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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by corafree on October 13, 2006, at 15:39:50
His mania is sooo fun, especially for him! But it is contagious! 'I need a buzz', but in tryin' live a normal life, also need grounding, and can't find that anywhere w/ him, 'or me'.
Love him? I think about him all the time. I worry about him. I can't stand thinking of him w/ someone else. Is this love? Love has so many un-meanings to me now. It wasn't what I thought it was at one time or another.
He has a mother-son attachment big time and she is ill. I think this is what is pushiing him to push me into a decision. He wants a commitment from me, now!
I know he's taking mood stabilizer Depakote, but not sure taking any anti-psychotic as he says he takes nothing during the day. He takes Restoril for sleep (4hrs or so). Wish Topamax was on 'the system' formulary.
He's a comedian, a poet, an artist, a well-dressed man, ... dam*it he's even handsome and seductive. If you met him, you'd feel like 'you were very important' as he talked to you.
How do I let him go? He's been a part of my life for sooo many yrs. And, there is no other one to take his place (You know, that replace one w/ a better, thing).
I know he's done bad things while using, but tonight wanted to go to an NA meeting w/ daughter. Good intentions.
I don't give up ... that's not me ... doesn't he need me. I feel he'd be 'in jail' or 'dead' if I'd not been in his life to direct him to psych system.
ultimatum?me?, cf
Posted by Phillipa on October 13, 2006, at 22:24:29
In reply to Rainydayman is really Icecreamman!, posted by corafree on October 13, 2006, at 15:39:50
Cora you know he a manipulator and meth addict. Why would you want someone like this?Love Phillipa
Posted by corafree on October 15, 2006, at 1:11:55
In reply to Re: Rainydayman is really Icecreamman! » corafree, posted by Phillipa on October 13, 2006, at 22:24:29
The first thing that came to mind was ... 'to save him'.
love, cf
Posted by Phillipa on October 28, 2006, at 0:27:16
In reply to Rainydayman is really Icecreamman!, posted by corafree on October 13, 2006, at 15:43:18
Yes you can go it alone. Get yourself well first. And do you want to be a caretaker for his Mom? Love Phillipa ps fix you e-mail
Posted by corafree on October 28, 2006, at 0:27:21
In reply to Re: Rainydayman is really Icecreamman! » corafree, posted by Phillipa on October 13, 2006, at 22:11:48
Sometimes I miss 'someone to take care of'. I've been living alone so long now.
He doesn't just bring 'one color' of a personality w/ him. He brings all the colors!
I've had the 'grounding man' and the 'normal man' and the 'boring man', and they were too complacent 4me.
Another thing, he does not see or hear things that are not there, try to fly from tall bldgs, or become paranoid. Aren't these symptoms of psychosis.
How much 'better' do I have to get to be 'at my best'.
The fact that I was abused too long has changed me and I will never be the same. Trying to find help w/ it, especially in 'the system', is impossible.
He spoke to me a lot about my abuse last eve' and I didn't realize he cared so much. There were many people that just turned and walked away from me when I reached out for help. They wanted to be my ex's buddies!!!??? ICM told me he understood what has happened to me and why I push peeps away. Boy did that feel good. To have it acknowledged.
cf
Posted by Lindenblüte on October 28, 2006, at 0:27:23
In reply to Re: Rainydayman is really Icecreamman! » Phillipa, posted by corafree on October 15, 2006, at 1:10:46
I think it's great that you found a friend that is comfortable talking about abuse stuff with you. That can really be a beautiful thing. It's rare and special.
That doesn't mean that he's the right one for you right now, though.
Try not to make a romance out of a friendship just because you need a "fix-it-up" project. I've done that before. Inevitably, the unhealthy one gets a tiny bit healthier, and the healthy one ends up feeling very exhausted and used. Afterwards, nobody's that healthy.
cora, just remember all you've done to get yourself this far. You're a strong woman, and you deserve a guy who will help you get even stronger.
-Li
Posted by corafree on October 28, 2006, at 0:27:27
In reply to Re: Rainydayman is really Icecreamman!, posted by Lindenblüte on October 15, 2006, at 22:36:40
Yep, yeah, well, oh h*ll this is hard!
