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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by jay on August 26, 2002, at 16:02:19
In reply to There's your proof, posted by tina on August 26, 2002, at 14:24:34
> Notice there are lots of new posts but not for me. No one would care if I had gone through with it last night. No one would even have known. It's enough proof for me.
Ahhh! Now, if please keep posting...you know how *many* posts I'd have to read.."Where's Tina?" (Just kidding..well..you know what I mean:-)
It sounds like you are having a *really* crappy time..and it is time to start with a review. (Geezz..I sound like a bloody teacher! Ack!) What meds are you on...and what is your "life" situation like right now? Maybe it's crap..and you don't want to tell me..but please post something. Even for us who don't really know you...hope is, well, *everything*. Even if we don't have it today.
jay
Posted by Greg A. on August 26, 2002, at 16:08:27
In reply to There's your proof, posted by tina on August 26, 2002, at 14:24:34
Hi Tina,
I noticed too. And I have done some staring lately myself, at different meds of course - mine not yours. I alternately think I am a coward for not going through with it, or an idiot for thinking about it. I plan to let my brain off the hook for awhile until I see if it's capable of making up it's mind.
Hang in there and we will keep an eye on you.Greg
Posted by Ted on August 26, 2002, at 16:21:45
In reply to There's your proof, posted by tina on August 26, 2002, at 14:24:34
Posted by nikioct73 on August 26, 2002, at 16:39:06
In reply to Re: There's your proof, posted by Greg A. on August 26, 2002, at 16:08:27
Tina...I don't even know you and I care...I made myself throw out all my extra meds about a week ago..and was pissed as hell last night when all I wanted to do was eat em all..but i went to see my nephews and they give me joy...where there is none..i'm still horribly depressed and truely would like to die..but I make myself think about them instead of me...Aaron would really misss his crazy "auntie nicole"..and would never understand why I killed myself...Sometimes I don't care to hear or see how selfish suicide really is but when you get right down to the bare bones it is the most selfish thing you could possibliy do...I tell myself everyone has someone..everyone but ME that is...and My buddies Pic catches my eye.( I surround my room with his love..)..and well if you saw the angel....sighhhh you would have to smile...I'll send you a pic:_)..hope you are feeling better...i know the demon depression can tell you no one cares and you will find any number of ways to see it..I hope you find your way through this seemingliy endless hell to see another day..
Niki
Posted by Dinah on August 26, 2002, at 16:42:30
In reply to Re: Was up til 2am staring at my pill bottle..... » Ted, posted by tina on August 26, 2002, at 12:02:10
> >
> > Keep posting. We care.
>
> ***** I disagree. By the responses to my post, you are the only one who seems to.
> thank you though.
>
> >
Hi Tina,I hope you don't mind me saying so, but I think that is one of those negative thoughts that is caused by depression and should be cognitively challenged. :)
I was up working till 4:30 am last night, rolled out of bed this morning to run off to work and take numerous work related calls, and am just now able to peruse the posts. And I responded to yours just as soon as I could.
It's been my experience though, that while this site is good for support overall, it isn't really great for emergency support. There just isn't that amount of traffic. So it's always best to have someone else to call if it's urgent, because it might take a while for everyone to drop in, depending on what else is going on.
I certainly care, and I'm glad you didn't take the pills. And I agree with Ted that it takes a lot more courage to live than to die. So I don't think you are a coward, but if it is indeed true that cowardice is all that is keeping you here, then I'm glad you're a coward. Because I'm glad you're here.
I'm sorry you're feeling so poorly. Is there anything you'd like to talk about?
Dinah
Posted by nikioct73 on August 26, 2002, at 16:54:44
In reply to Re: More proof., posted by Dinah on August 26, 2002, at 16:42:30
You say you are a coward for NOT taking the pills??...I think it would have been cowardly TO have taken then..it takes a lot of guts and bravado to live in this world feeling as we do..sucking up it up every day..but thats just my opinion..and lord knows my brain
is screwy..:-)
Posted by Ted on August 26, 2002, at 17:04:34
In reply to There's your proof, posted by tina on August 26, 2002, at 14:24:34
Tina,
Told you so. See? We DO care. Just give us a chance, OK?
Now post a long message telling us all about what's going on.
Ted
(sorry if I sound a little mean, but I think you need a little kick in the pants just prove you are wrong in your opinion about everyone.)
Posted by Gabbix2 on August 26, 2002, at 17:51:59
In reply to 5 replies and counting... -- » tina, posted by Ted on August 26, 2002, at 17:04:34
Finally, I haven't been able to get in, I've changed my registration about 6 times, no lie, and finally one stuck.
I take it you are feeling hopeless, alone, abandoned and ready to pack it in huh?
