![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 33. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2006, at 1:42:46
I'm afraid of people IRL. Most afraid of meeting new people, but also afraid of people I don't know very well and / or people when I'm not sure if they like me or not. I pretty much avoid people unless I know them quite well, or unless I'm sure that they like me.
The boards are a bit different. Sometimes I get anxious.
I don't have very good inter-personal skills. So quite often I kind of blunder on and don't know how to fix the situation. And I feel really anxious then. And I feel really anxious thinking that will happen around people. So I pretty much avoid people.
When I get into a really bad place I think it is because I feel really lonely. I like spending quite a lot of time by myself but thats different from the lonliness. A lot of the people I do hang out with I don't like very much, but I feel so lonely that I go and seek them out. And the drugs help me feel less anxious. Though sometimes... They don't. And things can go badly. But mostly they help.
I have been really afraid about moving. And I've realised why. I'm scared about meeting new people. And I might not get a place on campus so that means I need to book somewhere temporary and go meet people who are looking for flatmates. And I feel really afraid of that.
My room is my refuge from people. But I might have to deal with people to get me a room. And without one...
And then I start thinking that if I'm this wobbly right from the start then am I really well enough to go and do this? But then I remember the enrollment book we had to fill in to go to university was worse than any of the assignments I had to do as an under-grad.
I have to talk to my parents...
But that never goes well.
:-(
I'm not sure what to do. So I've just been avoiding. But I need to work out what to do...
Posted by Berberis on January 26, 2006, at 9:27:13
In reply to Social Anxiety, posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2006, at 1:42:46
I wish I knew what to say to make things easier for you but I'm in the same boat. Medication and therapy haven't helped either. I could be in a room of friends and family and feel totally isolated; afraid to interact, afraid I'll look like an idiot; afraid everyone will know I'm a loser.
I stink at this support stuff. That's why I don't often reply to other's posts.
The only other thing I can say...Alexandra, you are one of the brightest, kindest people here. You help others immensely (IMO). I see it and I bet others IRL see it too. You just have to see it and believe it yourself.
Posted by caraher on January 26, 2006, at 9:59:54
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety, posted by Berberis on January 26, 2006, at 9:27:13
> I wish I knew what to say to make things easier for you but I'm in the same boat. Medication and therapy haven't helped either.
What kind of therapy have you had? I know that the same thing can work well for one person and not at all for another... in my case therapy has been immensely helpful (basically a CBT approach).
Alexandra, when I moved in 2003 to accept a new job I was far enough along in therapy that I was able to view it as a chance to project a somewhat different, yet genuine, social persona than I habitually do. It takes an effort to behave with more confidence than you feel. But I've found that this is an area where developing the habit of acting as if you weren't anxious or uncomfortable, to the degree that you find possible, seems to precede actualy becoming less anxious. Part of this was telling myself that yeah, I'm going to commit the occasional faux pas, but that's OK, and if someone is going to hold it against me forever I probably wasn't going to get along with him or her anyway.
So I hope you can find a way to turn this challenge into an opportunity to live more the way you'd like to live.
Posted by Berberis on January 26, 2006, at 10:20:19
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety, posted by caraher on January 26, 2006, at 9:59:54
> What kind of therapy have you had? I know that the same thing can work well for one person and not at all for another... in my case therapy has been immensely helpful (basically a CBT approach).Don't mean to hijack Alexandra's thread. But to answer your answer, mostly CBT. I've also read self-help books on social anxiety. I know what needs to be done and believed, but I can't get past the fear.
Posted by LegWarmers on January 26, 2006, at 10:20:26
In reply to Social Anxiety, posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2006, at 1:42:46
Make sure you keep in touch with your friends when you move, that will help.
Alex, you are a really kind, intelligent, and wonderful person, people will see that in you. If you start to feel anxious remove yourself until you feel better. Take yourself to the campus early and try to get as comfortable as you can there. Going to a new place adn not knowing the envirinment can add to the anxiety, so if you have that down thats less anxiety to work with.
Can you make all the living arrangements over the phone?
Does your school offer any relaxation classes? Id start those before you leave.
The more relaxed we are around people, the more relaxed they are, the more we smile, the more they smile. But I know it is hard to relax when we are anxious....
when are you leaving?
I know you will do fine! You will meet people, it may take time because it does for most people but you will.
