlfriend or the next episode of Spongebob Squarepants. What do you think? Do you have any kiddos?
Wharf
Posted by Dinah on January 15, 2003, at 12:41:28
In reply to Re: What did he say? » Noa, posted by wharfrat on January 15, 2003, at 9:20:09
It's hard to get through to them before they're ready. The good thing is that he does well at school so he probably has the ability to go on to college when he's ready.
I can't tell you how many kids I know who just weren't ready at age 18 to apply themselves at college. Most of them decided college was a pretty good idea after a few years in the workforce, and paid their own way to college this time. I know one man who skipped that stage by sending his kids to work on fishing boats during high school vacations. Every one of them is now a college graduate, with no nagging on his part at all. (grin)
Don't worry too much about him. He just sounds young.
Posted by Noa on January 15, 2003, at 18:41:53
In reply to Re: What did he say? » wharfrat, posted by Dinah on January 15, 2003, at 12:41:28
No kiddos of my own, lots of nieces and nephews.
Hmm...wonder why he quits stuff. Is it the coolness thing? Is he insecure with his "cool" friends?
I like what you said about there not being scholarships for being cool!
I don't know what to say. On the one hand, kids change a lot from 14 to 15 to 16 to 17, etc., so it is still too early to panic. On the other hand, I can understand your uneasiness at seeing him float from thing to thing.
As for money for college, I really beleive it isn't the worst thing in the world for a kid to go to a local community college, especially for a kid who isn't all that mature and motivated yet. I think some kids start at community college and get a good basis, and it helps them through the time needed to mature, and then they have more options after a couple of years.
Posted by jay on January 15, 2003, at 21:52:53
In reply to Re: What did he say? » Dinah, posted by wharfrat on January 14, 2003, at 17:02:02
From a guy who has a couple of college diplomas..I'll tell ya, at 14 he likely has *no* clue what he will want at 18 (or when/if he goes to college.) It may then take him a few years to "figure it all out". So, please, don't even *worry*, he likely will know when it is time. At 14, I had a *completely* different view than what I turned out doing at 18.Jay
Posted by lostsailor on January 17, 2003, at 22:51:16
In reply to Re: What did he say?..kid's future.. » wharfrat, posted by jay on January 15, 2003, at 21:52:53
College seems to be the equivalent of a high school degree in this day and age. "Should listened to my old man” I did and went, even on to grad school. The Irony is the amount of people that went to work right out of high school and a finally better of than I am. I assume, at least on the surface, they are better off emotional.
I college I studied social work and psychology and continued into grad school. I think what I actually did though was train my-self to see things differently and even learn how to feel guilt that I had never noticed before.
As for you son, he will learn much on his own. As for his trumpet, spin a few miles Davis' or wynton Marsallis disks for him. Let him know, too, that chicks dig musicians...lol
On the financial front: Aside from loans and scholarships, there is also a lot of student aid from the federal and state governmental branches. My retail part-time jobs that both you son and daughter will want soon enough for money for the mall offer student scholarships for there employees. There are a lot of ways thru college but I see know that it does not guarantee that "you'll be able to write your own ticket" like my "old man " said. I still love him, though.
All for now, ~Tony
Posted by Noa on January 18, 2003, at 10:09:43
In reply to Re: What did he say?..kid's future.., posted by lostsailor on January 17, 2003, at 22:51:16
And I know plenty of people who either did not go to/finish college, or who did not end up working in an area remotely related to what they studied in college, and ended up doing some high tech thing that they learned on the job or some business thing, and are doing very well.
This is the end of the thread.
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