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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alesta on January 27, 2006, at 9:54:54
i am trying to keep my bf from seeing this while i type it so my tone in this post may be strange..anyway, my bf exploded on me again yesterday over something stupid (i was trying to simply relisten to a message about a job and all hell broke loose) and yanked the cell phone from my hand, yanking out some of my hair at the same time...i was so pissed and upset and confused.
i am starting to realize that i am in an abusive relationship, again. i've been with this guy about 4 or 5 months. he is very difficult sometimes over stupid stuff, for instance, he can't stand the sound of me eating potato chips, and i can't eat anything crunchy around him or it will annoy him and he will explode. i know, that sounds crazy...the more i'm with him the crazier he gets. yet he will bring potato chips in for himself to eat.:/
he explodes at a moment's notice over *nothing*.
my mother noticed at christmas time that he would put me down. i've noticed it, too, and told him so. he of course says he's "only kidding" or whatever.
he outbursts a lot and i am starting to yell back, too, b/c he makes me so mad when he treats me like that. i live with him and he is talking marriage. i don't think i want to marry this guy. i don't know. he was so nice at the beginning. i thought i had finally met someone compatible. turns out we aren't even that..i don't think relationships with extraverts tend to work for me. or maybe it's just the ones i've been with. but that's another discussion. and i didn't know he was like this. i hate to admit that i might want to still be with him...i don't know my own feelings about what i want concerning him right now.
he minimizes everything he does...always puts it back on me. he always tries to make everything my fault. i didn't truly know/believe i was being abused until yesterday.
a lot of ppl have told me that it is him, not me, that they can't stand him. he would kind of hide that side of himself from me though...one of my friends told me to tell him never to speak to her again, he pissed her off that much. i don't know what to do...there are so many problems yet i feel compelled to try and make this work. i told him he needs to go to anger management or something. if i could have walked out, i would have, after the cell phone incident last night. i don't think he truly believes he has a problem. there is something deeply wrong with this guy. i know i should leave, it is just not a good time now..we live together and i am not ready to split up financially. he does bring me down. but maybe he is good for me, too, and i am just not seeing that right now. or maybe i'm just making excuses.
a part of me still doesn't believe this is abuse. perhaps he could get better, though..i mean, it's not impossible, right...or is it..i need to figure out if i want to be with him, if i want to even be *in love*. i honestly did not want to fall in love again after i broke up with my ex. i don't believe in romantic love anymore, i don't think. and i told him that when i met him. i really did just fall into this relationship against my will practically lol. my head was fighting with my heart. logic versus desire. the key is to not ever let myself feel anything for guys in the future. i want to be single. to hell with what society says. nothing is pure in this world...so romantic love to me is just not something i want anymore. it only makes me miserable (even without abuse). men, stay back!! :-) if i can stay back then we're really getting somewhere.
gosh i'm sorry this was so long! i really appreciate your reading this, even if you don't respond.:) just want to be heard. thank you.
i'm going to try and respond to others' posts today and return the favor for such a long entry.:)
take it easy,
alesta
Posted by damos on January 27, 2006, at 20:30:14
In reply to my relationship (long, blah), posted by alesta on January 27, 2006, at 9:54:54
I hear you kiddo, and sadly I think just by what you've written you already have a sense of the answers to your questions.
You've always seemed like a good person to me and you do deserve the stuff you've described here, you really don't. I'm not gonna give you any advice or nothing, but just know we're here okay.
Take care and be safe okay
(((((Amy)))))
Posted by Phillipa on January 28, 2006, at 18:56:52
In reply to Re: my relationship (long, blah) » alesta, posted by damos on January 27, 2006, at 20:30:14
Leave. Sorry but it will get worse not better. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by alesta on January 29, 2006, at 14:22:36
In reply to Re: my relationship (long, blah) » damos, posted by Phillipa on January 28, 2006, at 18:56:52
thanks you guys! damos and phillipa, you are too kind to always be there for me..seriously..i'm having a good day today for the first time in a while..but maybe that's cause i ain't seen him much..he got home and i took off..the crazy thing is also that i don't want to hurt him. i guess i have to get over that one. oh, and he is a cad too. there's so much to say concerning him..darn..i've got 2 mins til logoff time. gotta go..thanks again. i'm gonna try and stay sane here tonite. love to y'all.:-)
bye guys,:)
aim
Posted by jonquiljo on January 29, 2006, at 14:54:37
In reply to my relationship (long, blah), posted by alesta on January 27, 2006, at 9:54:54
Alesta,
My heart goes out to you as it sounds to me like you are in a horrid relationship. Personally, I would get away from him as fast as possible as he sounds quite unpredictable. No one deserves what you are going through. In my own way, I can relate to the horror of walking on eggshells every time you are in the room with him.
You may not want to think it is abuse - but really, it is abuse! You say, "he minimizes everything he does...always puts it back on me. he always tries to make everything my fault." This is bad enough. But to be under the threat of physical harm is really over the top.
It sounds like you are torn by your feelings for him, and men in general. Unfortuanately, most people - men and women - feel this way at some time or another. There is romantic love - just not here. You will probably have a supportive and loving relationship in your future - just not here.
There are good and supportive people on this board - they can help you. I am new here, but am constantly astonished by people's compassion, honesty and intelligence. They can get you through this.
I do know from personal experience that things can get better (in the long term). While it may not be what you would want in the short term - things tend to sort themselves out. I'm definitely rambling - so I will stop now. Please give yourself some credit and get away before you get hurt. Good luck.
Jon
Posted by alesta on January 31, 2006, at 14:49:13
In reply to Re: my relationship (long, blah), posted by jonquiljo on January 29, 2006, at 14:54:37
thank you jon for your mature, wonderful advice and empathy. always much appreciated! thanks.:-) you are very kind. i intend to refer back to these posts when things aren't going so well..well, i'm doing okay right now. i am used to having so many bad things to deal with at once, so *only* having an abusive relationship and nothing else bad at the moment...well..it could be much worse i guess lol.:) i'm trying to find some new ways of dealing with this...he just disgusts me now..he reminds me of a big black spider. (i've dreamed about a large black spider 2 nights in a row....i think it symbolizes how he controls and intimidates, how he sucks the life out of me, and i feel trapped in this 'sticky' relationship. also there is a darkness and emptiness/coldness about him. but, i've seen worse.)
thanks again,:-)
amy
Posted by jonquiljo on January 31, 2006, at 17:45:53
In reply to Re: my relationship (long, blah) » jonquiljo, posted by alesta on January 31, 2006, at 14:49:13
Well, I can understand becuse, in my own way, I am "trapped" in sadness around a relationsip - just for different reasons. It can be really tough, and hard to see out of the bubble.
But when it comes down to things - we all deserve better - you included! Just because you are used to too much hitting the fan or being all wrong - doesn't mean it shouldn't be.
My heart goes out to you- the best to you.
Jon
This is the end of the thread.
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