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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 5 to 29 of 29. Go back in thread:
Posted by crushedout on August 8, 2005, at 14:22:32
In reply to I need to fall madly in love..., posted by kid47 on August 8, 2005, at 10:43:14
Posted by tamar on August 8, 2005, at 16:23:57
In reply to Re: I need to fall madly in love... » tamar, posted by kid47 on August 8, 2005, at 13:25:15
> I've seen quite a few potential prospects.....just about any of the female cast of "The Young and the Restless"....and I've kernoodled (I don't have any idea what that word means) with some women on line that seemed lovable.....
Ah… well, that’s fine if you’re happy to fall madly in love with someone you have never met.
> >If so, eye contact is the key. Lots of eye contact.<
>
> Eye contact could be a problem (see above)Virtual contact just isn’t the same! About the eye contact thing: apparently making eye contact is the first thing that happens when people begin to fall in love. Making eye contact – and maintaining it – is a sign of attraction, but it’s also something people do with those they love. It’s a good way of initiating and maintaining intimacy. Mind you, if you do it too much it can seem threatening. You have to be sure the other person's reciprocating.
> Actually, since my recent divorce, I have had relationships with some women IRL...they start off OK but invariably they stall for some reason. I have a good friend (female) who tells me I'm too picky, which I interpert to mean I am asking for more than I can offer in return.
Or maybe you’re asking for something that’s impossible for one woman to fulfil. We’re only human, you know!
Tamar
Posted by kid47 on August 8, 2005, at 16:35:20
In reply to I want to also. (nm) » kid47, posted by crushedout on August 8, 2005, at 14:22:32
Well I think since we are both looking to fall in love we should probably hook up. Other than the fact that you mentioned you were a gay female and I happen to be a straight male, (although I sometimes wish I were a gay female), I don't see any serious obstacles, do you? We probably have a lot in common. We both prefer women. That's a start. ;) God, I hope your sense of humor is as twisted as mine...otherwise this post might pi*s you off...if it does, I apologize. Sometimes things just strike me as funny....Did I mention I can't help it...I have a mental disorder ya know. Have a perfect day!!
Peace
kid
Posted by kid47 on August 8, 2005, at 17:18:03
In reply to Re: I need to fall madly in love... » kid47, posted by tamar on August 8, 2005, at 16:23:57
> Or maybe you’re asking for something that’s impossible for one woman to fulfil. We’re only human, you know!>
I know.....women to me are, in general, the best the species has to offer. I think men were put here basically to hunt and aid in procreation...other than that our purpose is dubious at best. ;) I think that's why we're just either hungry and/or horny.
Peace and Happiness
kid
Posted by kid47 on August 8, 2005, at 17:19:40
In reply to Re: I need to fall madly in love..., posted by kid47 on August 8, 2005, at 17:18:03
Posted by Susan47 on August 8, 2005, at 22:03:41
In reply to Re: I need to fall madly in love... » kid47, posted by tamar on August 8, 2005, at 16:23:57
This hurts to remember, now, knowing I have proof I fell in love with this ex-T .. because, the moment happened when it felt like no one else existed, just us, so that makes sense, it makes total sense to me that that was part of falling in love.. whatever that means. Sexual attraction, probably.
Sometimes life is really not very kind.
Posted by sunny10 on August 9, 2005, at 8:28:24
In reply to Re: I need to fall madly in love..., posted by kid47 on August 8, 2005, at 17:18:03
I think it's important to WANT to love, not to NEED to love.
If you NEED someone else to feel complete, you can't love unconditionally. And loving unconditionally is what being in love is all about.
Oh, yeah, and it takes work to maintain a relationship. If you found someone so like you that you never had disagreements, you'd have nothing to talk about at all.
WANT to fall in love, and it can happen.
Posted by happyflower on August 9, 2005, at 10:16:14
In reply to I need to fall madly in love..., posted by kid47 on August 8, 2005, at 10:43:14
I think if you love yourself enough, you will be attractive to others. If you can take care of yourself then potential mates will see you as someone who would be good to them too.
