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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by karen_kay on February 7, 2007, at 6:29:49
mania/depression?
mr kk (poor, poor man) has become the brunt of my anger this time around. and unlike the other times with this illness, i've become mean, very mean, for me. i'm throwing things, in his general direction when angry with him. i've come very close to hitting him with a shirt. and this is not me. this is my mother. that's the scary part. these are behaviors i remember my mother exhibitting and that's what scares me.
and i know he's struggling. and i can be mad at him one moment and break down and cry the next, but that doesn't make it any better. see, i'm crying now. but, that doesn't excuse it. but, i don't feel i can stop it, not in my state of mind right now (for those who don't know, i'm manic and my fing doc's have upped my topamax so high i should be completely lethargic right now, i'm not. my respirdal too. again, i'm not. i sleep at night, but wake right back up, feeling like i'm on crack cocaine and have been for years, constantly. or, i can only imagine that's how it would fel, as i haven't used crack for years at a time....)
anyhooooooo. i need to calm down. and yes, i suppose i could do like th ecrisis line suggested and count to ten before i hit him, but that would only make me hit at him 10 X harder, for making me wait that much longer.
so, any suggestions? i really don't feel it's a good idea for him to leave right now (though that was an idea for a while. we saw my therapist together and she thought it not a good idea for me to be left alone for a while).
i just don't want to be this way. i don't want him to see me this way. i don't want to do something he'll remember for a long time (especially since i'm having a hard time remembering things i do anyway).
i'm not an angry person at all. and this time, it's manifesting in anger. don't get me wrong. i'm not punching walls. that would be way out of line. and i'm not doing anything at all like that with the kids either. seems i'm saving it all for mr kk. but, i'm snapping at him quite often (not like me really). i awake him with snotty comments and mean looks). i flip out at nothing. just, compared to how i normally am, i am coming across as very mean and hurtful and it's causing him a whole lot of pain.
help, before he decides to leave me too!
plus, then, i have the added stress of guilt from all this. i need him to be able to not internalize all this. no, i need some xanax. is there a doctor in the house?
Posted by one woman cine on February 7, 2007, at 8:25:50
In reply to how does your spouse/so handle your moods or, posted by karen_kay on February 7, 2007, at 6:29:49
I think because your having a physical reaction, you need physical relief - hard exercise, medication (something will work, even if it knocks you out) - can you call your pdoc? That seems to be a good idea if the other avenues for physical release don't work.
Posted by Jo U.K on February 8, 2007, at 4:03:43
In reply to Re: how does your spouse/so handle your moods or, posted by one woman cine on February 7, 2007, at 8:25:50
I agree with above, and perhaps in the times when you're feeling reasonably calm(even if it's just 60secs),try and tell him you're sorry for behaving the way you are and that you love him, and that if he could just be patient that this will pass. Go outside and have a good scream - never mind the neighbours! I reckon Mr KK's a wonderfull man, maybe that makes you feel even more guilty, but don't give yourself an inferiority complex, you're great too, just having a blip. My poor husband has put up with all sorts from me in the past, it hasn't affected our relationship because we can forgive ourselves(he's no angel either) and move on once the bad stuff has passed.
I hope you're ok.
Kind regards
Jo
Posted by karen_kay on February 8, 2007, at 5:36:35
In reply to Re: how does your spouse/so handle your moods or, posted by Jo U.K on February 8, 2007, at 4:03:43
my answers came!
in the form of a ittle green pill, klonopin! legally! yahoo!
hes much happier. i cried when she prescribed it.
i was in her waiting room, cleaning up toys and some poor child asked, 'willyou be seeing me today?' i laughed some evil, crazy laugh and blurted out 'no hun, sorry' his mother covered his face and took him away.
i think finally the doctor realized, with the help of my therapist i did need to calm down, not jsut drugs.
thanks for the replies. if i need to do the extras, beyond the meds, i'll try meditation, as my therapist said she'd help me work on that. though, i'm quite skeptical as to how i'd be able to focus my mind without klonopin. but, i'm open for it.
and you're right woman. to hell with the neighbors!
thanks so much for the replies. now, what about nosey brother in laws and all the misundeerstandings this thing has caused? how to get out of the messes this has caused? can i blame all that on drugs??? :(
This is the end of the thread.
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