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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Cynthia_Greene on March 28, 2007, at 13:44:31
He promises not to break my heart and seems bery happy to be with me, but I've never enjoyed a relationship before. I've been on dates with guys who liked me but I hated, and guys I liked who I had trouble staying in touch with
This is the first time with a guy I really like who feels the same way, or at least claims to.
He seems to be trying hard to impress me (and my family members) at times, even though he denies it and says he's just being himself.
Things are moving fast. We've known each other for a few months, but only got together recently. Withing less than a week, we had been introduced to eachother's families, discussed our past problems (drugs, mental problems, family problems, etc.), and been intimate (both sex and otherwise). It doesn't feel weird how fast things are going; it's okay and normal this time.
We've seen each other at our best and worst, so there seems like nowhere to go but up.
He keeps saying things like how happy he is that he found me, but I still wish I could believe him more.
Does it seem like he honestly likes me?
Posted by one woman cine on March 28, 2007, at 14:27:25
In reply to How do I know when to trust someone?, posted by Cynthia_Greene on March 28, 2007, at 13:44:31
Well, I think you have to trust your gut. You'll just know if it's right or not. Intuition is always the best guide.
You may both be perfect mates but the unfortunate aspect of life is that it is filled with heartbreak. Lovers can leave, spouses and immediate family die. That's just part of life. There's no way to ensure 100% safety and happriness in life.
Just try to enjoy what you do have, when you do have it - you never know when it might be gone - (not to say it will) - but a life of regret over things not done, not said, & mostly - not enjoyed - is tough.
I would also take it slow - time is also a good measure of things.
Posted by Cynthia_Greene on March 28, 2007, at 15:12:30
In reply to Re: How do I know when to trust someone?, posted by one woman cine on March 28, 2007, at 14:27:25
> Well, I think you have to trust your gut. You'll just know if it's right or not. Intuition is always the best guide.
>I feel like I don't actually have an intuition, if I do it's not a very accurate or good one. I can't tell what people's intentions are based on that alone unless I think over it all rationally.
I hate posting details since I feel bad about putting personal stuff online when it involves a second person, but I'll add that when I asked him if I was just a temporary month full of one night stands, he was offended and told me I was "serious potential" or something like that.
He also says stuff about how our paths have not only crossed, but are now running parallel and braided together. I don't know if he's trying to be poetic and old school romantic, or if he's manic and out there.
I feel stupid overanalyzing everything, and often think to myself how can I possibly not think he likes me, but this is all very new and confusing to me. I don't want to screw up my first normal or good relationship.
Just based on what I've posted about him so far, does he seem to be honest and interested?
Posted by one woman cine on March 29, 2007, at 8:03:20
In reply to Re: How do I know when to trust someone?, posted by Cynthia_Greene on March 28, 2007, at 15:12:30
I honestly couldn't tell you. (& I also wouldn't put personal stuff online - it's not longer private.) Without the over analyzing - how do you feel about it? Do you trust it? Are you getting what you need out of it? I think you are abetter judge of this than anyone else.
Posted by kninelover on March 29, 2007, at 21:53:24
In reply to Re: How do I know when to trust someone?, posted by Cynthia_Greene on March 28, 2007, at 15:12:30
"He also says stuff about how our paths have not only crossed, but are now running parallel and braided together. I don't know if he's trying to be poetic and old school romantic, or if he's manic and out there."
.."manic and out there" can be "poetic and romantic"...
you will not get out of the relationship what you do not put in...you want trust...you trust...
enjoy love, you are deserving †
Posted by gazo on March 31, 2007, at 13:14:49
In reply to How do I know when to trust someone?, posted by Cynthia_Greene on March 28, 2007, at 13:44:31
WHat a big step you made! Good for you! You rearranged the doubts to analyze your own doubts about yourself. THAT is where growth comes from. Give yourself credit for that.:o)
as far as speed goes.. it's sometimes tough to slow things down.. sometimes there is just good chemistry. Relationships start with chemistry, but they can't be built on it. Slow is better IMO, but it isn't some kind of rule.
does he like you? none of us can really answer that. if he says yes, then like Knine said, you either trust or you don't.
Posted by Cynthia_Greene on April 2, 2007, at 11:47:38
In reply to Re: How do I know when to trust someone? » Cynthia_Greene, posted by gazo on March 31, 2007, at 13:14:49
> WHat a big step you made! Good for you! You rearranged the doubts to analyze your own doubts about yourself. THAT is where growth comes from. Give yourself credit for that.:o)
>
> as far as speed goes.. it's sometimes tough to slow things down.. sometimes there is just good chemistry. Relationships start with chemistry, but they can't be built on it. Slow is better IMO, but it isn't some kind of rule.I wouldn't normally move so fast, but we've known each other for a while before getting together and already seemed pretty close because we both have seen each other at our worst. We originally met at a bad time in a very stressful situation, so it seemed like there was nowhere to go from there but up.
I really liked that on the first date (which happened about 5 months after we met) we didn't have to deal with any of the little awkward small talk. It was nice that he was completely honest with me and had nothing to hide.
Posted by Honore on April 6, 2007, at 20:10:18
In reply to Re: How do I know when to trust someone?, posted by Cynthia_Greene on April 2, 2007, at 11:47:38
If you think that he was "completely honest" with you and "had nothing to hide"-- you've answered your own question.
Your intuition seems pretty clearly to me to be telling you to trust the guy.
What do you doubt? or why?
What would be his motive for telling you things that aren't true? how could you feel so comfortable with him, unless your intuition (which is basically your gut reaction, not any special faculty) told you that he was trustworthy. Comfortableness and trust are very close together.
Could he change his mind?; could you change your mind? could something happen that would cause things not to work out? yeah-- it could.
Can you know that in advance? Basically you have to let things evolve, without being able to control or even necessarily foresee how they'll unfold.
You pretty much have to go with what you feel and what makes sense now.
If something doesn't make sense, then I guess all you can do is try to make sense of what it might signify (sometimes nothing, sometimes something).
Life is awfully hard to predict, which is good and bad-- both. Sometimes that makes it harder, though-- when you really really wish you knew what to expect.
Honore
This is the end of the thread.
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