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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 2 of 2. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rosa on October 29, 2001, at 15:56:05
Co-dependency is a disease of the intrapersonal spirit. It is characterized by a physical, emotional and psychological pattern of coping that is caused by the practice of, or adherence to, a set of dysfunctional family rules. The majority of these rules begin with the words, Do not ...
These are the four primary roadblocks to identity development:
Do not talk about your problems.
Do not talk about your feelings.
Do not think or feel anything.
Do not trust.** From 'Healing The Family Within' by Robert Subby, (c) 1990.
Posted by Greg A. on October 29, 2001, at 17:00:13
In reply to What does co-dependency mean to you?, posted by Rosa on October 29, 2001, at 15:56:05
Have you seen the video of the Subby family? It was shown to us in group therapy for the section we did on co-dependency. In the context of the alcoholic family, codependency often refers to the way the family members ‘enable’ the behaviour of the drinker. They deny. They cover up. They don’t mention the subject. This is a set of rules that can be learned by the family. The video is sad, but very funny as well. In our group, one woman who had an abusive marriage, realized how she was codependent on her husband. She had learned all the rules, from don’t make him mad (i.e. it’s my fault if he gets angry) to ‘I fell down the stairs’ She felt she was keeping her family together.
I think codependency exists in most of us to some extent. It is not always a totally harmful behaviour, as there are lots of rewards in helping others. We do not have to be enabling some destructive behaviour in them either, but when we step into the area of controlling their lives, often at the expense of our own, it becomes a problem.
My wife recognized a degree of codependent behaviour in dealing with my depression. She would tell people, “Oh I’m not feeling too well tonight so we won’t be able to come for dinner” when it was me that was unable to face being social. It was a natural cover-up for her coming from an alcoholic family herself, and something I have given her permission, NOT to do.
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