(((alex)))
Posted by LegWarmers on January 26, 2006, at 10:26:14
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety » caraher, posted by Berberis on January 26, 2006, at 10:20:19
> I know what needs to be done and believed, but I can't get past the fear.
that is really all it is, for whatever reason we manage to send our selves into craziness over the unknown or whatever....but you know it is never as bad as we expect it will be in most cases.
Alex try not to let yourself focus too much on the what ifs etc. Its going to be so exciting to move to a new country! Last time, you really enjoyed it.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2006, at 17:47:50
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety, posted by Berberis on January 26, 2006, at 9:27:13
> I could be in a room of friends and family and feel totally isolated; afraid to interact, afraid I'll look like an idiot; afraid everyone will know I'm a loser.
Yeah. When I'm around a new bunch of people I freak out the most. Even when things seem to be going well. And when it is really important to me to feel accepted by them... That is when it is the hardest for me.
Also... My background... I'm not so used to eating out at restaurants and going to (comparatively) civilised parties and dinner parties and stuff like that. Don't really have much of a restaurant schema lol. So those situations... Provoke the most anxiety. Typically... I avoid those situations. Though I'm torn with work stuff which involves all that. I really want to fit in and so I go but it is really very hard and I guess I'm not the most stimulating companion because I clam up.
> I stink at this support stuff. That's why I don't often reply to other's posts.I don't think you stink at it. You are doing a good job :-) I guess this kind of stuff... Gets easier in time. Or... Thats how the theory goes at any rate...
> The only other thing I can say...Alexandra, you are one of the brightest, kindest people here. You help others immensely (IMO).<blush>
Typically I ignore those kinds of comments and hope they go away. But... Thats not so good for social connection I guess :-( Thanks for you kind words.
> I see it and I bet others IRL see it too. You just have to see it and believe it yourself.
Thank you.
It helps a lot to know I am not alone with this.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2006, at 17:58:05
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety, posted by caraher on January 26, 2006, at 9:59:54
> > I wish I knew what to say to make things easier for you but I'm in the same boat. Medication and therapy haven't helped either.
Ah. Maybe we could have a social group of people with social anxiety lol.
:-)
Maybe... A lot of people here have that going on. Maybe... Thats why we are here...> What kind of therapy have you had?
CBT, DBT, brief supportive psycho-dynamic, narrative.
But you know in all my years of therapy / involvement with community mental health social anxiety isn't something that has ever been looked at. It just occured to me last night that that might well be what is going on for me. We have looked at my avoidance. How I avoid situations. But really what that comes down to is my avoiding situations which involve people which involve my feeling anxious. Thats why the thought of getting a job was just too much for me. Interview. Then meeting people I'm going to be working with. Then dealing with the public. Just the thought of it and I need to go curl up by myself somewhere. And my feeling really very intensely distressed at times. I think that is about feeling isolated / alone. It is people contact that can help pull me out of that place. I guess that is why hospital is a safe environment for me. I don't feel socially anxious around the other patients.
> Alexandra, when I moved in 2003 to accept a new job I was far enough along in therapy that I was able to view it as a chance to project a somewhat different, yet genuine, social persona than I habitually do. It takes an effort to behave with more confidence than you feel. But I've found that this is an area where developing the habit of acting as if you weren't anxious or uncomfortable, to the degree that you find possible, seems to precede actualy becoming less anxious. Part of this was telling myself that yeah, I'm going to commit the occasional faux pas, but that's OK, and if someone is going to hold it against me forever I probably wasn't going to get along with him or her anyway.Yes. Feel the fear and do it anyway and over time... It gets easier. Yup. I think the hardest thing for me is social stuff around food. And a lot of social stuff... Is around food. Food preperation is the worst. Childhood stuff... But yeah. Hopefully I will get better with this over time...
> So I hope you can find a way to turn this challenge into an opportunity to live more the way you'd like to live.I'm going to try my best. I really really really want this to work out for me. I guess what I'm a little concerned about is that precisely because it is so important for me... It is going to be really very hard for me.
But last time... I have been where I'm going for a couple months. And it was okay. It was okay. A lot awkward, but I didn't make a fool of myself. I guess I just have to have faith that it will be the same this time. And it will get easier over the years.