Smiling and eye contact is good too! Good luck!
Posted by happyflower on August 9, 2005, at 10:25:20
In reply to Fall in love with yourself first!, posted by happyflower on August 9, 2005, at 10:16:14
Posted by kid47 on August 9, 2005, at 12:23:24
In reply to Fall in love with yourself first!, posted by happyflower on August 9, 2005, at 10:16:14
> I think if you love yourself enough, you will be attractive to others.<
Love myself? That might be tough. I wouldn't even hang around with me if I didn't have to. umm...I seem to be able to attract women. The fact that I'm smart, funny, extremely good looking, incredibly rich *and* a pathological liar ( most importantly I play in a band), seems to draw an interesting type of critically dysfunctional female to me. I have been reading that book "Men Are From Mars and Women Wish They'd Go Back There" and have really been gaining some useful insight. I have figured out that my cocky attitude, which I had always attributed to a protective ficade to disguise low self esteem, really is arrogance bred from a very overblown self image and just down right conceit. The fact that I often sabotage a relationship is not actually because I don't feel I deserve love but rather I just can't find someone who is good enough for me. As you can tell, I am self improving by leaps and bounds.....and believe me, it's hard to improve on perfection!! I know...I know...about now you're saying, "kid. You are going to make some lucky girl veeerrry happy" and I'd have to agree with you....I mean really....whats not to like!! So you can probably understand my confusion why, almost a whole year after a very unpleasant divorce, disolving a 23 year marriage, after being made aware of some "slight" indescretions between my then wife and her boyfriend, the one she was dating when I first met her 25 years ago, who unbeknownst to me but later made very clear in no uncerrtain terms, right before the total collapse of my life, was the only man she'd ever really loved, *why*, I must say again, is it I have not been able to find someone that I can trust with my heart? How's that for a spew.
<If you can take care of yourself then potential mates will see you as someone who would be good to them too.>
If I could take care of myself why would I need a mate?
<Smiling and eye contact is good too!>This seems to be a recurring theme. I should probably try the smiling thing....I do have nice teeth. I'm afraid with me the eye contact might be perceived as more of a psychotic glare.....
<Good luck!>
Thanks,,but I won't need it....I've pretty much got this relationship stuff in the bag.....don't ya think?
Have a lovely day!!
Peace
kid
Posted by happyflower on August 9, 2005, at 13:42:06
In reply to Re Fall in love with yourself first! (a must read), posted by kid47 on August 9, 2005, at 12:23:24
> > I think if you love yourself enough, you will be attractive to others.<
I think there is a difference in loving yourself and thinking that you are god's gift to women and so perfect. A guy like that would turn me off. But it seems like you don't want to take care of yourself or want to hang out with you, why would anyone want to either? It seeems to me that you put off this image of being confident, but really inside you are very insecure. A real women who is confident in themselves can see right through the "image".
My DH and I are both musicians, and I do admit that that attracts people, but it is your image they are being attracted to, not really you. Maybe you are attracting the women, but they are being put off by your personality once they get past the "image". Money, good looks, being a musican, being funny are all good things, but it isn't why real women fall in love with someone. It is what is inside that counts, and anything less than that wouldn't keep my atttention either or make me fall in love. Maybe a one night stand, but love no way. If you want to attract another type of women, you need to discover that there is more to yourself than just an image. A quality women is looking for much more than a pretty face who is rich and think of themselves as perfect. JMHO
Posted by crushedout on August 9, 2005, at 14:17:45
In reply to Re: I want to also. » crushedout, posted by kid47 on August 8, 2005, at 16:35:20
you didn't p*ss me off at all. i get that all the time from straight guys though. i bet you're too young for me, otherwise i'd consider it. :)
Posted by Tamar on August 9, 2005, at 14:42:42
In reply to Re Fall in love with yourself first! (a must read), posted by kid47 on August 9, 2005, at 12:23:24
I can imagine that playing in a band would help! As long as you’re not a drummer. For some reason, they seem to get less attention (or so my brother tells me).
> *why*, I must say again, is it I have not been able to find someone that I can trust with my heart?
