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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Greg A. on October 31, 2001, at 13:53:15
When I feel good . . . and perhaps I need to define that. Good means that anxiety and depression has lifted. Enough so that I feel a part of the human race. I feel functional. I make plans and sometimes carry them out. I have conversations with people without feeling I have to get away and hide. I look forward to something – anything. I wake up in the morning and forget to think about how I feel. I’m sure you know the drill. Anyway, when I feel good, I do things. I have learned to be careful about what and how much I do, because taking on too much can put me right back where I started. I can also handle problems. I am noticing, however, that my hold onto the good range is very tenuous. Each problem handled seems to bring me closer to depression again. And yet how can I go through life with two teenage daughters, a job, and not have to deal with problems. Do my meds not work well enough to put me over the top as far as entering the human race? Do I subconsciously ‘think’ myself into depression? Or am I stuck with this as being me? Do I only get to look at life from the outside, through the window?
As I have posted on this board, I quit drinking in an effort to stabilize things a bit. I am physically fairly fit and I exercise regularly, again being cautious not to get obsessed with it. But it all starts to seem futile, when despite my best efforts, and I really think the last few months have represented my best, I am unable to tread water successfully. Am I missing something here? Why do I get a brief, tantalizing glimpse of ‘normal’ only to have it slip away in a matter of weeks? Who can I blame?
Maybe as Neil Young said ‘Better to burn out than to rust.’ (Since you started with Bob Dylan)Greg
Posted by paxvox on October 31, 2001, at 15:53:33
In reply to Sink, swim or rust??, posted by Greg A. on October 31, 2001, at 13:53:15
Personally G, I vote for swim.
I mean look at the poor salmon, all that swiming up stream only to get eaten or die. How different are we? I guess that depends on perspective. In one sense, NO ONE gets out alive (Jim Morrison). In another, depending upon your non-secular beliefs, this life is but a dress rehearsal. I don't know, Greg. If i told you you could be rich half your life but poor the other half, but you couldn't chose when, would the days of plenty seem fleeting and the days of nothing seem eternally long? Would you say "I'd rather be poor the whole time, because then I'd know what to expect." ? I would say "yes" to that question at times (and have). Afterall, a known evil is better than an unknown evil, right? That's why it took me 24 years of worrying about a neurological disorder before I finally said "enough's enough!" and went to get the MRI. Found out I was OK. All that time lost in worry, for what? So Greg, I will say swim, and enjoy the view, even if it's up stream.
PAX
Posted by Mair on October 31, 2001, at 20:00:38
In reply to Sink, swim or rust??, posted by Greg A. on October 31, 2001, at 13:53:15
Greg
I do know the drill. Do you ever feel that maybe you can't handle (trust?) success so you're just waiting for that other shoe to drop? It's so hard just to live "in the moment" without constantly taking the pulse of our mental health.
Mair
Posted by Krazy Kat on October 31, 2001, at 22:41:15
In reply to Sink, swim or rust??, posted by Greg A. on October 31, 2001, at 13:53:15
Greg with the initial:
I don't know how you manage it with two teenage girls. I was one once (obviously) and I was Horrible. Hopefully your daughters are wiser than I was at that age.
Well, this is where it's difficult, isn't it? I know when I've stopped drinking before and then restarted it was because of thinking along these lines. So, stay strong! You are our inspiration here, if nothing else!
Re: that "glimpse" of "normal", - I know what you mean. You have a few good days, then a bad one or two or more again. I don't think that even with meds, we can escape our nature - we're moody folk. ;)
- KK
Posted by susan C on November 1, 2001, at 17:09:15
In reply to Sink, swim or rust??, posted by Greg A. on October 31, 2001, at 13:53:15
> When I feel good . . . and perhaps I need to define that. Good means that anxiety and depression has lifted. Enough so that I feel a part of the human race. I feel functional. I make plans and sometimes carry them out. I have conversations with people without feeling I have to get away and hide. I look forward to something – anything. I wake up in the morning and forget to think about how I feel. I’m sure you know the drill. Anyway, when I feel good, I do things. I have learned to be careful about what and how much I do, because taking on too much can put me right back where I started. I can also handle problems. I am noticing, however, that my hold onto the good range is very tenuous. Each problem handled seems to bring me closer to depression again. And yet how can I go through life with two teenage daughters, a job, and not have to deal with problems. Do my meds not work well enough to put me over the top as far as entering the human race? Do I subconsciously ‘think’ myself into depression? Or am I stuck with this as being me? Do I only get to look at life from the outside, through the window?
