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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daisym on February 18, 2007, at 22:21:43
I almost never post over here but I think this belongs better here...
So some of you know that I left my husband about 10 months ago. Things between us had deteriorated so badly -- I was unhappy, he was unhappy and worse, our son was unhappy. Everyone walked on eggshells all the time, trying not to set off my husband. I finally couldn't stand it anymore and moved out. It was an awful scene and a horrid first few months. He truly didn't understand why I left and was distraught. He went to see a therapist for a couple of months but he essentially said she told him he needed a few anger management techniques and a support group but otherwise he was fine and it was all about me. Yeah, OK then.
At the end of the summer he started dating someone. He told me all about her --even about sleeping with her. I guess I felt so bad for hurting him that I made myself be nice and listen to him. Or maybe it was self-punishment for leaving. Whatever. I've been mourning the marriage and the break up of our family, but it is over and I never wanted to go back. So the girlfriend shouldn't bother me, right?
Well -- on Saturday I went to the bank and as I was writing out my deposit, I heard my husband. He has a very distinct voice. I whipped my head around and there he was, standing at the teller window...with a woman. I panicked and left the bank quickly, my heart beating a thousand miles a minute. I got in my car and decided to just move it out of the bank parking lot and over in front of the card store, which faces the bank. That way I could see them leave and then go and finish what I needed to do. As I sat there, I looked around and realized that his truck was sitting two rows over, directly in front of my car. And here they came, my husband and the girlfriend, walking towards the truck. So, being such a grownup about all of this, I grab my sunglasses and stick them on. ('cause, you know, after 25 years, he won't recognize me with sunglasses on!) They stopped at the truck, got something out of it and went into another store. I don't think he saw me. I then moved my car back to the bank, did my business, came out and got the hell out of there. I felt so stupid!!!
I happened to be having dinner with my oldest son last night and he laughed really hard at me. I laughed at me too. My youngest said he thought he would have reacted the same way, it is just too "weird." I still can't figure out why I ran away and freaked out so badly.
Aren't small towns fun?
Posted by Jo U.K on February 19, 2007, at 1:47:20
In reply to I acted like an idiot, posted by Daisym on February 18, 2007, at 22:21:43
Oh my goodness, Daisy, I felt my heart pounding just reading your post. I would have reacted the same I'm sure. That sort of thing happens to me when I'm looking a bit of a state - you know, no make up and scruffy or something!
I guess it's still early days since your marriage broke up, and after all you had been with him for 25 years, it's bound to feel wierd to see him with someone else.I do feel it's over stepping the mark for him to tell you about his sex life though! Did hearing about it have a strange kind of interest for you?
I dont think you should feel bad about leaving, or try to compensate for it - after all you took what you thought was the best decision for you all at the time, so dont lose sight of that.
If I were you, I'd only leave the house dressed to the nines with full war paint on, just in case you run in to them and he introduces you! Maybe I'm just a little vain :-)
Jo
Posted by Daisym on February 19, 2007, at 14:00:12
In reply to Re: I acted like an idiot, posted by Jo U.K on February 19, 2007, at 1:47:20
Thanks - you aren't vain, just human like me, I guess. I NEVER leave the house a mess -- I might not be completely decked out, but make-up, hair, neat and clean for sure. *sigh*
As far as discussing sex, it was one of those conversations that sort of wound around and over to it. And I was trying to be so "cool" about it all -- you know, enlightened and all that crap. Inside my head I was sort of going, "WHAT!!?" Especially when he told me it was weird to have someone "in our bed" after all this time and then he asked me an HIV question. (I'm a health educator.) I drew the line there and told him I couldn't talk to him about this anymore, it hurt me. And then he got huffy and did the "well you left" speech.
This is so much harder than I thought it would be.
Posted by Jo U.K on February 19, 2007, at 14:10:51
In reply to Re: I acted like an idiot » Jo U.K, posted by Daisym on February 19, 2007, at 14:00:12
What an awkward conversation. Just because it was you that left,surely doesnt mean he can tell you intimate things about his new girlfriend? Whats he gonna do next, compare techniques?
Jeeze, I feel for you Daisy. You're treading a conversational minefield!
Dont feel bad, you're not obliged to prop him up.
Posted by Daisym on February 19, 2007, at 16:34:04
In reply to Re: I acted like an idiot, posted by Jo U.K on February 19, 2007, at 14:10:51
He already did that -- told me she is "better" than me in bed because she "likes" sex and isn't afraid to show it. He also said she was more open to new ideas, etc. To be fair, he never knew I was sexually abused as a child, so he had no way of understanding why sex was so hard for me at different times during our marriage. I would just dissociate and let him do whatever he wanted.
Yeah - minefield - no kidding. Bleck.
Posted by fayeroe on February 19, 2007, at 19:51:12
In reply to I acted like an idiot, posted by Daisym on February 18, 2007, at 22:21:43
when i moved back to small town where ex lives, with 26 year younger wife, i came out of a store and walked right in front of them.......(she's never seen me)he saw me and as i was getting into my truck, he was shoving her through the door of a shop and they both fell face forwards into the shop........i laughed so hard that i almost peed my pants......small towns are so much fun...........all of that to keep her from seeing me......ha ha ha and she would not have recognized me anyway.........
Posted by fayeroe on February 19, 2007, at 19:54:17
In reply to Re: I acted like an idiot » Jo U.K, posted by Daisym on February 19, 2007, at 14:00:12
oh my, i read the rest of the post. my ex is almost 70 and about 5 years ago he called me, out of the blue, and was trying to tell me about "aging and how some parts don't work as well" and i said "what the ---- is your problem?" and hung up the phone........it gets easier.......trust me......
This is the end of the thread.
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