Hmmm… I can think of some possible answers:
1. You miss your wife
2. You’re looking for someone to replace your wife
3. You’re afraid of being hurt again
But I’m sure you know all this…Do you really want to trust someone with your heart right now? If it’s been less than a year since your divorce, maybe you’d enjoy a bit of fooling around with a number of women for a while. Leave your heart out of it and focus on another part of your anatomy…
Do you want to see my twelve-step guide to flirting?
Tamar
Posted by kid47 on August 9, 2005, at 14:49:21
In reply to Re: Re Fall in love with yourself first! (a must read), posted by happyflower on August 9, 2005, at 13:42:06
Hi Happyflower. First let me apologize. Even though I have been on these boards going on 5 years, I post very sporatically. If you were fortunate enough to have missed these tirades, you probably luckily weren't exposed to the fact that I am an incurable smart a** and most of my posts are written with my tongue firmly implanted in my cheek. I often post with a sarcastic, take a poke at convention and stereotypes, attitude. I might even try, usually unsuccesfully, to illustrate something which provokes irony. It is sometimes difficult to "hear" the tone of the written word. I am sorry that I don't always get that tone across when I write. If you reread my previous post with this in mind, it might "sound" a little different to you. Also notice after saying all those wonderful things about myself I mentioned I was a pathological liar. I am sorry that I sometimes take for granted that my attitude and inflection comes across in my posts and that everyone has as twisted a sense of humor as I have. Very I often I will post about something that might be personally very painful, but make it virtually unrecognizable by drenching it in sarcasm or make a poor attempt to make it entertaining or funny. Many times I wirte, not necessarily to get a response (although I always appreciate it), but just to get it out......I write a lot of things that no one ever sees. (Thankfully) You have made me aware that I should be more clear when I write, or better yet,I should just probably stop this kind of nonsense altogether. Once again please accept my apology for any misunderstanding.
Peace and Happiness
kid
Posted by happyflower on August 9, 2005, at 14:50:32
In reply to Re: Re Fall in love with yourself first! (a must read) » kid47, posted by Tamar on August 9, 2005, at 14:42:42
> I can imagine that playing in a band would help! As long as you’re not a drummer. For some reason, they seem to get less attention (or so my brother tells me).
My DH is a drummer and he has women all over him all the time and he is a old drummer! A lot of woman want to have a drummer, they have good rhythm! lol But trumpet players are the best lovers! lol :)
Posted by Tamar on August 9, 2005, at 14:54:53
In reply to Re: Re Fall in love with yourself first! (a must read) » Tamar, posted by happyflower on August 9, 2005, at 14:50:32
> My DH is a drummer and he has women all over him all the time and he is a old drummer! A lot of woman want to have a drummer, they have good rhythm! lolGood point!
> But trumpet players are the best lovers! lol :)
It's all in the embouchure...
Tamar
Posted by happyflower on August 9, 2005, at 14:55:23
In reply to Re: Re Fall in love with yourself first! (a must r » happyflower, posted by kid47 on August 9, 2005, at 14:49:21
I guess I misunderstood, no offense taken, I hope you don't mind me getting on your butt then! lol I see your humor now, but it does seem like maybe you're in pain. I use humor to cover my pain too.
What kind of instrument do you play and what kind of music (or was that a lie too, lol). :)
Posted by happyflower on August 9, 2005, at 14:57:20
In reply to Re: Re Fall in love with yourself first! (a must read) » happyflower, posted by Tamar on August 9, 2005, at 14:54:53
>
> > My DH is a drummer and he has women all over him all the time and he is a old drummer! A lot of woman want to have a drummer, they have good rhythm! lol
>
> Good point!
>
> > But trumpet players are the best lovers! lol :)
>
> It's all in the embouchure...You said it! lol I had no idea that all the practiceing I did would benifit my DH in the future! I think I should write a book about it!
