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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by DannaB on December 27, 2006, at 15:40:18
My mom is here helping me move. My mother has always driven me completely bonkers. I can't really explain it fully here, but basically she is a really difficult person to be around for many different reasons.
The thing is that she drives me so crazy that I find myself always being on edge and snapping at her for any little thing. There is not another person in my life that I do this with, but somehow she pushes all of my buttons. For example, I had some personal books that I didn't want her to see when she was here, but of course she opened the plastic bag I had tied them in and went through them all. It's things like that--no regard for privacy or boundaries--that I just can't deal with.
I feel *so* guilty because I hate the way I act when I'm around her. I feel like I must not be a nice person because why can't I just be a nice, sweet daughter who doesn't have a temper and doesn't get annoyed?
How do I learn to 1. Be more patient and 2. Not feel guilty for not being a saint, which is what I would have to be to not find myself getting annoyed all of the time?
Posted by dessbee on December 27, 2006, at 16:41:45
In reply to Please tell me I'm not a bad person, posted by DannaB on December 27, 2006, at 15:40:18
You seem pretty normal to me. Anyone would get mad at their parents if they did not respect private things, especially when you told her not to look (!) There is a saying: 'curiosity killed the cat'. Maybe next time it would be better to exclude her from information she can not handle.
Posted by AuntieMel on December 27, 2006, at 16:53:31
In reply to Please tell me I'm not a bad person, posted by DannaB on December 27, 2006, at 15:40:18
I've got the same problem. My mom has been at my house (again!) for about 3 weeks this time.
It doesn't matter that i love her - I'm just used to having more quiet time - more privacy - less noise.
And she's always "helping" - translated into "picking up" - translated into "I get to go into the drawers and cabinets" I've been tempted to get something really, really naughty and "hide" it.
Add that to the fact that my brother can do no wrong - even though I'm the one schlepping her to doctors (last week, while I was cooking for the gang she actually *ordered* me to find him some cream because he had an itch)...
It pushes my buttons, too.
I just keep biting my tongue.
And I *won't* feel guilty about how I feel. You shouldn't either.
Posted by DannaB on December 27, 2006, at 22:16:28
In reply to Re: Please tell me I'm not a bad person, posted by AuntieMel on December 27, 2006, at 16:53:31
Thanks, guys. I just wish I could do more tongue-biting and less verbal snapping. She just puts me on edge somehow. I hate how mean I sound, but I just feel constantly frustrated by things she does...I talked to my brother and he said that although he acknowledges that she can be annoying, he doesn't really get upset. He says everything pretty much rolls off his back. He is LUCKY because I am sensitive and everything upset me!
Also, I had a recent medication change due to side effects. Somehow, I was much less irritable on Celexa. For me, it's anger management in a bottle. Unfortunately, it ruins my sex life :(
Posted by alesta on December 28, 2006, at 13:32:20
In reply to Please tell me I'm not a bad person, posted by DannaB on December 27, 2006, at 15:40:18
you are a wonderful person, danna...be easy on yourself..i can relate to what you're saying. when i was with my crack addict ex he used to be so mean thereby making me so stressed that i snapped at my dogs a lot. just remember no one is perfect. you're a great person..hugs!!!!!!
Posted by dessbee on December 29, 2006, at 7:09:57
In reply to Re: Please tell me I'm not a bad person, posted by DannaB on December 27, 2006, at 22:16:28
Anger can be quite agonizing. It really causes exhaustion, guilt and frustration. Although it is important to stand up for oneself, anger is not always the best strategy. This is ofcourse easy to say and harder to put into practice.
If your anger becomes a problem in your everyday life, I think you need to address this problem with your psychiatrist. It could be side effects or you could have symptoms of bipolar mixed state.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mixed_state_%28psychiatry%29
Posted by fayeroe on December 30, 2006, at 19:52:45
In reply to Re: Please tell me I'm not a bad person » DannaB, posted by dessbee on December 29, 2006, at 7:09:57
i have two suggestions that have worked well for me with people that i have difficulty with.....
1. when they say something annoying to me, i say "you may be right".......totally confuses them. they have no idea how to reply.
2. when they ask a personal question or get into my personal things........i ask "why would you ask/do something so personal?"......believe you me, there is no easy answer to that one that doesn't incriminate the "doer".......:-)
This is the end of the thread.
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