The worst thing is accommodation. Once that is sorted... Then I'll have a secure base. I need that. My room... My personal space... Somewhere I can go and cry my eyes out if need be... My room is my rock. I need that. I hope I can sort it *before* I go... But if not... Well... I will get there. I will.
Thank you.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2006, at 18:24:37
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety » alexandra_k, posted by LegWarmers on January 26, 2006, at 10:20:26
> Make sure you keep in touch with your friends when you move, that will help.
Well... I have a couple friends from work who I really will try my best to keep in touch with. Last time I went for a couple months... I was sending them emails, and they weren't really responding, though. I think we are so close... Because we are in the same office so we are just kind of together a lot of the time and we organise other stuff in virtue of us being together a lot of the time. If I'm not around them then even though I email them... We sort of do lose touch.
And as for my other friends... The only thing holding that together (truth be told) is drugs. So those connections... Are probably better off severed. I really want to leave that part of my life behind me.
> Alex, you are a really kind, intelligent, and wonderful person, people will see that in you.<blush>
Again... You guys really are making me cry.
> If you start to feel anxious remove yourself until you feel better.
Yeah. I try and do that. And when I get really very anxious (I think that is what that is about) then I take a couple days off 'sick'. It is hard if we are out in public though. In a restaraunt or something. You know... I used to have these spells. I've just realised... Watching the Soprano's lol... Anxiety. Doesn't happen very often but I have been known to have a dizzy spell and fall over :-(
> Take yourself to the campus early and try to get as comfortable as you can there. Going to a new place adn not knowing the envirinment can add to the anxiety, so if you have that down thats less anxiety to work with.
Yeah. I was there for three months a couple years back. When I first discovered Babble actually :-) So the department is familiar and some of the people there will be familiar. Mostly it will be around... Accomodation. And social obligations. They also have a lot of people visiting for a while (and social obligations around that). But it is a relief to me that I have been there before and know my way around the campus / city a little and that there will be a few familiar (and friendly) faces. I'm really rather glad... That I didn't get into the US. I think... That would have been too much for me.
> Can you make all the living arrangements over the phone?
Looks like accommodation is fairly scarce so people want to interview you properly. I have issues around being a fairly bad, a-social flatmate in general and worrying that I'm inflicting myself on people... How fair is it for me to try and get people to let me join their flat? I worry about that. But... It is just something that I have to do. Apparantly... I come across fairly well in an interview type situation. It is only once people get to know me lol.
> Does your school offer any relaxation classes? Id start those before you leave.
No. But I do know how to do mindfulness meditation which is a form of relaxation. I keep meaning to take that up again... I should do that. I really really should. Because it does help. And yeah. It takes some time before you start to really notice a benefit so I really should get on to that today.
> The more relaxed we are around people, the more relaxed they are, the more we smile, the more they smile. But I know it is hard to relax when we are anxious....Yeah. I know that rationally. But emotionally... Different story. I also have trouble with controlling / modulating my facial expression. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and am really very transparant with those. It is really very hard for me to modulate that and next to impossible for me to mask that and smile appropriately when I feel afraid / down.
> when are you leaving?
Hopefully... 17th Feb. Have yet to book flights. Have been waiting on accommodation. But... Shall talk to parents early next week and book flights. And backpackers. Looks like I'll need to stay there for a week while I find something... Take me a week to look probably too. So I'll be starting at the department a week later than I would have liked. And that only gives me a week to find something eep! They are asking around as to whether there is anyone in the department I can stay with temporarily / perminantly... But worst case... Backpackers...
> I know you will do fine! You will meet people, it may take time because it does for most people but you will.
Thanks
((((((Legwarmers))))))
You really are much better at this stuff than me...Thank you.
Posted by Judith22 on January 26, 2006, at 19:10:57
In reply to Social Anxiety, posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2006, at 1:42:46
((((Alexandra))))
I know exactly what you meanw hen you say you hang out with people you don't like that much because they are the only people around. I am the same way!
I go to this website for social anxiety and it's weird...some people have myspace accounts and they openly admit to having social anxiety. I don't think I could ever do that. But I do think one should embrace their social anxiety and be honest with themselves about it. Say, when you are meeting people or conversing with people, think to yourself "this is awkward and uncomfortable for me." But don't think about running away. It makes me feel better at least.
