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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Judith22 on January 14, 2006, at 20:31:04
I just met this guy online and we met offline the other night. I think he's nice. Now I can't stop thinking about him and I'm always hoping he'll be online so I can talk to him. He hasn't been online all day and it has bummed me out. It's like I don't have a real life or something. I don't even know if this guy is right for me. I'd like to take things really slow too, but the other night we ended up fooling around. I just don't want to get hurt. I don't want to get attached. Does anyone have any advice?
Posted by Judith22 on January 14, 2006, at 20:57:14
In reply to Being needy-obsessed?, posted by Judith22 on January 14, 2006, at 20:31:04
I guess I know what I need to do for myself to be happy in the longterm. And I can stop myself from doing something that will hurt me even though I want to do it. I just don't know if thats what I'm going to do :/ I'm worried.
Posted by Judith22 on January 15, 2006, at 10:57:15
In reply to Re: Being needy-obsessed?, posted by Judith22 on January 14, 2006, at 20:57:14
Posted by jonquiljo on January 15, 2006, at 14:22:00
In reply to Resisting Temptation should be this threads title (nm), posted by Judith22 on January 15, 2006, at 10:57:15
I've always lived by "nothing ventured nothing gained". But then again, my life hasn't been so wonderful either. Live a little bit. Temptation can be good. Yes you can get hurt, but that is the risk. Its better than staying and hiding on the Internet.
Posted by sleepygirl on January 15, 2006, at 17:06:49
In reply to Being needy-obsessed?, posted by Judith22 on January 14, 2006, at 20:31:04
I have never been one to give advice about relationships......but they are a bit of a dance, love is great, enjoy it, but don't forget to have your own life - it'll give you some perspective
Posted by Judith22 on January 15, 2006, at 21:45:58
In reply to Re: Being needy-obsessed? » Judith22, posted by sleepygirl on January 15, 2006, at 17:06:49
I'm not in love. Not even close. I asked him to call me if he wanted to do something today and he never did. It feels so bad. He has so many girls after him online. They all have like no clothes on in their pictures. The first night I talked to him he kept talking about sex. He kept hitting on me. Then we talked on the phone and all he tlaked about was sex. I think he wants sex, lol. I want...more. Also, I was talking to him online last night and he wasn't very...talkative. He just kept giving me kissy faces and asking me to come over. So why does it hurt so bad? It hurts to think about someone a lot and have them not care about you I guess. I mean, I was hoping we could be friends. I don't know what I was thinking. He's 9 years older than me. He was probably thinking all along that he would do it with me and thats it. He did talk about being friends but...how can I tell whether thats actually true. I've been in this situation before with a guy who just wanted sex. he left me shortly after and it hurt real bad. Can I get some hugs please?? Or some sound advice would be good too. Or a similar story to mine. I'm going away from the computer now. I don't want to think about him anymore. I want to forget about him :(
Posted by Judith22 on January 15, 2006, at 22:11:45
In reply to Re: Being needy-obsessed?, posted by Judith22 on January 15, 2006, at 21:45:58
I used to be happy. It was before my exboyfriend and after a bad time in my life. After the bad time happened, I worked really hard on improving myself emotionally and making myself happy. I found babble, and I went to therapy, and I was happy. Then I found my exboyfriend and he was amazing to me. But I got so attached. It ended up not working out, not because I was attached but for other reasons. But after we broke up I was so lonely. And now I'm back to where I was 2-3 years ago. I'm getting attached to guys who just want sex out of me. Getting attached to people who can't be there as much as I crave them to be. Why do I crave? I want to work on myself again. I want to get myself happy again. I don't want to f*ck myself over. I don't want to be maladaptive anymore. I don't want to hurt myself anymore.
Posted by LegWarmers on January 15, 2006, at 22:25:03
In reply to *sigh*, posted by Judith22 on January 15, 2006, at 22:11:45
ahhh :( slow down.
Listen, had I seen this post sooner, I would have said, that I was wary of internet relationships and to take them very slow. but now I have to add, IMO Im wary of internet relationships with guys who are 9 years older. Be careful, maybe you have a stronger realtionship with him than I am imagining...you trust him?
Im sorry that he hasn't responded. (((Judith)))
Id be really careful jumping in as it sounds like you are, but from my experience, making a guy wait, keeps them on their toes. Try to just befriend and see where that goes.
Another thing you might want to keep reminding yourself is that you are just doing this for fun, if you put too much serious emotion in, as you know, you'll end up getting hurt.
IS he a good guy?
Posted by LegWarmers on January 15, 2006, at 22:29:42
In reply to *sigh*, posted by Judith22 on January 15, 2006, at 22:11:45
>Why do I crave?
we all do, it is normal.
>I want to work on myself again. I want to get myself happy again. I don't want to f*ck myself over. I don't want to be maladaptive anymore. I don't want to hurt myself anymore.
You will be happy again, it takes time. But trying to rush into things when you are down can end up hurting you more. Be wary of men who talk only about sex, ok? For me :)
Posted by Judith22 on January 16, 2006, at 10:59:15
In reply to (((Judith))), posted by LegWarmers on January 15, 2006, at 22:25:03
No, I don't have a stronger relationship with him. I've only known him for a week. I think its too soon for me to tell whether he's a good guy. Its a little off topic. I don't know, how well can one read someone in 1 week?
Thanks legwarmers:) Your advice was helpful to me and I truly value your insight. (((thankyou Legwarmers))))
Posted by Judith22 on January 16, 2006, at 11:03:32
In reply to Re: *sigh* » Judith22, posted by LegWarmers on January 15, 2006, at 22:29:42
>
> >I want to work on myself again. I want to get myself happy again. I don't want to f*ck myself over. I don't want to be maladaptive anymore. I don't want to hurt myself anymore.
>
> You will be happy again, it takes time. But trying to rush into things when you are down can end up hurting you more. Be wary of men who talk only about sex, ok? For me :)
>
>Thank you Legwarmers:)
Posted by jonquiljo on January 17, 2006, at 22:31:20
In reply to Re: Being needy-obsessed?, posted by Judith22 on January 15, 2006, at 21:45:58
Stay away from guys online. Most men can be real pigs in reality (believe me - I've been there). Sad but true.
If a man talks about nothing other than sex, I guess thats all he's interested in. Lose this guy and give yourself a break! Don't let some horny over-indulged guy take away any of your self respect.
I understand how it feels to want "more". There will be someone out there to give you more - just give it time. Good luck.
Posted by Judith22 on January 18, 2006, at 10:04:36
In reply to Re: Being needy-obsessed?, posted by jonquiljo on January 17, 2006, at 22:31:20
I really appreciate your support.
Posted by Declan on January 18, 2006, at 15:23:46
In reply to Being needy-obsessed?, posted by Judith22 on January 14, 2006, at 20:31:04
What's the problem? You can still want him, and even have him, without getting attached. That's an excellent idea. And then, if you want, you can get as attached as you want.
The rhetoric surrounding needy and obsessed is good to tune out if you can. It's so hard for us not to be colonised.
Declan
Posted by Declan on January 18, 2006, at 15:26:58
In reply to Re: Being needy-obsessed?, posted by Judith22 on January 15, 2006, at 21:45:58
I'm lazy. I can't be bothered to read the thread first.
If he doesn't love you, if he isn't affectionate, if he doesn't want to love........what's sex without something of that?
Declan
Posted by Declan on January 18, 2006, at 15:30:28
In reply to *sigh*, posted by Judith22 on January 15, 2006, at 22:11:45
Why regret your craving? What's wrong with need? What you crave is so important. You just need to find blokes who want what you want, don't you think? But where?
Declan
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