![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Angela2 on October 22, 2005, at 23:02:15
away from me. She has social anxiety like I do, and she's really quiet. We used to talk about our depression and our emotions, becuse we are similar in that way. But now she comes over to my house or I come over to her house, and she barely says a thing. I was so mad at her once becuase we went out to a movie and on the way home I was trying to make conversation and she wasn't budging. Also, she doesn't talk about her life at school with me. It makes me wonder if she has a different life or something and she just doesn't want to share it with me. I am too scared to ask her about school. I don't want to sem like I'm prying. I can't help but feel jealous though. She has a whole web of online friends and she has this completely different personality online. It is much easier for her to talk to people on line than in real life. She told me she went to see this movie the other day and I was like, cool was it good? I wanted to see that too. And she was like yeah it was good. But the whole time I was wondering who she saw it with. She has a few friends at her college and she never talks about them to me. She never talks about any of her frineds with me. I wanted to ask her who she saw it with but again, I felt like I would be prying. Maybe I'm not prying though? I don't think I'm being possessive. Do you guys? I just wish she would open up more about her life. Talk more about what she's thinking about. It's just bothering me, ya know?
Dr. Bob, you can move this to relationships if you want.
Posted by Tamar on October 23, 2005, at 14:50:41
In reply to My friend is quiet but I wonder if she's pulling, posted by Angela2 on October 22, 2005, at 22:06:43
That sounds complicated. On the one hand, she’s still doing things with you and coming over to your house and inviting you over to hers, so it doesn’t sound like she’s pulling away. On the other hand, she seems to be sharing less, so perhaps she’s uncomfortable talking about certain things at the moment.
A lot of people are quite different online, and if she has social anxiety I can imagine that she might find it easier to be more open online. So I don’t think you need to worry about that.
And perhaps she saw the movie alone. Or maybe she saw it with someone and doesn’t want to talk about who. I think the difficulty with asking her is that you really want to know the answer. If you didn’t care that much, you could probably ask her very casually and she might tell you. But if you *really* want to know it will probably be impossible to ask casually and she might feel suspicious.
I can understand that you might worry about losing your friend, but you might be worrying prematurely. And there might be stuff going on in her life that she’s not ready to share yet. I could speculate wildly (she might have started seeing a married man, or a woman, or someone who for other reasons she’s afraid you might disapprove of…). But wild speculation is probably ultimately unhelpful.
The best thing I can think of is to ask her if she’s OK and say she seems to be not quite herself recently. And say that if something’s wrong or if she’s worried about something you’re there for her. She might say there’s nothing… and then there’s nothing you can do except be patient and hope things get better again.
I hope you work things out with her.
Tamar
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 24, 2005, at 20:03:14
In reply to My friend is quiet but I wonder if she's pulling, posted by Angela2 on October 22, 2005, at 22:06:43
> away from me. She has social anxiety like I do, and she's really quiet. We used to talk about our depression and our emotions, becuse we are similar in that way. But now she comes over to my house or I come over to her house, and she barely says a thing. I was so mad at her once becuase we went out to a movie and on the way home I was trying to make conversation and she wasn't budging. Also, she doesn't talk about her life at school with me. It makes me wonder if she has a different life or something and she just doesn't want to share it with me. I am too scared to ask her about school. I don't want to sem like I'm prying. I can't help but feel jealous though. She has a whole web of online friends and she has this completely different personality online. It is much easier for her to talk to people on line than in real life. She told me she went to see this movie the other day and I was like, cool was it good? I wanted to see that too. And she was like yeah it was good. But the whole time I was wondering who she saw it with. She has a few friends at her college and she never talks about them to me. She never talks about any of her frineds with me. I wanted to ask her who she saw it with but again, I felt like I would be prying. Maybe I'm not prying though? I don't think I'm being possessive. Do you guys? I just wish she would open up more about her life. Talk more about what she's thinking about. It's just bothering me, ya know?
>
> Dr. Bob, you can move this to relationships if you want.Do you knwo her online personality? just curious.
Thats frutrating. You know, I think someimes we out grow our firends. as we age (ugh) we change so much adn I wonder if the two of you are parting ways. BUT there is also the possibility she is just feeling quiet. Are you comfortable asking her if she feels like you two have been drifting? honestly I knwo its hard but being open with people is one of the greatest things. It helps you mend relationships and it helps you weed out the bad relationships. Just let her know she is important to you, maybe ask her if she is going through something...And definately ask her how school is and her life etc. Does she ask you stuff? Asking people things implies an interest in their life, you know. Not prying IMO. I dont think you are being possesive, I think you are feeling like most would. When people are really private that is also a way of making people want to know stuff. She is giving mixed messages by hanging out with you but not opening up IMO. I say ask her whats up...I know its hard but it might save a friendship.Will you update
and remember youve got us as your online community too! We are awsome ;-)
Posted by Angela2 on October 25, 2005, at 17:20:40
In reply to My friend is quiet but I wonder if she's pulling, posted by Angela2 on October 22, 2005, at 22:06:43
Tamar and Rainbowbrite, thank you. I was thinking about forgetting the whole thing. Unless it keeps happeneing. Then I will probably take your advice and ask her whats up.
oH, and yes, PB is the greatest :-)
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Relationships | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.