Here's a book that's pretty good: "diagonally parked in a parallel universe"
Posted by LegWarmers on January 26, 2006, at 20:36:29
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety » LegWarmers, posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2006, at 18:24:37
> Well... I have a couple friends from work who I really will try my best to keep in touch with. Last time I went for a couple months... I was sending them emails, and they weren't really responding, though. I think we are so close... Because we are in the same office so we are just kind of together a lot of the time and we organise other stuff in virtue of us being together a lot of the time. If I'm not around them then even though I email them... We sort of do lose touch.
Yeah, I do tht with people sometimes. Its hard to keep up.
>
> And as for my other friends... The only thing holding that together (truth be told) is drugs. So those connections... Are probably better off severed. I really want to leave that part of my life behind me.ah
> Yeah. I try and do that. And when I get really very anxious (I think that is what that is about) then I take a couple days off 'sick'. It is hard if we are out in public though. In a restaraunt or something. You know... I used to have these spells. I've just realised... Watching the Soprano's lol... Anxiety. Doesn't happen very often but I have been known to have a dizzy spell and fall over :-(
>oh no! That would be awful, I didn't know anxiety could make you pass out. I guess it makes sense
>
> Yeah. I was there for three months a couple years back. When I first discovered Babble actually :-) So the department is familiar and some of the people there will be familiar. Mostly it will be around... Accomodation. And social obligations. They also have a lot of people visiting for a while (and social obligations around that). But it is a relief to me that I have been there before and know my way around the campus / city a little and that there will be a few familiar (and friendly) faces. I'm really rather glad... That I didn't get into the US. I think... That would have been too much for me.
I don't think it would have been too much for you, but it might have been very overwhelming! It will be nice having that history in Oz, Im sure they will be very welcoming as well.>
> Looks like accommodation is fairly scarce so people want to interview you properly. I have issues around being a fairly bad, a-social flatmate in general and worrying that I'm inflicting myself on people... How fair is it for me to try and get people to let me join their flat? I worry about that. But... It is just something that I have to do. Apparantly... I come across fairly well in an interview type situation. It is only once people get to know me lol.
Im sure you are great in interviews, Maybe you could tell people that you are a quiet person and look for flats that have people who are also looking for other quiet people. Do they have online ads? I'd check for that. "Inflict your self" :( DO NOT THINK LIKE THAT!!! :) ok?
> No. But I do know how to do mindfulness meditation which is a form of relaxation. I keep meaning to take that up again... I should do that. I really really should. Because it does help. And yeah. It takes some time before you start to really notice a benefit so I really should get on to that today.
>
Yeah, good idea! no yoga or anything like that? Its really very helpful also.> Yeah. I know that rationally. But emotionally... Different story. I also have trouble with controlling / modulating my facial expression.
Im very expressive as well, whether it accurately represents how I feel or not may be a differnet story lol I undestnad that feeling though
>I wear my emotions on my sleeve and am really very transparant with those. It is really very hard for me to modulate that and next to impossible for me to mask that and smile appropriately when I feel afraid / down.
Its hard, for me it depeneds on the situation. But I imagine if I am very anxious, I show it. Would taking a benzo help any with that?
>
> Hopefully... 17th Feb.ohhhh so soon :) how exciting!!
Have yet to book flights. Have been waiting on accommodation. But... Shall talk to parents early next week and book flights. And backpackers. Looks like I'll need to stay there for a week while I find something... Take me a week to look probably too. So I'll be starting at the department a week later than I would have liked. And that only gives me a week to find something eep! They are asking around as to whether there is anyone in the department I can stay with temporarily / perminantly... But worst case... Backpackers...How frustrating to not have a place to go :( that would really make me anxious too. Hhopefully you will get lucky, an dfind something soon.
>
> Thanks
> ((((((Legwarmers))))))
> You really are much better at this stuff than me...
>
> Thank you.
>You really don't have anything to worry about! You are a very likabe person (((Alex))) Id be big time nervous! Its really brave what you are doing. Really!
Posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 20:47:45
In reply to Social Anxiety, posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2006, at 1:42:46
> I'm afraid of people IRL. Most afraid of meeting new people, but also afraid of people I don't know very well and / or people when I'm not sure if they like me or not. I pretty much avoid people unless I know them quite well, or unless I'm sure that they like me.
I like you! I think you’re just great.
> The boards are a bit different. Sometimes I get anxious.