Oh I wish I could reach out a hand, and get you to hang on with dreamer and I and the unnamed thousands. Well don't pack it in, (think about how that would make ME feel (bad joke)
What happened? Or is it something you're brain decided to throw at you because your job isn't making life difficult enough.
Its so &^%$&@# unfair. I can't try and fix it, I know that its something you have to wait out (so easily said ) But I can wait it out with you IT WILL END That I know, but if you need to vent ask or complain do so unashamedly to me if that will help. It does lift the veil for me at times, though I never think it will. Email Princess dirt at Hotmail, any time,
Hang on Tina,
(and don't bother with the benzo's, it doesn't work, it just makes you look like a weiner)Gabbi.
Posted by Susan G on August 26, 2002, at 18:20:55
In reply to TINA!!!!!!!!!!, posted by Gabbix2 on August 26, 2002, at 17:51:59
Tina, I care about you, too. I know you don't know me but I do follow a lot of your posts. I wish I had read this sooner so I could have responded immediately to tell you so. I think a lot of people read these boards and develop genuine feelings of care and concern for the posters here even though the readers may not post often themselves. I'm so sorry you are feeling bad and wish there were something profound I could say but I will just leave it at I care and I hope you feel better soon.
Posted by ctrlaltndel on August 26, 2002, at 18:38:35
In reply to TINA!!!!!!!!!!, posted by Gabbix2 on August 26, 2002, at 17:51:59
Tina,
--I'm hanging--not literally..you'll feel so ill after popping them pills and end up on med rations until next prescription like me..can't give healthy advice cause i too feel crap.Just snorted immac (that hair remover cream ) accidently , I was trying to burn the hairs off in my nose..
Posted by ~Alii~ on August 26, 2002, at 18:54:32
In reply to I care too, posted by Susan G on August 26, 2002, at 18:20:55
...but I will just leave it at I care and I hope you feel better soon. <<<< Susan G.
What kindness Susan. Thanks for putting that out there for Tina. Take care of you Susan and send out some extra good vibes for Tina....I'm mustering up what little I can for Ms. Tina as I type this.
So Tina-----you are being 'heard'...just clarify if you feel that any one of the posters aren't hearing you correctly.
And Susan G.----as always nice to see your posts. Be well.
Namaste.
~~Alii
Posted by Gabbix2 on August 26, 2002, at 19:30:35
In reply to Re: TINA!!!!!!!!!!, posted by ctrlaltndel on August 26, 2002, at 18:38:35
Oh yeah, the prescription rations are a good point. You already feel like crap, and then you have to go to the Dr's office every day to pick up your medication, which is like mountain climbing.
Whats worse you have to deal with the perky receptionist who gives you that "I'm treating you as an equal even though I think you're pathetic" look.
And so you try to sound very unpathetic, but in your disturbed state everything comes out all wrong, And that my dear Tina is a DRAG.I'm not trying to make light of this, its true.
Its the only way I know how to empathize, I know I can't fix it for you Tina, if I could I would.
Reaching out, to grab you by the sweater, so in case you can't hang on, I'll do it for you.
Love,
GABBI
Posted by NikkiT2 on August 26, 2002, at 19:53:42
In reply to Re: TINA!!!!!!!!!! » ctrlaltndel, posted by Gabbix2 on August 26, 2002, at 19:30:35
replied to you else where in more length, but letting you know we care... I've been out for the day and only just got on line.
sorry
nikki
Posted by Rach on August 26, 2002, at 21:02:18
In reply to Re: TINA!!!!!!!!!!, posted by NikkiT2 on August 26, 2002, at 19:53:42
And some of us even love you. Hold on, T.
Love R
Posted by shar on August 26, 2002, at 22:40:03
In reply to Was up til 2am staring at my pill bottle....., posted by tina on August 26, 2002, at 10:14:30
T,
Stop it.This is way too serious and it worries me. You are spiraling down, and I'd like it if you would grab hold. It's hard I know, but you are abusing yourself. I hate seeing it, and if it was someone else doing it to you I'd have to take em out.
Leave T alone!
You are a decent human being, and that is an accomplishment. Your feelings and thoughts are turned against you with incredible force! You can turn them back enough to get through, and that's all you have to do right now.
Will you do that?! Stop beating yourself up right now, for a few hours so you can get some perspective?
This is exhausting for you, and for me, too. And remember to breathe!
Shar
Posted by Ritch on August 26, 2002, at 23:47:47
In reply to Was up til 2am staring at my pill bottle....., posted by tina on August 26, 2002, at 10:14:30
> I've got 90 klonopin and i managed to not take them all last night. I didn't know if only 90 would hurt me but I wanted to take them all. But here I am, having to live another day because I'm a complete coward........ I'm so sick of being a coward.
