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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 12 to 36 of 57. Go back in thread:
Posted by Tamar on May 30, 2006, at 10:48:18
In reply to Don't y'all think it's weird..., posted by Larry Hoover on May 29, 2006, at 8:45:39
> .....when you develop feelings for someone you've never met, except in an online context?
It doesn’t seem weird to me. It seems very easy for me to feel love for people I don’t know everything about. In fact, I reckon love stays alive most easily when people continue to get to know each other over many years. There’s always some of the excitement of discovery. Or maybe it’s just me…
> But, you have this internet reality, where you can be intimately involved with someone you haven't the slightest clue what they are really like. I mean, you have the intimacy, and assuming it's all quite truthful and accurate, but you still don't know their vibe. You still don't have any sense of body language, or style, or all of that. If there's that chemistry. Or do you?
I reckon you’re right about body language and style and so on. But I suppose you can get some of that with a web cam or photos. The thing that’s impossible to know without meeting is whether you’re going to be attracted to the way they smell. And I think that can be very important, though it’s usually not a conscious thing.
> It quite messes with me, really, because I am a passionate fellow. And it's out of sequence. It's out of context. Isn't it? I mean, to feel for someone you haven't met?
I think it makes sense to have those feelings. You have encountered her as a person, even if you haven’t been in the same room. She’s still real; she’s just distant.
I’m with Antigua: I think it’s romantic.
Posted by curtm on May 30, 2006, at 21:41:06
In reply to Re: Don't y'all think it's weird... » Larry Hoover, posted by Tamar on May 30, 2006, at 10:48:18
Abstinence is the only safer birth control than an online relationship.
Posted by llrrrpp on May 30, 2006, at 21:50:51
In reply to Re: Don't y'all think it's weird..., posted by curtm on May 30, 2006, at 21:41:06
I met the man I married in a tiny little insignificant summer fling of only a few days' duration. We continued our courtship over several months when I lived in Asia and Europe, mostly through e-mail. It's how I got to know him. It's how I got to know myself. This is your brain. This is your brain on love.... Really. It felt a lot safer. And I knew he was the one for me, even though I had only spent seven days as his face to face g/f. We've been together since '99. The written word can be powerfully intimate. But it takes a lot of trust in the other, and trust in yourself, to keep it real, and not to create a fantasy.
Posted by curtm on May 30, 2006, at 21:56:20
In reply to Re: Don't y'all think it's weird..., posted by curtm on May 30, 2006, at 21:41:06
>> Abstinence is the only safer birth control than an online relationship.
I really like this thread A LOT. Im just at a loss for good commentary tonight. I'll shut up now. :)
Posted by crazy teresa on May 30, 2006, at 22:01:19
In reply to Re: Don't y'all think it's weird..., posted by llrrrpp on May 30, 2006, at 21:50:51
Good point!
The only reason I agreed to the first date with my husband is that I knew he was leaving the state! Talk about no pressure dating... ;~}
We then corresponded through the mail nearly every day (no email back then!) and occasional phone calls for 1 1/2 years while he finished his military obligations. He sent me a plane ticket to visit him once. Other visits were only when he could get a 3 day weekend, about 4 times a year.
Posted by crazy teresa on May 30, 2006, at 22:03:03
In reply to That was dumb, I'm sorry » curtm, posted by curtm on May 30, 2006, at 21:56:20
Posted by Declan on May 31, 2006, at 2:05:26
In reply to Re: Don't y'all think it's weird... » madeline, posted by verne on May 30, 2006, at 7:08:59
There is this sense of a drain, isn't there? We put so much thought and feeling into our posts, and then? You know, like Ed said on the main board.
I volunteered recently for the local radio station. But for maybe 6 months the only contact with people I had was on PB, apart from where I live.
Often I'm just trying to keep myself amused; and then I usually feel guilty.
Declan
Posted by ron1953 on May 31, 2006, at 5:21:26
In reply to Don't y'all think it's weird..., posted by Larry Hoover on May 29, 2006, at 8:45:39
I "met" a Babbler in Open 10/05. First Open, then IM, then phone calls (wonderful, loooooong phone calls), then a cross-country visit. Well, to make a long shory stort (deliberate), we've been married over a year! As far as we know, the only Babblers to marry. A dubious distinction, perhaps.
So, is it wierd? Yeah, I guess. But no weirder than meeting any other way.
