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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by 64bowtie on July 25, 2005, at 10:54:13
I do WANT love, more love, as much love as even my pockets can hold...
I sit here wasted after a weekend of torture and torment for a decision I really, really had to make... I got home Saturday night after an afternoon retirement party in a local park, with my feelings of dignity totally in shattered tatters... A lady I had been acquainted with for about a year, had stepped up things about 6 weeks ago... At arms length, and only eating light lunches 2 or 3 times a week, we emailed here and there, but I was soon smitten... big time! What wasn't clear was her living arrangement with her (ex)boyfriend... The story was plausible, that they seldom even saw each other, and that she would be gone in a split-second, except that she is newly unnemployed, making it impossible in today's Bay Area housing market to find her own place...
On Friday, we were fine, joking around, and shared a big hug like we did almost daily, but at the retirement event, she was distant and obviously avoiding me... Then, (ex)boyfriend shows up on his Harley Sportster, wreaking of "goofy-bush", and acting as nice as could be... He had obviously bullied her into telling him where she was going, and she was acting distant and upset out of confusion, that she felt she had caused...
In a moment alone at the food table I asked naively, "I thought you said he didn't want you associating with the State Employment People?" (yet here HE was???); she was volunteering at the Employment office I consult with, while desparately looking for job opportunities... Her response was, "Bite me!" and she charged off... She knows I am 'head-over-heals' for her, and she has sat in my lectures so she knows I won't tolerate non-sense... Yet she makes me part of the problem (not the solution), just because she feels trapped by her own duplicitousness!?!?!?!?
I mean, I have forgiven even duplicitousness in the past, I just can't under these circumstances, I guess... If I continue with her, It will become another 'rescue mission'... And suddenly my tomorrows will be just like my yesterdays...
WTF is the matter with me... I am on my way to work and can't wait to see her... GO-FIGURE!!!
Rod
PS: what does this all say about my ability to stick to a decision????????
Posted by AdaGrace on July 28, 2005, at 23:30:34
In reply to » AdaGrace » Need???, posted by 64bowtie on July 25, 2005, at 10:54:13
Because really, it does
It is a superficial feeling to a nothingness world and why bother.....
Posted by 64bowtie on August 1, 2005, at 1:48:00
In reply to Re: Love Sucks, posted by AdaGrace on July 28, 2005, at 23:30:34
> ...and why bother.....
<<< Because I can, unlike I was 20 years ago... I used to be a mess, until I took over management of my habits, beliefs and opiions, at the level of my feelings, behaviors, and intentions (motives)... As time went on, I was doing good, producing good-feelings, and stopped seeking 'feel-goods', stopped responding to obligations, and stopped demanding that world live up to my expectations... Today, when I get up in the morning, I am excited to see the 'guy-in-the-mirror', me!
Rod
Posted by partlycloudy on August 1, 2005, at 15:36:44
In reply to Re: Love Sucks, posted by AdaGrace on July 28, 2005, at 23:30:34
Learning to accept that you deserve love and respect will allow you to accept no less!!
Let's face it - doormats belong on the floor, not wonderful women like yourself.
pc
Posted by gardenergirl on August 2, 2005, at 2:36:37
In reply to AdaGrace, my friend!, posted by partlycloudy on August 1, 2005, at 15:36:44
> Learning to accept that you deserve love and respect will allow you to accept no less!!
> Let's face it - doormats belong on the floor, not wonderful women like yourself.Well sheesh! all this time I've been standing on my head trying to wipe my feet! Now somebody tells me!
Just kidding. Very nice saying, actually. I may have to borrow it sometime. And very wise words above that.
You're so cool, pc!
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on August 2, 2005, at 2:37:02
In reply to Re: Love Sucks, posted by AdaGrace on July 28, 2005, at 23:30:34
Posted by 64bowtie on August 2, 2005, at 23:58:08
In reply to » AdaGrace » Need???, posted by 64bowtie on July 25, 2005, at 10:54:13
> I sit here wasted...
<<< ...was not exactly what I meant to say... I don't indulge in mood altering substances or rituals... I just barely run outta fingers counting the number of times over the last 40 odd years that I might have so indulged... And never recently, since I've been blogging here with y'alls...
<<< By 'wasted' I meant very exhausted from fretting over what it all meant...
<<< In fairness to the lady (of my dreams) I made reference to, I overstated her efforts by my labeling her as duplicitous... I was out of line, such that any wasting I felt, I probably deserved for jumping to a couple of conclusions... Generally, I trust and stand behind my intuition, while I calculate the risk of being wrong often at 50/50 most of the time... I shoulder full responsibility anytime I am outta line and make quick and complete amends for my errors in evaluation... I continue on, learning along the way...
<<< What ever would be a better way? What ever would be a better life.....?
Rod
This is the end of the thread.
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