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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wanttobhappy on February 28, 2006, at 1:02:02
Well, my husband recently found my perscription for anti-depressant (I did'nt tell him I was back on them) He asked me how much they were (for the bill payments) and that was it. It has been weeks since then and not one word has he said on that subject. Does he not care? We have been through the whole depression thing before and did'nt talk about it then either. One of my biggest questions is how can he even begin to understand or even tolerate some of the fears and moods that come along with deppression without asking questions? Why does'nt he want to talk to me? We have always had communication issues but we can usually get our points across when they are important. I guess I could be to blame as I withheld the fact as long as I could. Last time I went on meds and I told my husband he never said a word. Not a "oh I did'nt know it was that bad" or "what are you on and what does it do" or "Do you want to see a therapist or pdoc" nothing absolutely nothing. He may have said oh, and to hear the lack of interest, concern, anger, fear, curiosity or total lack of emotion whatt so ever really hurt!! and I did'nt want to see or hear that again. I have been holding this in for so long I finally had to write it down just to get it off of my chest. I know it's long and rambling. Sorry
Laura
Posted by Larry Hoover on February 28, 2006, at 8:35:51
In reply to I just don't know anything about anything?(long), posted by wanttobhappy on February 28, 2006, at 1:02:02
> Well, my husband recently found my perscription for anti-depressant (I did'nt tell him I was back on them) He asked me how much they were (for the bill payments) and that was it. It has been weeks since then and not one word has he said on that subject. Does he not care? We have been through the whole depression thing before and did'nt talk about it then either. One of my biggest questions is how can he even begin to understand or even tolerate some of the fears and moods that come along with deppression without asking questions? Why does'nt he want to talk to me? We have always had communication issues but we can usually get our points across when they are important. I guess I could be to blame as I withheld the fact as long as I could. Last time I went on meds and I told my husband he never said a word. Not a "oh I did'nt know it was that bad" or "what are you on and what does it do" or "Do you want to see a therapist or pdoc" nothing absolutely nothing. He may have said oh, and to hear the lack of interest, concern, anger, fear, curiosity or total lack of emotion whatt so ever really hurt!! and I did'nt want to see or hear that again. I have been holding this in for so long I finally had to write it down just to get it off of my chest. I know it's long and rambling. Sorry
>
> LauraIs it fair to say that you would like your husband to be more connected, and involved with your struggle with depression?
There is only one person on this planet over whom you have control. Yourself. If you want to change any person on the planet, which one do you think your efforts would best be directed towards?
I've heard it said that one measure of insanity is to continue doing what you always did, but expecting different results.
I suspect that your "holding it in" is part of the lack of communication, and that because you "withheld the fact" he might feel totally deceived or might think you feel ashamed and don't want to talk about it. I don't think you've given him a fair opportunity to break the silence.
Maybe you need some counselling, on your own, to learn how to talk about it. And, even if you do learn to talk about your struggles with mood, you as a couple may benefit from counselling.
I fear you may be making a mountain out of a molehill, and it's not good for your marriage to have these repeated incidents.
What do you think about opening up, and owning your struggle? Maybe you can share the effort?
Lar
Posted by wanttobhappy on February 28, 2006, at 10:11:17
In reply to Re: I just don't know anything about anything?(long) » wanttobhappy, posted by Larry Hoover on February 28, 2006, at 8:35:51
WOW, not really what I was expecting. Thank you for your input, will be thinking about it for awhile.
Laura
Posted by Tanzanite on February 28, 2006, at 10:16:36
In reply to Re: I just don't know anything about anything?(long) » Larry Hoover, posted by wanttobhappy on February 28, 2006, at 10:11:17
Laura,
sometimes the people we love have problems accepting, relating, or even trying to communicate with us about our illness and hide so they do not have to deal with it. Sometimes they mentally batter you as well if they have anger problems because they do not either understand or are not willing to understand. If you have babblemail I will say much more. Don't blame yourself in all this but try to talk to your husband about how you feel. Or have you already done that? Peace and best wishes
Tanzanite
Posted by Larry Hoover on March 1, 2006, at 14:55:14
In reply to Re: I just don't know anything about anything?(long) » Larry Hoover, posted by wanttobhappy on February 28, 2006, at 10:11:17
> WOW, not really what I was expecting. Thank you for your input, will be thinking about it for awhile.
>
> LauraI'm sorry, Laura. How was it that I surprised you, if I may ask?
Lar
Posted by sleepygirl on March 1, 2006, at 22:57:07
In reply to Re: I just don't know anything about anything?(long) » Larry Hoover, posted by wanttobhappy on February 28, 2006, at 10:11:17
I'll hazard a guess here and say that it can be really hard sometimes to talk about something important or painful to you with the fear that the other person won't receive it well, and respond as you'd hope, despite your efforts
....it does make you vulnerable
to feel really hurt, really alone, really disappointed
and it can really bring to light the fact that the other person is REALLY not there for you - perhaps in the way you need them to be....and that can be so scary to find out
denial can be a wonderful thingI wish I couldn't relate to this so much...I might be projecting, I apologize if that's the case
To add another little saying..."Nothing changes if nothing changes" - simple but true
Posted by wanttobhappy on March 1, 2006, at 23:41:46
In reply to Re: I just don't know anything about anything?(long) » wanttobhappy, posted by Larry Hoover on March 1, 2006, at 14:55:14
Lar,
You have nothing to be sorry about. I meant there was alot of good points in your post and some I just had'nt thought about. I always assumed because I am always asking him questions like how are you feeling are you upset whats bothering you ect. when his behaviors change (the only way I know something is bothering him) that I was the communicator. I never really realized how much I don't share in hopes that I don't upset him. The big question I guess is why am I worried about upsetting him, it's not like he reacts badly. He's just quiet and broody.Laura
This is the end of the thread.
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