Ron
Posted by llrrrpp on May 31, 2006, at 7:51:00
In reply to So weird that we got married! » Larry Hoover, posted by ron1953 on May 31, 2006, at 5:21:26
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 31, 2006, at 8:25:21
In reply to So weird that we got married! » Larry Hoover, posted by ron1953 on May 31, 2006, at 5:21:26
> I "met" a Babbler in Open 10/05. First Open, then IM, then phone calls (wonderful, loooooong phone calls), then a cross-country visit. Well, to make a long shory stort (deliberate), we've been married over a year! As far as we know, the only Babblers to marry. A dubious distinction, perhaps.
A glorious distinction! I congratulate you, again.
Soon, Gabbii will be joining your ranks, with a mystery-Babbler guy. It's on Social. Does she get another 'i' then? Gabbiii?
> So, is it wierd? Yeah, I guess. But no weirder than meeting any other way.
>
> RonI'm starting to recognize that.
Ya. No weirder than any other way. Different, but only because it's different.
Lar
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 31, 2006, at 9:29:19
In reply to Don't y'all think it's weird..., posted by Larry Hoover on May 29, 2006, at 8:45:39
The coffee date thing was perhaps misunderstood. I realize now, what I meant. The chakra/aura thing. It doesn't carry, over the phone. No digital chakra content. No aura roaming charges. The phone is air vibration. Don't get me wrong, it's there, the chakra/aura stuff. But it's not the same as face to face.
And two posters developed long-standing relationships with a distant someone, but the key difference is: they met first, even if only for a short time. They met first, then did the distance thing.
Random quotations, just lifted hither and yon:
"I think it's romantic."
Yes, it definitely is that.
"what's romantic is that it's so deeply, positively felt and maybe doing nice things for Lar' "
Just watch it, missy. I wouldn't be surprised she's reading this thread, and I don't want her getting all swollen-headed and all that. Let's just say that I've never felt better in my life, and leave it unattributed, okay?
"At least in real life, after I've revealed too much or said something crazy, they *know* my heart is in the right place. "
This deserves, if nothing else, some validation. The same thing goes here, dude. But there is a way to know, in real life, that reconfirms the other way of knowing that is embedded in our text communications. *This* version *is* a faith-based version. And I do have faith. In you. In you, verne.
"There is something essential in the relationship that the body experiences, and the body tells you when the feelings are real."
Precisely so. Self-validation. That is what I was trying to put my finger on.
"The thing that’s impossible to know without meeting is whether you’re going to be attracted to the way they smell."
Oh, so very true. Or taste. Or feel. That's also very important to me. I have five senses. I do not even yet have vision at play. I have verbal descriptors, but no picture, yet. Ya know?
But there's another concept at issue. It is such a useful concept, that it comes down to us through the ages. Common sense. It traces directly back to the Parthenon and the Senate of the city-state we now call Athens. I believe it arose in the dialectic between Plato and his student, Aristotle. But common sense has a meaning that is lost to us, today. It isn't used in the way it was first postulated.
We have five senses. Five primary physical ways to sense the environment. Sight, sound, touch, taste, smell. No one has ever convincingly argued to increase that number.
But, a new sense *was* added, called the common sense. It is the sum and synthesis and symbiosis of all five. A supernumerary sense, which is informed by each, yet greater in some way than the contributors themselves.
I cannot yet use my common sense.
I think I have visions of aeroplanes. Strange craft, in the sky. I have always marvelled at them. Strange tubes, crammed full of people. And while you're in the tube, the stage hands change all the scenery. It's really quite dramatic, the effect they can get, with these tubes.
I really appreciate what was going on in this thread. Thank you, all.
Lar
Posted by curtm on May 31, 2006, at 10:08:00
In reply to Re: So weird that we got married! » ron1953, posted by Larry Hoover on May 31, 2006, at 8:25:21
I am going to create a new online profile. She will be the girl of my dreams. I will then begin a relationship with her. It will be the greatest love (virtual) ever. We will talk to each other everyday. She will treat me like a king and she will be my queen. We will dream day and night of each other. She will be my life and I will be hers.
I don't think it would work out if I arranged to meet her in person, though.
Love,
Curt
Posted by Larry Hoover on June 3, 2006, at 12:08:02
In reply to Don't y'all think it's weird..., posted by Larry Hoover on May 29, 2006, at 8:45:39
I am very grateful for the responses to this thread.
