![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ClearSkies on January 7, 2006, at 21:16:56
...we post here, trying to describe our situations and distresses. We cry, we rant and rave. We ask for help, we ask for advice, we ask for release. We come here and find voices with which we resonate and empathize with. We reach out and offer
support
sympathy
advice
friendship
compassion...and at the same time, we remain separate. Someone else's distress does not become our own distress (or should not?). When that happens then it's a disfunction in ourselves, in assuming another's problems as our own, and trying to solve that person's problems.
I'm thinking out loud here. Trying to figure out the dymanics of when Good Babble Goes Wrong. I think it's when we take possession of another's Posted distress and it resonates with us as our very own distress. That when we empathize to the point of feeling ill ourselves; or anxious to the point of having a panic attack; or angry to the point of being overlty uncivil; that we have taken someone else's problems and tried to make them our own, whether we intended to or not. It's when these things happen that the civility rules come into play. We make statements that are assumptions, could be sarcastic, the whole panapoly that are listed in the FAQ. I'd like to interject that the original post has to be held to same the same civiity standards,
If we keep our side of the story clean and limited to that listening, suggesting, supporting, advising stuff, we should be OK. When we go beyond it is when it all goes awry.
This is a little project I'm working on with my therapist on Minding My Own Business. I thought that this weekend's flurry of postings, threads, and blocks and resulting discussions would be a good place to get some thoughts from everyone,
So, just think of your own posting style, Are you here for information, for commisery about Eating Disorders, Substance Abuse, for information on medications, to debrief a therapy session; to Chat in Social; or to talk about Alternative to traditional medical practices; discuss politics; chat about Books and other media; there is a Health board to discussion of non meantal health issues; a newbie board for the new members to get their bearings; and there are a Parents board, and a Student board. Someplace for every one. But rough spots on just a few,
I think we need to pay attention to the stories that others are listening to and the stories we are taking as our own.
Thanks, for your help in doing this. i'll check tomorrow and see how we did. If anyone has any questions please Babblemail me.ClearSkies
Posted by Susan47 on January 8, 2006, at 14:09:24
In reply to So, on the one hand..., posted by ClearSkies on January 7, 2006, at 21:16:56
> ...we post here, trying to describe our situations and distresses. We cry, we rant and rave. We ask for help, we ask for advice, we ask for release. We come here and find voices with which we resonate and empathize with. We reach out and offer
>
> support
> sympathy
> advice
> friendship
> compassion
>
> ...and at the same time, we remain separate. Someone else's distress does not become our own distress (or should not?). When that happens then it's a disfunction in ourselves, in assuming another's problems as our own, and trying to solve that person's problems.
>
Yes, I agree with that statement.> I'm thinking out loud here. Trying to figure out the dymanics of when Good Babble Goes Wrong. I think it's when we take possession of another's Posted distress and it resonates with us as our very own distress. That when we empathize to the point of feeling ill ourselves; or anxious to the point of having a panic attack; or angry to the point of being overlty uncivil; that we have taken someone else's problems and tried to make them our own, whether we intended to or not.
>
I'm editing out the last bit of this, but what you said here is well done. I'd agree with that as well.> If we keep our side of the story clean and limited to that listening, suggesting, supporting, advising stuff, we should be OK. When we go beyond it is when it all goes awry.