Does anyone know a man that 'will help' me? A better man? Where do I look? I'm always mistaken as a younger woman when go out and then have these before-mid life men calling me and have to tell them to go away.
A lot of this is about Ritalin treatment as a child being 'like' methamphetamine as an adult. Parents get you through school on Ritalin and then just leave you hanging w/ nothing! Meth acts in the same way in him. W/ nothing, it's no wonder he found his own cure, too bad on the streets. Too bad someone didn't get him to a psych when he was younger. But, he goes to NA and is a 'clean' cat walking on the ceiling! He told me last night on phone he could feel his mania subsiding.
I've had all types of men. They all want something .. attention, to be complemented, of course sex, a cooker, a cleaner, a wage earner. I've been down that road a couple times. I've always given more than I've rec'd. They must spot that in me, or, maybe I give a lot 'to feel worthy'. That's prob' true. The first time I was told I was 'not good enough' ... I plummeted hard. No one had ever told me that before! I didn't know that to be true! But from my childhood sweetheart ... OMG it must have been true! I'm still running from that ... trying to be better. Always trying to better than normal.(?) Was my nose too big? Were my legs too thin? Was I just a loud mouth when I drank? He told me I didn't 'praise' him enough.
Think I need a good therapist. Ya' think?
Last eve' ICM shared info re: his family, ... which was really rare!! He's showing me his true self and telling me about his everyday life! What's going on!?
Something is happening. Oh. There's a planetary MALalignment going on NOW, and for a while. I'm feeling it as 'introspection' and 'reflection'.
TU for input Li.
love, cf
Posted by Lindenblüte on October 28, 2006, at 0:27:28
In reply to Re: Rainydayman is really Icecreamman! » Lindenblüte, posted by corafree on October 16, 2006, at 14:46:57
> Yep, yeah, well, oh h*ll this is hard!
>
> Does anyone know a man that 'will help' me? A better man? Where do I look? I'm always mistaken as a younger woman when go out and then have these before-mid life men calling me and have to tell them to go away.They are all different. Sometimes a sample is enough, sometimes you have to eat the whole pint.
> A lot of this is about Ritalin treatment as a child being 'like' methamphetamine as an adult. Parents get you through school on Ritalin and then just leave you hanging w/ nothing! Meth acts in the same way in him. W/ nothing, it's no wonder he found his own cure, too bad on the streets. Too bad someone didn't get him to a psych when he was younger. But, he goes to NA and is a 'clean' cat walking on the ceiling! He told me last night on phone he could feel his mania subsiding.
It's not too late for him to see pdoc now. He can still get treatment. Curtm has archived posts on the substance abuse board. He has been off of methamphetamines for over a year.
> I've had all types of men. They all want something .. attention, to be complemented, of course sex, a cooker, a cleaner, a wage earner. I've been down that road a couple times. I've always given more than I've rec'd. They must spot that in me, or, maybe I give a lot 'to feel worthy'. That's prob' true. The first time I was told I was 'not good enough' ... I plummeted hard. No one had ever told me that before! I didn't know that to be true! But from my childhood sweetheart ... OMG it must have been true! I'm still running from that ... trying to be better. Always trying to better than normal.(?) Was my nose too big? Were my legs too thin? Was I just a loud mouth when I drank? He told me I didn't 'praise' him enough.
I think that all men have certain expectations from their romantic partners. But it's important to remember that you are partners. He has things to offer you, and vice versa. Honesty about what these expectations are is so important. They can be modified somewhat, but in my experience these expectations are fairly unflexible. A lot of men (& women) will try to adapt and change for each new relationship, but inevitably, they fall into the same patterns of behavior. The best prediction of someone's future behavior is how they behaved in the past under similar circumstances.
It's a wonderful thing- new love- the rush- the dream- the fantasy that your life has taken on a completely new meaning- you are on a new course.... but ultimately it's a fantasy that fades ever so slightly over time in the best relationships. In bad relationships a sudden event might make both parties aware that they are not actually in the right relationship for the right reasons.