All will be well.
Lar
Posted by Larry Hoover on June 18, 2006, at 12:21:06
In reply to Re: Don't y'all think it's weird..., posted by Larry Hoover on June 3, 2006, at 12:08:02
I am really grateful that I received the thoughtful and thought provoking responses that I did receive, a few weeks ago. They allowed me to "normalize" what I was experiencing, to see it from a comfortable place. Yes, it is a very romantic thing I'm experiencing. Very romantic, indeed.
I've been busy, the last few days. Hell, the last few weeks. I had to get a car that could handle a road trip; my old one was not up for that. I had to organize the logistics; could you believe it was so hard to even find an affordable room in her area? A vacancy itself?
And I drove all day. A little over 600 miles. Almost precisely 1000 km. To meet her, for the very first time. I honestly did not even know what she looked like. Just words, is all I had. A few simple descriptors. We've been corresponding for years, but we only started really communicating over the last few months.
I was going on that roadtrip to ask her one of the most important questions there is. And I am back home, now, a very happy man. She said she'd have me, as her partner. The rest is just details, now.
If I've been weird, the last little while, it's because I've never felt like this before. I am in awe of it. I've just been exuberant....I've been exuberating all over the dang place.... haven't I been doing that? Exuberating, all over the place.
Now you know why.
All will be well.
Lar
Posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2006, at 13:45:24
In reply to Re: Don't y'all think it's romantic?, posted by Larry Hoover on June 18, 2006, at 12:21:06
Posted by caraher on June 18, 2006, at 18:18:18
In reply to Re: Don't y'all think it's romantic?, posted by Larry Hoover on June 18, 2006, at 12:21:06
Posted by ron1953 on June 18, 2006, at 19:15:23
In reply to Re: Don't y'all think it's romantic?, posted by Larry Hoover on June 18, 2006, at 12:21:06
Lar:
Judi (jlynne) and I are genuinely pleased at this turn of events. It brings fond memories for us. We wish you and the mystery women the best of luck. So, who's relocating?
Ron
P.S. Are you familiar with "Harville Hendrix"? His books, including "Getting The Love You Want" have been a fantastic and realistic resource for us. Just a mention.....
Posted by Deneb on June 18, 2006, at 19:27:08
In reply to Re: Don't y'all think it's romantic?, posted by Larry Hoover on June 18, 2006, at 12:21:06
Posted by 10derHeart on June 18, 2006, at 20:39:41
In reply to Re: Don't y'all think it's romantic?, posted by ron1953 on June 18, 2006, at 19:15:23
Posted by Gabbi~G on June 18, 2006, at 20:54:00
In reply to Re: So weird that we got married! » ron1953, posted by Larry Hoover on May 31, 2006, at 8:25:21
Ryan is not, and never has been a Babbler.
He doesn't even look at the board!
And yes I'm married, that's how I got the "G"
Posted by Bobby on June 18, 2006, at 21:06:44
In reply to Re: Don't y'all think it's romantic?, posted by Larry Hoover on June 18, 2006, at 12:21:06
the thrill of the chase and the joy of it's fruition.
Posted by Toph on June 18, 2006, at 21:58:50
In reply to Re: Don't y'all think it's romantic?, posted by Larry Hoover on June 18, 2006, at 12:21:06
Congratulations Lar.
Was it love at first sight or love at first byte?
Posted by Phillipa on June 18, 2006, at 22:44:53
In reply to Re: Don't y'all think it's romantic? » Larry Hoover, posted by Toph on June 18, 2006, at 21:58:50
Lar do we know her she a babbler? Love Phillipa so happy for you!!!!!!!
Posted by Gabbi~G on June 18, 2006, at 23:45:20
In reply to Re: Don't y'all think it's romantic?, posted by Phillipa on June 18, 2006, at 22:44:53
Yes heartfelt congratulations Lar!
But please, a little discretion.
You don't know about my love life (or very little) and I haven't a clue why you thought Ryan was a babbler. This relationship is sacred to me, and I've been discreet about on purpose.Thanks
Posted by All Done on June 19, 2006, at 0:41:18
In reply to Re: Don't y'all think it's romantic?, posted by Larry Hoover on June 18, 2006, at 12:21:06
It's nice to hear you so happy!! :)
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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