I just read this, and for some unknown reason I am thinking of music. I just thought of the Talking Heads song "Name" from Little Creatures. I have no clue why I am telling you this, but maybe you should give it a listen and take heart...
warm wishes,
Mitch
Posted by tina on August 27, 2002, at 15:14:54
In reply to Re: Was up til 2am staring at my pill bottle..... » tina, posted by Ritch on August 26, 2002, at 23:47:47
but like I said in a previous thread, kindness seems to just make me feel worse.
I don't deserve kindness or consideration. I am garbage.
I'm sorry for wasting your time, especially you Ted. You are a good person but your time would be better spent on someone more worthwhile.
I apologise to all of you and wish you well.
Posted by Dinah on August 27, 2002, at 15:41:35
In reply to Thanks for the kind words, posted by tina on August 27, 2002, at 15:14:54
Tina, I think Shar's right. You do sound like you're spiralling. Maybe it's time to call your pdoc and therapist?
I know that you don't want to hear what a terrific worthwhile courageous person you are, so I won't tell you any of that.
But regardless of how you see yourself, or even regardless of what sort of person you really are, we still do care.
(And can I share with you something that works for me when I'm feeling really worthless and self-hating? Believe me, I really have trouble with that sometimes. I try to do something for someone else. It's really easy for me because I have a son and husband, so there's always something nice that they will appreciate. Somehow it always makes me feel a bit better.)
Hang in there Tina. And give the pills to someone else to hold for you if that will help.
Dinah
Posted by Ted on August 27, 2002, at 15:50:59
In reply to Thanks for the kind words, posted by tina on August 27, 2002, at 15:14:54
Oh Tina,
> I'm sorry for wasting your time, especially you Ted. You are a good person but your time would be better spent on someone more worthwhile.
Everyone is equally worthwhile. You are no more or less worthwhile an anyone else here. You didn't waste a second of my time.
Take care of yourself, and please do keep posting. You don't have to "say" anything, just ramble. What's on your mind? force yourself to write as much as you can.
And see -- WE DO CARE!
Ted
Posted by mair on August 27, 2002, at 17:17:34
In reply to Oh Tina.... -- » tina, posted by Ted on August 27, 2002, at 15:50:59
Tina
Rather than try to figure much of anything out, can you just accept that you are now in a place where your feelings are very extreme and distorted?. Try to recall that you haven't always felt this way and that regardless of how persuasive you are in convincing yourself that you're worthless, maybe you ought to wait things out to see if anything changes.
I've always thought that suicide for me would be very impulsive because I can feel so strongly about it one day and barely give it a thought the next day. I can't imagine any decision we make as being more important than the decision of whether we should live or die. This kind of decision is just too important to be made impulsively.
By all means keep posting so we know how you're doing. Obviously tons of people care.
Mair
Posted by Kath on August 28, 2002, at 11:55:50
In reply to Re: Oh Tina.... --, posted by mair on August 27, 2002, at 17:17:34
Hi Tina - would you please post today? I hope so. I hesitate to say anything 'nice' about you! I'm really pissed off because I wrote quite a long post to you/Ted in another thread - I think the one above this. Maybe it'll show up sometime?!
It was basically about when shitty things happen to us as kids it screws us up. You & I (& countless others, no doubt) have had things happen in our childhoods that made us feel awful. We came to believe that we ARE awful. We believe it like heck! Obviously, when people say that we're nice, great, whatEVER - it isn't surprising that we could feel lonely, desparate, misunderstood, furious, crazy.....
I think we have 'core' beliefs that we hang onto like anything.
Would you believe that when Elissa told me "you're a good Mom" or 'you're a great Mom" - I felt awful & really uncomfortable?!!!!! I think I screwed up my kids royally. PART of my intellect realizes that I might have done SOME stuff okay, but mostly I FEEL that I've been a shitty Mom.
I'm sorry nice stuff makes you feel awful. When I say nice stuff about you, it's my true experience of you. I'm not just trying to make you feel better Tina.
Please check in, okay? A lotta people would love to hear from you even if it's just HI.
love, Kath
Posted by Ted on August 28, 2002, at 12:30:49
In reply to Was up til 2am staring at my pill bottle....., posted by tina on August 26, 2002, at 10:14:30
Hey Tina,
We're not going to let you off now. What's up? You still haven't told us anything.
Keep posting!
Ted
Posted by Dinah on August 28, 2002, at 14:29:34
In reply to Tina, Tina, Where art thou? -- » tina, posted by Ted on August 28, 2002, at 12:30:49
Posted by tina on August 28, 2002, at 16:15:43
In reply to Tina, Tina, Where art thou? -- » tina, posted by Ted on August 28, 2002, at 12:30:49
but that's about all I can say right now.
Posted by Dinah on August 28, 2002, at 16:45:22
In reply to Still breathing ........., posted by tina on August 28, 2002, at 16:15:43
I'm glad you're still hanging on.
Dinah
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