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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Cynthia_Greene on March 22, 2007, at 19:20:03
I'm just getting involved with a guy who has some manic and bipolar tendencies, but not enough for an actual diagnosis. He's been really sweet so far and I'm enjoying how things are progressing with him, but I'm worried about him anyway. This is probably needless since he seems okay, but I overanalyze and worry about everything anyway. Should I just stop worrying and enjoy things?
Posted by fayeroe on March 22, 2007, at 19:55:16
In reply to People with experience, what should I expect?, posted by Cynthia_Greene on March 22, 2007, at 19:20:03
> I'm just getting involved with a guy who has some manic and bipolar tendencies, but not enough for an actual diagnosis. He's been really sweet so far and I'm enjoying how things are progressing with him, but I'm worried about him anyway. This is probably needless since he seems okay, but I overanalyze and worry about everything anyway. Should I just stop worrying and enjoy things?
i am curious about your realizing that he has the tendencies but not a DX. does he do enough to alarm you or are you just overly analytical ,as i am?
most of us probably wouldn't be in a relationship, at all, if all was perfect. follow your instincts...keep us updated...........pat
>
Posted by Cynthia_Greene on March 23, 2007, at 12:33:41
In reply to Re: People with experience, what should I expect? » Cynthia_Greene, posted by fayeroe on March 22, 2007, at 19:55:16
>
> i am curious about your realizing that he has the tendencies but not a DX. does he do enough to alarm you or are you just overly analytical ,as i am?
>
> most of us probably wouldn't be in a relationship, at all, if all was perfect. follow your instincts...keep us updated...........pat
> >
>
>I didn't notice his tendencies; he actually told me about it himself.
That said, I do tend to overanalyze everything to death. I'm not even sure how accurate my instincts are, because I worry too much when things turn out just fine. Concerning this guy, I guess I'll just go along as things happen and enjoy the ride...
Posted by gazo on March 23, 2007, at 21:23:25
In reply to Re: People with experience, what should I expect?, posted by Cynthia_Greene on March 23, 2007, at 12:33:41
maybe it is none of my biz.. but i have BP and so i know one end of it at least. If it were me (which it isn't) I would ask him some point blank questions.. has he ever read the criteria for bipolar or any of the other mood disorders (cyclothemia, etc)? If no, then he needs to read them and so should you. AFter he has read them, or if he already has, and he still feels he fits many of the criteria then he needs to see a psychiatrist. Period.
i am not one who believes that every person with it needs to be on meds, but to seriously think you have it and not see a doc is not the smartest idea. No offense.
Bipolar is not like the flu.. it doesn't go away. SOme people might only ever have one or two episodes ever... but most will struggle throughout life off and on. Most people have more trouble with depression. If he indeed is bp.. then sooner or later it will bite him hard. There is an effect called "kindling" which, in short terms, means that more and more of the brain gets misfired with each episode. It can be cumulative.
It does NOT mean he can't be successful, or a good lover, partner, husband, father or whatever. It just means he has to be willing to take care of himself, and that should include a doc's supervision. If he doesn't care about that, you should.
i am not trying to scare you away from him. Not at all. i have a lot of problems, but most are from poor emotional skills i developed before i was dx'd. My bp is stable. i have a decent job and a decent life. Very few people around me would suspect I have BP.
would i date me? hmmm... yes, as long as i was committed to being well. Think of it maybe like alcoholism... I would date a recovered alcoholic, but not one who was unwilling to deal with the problem. make sense?
Posted by fayeroe on March 24, 2007, at 20:46:43
In reply to Re: People with experience, what should I expect? » Cynthia_Greene, posted by gazo on March 23, 2007, at 21:23:25
Posted by Cynthia_Greene on March 25, 2007, at 17:47:16
In reply to Re: good post, gazo....... (nm), posted by fayeroe on March 24, 2007, at 20:46:43
He's seen the doctor already and couldn't be diagnosed because he didn't fit all the criteria, but the doctor said he had many of the tendencies anyway. He's currently on antipsychotic drugs, basically for just anxiety.
I feel so guilty putting this personal stuff out here on the internet. He's a really sweet person and doesn't seem unstable, just very impulsive and disorganized at times.
Posted by gazo on March 25, 2007, at 21:32:59
In reply to Re: good post, gazo......., posted by Cynthia_Greene on March 25, 2007, at 17:47:16
i wouldn't feel guilty about asking for information to help you make a decision regarding your future. You're not telling lies about him or identifying him in any way. Go easy on yourself. In fact, I give you more credit for weighing things out.