>
> I don't have very good inter-personal skills. So quite often I kind of blunder on and don't know how to fix the situation. And I feel really anxious then. And I feel really anxious thinking that will happen around people. So I pretty much avoid people.I think you have very good interpersonal skills, but of course everyone has moments when their interpersonal skills suck. I suspect you worry too much that a broken situation will NEVER be fixed, no matter how hard you try. And yet, if you think about it, most situations are fixed, and usually pretty quickly. Most people are willing to let a difference of opinion blow over. You’re probably still stressing over it when the other person has completely forgotten it. And you’re right; the boards are different in some ways. But one way in which they’re different is that many people here are particularly sensitive because of their mental illnesses, which is understandable. Away from the boards people may be less sensitive to things.
> When I get into a really bad place I think it is because I feel really lonely. I like spending quite a lot of time by myself but thats different from the lonliness. A lot of the people I do hang out with I don't like very much, but I feel so lonely that I go and seek them out. And the drugs help me feel less anxious. Though sometimes... They don't. And things can go badly. But mostly they help.
Loneliness is really hard. You might feel less lonely if you hung out with people you actually like. You’re a good person, Alex. Don’t sell yourself short. Make friends you really like. Those are the people who will help pick you up when things get hard.
> I have been really afraid about moving. And I've realised why. I'm scared about meeting new people. And I might not get a place on campus so that means I need to book somewhere temporary and go meet people who are looking for flatmates. And I feel really afraid of that.
Yeah, that is scary. It’s hard to find people you’ll get on with.
> My room is my refuge from people. But I might have to deal with people to get me a room. And without one...
>
> And then I start thinking that if I'm this wobbly right from the start then am I really well enough to go and do this? But then I remember the enrollment book we had to fill in to go to university was worse than any of the assignments I had to do as an under-grad.You can do it. Everyone has their foibles. Getting a room really is stressful; it’s not just you. So give yourself a break already and allow yourself to be concerned about it.
> I have to talk to my parents...
>
> But that never goes well.
>
> :-(
>
> I'm not sure what to do. So I've just been avoiding. But I need to work out what to do...Step 1: talk to the Uni and find out if they have accommodation for single people (where you don’t have to share with others). Explain that you have a mental illness and that social anxiety is a feature of it. In my experience, they usually try to help.
Step 2: if you can’t get a single room in Uni accommodation, decide what kind of people you want to live with. Boys? Girls? Smokers? Metalheads?
Step 3: go to see places when you arrive. Trust your instincts. If anything feels wrong, don’t go there. Only make a decision when you feel you can cope with the situation.
Step 4: if things go really badly, and you can’t find people you want to live with, take the best available situation, sleep with the door locked, and plan to find alternative accommodation as soon as humanly possible.
You can do it. You are a nice person to know. And you have already demonstrated that you are very competent.
And yeah, I know what you mean about food. I reckon most of the rules are pretty unimportant, and right-thinking people shouldn’t be judging you according to your handling of cutlery. There are only two rules that must be obeyed: (a) don’t talk with your mouth full; and (b) don’t flirt outrageously with the host. If you stick to those two you won’t disgrace yourself.
Good luck!
Tamar
Posted by alexandra_k on January 27, 2006, at 4:54:25
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety, posted by Judith22 on January 26, 2006, at 19:10:57
> I know exactly what you meanw hen you say you hang out with people you don't like that much because they are the only people around. I am the same way!
Yeah. There are other people around who I could get to know... But I don't feel comfortable enough to get to know them. Currently... I'm living in a house / cottage in a group / community of four houses / cottages. And there are people in the other cottages. International students from Canada and Germany and the Pacific Islands and India etc. And they are fairly recent arrivals mostly. And they are looking for friends. And they just pop into each others cottages and play cricket and stuff like that. And I just... Walk past with my head down because I feel really afraid of them. I know a couple of the guys a bit and they invited me over one night when there were a fair few people over there drinking. And I went over... And everyone was really friendly. And they said that... They thought I was a snob. That I didn't want to know them because I never joined in. And I said it really wasn't personal, it is just that I'm in my head a lot of the time and I'm not so much aware of whats going on around me. And that is fairly much the truth except that I typically do notice groups of people... And I avoid them, yeah.
:-(
And since then... I've kept on avoiding them
:-(
But then I guess it is also true that I don't have a lot in common with any of them. And I'm really not so good at social chat
:-(
My friends... Are familiar. Most of them I've known for... Like 5 or 6 or 7 or 10 years. And the drugs... Instant connection. Instant good feelings around people. And there it is.