Sure, it's important to give and support your guy. I do all kinds of stuff for my husband that I know he appreciates, and stuff he takes for granted too. He does lots of stuff for me too. (in sickness, and in health!)
Just keep your eyes open and think ahead, not just for the next couple of days but for the next couple of weeks, months...
Or, recognize that he's the flavor of the month, and enjoy yourself- but don't get locked into the walk in freezer!!!
yikes!!!
-Lioh yeah- finding a good T? that's a great idea, especially since you're feeling introspective. T's LOVE that kind of stuff!
Posted by Phillipa on October 28, 2006, at 0:27:31
In reply to Re: Rainydayman is really Icecreamman! » corafree, posted by Lindenblüte on October 16, 2006, at 16:04:56
Li excellent advise. And cora a glance at the substance abuse achieves is a good idea. Love Phillipa
Posted by corafree on October 28, 2006, at 0:27:32
In reply to Re: Rainydayman is really Icecreamman! » Lindenblüte, posted by Phillipa on October 16, 2006, at 19:25:40
He claims to be drug free for over a year now ... had to go through the whole program which lasted longer than a year and now goes to NA. I was so tired when read post Li, but it was good and thank you for understanding. Guess I should check out and see how others in his situation are doing on substance abuse. Tks friends!
love, cf
Posted by corafree on October 28, 2006, at 17:59:16
In reply to Re: Rainydayman is really Icecreamman! » corafree, posted by Phillipa on October 13, 2006, at 22:11:48
It's fixed P.
Just 'how well' will I ever be? That perfect man may be looking for a woman like the one I was some time ago (Well, u know what I mean.). Things have changed in the 'dating arena'. Men are really checking into women's finances, bags, ... more then ever 'what they can get' out of a marriage. It used to be about love/sex to a man, I believe, and now it is like they want your resume and medical records!
I don't want to be alone anymore. Boo hoo.
All say "I deserve more", but 'who am I now' to expect that? Unbrideled(?) trust is gone. The raising of a voice causes fear in me. Things of value have been taken from me, when if a man would have just asked me, I probably would have given them to him.
A big mistake I made was not asking for spousal support, especially from #3, although #2 also hurt me. What was I thinking? I was too proud! I shouldn't have been too proud. I thought I needed nothing from them, but for them to go away. Anyone reading this, remember this for your sake.
love, cf
Posted by corafree on October 28, 2006, at 18:11:07
In reply to Re: Rainydayman is really Icecreamman!, posted by Lindenblüte on October 15, 2006, at 22:36:40
But, don't you agree 'men want know all financial/medical stuff' nowadays?
It is different. Am I wrong?
If I'm right, I may 'have to settle 4less than my teenage dreams'.
Afa ICM, the worst is over; fixed him already.
I'm don't think I have the strength or interest in spending 'more years' courting, meeting family, learning how to communicate w/ a new partner and his family, maybe he has children to deal with and, OMG, sounds exhausting.
I truly appreciate what U say tho', all of you above, .. I do.
All I can do is pray, 'cuz they're comin' to me; no way I'm goin' to put myself on display.
I don't feel any man deserves it, not anymore.(?)
When I and ICM first met, we were together somewhere and heard ding-dong song of an ice cream truck. We both 'thought of our lives, our homes, our children', all changed now forever. We'd both been abandoned by our partners. Think both cried.
tks, cf
Posted by corafree on October 28, 2006, at 18:17:30
In reply to Re: Rainydayman is really Icecreamman! » corafree, posted by Lindenblüte on October 16, 2006, at 16:04:56
And I think I just threw away that 37-y/o's phone #!?
But he wasn't tall, handsome, and witty. (I know!)
You're blessed to have a husband care about your health, especially when it's bad health.
I'd like to talk to Curtm. Hmmm .. how?
love, cf
Posted by Phillipa on October 28, 2006, at 19:10:40
In reply to Re: Rainydayman is really Icecreamman! » Lindenblüte, posted by corafree on October 28, 2006, at 18:17:30
Well if you want to talk to Curtm first see if his babblelight is on. If it is a babblemail. If not then post a thread calling him. Love Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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