> As I have posted on this board, I quit drinking in an effort to stabilize things a bit. I am physically fairly fit and I exercise regularly, again being cautious not to get obsessed with it. But it all starts to seem futile, when despite my best efforts, and I really think the last few months have represented my best, I am unable to tread water successfully. Am I missing something here? Why do I get a brief, tantalizing glimpse of ‘normal’ only to have it slip away in a matter of weeks? Who can I blame?
> Maybe as Neil Young said ‘Better to burn out than to rust.’ (Since you started with Bob Dylan)
>
> Gregdear greg (a)
May i have your permission to copy your post and use it as my own?
Sink or swim or rust? you do mention treading water in your post...have you ever watched ocean swimmers? They deal with the swimming, but also the unpredicatable waves, currents, undertows. It takes someone very strong to swim in the ocean. The waves (big ones, little ones, medium ones) break over their heads, sometimes they have to identify when the current is tugging at them and know how to change their stroke. They are stronger than pool or lake swimmers, because what they are swimming in constantly changes around them. They have tools to help them, swim caps, ear plus, bodysuits, goggles, perhaps even flippers. But it takes a lot of strength. And sometimes ocean swimmers say they thought they couldn't take one more stroke. But they did.
I feel we are like the ocean swimmers, only we are going from island to island. Sometimes we don't know when we will be in the water. Sometimes we don't have our goggles with us. Sometimes it takes 'too long' to get to land and we almost give up hope.
But like ocean swimmers, we can train. We can get tips from others how they survived and achieved. After one surprise dunking, we can try, with the help of those around us, to get tips for the next time. And you can share with others what worked as you swam from Sausalito to San Franciso in the San Franciso Bay. Or from Willow participated in the Polar Bear Swim up in her lake in Northern Canada. (I don't know if you really did that 8:o)
I think I will vote for treading water and swimming. definately not sinking and rusting really weakens our metal.
mouse dispursing sunflower seeds
susan C
Posted by Mitch on November 2, 2001, at 0:00:37
In reply to Sink, swim or rust??, posted by Greg A. on October 31, 2001, at 13:53:15
> When I feel good . . . and perhaps I need to define that. Good means that anxiety and depression has lifted. Enough so that I feel a part of the human race. I feel functional. I make plans and sometimes carry them out. I have conversations with people without feeling I have to get away and hide. I look forward to something – anything. I wake up in the morning and forget to think about how I feel. I’m sure you know the drill. Anyway, when I feel good, I do things. I have learned to be careful about what and how much I do, because taking on too much can put me right back where I started. I can also handle problems. I am noticing, however, that my hold onto the good range is very tenuous. Each problem handled seems to bring me closer to depression again. And yet how can I go through life with two teenage daughters, a job, and not have to deal with problems. Do my meds not work well enough to put me over the top as far as entering the human race? Do I subconsciously ‘think’ myself into depression? Or am I stuck with this as being me? Do I only get to look at life from the outside, through the window?
> As I have posted on this board, I quit drinking in an effort to stabilize things a bit. I am physically fairly fit and I exercise regularly, again being cautious not to get obsessed with it. But it all starts to seem futile, when despite my best efforts, and I really think the last few months have represented my best, I am unable to tread water successfully. Am I missing something here? Why do I get a brief, tantalizing glimpse of ‘normal’ only to have it slip away in a matter of weeks? Who can I blame?
> Maybe as Neil Young said ‘Better to burn out than to rust.’ (Since you started with Bob Dylan)
>
> GregGreg,
Let's throw some Beach Boys philosophy in the fray!
Mitch
Posted by Waterlily on November 2, 2001, at 7:53:19
In reply to Re: Sink, swim or rust?? » Greg A., posted by Mair on October 31, 2001, at 20:00:38
It's so hard just to live "in the moment" without constantly taking the pulse of our mental health.
>Mair - Thanks so much for this statement. I've been going crazy thinking about my mental health state constantly...and thought I was the only one. I feel a little better now :-)
Posted by pedr on November 2, 2001, at 11:12:02
In reply to Sink, swim or rust??, posted by Greg A. on October 31, 2001, at 13:53:15
Greg, you've hit the nail on the head as far as I'm concerned. I too get tantalizing glimpses of what it's like to lead a healthy, happy life and then with no warning or apparent pattern, I drop back down to being very depressed and low.
Last week I bought a video recorder - I happened to be feeling okish. Now I can't motivate myself to use it I feel so low.
I too excercise, drink in moderation, see a shrink and take meds. I try so hard but always end back in the sickening murky depths of depression.
My heart and respect goes out to you because I know what you're experiencing. Let's hope things change some day.
pedr
Posted by Gracie2 on November 4, 2001, at 19:11:35
In reply to Sink, swim or rust??, posted by Greg A. on October 31, 2001, at 13:53:15
Bruce Springsteen said, "You have to learn to live with what you can't rise above."
-G
This is the end of the thread.
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