> I go to this website for social anxiety and it's weird...some people have myspace accounts and they openly admit to having social anxiety. I don't think I could ever do that.No. I don't like people knowing I have mental health issues in general...
>But I do think one should embrace their social anxiety and be honest with themselves about it. Say, when you are meeting people or conversing with people, think to yourself "this is awkward and uncomfortable for me." But don't think about running away. It makes me feel better at least.
Yeah. Acknowledge and accept the feelings... I know I only make it worse if I start beating myself up for 'just being stupid' etc.
> Here's a book that's pretty good: "diagonally parked in a parallel universe"
That does look good. I think I'll try and get hold of that. Thanks.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 27, 2006, at 5:13:43
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety » alexandra_k, posted by LegWarmers on January 26, 2006, at 20:36:29
> Yeah, I do tht with people sometimes. Its hard to keep up.
Yeah, it is. I need to make new friends over there. Start a new life. I really don't think... I'll be coming back here. Even if I do come back to the country I really don't think... I'll be coming back to this region.
> oh no! That would be awful, I didn't know anxiety could make you pass out.Neither did I... I never thought of it as anxiety / a panic attack, but I guess that was what it is. It makes sense now. To start with... I used to feel really really really really hot like I was overheating and going to explode. I used to lie down on a cold tile floor (in the bathroom) and sometimes I even had to strip to cool down... Just lie there for a while. Then it used to happen in public a bit. I'd feel like I really really really needed to sit down pronto. And I'd have to sit down with my head between my legs, or lie on the ground and breathe... For a while until the feeling passed. Then... If I fight the feeling and try and just ignore it... It is like my visual field starts to go all black. It starts at the outside edges and moves in until everything goes black. If I haven't managed to sit / lie down before everything goes black then I pass out. It used to happen... Maybe 4 or 6 times a year. I haven't had that for a couple years now. Except... If I've had really rather a lot of dope or LSD or something like that. I don't seem to get them anymore though. :-) So maybe... I'm getting a little better with that. I guess I'm just noticing... How much I avoid people. Feel awkward and decide it isn't worth it and just shut myself in my room I guess.
> I don't think it would have been too much for you, but it might have been very overwhelming!Yeah. I think I would need a calculator to work out tips lol. I think... It would have been 10 times harder than this is... Maybe even more so...
> It will be nice having that history in Oz, Im sure they will be very welcoming as well.
Yeah. They have been with communication thus far. And the biggest point in their favour is that they met me once for a couple months and they saw me wobble a little... But they seem keen to have me back
:-)
:-)
:-)> Im sure you are great in interviews, Maybe you could tell people that you are a quiet person and look for flats that have people who are also looking for other quiet people.
Yeah. What I've noticed online... Is that people typically ask for 'friendly' so it might be about pretending... And hoping I can live up to that.
> Do they have online ads? I'd check for that.
Yep. Have been to try and figure prices and areas etc. They seem to want to meet you in person...
>"Inflict your self" :( DO NOT THINK LIKE THAT!!! :) ok?
Yeah. Thats probably not so helpful... But that really is... How I think of myself in a living environment. If I could afford to live by myself I would. But I can't. I used to live by myself. But then... I had a lot more episodes and a lot more depression in general. I didn't know what it was... But now I'm thinking it may have been... Lonliness.
> Yeah, good idea! no yoga or anything like that?
Maybe if I joined the gym, but that's not going to happen lol.
> Its hard, for me it depeneds on the situation. But I imagine if I am very anxious, I show it. Would taking a benzo help any with that?
I went to the doctor today. Because I got to thinking... That maybe that is what my 'episodes' are about. Anxiety. I got a benzo to take when I'm in one of those places. Hopefully to help me sleep / relax a little. Hopefully to help me climb out of it faster. But I'm only going to take it at those times. And for 7 days max. Otherwise... Tolerance addiction and withdrawal. I don't want to replace my current drugs with that...
> How frustrating to not have a place to go :( that would really make me anxious too. Hhopefully you will get lucky, an dfind something soon.
Yeah. I think it is going to be a matter of... Just going. Taking a week to look. Thats all I can afford... I'm going to have to start work after one week. Even taking a week is going to be hard... But I think I'll need that and I really don't want to be trying to work while staying at a backpackers :-( Worst case... I guess I'll be sleeping in the office lol.