>
> Tamar
>
>
>
Posted by kid47 on August 9, 2005, at 16:46:36
In reply to Re: Re Fall in love with yourself first! (a must read) » kid47, posted by Tamar on August 9, 2005, at 14:42:42
< I can imagine that playing in a band would help! >
Had I not played in a band, I would of been forced to become a monk. I was painfully shy as a kid.....my sixth grade teacher asked me to bring my guitar to school and play for the class on Valentines Day. When I did all the girls screamed (in a good way) and threw their Valentines at me....that was a pivotol moment. I said to myself "there might be something to this" I was never able to just walk up and talk to girls. What I found out was if you play in a band they'll come up and talk to you. God it sounds so contrived, cliche..."I play in a band". I very seldom even mention it...most people are like "yeah, I used to be in a band in college." They went to college so they wouldn't have to try and make a living playing in a band....I went to college to learn how to make a living playing....yes sorry to admit it but my first go round at higher education I was a music major. I got a record deal when I was in my early twenties and thought my career path had been mapped. After starving for a coupla years, I was with a band that got another deal and the net result of that was being sued for breach of contract. It was around that time I decided it might be prudent to consider a change in direction. With a wife and kids the constant travel was not at all conducive to a happy home life. I was in my early 30's when I decided to go back to school and get my engineering degree. I still play some....mainly for fun and a few extra bucks. I did recently, unexpectedly sell a song that a friend and I wrote, to a film company. That was a nice surprise and a good reason to go out and blow some money. I guess for me, and I hope this doesn't sound condescending, when I say I played in a band, I mean I was a dedicated, hard working, on the road sometimes 48 weeks out of a year, trying to make a living at it, professional musician. It is a MAJOR part of who I am!
> > *why*, I must say again, is it I have not been able to find someone that I can trust with my heart?
>
> Hmmm… I can think of some possible answers:
> 1. You miss your wife
> 2. You’re looking for someone to replace your wife
> 3. You’re afraid of being hurt againOk..Ok...I am truly an idiot. My communication skills are even worse than I thought. First of all thank you for your response. All your posts that I've read, are supportive and insightful. Once again my lame attempt at sarcasm has completely missed the mark!! or you picked up on it, but just in case you might be wrong, you were kind and supportive...either way I appreciate it and I really need to be less cryptic when expressing myself.
> Do you really want to trust someone with your heart right now? If it’s been less than a year since your divorce, maybe you’d enjoy a bit of fooling around with a number of women for a while. Leave your heart out of it and focus on another part of your anatomy…
I have been known to say "I have had enough meaningless sex with enough meaningless women (that sounds kinda harsh doesnt it) I don't necessarily need a new friend (although friends are great) I want to find the love of my life ( for real) I can't seem to find the instruction set on how to go about doing that. (sorry, occupational hazard)
> Do you want to see my twelve-step guide to flirting?<Yes please!!!!
Peace
kid
Posted by kid47 on August 9, 2005, at 17:00:13
In reply to Re: I want to also. » kid47, posted by crushedout on August 9, 2005, at 14:17:45
<i bet you're too young for me, otherwise i'd consider it. :)>I wish I was too young for you.... it's probably the other way around.
peace
kid
Posted by kid47 on August 9, 2005, at 17:20:54
In reply to Re: Re Fall in love with yourself first! (a must r » kid47, posted by happyflower on August 9, 2005, at 14:55:23
< I use humor to cover my pain too.>
Yeah. In general, I like laughing beter n crying.
> What kind of instrument do you play and what kind of music (or was that a lie too, lol). :)<
No...that's the truth. I play pno because that was the first instrument I learned to play and I had to play some keyboard for college...but my main instrument is guitar. I have played every kind of music from Big Band to Hip Hop....I guess my favorite stuff is old R&B...Motown..."Soul Music" The stuff I write is very eclectic...sometimes a jazzy lil thang or a righteous head banger (duuude) I've been a musician for a reeeeeally long time.
peace
kid
Posted by gabbi on August 9, 2005, at 21:42:30
In reply to Fall in love with yourself first! » happyflower, posted by kid47 on August 9, 2005, at 17:20:54
I love the way you write, I have one of your posts about the blues in my favorites.. (is that legal?)