Hmmm. They said he has tendencies? That's a new one. You see, mood disorders are part of a spectrum. If you have "tendencies" but you don't fit all the criteria then one would expect a dx in a different range of the spectrum.
An AP for anxiety? That strikes me as unlikely, but not unheard of. There are so many other meds out there for anxiety... why would a doc want to introduce something as powerful as an AP? AP's have a whole range of side effects, including weight gain, diabetes, high cholesterol, lethargy, mental dulling...and so on.
The best you can do I suppose is have an open frank discussion with him. Do you believe him deep down? Are you ok with the potential problems if he gets symptomatic or worsens?
Listen to what your gut tells you. No one can really tell you if he is going to get sick someday, or if he did how bad that would be for you. Do what you feel is right for you.
If you still want to see the guy, ask if you can go along to a doc appt with him.
Posted by Cynthia_Greene on March 28, 2007, at 13:01:25
In reply to Re: good post, gazo....... » Cynthia_Greene, posted by gazo on March 25, 2007, at 21:32:59
> An AP for anxiety? That strikes me as unlikely, but not unheard of. There are so many other meds out there for anxiety... why would a doc want to introduce something as powerful as an AP? AP's have a whole range of side effects, including weight gain, diabetes, high cholesterol, lethargy, mental dulling...and so on.
>They gave him Seroquel, since most benzos weren't strong enough for him and the doctor didn't want him getting addicted to Xanax, I suppose.
> The best you can do I suppose is have an open frank discussion with him. Do you believe him deep down? Are you ok with the potential problems if he gets symptomatic or worsens?
I think my biggest concern is that he's going to impulsively decide he's sick of seeing me without warning. I've never been happy in a relationship before, so it's hard for me to believe that I'm actually with someone I like who feels the same way about me. He keeps promising me he isn't going to break my heart, but I can't stop worrying anyway.
>
Posted by gazo on March 29, 2007, at 16:42:10
In reply to Re: good post, gazo......., posted by Cynthia_Greene on March 28, 2007, at 13:01:25
> I think my biggest concern is that he's going to impulsively decide he's sick of seeing me without warning. I've never been happy in a relationship before, so it's hard for me to believe that I'm actually with someone I like who feels the same way about me. He keeps promising me he isn't going to break my heart, but I can't stop worrying anyway.
>ah.. then you asked the wrong question i think. The question isn't about BP. Impulsiveness is certainly a symptom, and most BPer's I know are more impulsive than average people even when doing great otherwise.
Your question isn't even about him IMO. It's about you. You have issues surrounding abandonment from what you say.. and remember, not an expert here. Him being BP isn't related, it's just a target for the anxiety you have. That isn't meant to offend. You have worries that are natural, but it's up to you to decide if the degree is natural. If it is interferring with you having or enjoying relationships then you might consider going to talk therapy.
BP can make people do some..um..regrettable things sometimes, and the milder the form the less extreme those things are. I have done irratic things and made bad choices, but i have not been arrested or hurt anyone. One thing i can tell you for sure is that a person's moral fiber is not caused by BP. With BPII and milder, those who act out against loved ones have issues outside of BP.. the BP just makes it boil over.
so, if your issue is about security... then you need to look inside yourself. You can't predict whether *anyone* will stay or go suddenly, that is a product of circumstance, your interaction together and personal values IMO.
Posted by Cynthia_Greene on March 29, 2007, at 18:33:32
In reply to Re: good post, gazo......., posted by gazo on March 29, 2007, at 16:42:10
>
> Your question isn't even about him IMO. It's about you. You have issues surrounding abandonment from what you say.. and remember, not an expert here. Him being BP isn't related, it's just a target for the anxiety you have. That isn't meant to offend. You have worries that are natural, but it's up to you to decide if the degree is natural. If it is interferring with you having or enjoying relationships then you might consider going to talk therapy.
>I already go to talk therapy and take Valium ( and used to take Xanax) and all of this stuff helps with worrying but I still can't stop worrying about this one thing because a relationship is completely new to me. I have no prior rational knowledge about how to tell when a guy cares about me, so it's scary to go along without a game plan.
Thanks for posting though. I feel a lot better about him now.
Posted by gazo on March 31, 2007, at 13:04:33
In reply to Re: good post, gazo......., posted by Cynthia_Greene on March 29, 2007, at 18:33:32
i hope the therapy and meds give you relief. i think you will figure out what a good relationship is, with this guy or another. i hope your T is a good one and you are open and honest with him/her. Building good relationship skills has to be one of the hardest things to do, but it can be done if you do the work.
This is the end of the thread.
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