;-)
Posted by alexandra_k on January 27, 2006, at 5:30:28
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety » alexandra_k, posted by Tamar on January 26, 2006, at 20:47:45
> I like you! I think you’re just great.
:-) Thank you. I like you too :-)
> I think you have very good interpersonal skills,I try... Online... I have more opportunity to think before posting. I still don't think as much as I should... But I do have more time. Also... You can say one thing... And nobody sees how anxious you are. Or the tears streaming down your face.
> I suspect you worry too much that a broken situation will NEVER be fixed, no matter how hard you try...
I guess I worry most about... Social clumsiness. And being boring. Because I tend to go all quiet and can't think of anything to say. And I worry that they will think I'm not having a good time (which might well be true because of the anxiety) but then they won't want me to go out with them etc. And I know it is an unhelpful cycle... But it is one that I can be in danger of being caught up in...
> Loneliness is really hard. You might feel less lonely if you hung out with people you actually like.Yeah. It seems to be people I actually like... Who I have the most trouble around. Because... I actually care what they think of me. If my druggie mates give me a hard time then I'm not too bothered. But when I do care... Then that is the hardest.
> Make friends you really like. Those are the people who will help pick you up when things get hard.
I know that. And... I really want to. I just get scared. And the hardest thing about flatting... Is the thing that always is the hardest for me... Preparing food with other people around. Because... I don't do it. And because most people see that as a social thing to do. And I don't want to be part of it. So... Back to my room again :-(
> Step 1: talk to the Uni and find out if they have accommodation for single people (where you don’t have to share with others).Done. Too many applicants not enough places, looks like I missed out :-(
> Explain that you have a mental illness and that social anxiety is a feature of it.
:-( I don't want anybody to know... I really don't want to go that way :-(
> Step 2: if you can’t get a single room in Uni accommodation, decide what kind of people you want to live with. Boys? Girls? Smokers? Metalheads?Yeah. Trying to work out... Expenses... Bond and area and stuff... Other grad students for preference, I guess...
> Step 3: go to see places when you arrive. Trust your instincts. If anything feels wrong, don’t go there. Only make a decision when you feel you can cope with the situation.
Yeah.
I think it is a bit tricky with the huge influx of new students (mostly graduate) at this time of year... Hard to get a place at all...
I guess... I'll just have to do my best. And hope that I'm worrying now more than I'll be worrying once I'm there. And have faith that things will be okay. Getting someplace to live... I think that is the first mission. Once that is done... Hopefully it will all come together okay.I hope.
I guess this is just another drama... I wish my life wasn't like that :-(
Posted by damos on January 27, 2006, at 20:10:17
In reply to Social Anxiety, posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2006, at 1:42:46
Hey :-)
All I know is that if you let people see just 1% of the girl we get to see here you'll be fine.
I'm sorry this is such a big stress for you but I know exactly how you feel cause I'm very much the same way.
Just know that when you do smile it is truly beautiful and full of warm and kindness, as are you.
You are so much braver and more capable than me, and you are a great friend and others will see that and they'll help you create a speace that's comfortable to be with them in. I really believe in you kiddo.
(((((Alex)))))
Posted by Judith22 on January 27, 2006, at 20:57:13
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety » Judith22, posted by alexandra_k on January 27, 2006, at 4:54:25
don't let those guys keep you inside. What I've learned recently is that some people understand and some people don't. The people who understand are the ones who are worth it.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 28, 2006, at 22:27:05
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety » alexandra_k, posted by damos on January 27, 2006, at 20:10:17
((((Damos))))) You really are very sweet. Thanks for your support. It means a great deal to me. I hope you have been doing alright... I wish you could post more about you and where you are at and what is going on for you. It helps me take my mind off my problems reading about what other peole are up to / struggling with. And it helps to know I'm not the only person in the world...
But internet access it hard for you :-(
Take care.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 28, 2006, at 22:31:46
In reply to Re: Social Anxiety, posted by Judith22 on January 27, 2006, at 20:57:13
> don't let those guys keep you inside.
Aw they are okay. It isn't that other people do anything with the intention of making me feel unwelcome. It is more that I feel afraid so I shut myself away. Habit from childhood...
> What I've learned recently is that some people understand and some people don't. The people who understand are the ones who are worth it.