Please don't "stop this kind of nonsense"
Not that I think you really could.. even if you wanted to : )
Posted by kid47 on August 10, 2005, at 11:22:06
In reply to Re: Fall in love with your elf first.. » kid47, posted by gabbi on August 9, 2005, at 21:42:30
Posted by Tamar on August 10, 2005, at 17:10:09
In reply to Re: Fall in love with yourself first! » Tamar, posted by kid47 on August 9, 2005, at 16:46:36
> I guess for me, and I hope this doesn't sound condescending, when I say I played in a band, I mean I was a dedicated, hard working, on the road sometimes 48 weeks out of a year, trying to make a living at it, professional musician. It is a MAJOR part of who I am!
That sounds like a lot of fun. I suppose there are many boring hours spent travelling, and stuff like that (or so I’ve been told) but the thrill of performing… I played in bands at school and sang in choirs a few years ago and I loved it. I was never good enough to be professional, but I really admire people who are.
> > > *why*, I must say again, is it I have not been able to find someone that I can trust with my heart?
> >
> > Hmmm… I can think of some possible answers:
> > 1. You miss your wife
> > 2. You’re looking for someone to replace your wife
> > 3. You’re afraid of being hurt again
>
> Ok..Ok...I am truly an idiot. My communication skills are even worse than I thought. First of all thank you for your response. All your posts that I've read, are supportive and insightful. Once again my lame attempt at sarcasm has completely missed the mark!! or you picked up on it, but just in case you might be wrong, you were kind and supportive...either way I appreciate it and I really need to be less cryptic when expressing myself.Your communication skills are fine! I recognized the sarcasm. Your post was really witty and I laughed when I read it! But I think I responded the way I did because it seemed to be deeper than just sarcasm.
> I have been known to say "I have had enough meaningless sex with enough meaningless women (that sounds kinda harsh doesnt it) I don't necessarily need a new friend (although friends are great) I want to find the love of my life ( for real) I can't seem to find the instruction set on how to go about doing that. (sorry, occupational hazard)
Ah, I see. I think I had a copy of the instructions, but I haven’t seen them for years (I think they’ve fallen down behind the bookcase). However, I vaguely recall they said something about love being blind. We can do all the ‘right’ things, like seek out a partner who comes from a similar background, ensure we choose someone who has similar values, make sure we have compatible approaches to conflict, to money, and to bringing up kids. But no one seems to approach love in such a calculated way. It seems unromantic and dull. However, to find the love of your life you might have to take that stuff into account.
> > Do you want to see my twelve-step guide to flirting?<
>
> Yes please!!!!OK then:
Tamar’s Twelve-Step Guide to Flirting
1. Make eye contact for a fraction longer than you normally would in normal social interaction. Then look away.
2. After minute or so, make eye contact again. Smile.
3. After another minute, try to make eye contact again. If you make eye contact a third time, approach the person and start a conversation.
4. Don’t use a pick-up line. Ask a general question; nothing too personal (“Nice party, isn’t it?” “Hot in here, isn’t it?” … something like that). Avoid the likes of: “Do you have any pets?” or “How do you know Bob?”
5. Let the conversation develop naturally. Don’t be too keen to impress or flirt. Just talk to the other person as if s/he’s a regular human being.
6. If the conversation goes well, touch the person’s arm.
7. If you get a positive or neutral response to the first arm touch, wait a little while and try a second arm touch.
8. If you get a positive response to the second arm touch, wait a few minutes and then try a very brief hand touch.
9. Wait to see if the other person touches you, or at least indicates they want to keep talking to you.
10. Try either a second hand touch or a shoulder touch. Don’t get more intimate than that, even if the other person touches you.
11. Give one compliment at some point. It doesn’t have to be too personal. “That’s a nice dress / tie” will do just fine.
12. Ask for a date (if you want one). Nothing too exotic. Keep it casual: “Would you like to meet for a drink next week?”
See? Easy!
Posted by kid47 on August 10, 2005, at 17:24:27
In reply to Re: Fall in love with yourself first! » kid47, posted by Tamar on August 10, 2005, at 17:10:09
This is the end of the thread.
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