>
I agree; however, I think that sometimes it's only WHEN things go awry that the chances for the biggest self-development occur. So even when they go awry, it isn't always a bad thing. And a block is sometimes the price that's paid, and I don't really care if someone else was forgiven something I was not, or vice versa, because that's the way real life is, and this is also real life.> This is a little project I'm working on with my therapist on Minding My Own Business. I thought that this weekend's flurry of postings, threads, and blocks and resulting discussions would be a good place to get some thoughts from everyone,
>
> So, just think of your own posting style, Are you here for information, for commisery about Eating Disorders, Substance Abuse, for information on medications, to debrief a therapy session; to Chat in Social; or to talk about Alternative to traditional medical practices; discuss politics; chat about Books and other media; there is a Health board to discussion of non meantal health issues; a newbie board for the new members to get their bearings; and there are a Parents board, and a Student board. Someplace for every one. But rough spots on just a few,
>
I come here for a variety of reasons but the biggest one is that this was and continues to be a fairly intelligent, insightful forum that helps me unload a lot of feelings and thoughts, and I know there are people who are listening and reading and comprehending, not always but sometimes, and they help, and sometimes they hurt, but mostly in the end it all is positive, and I hope the people who stay here are also feeling it's positive, because you need to do that for yourself...> I think we need to pay attention to the stories that others are listening to and the stories we are taking as our own.
>
>
> Thanks, for your help in doing this. i'll check tomorrow and see how we did. If anyone has any questions please Babblemail me.
>
> ClearSkiesThank You, Clearskies ...
Posted by gardenergirl on January 8, 2006, at 15:11:25
In reply to So, on the one hand..., posted by ClearSkies on January 7, 2006, at 21:16:56
Wow!
I bow down to you.
I think you've hit on a signficant aspect of recent issues on the board...getting caught up with or taking on others' problems. That sure can muddle things up more, usually. And it's hard to spot. I know I have a hard time until I'm already riled up emotionally.
Maybe some of us could find a way to gently (and civilly) let each other know if we are worried the other might be getting caught up? Hmm, that would probably take a great deal of trust or at least tact and caring. But it's certainly possible, I think.
It sounds like you are and your T are working on an important issue. Glad it's paying off, and a big thank you for sharing this insight here.
gg
Posted by alexandra_k on January 8, 2006, at 22:51:34
In reply to Re: So, on the one hand... » ClearSkies, posted by gardenergirl on January 8, 2006, at 15:11:25
hey.
i bow to you too.
it is something that i am working on because it is hard for me as well.
really very hard at times.i also wanted to say... that i'm sorry about how i responded to your post over on social (by taking it personally).
i'm a little touchy...
but the reason why i'm a little touchy...
is because i agree.
i should think more and post less.
really think about what i am saying and just post the edited and revised version.i think i'd stay out of trouble more that way.
less misunderstandings
less ambiguities
less stupid things that i say at timesyeah.
it is something that i'm working on...
being less impulsive.and it is okay that you said what you did.
and i appreciate your honesty and that you didn't mean to hurt.:-)
Posted by ClearSkies on January 9, 2006, at 5:31:32
In reply to Re: So, on the one hand..., posted by alexandra_k on January 8, 2006, at 22:51:34
I was just thinking that I had gone *so* overboard on my post to you, Alex. I apologize for making comments about your style - how rude of me. We is what is, yes? I think I was a little typing happy on cold remedies. Not that they even work, <sniffle>.
This place is a big process for me.
Take care, Alex. Hope to see you soon
ClearSkies
Posted by sabrina0805 on January 11, 2006, at 13:24:19
In reply to So, on the one hand..., posted by ClearSkies on January 7, 2006, at 21:16:56
I still reckon you will make an excellent therapist!!!!
Sabrina
Posted by ClearSkies on January 11, 2006, at 14:30:46
In reply to On my other hand » ClearSkies, posted by sabrina0805 on January 11, 2006, at 13:24:19
I think I make an excellent subject!
grin
Posted by sabrina0805 on January 11, 2006, at 16:06:54
In reply to Re: On my other hand » sabrina0805, posted by ClearSkies on January 11, 2006, at 14:30:46
Way to go my friend - way to go!!!!
Sabrina
Posted by alexandra_k on January 16, 2006, at 14:19:53
In reply to Re: So, on the one hand... » alexandra_k, posted by ClearSkies on January 9, 2006, at 5:31:32
> This place is a big process for me.
Me too. And sometimes... It takes me a little time to process stuff.
> Take care, Alex.You too :-)
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Relationships | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.