Yeah.
I used to think... That labels weren't helpful. But this one... Does seem to be helping me. I wouldn't feel embarrassed / ashamed saying that I get a little socially anxious if someone commented on my social skills / behaviour. I mean... It lets people know that it is me feeling anxious. Not me trying to be a snob, or me not having a good time or whatever. And yeah, people who don't understand feeling a little anxious around people sometimes... Well I probably won't have a lot in common with them lol.
It also makes sense of the hot flushes / fainting thing. The worst thing was that when I felt that coming on I used to try running to someplace I could lie down. A friend told me not to run. Rather, to crouch and take fairly deep even breaths. That helped. No more blacking out after that :-)
Posted by alexandra_k on January 28, 2006, at 22:35:14
In reply to Social Anxiety, posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2006, at 1:42:46
Today... I can interpret the anxiety as excitement.
Maybe the mj is helping a little with that ;-)
Positives of not living on campus:
A flat will probably have a landline and (hopefully) broadband so I'll be able to Babble from personal internet usage :-)
Mj is my friend and does help me. Have to be sooooooooooooo careful with that on campus, however.
It will probably be good for me socially :-)
It will be okay
I will be okay
Buses aren't soooooooo bad
And I think there are more social obligations living in a hostel, truth be told.:-)
Posted by alexandra_k on January 28, 2006, at 22:36:19
In reply to Re: Excitement » alexandra_k, posted by alexandra_k on January 28, 2006, at 22:35:14
yes i was talking to myself.
(and putting it here for future reference)but...
thanks everyone for responding. you guys helped a lot :-) really.
:-)
Posted by alexandra_k on January 31, 2006, at 21:26:58
In reply to Re: note, posted by alexandra_k on January 28, 2006, at 22:36:19
I am.
Reason and Emotion.
How to bring them into line?
F*ck knows.
The kind of relationship I would like (rationally)
Is a kind of relationship I would be unable to have (emotionally)
Such is life and I'm all f*cked up.
Not such a good day :-(
Posted by alexandra_k on January 31, 2006, at 21:27:45
In reply to Re: I am in a funny mood..., posted by alexandra_k on January 31, 2006, at 21:26:58
Blah.
It is the heat. It is too damned hot. Or humid. Or something. Not a happy camper :-(
Posted by alexandra_k on January 31, 2006, at 21:49:47
In reply to Re: I am in a funny mood..., posted by alexandra_k on January 31, 2006, at 21:27:45
who am i kidding, it is the meth, or lack thereof...
drugs are more a part of my life than i care to admit...
and they help. they do. the number of times i have got into one of those really bad places... when i am about prepared to do something really very crazy and possibly irrevokable... and i have a smoke or something and then i come right. i come right. i do. they help. they do.
and i manage to get through the come down okay.
feel a bit blah but okay because i know it is only to be expected and it will pass in a couple days. i know that one of my states will pass in a couple days too but that is different 'cause of the panic.
hmm.
sometimes i really see that...
i am a whole heap more dysfunctional than people realise.sometimes i feel really very angry that...
i don't have a therapist.still...
best not go there...
again...
the story is getting old now.i don't think i belong anywhere
and i don't think i'll ever be able to bring reason and emotion in to line
caught
and there is no escape
just have to soldier on
and not reflect on the deficiencies too much...
'tis a crock anyways
mostly
i really do believe
or maybe i'm just reacting
defensively
i can't so i don't want it anyway
but who am i kidding?
certainly not me
it doesn't matter
it doesn't matter
there is nothing to be done
Posted by alexandra_k on January 31, 2006, at 21:53:21
In reply to Re: I am in a funny mood..., posted by alexandra_k on January 31, 2006, at 21:49:47
and it gets me feeling mad
about the injustices in the world
or what i perceive to be
(should be careful... should be careful)
and the thought that really...
i am one of the lucky ones
and that is so f*cking depressing
to think that
to think that i am in actual fact one of the lucky ones
because i don't feel lucky much of the time
and the injustices
(what i perceive to be)
make me want to heave
nausea
or something...
and the world really is one f*cked up place
and i really wish i could jump off
sometimesbut then i did
i did try
and all it did was make things worse
and the pain of that
doesn't matter
it does noti'm feeling really rather angry today
at the system again
blah blah blah
the story is so old...
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