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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by partlycloudy on July 5, 2005, at 10:10:07
I haven't been to see everyone since I was dx'd and stopped working. I used to have Major Issues with my mom not being very motherly, and have adjusted my expectations (OK, to zero!) and now I am beside myself in agitation in dealing with my brothers and their families. I went from not being able to effectively plan my trip because they couldn't tell me their plans - going to the cottage, being in town - to fielding multiple phone calls and getting all sorts of emails with wayyyy too much detail. I practically know when they are going to go to the toilet, OK? To go from no knowledge to too much is making me really anxious about going at all.
I can see that they care about me. I can see that I overreact to what I interpret as old behaviours on all our parts. My old coping ways of drinking myself into oblivion is no longer something I am willing to do. I am determined to have a good holiday.
I thought I knew where my boundaries lie with my siblings. I thought I knew how to assert myself without becoming self defensive and sulky. I feel like the kid sister again, being told what to do, and just like the kid sister, I want to run away from everything and hide with justyourlaugh!!
I'm giving myself migraines over this, folks. And understand also: although my brothers live in the same city, within 1/2 mile of each other, they don't communicate with each other. What am I trying to do here?
Whiningly,
partlycloudy
Posted by AuntieMel on July 5, 2005, at 14:42:19
In reply to Freaking out about visiting home, posted by partlycloudy on July 5, 2005, at 10:10:07
Argh!
And your family doesn't communicate with each other???
You could do what my father used to do (only he did it for who knows what reason since we *do* speak to each other) - he would send out an itenerary before he left telling us which one he would visit on which day at what time. Then he would leave it to us to amuse him.
It was icky when he did it, but it might work for your situation. Or a modified version of it. Plan some activities for yourself and partition that time away from family???? You deserve at least that much.
And don't forget to pack the xanax.
Posted by crazy teresa on July 5, 2005, at 19:24:43
In reply to Freaking out about visiting home, posted by partlycloudy on July 5, 2005, at 10:10:07
For me, the anticipation is usually the worst part of the trip. I'm psycho-bitch for 3 or 4 days ahead of the trip. :~{
Is there somewhere you can go while you're there to get a break (without the booze) when you need it? Park, coffee shop, shopping mall, out in the pasture where you could be alone to de-stress? Maybe planning on taking a walk by yourself every morning and evening would help give you the energy you'll be needing to handle them.
How long will you be there?
crazy t
Posted by partlycloudy on July 5, 2005, at 20:17:43
In reply to Re: Freaking out about visiting home » partlycloudy, posted by crazy teresa on July 5, 2005, at 19:24:43
It's a 10 day trip with non-fambly time woven into the plans. I think I'll be OK once I get there. I'm not worried about drinking up there; it's the now when I have myself so worked up about it. The waiting for the vacation to begin is the hardest part.
Yeah, my family is pretty messed up. No surprise there. But they are showing that they care about me the best way they can. And I'll have my full complement of meds with me :-)
I really appreciate your responses.pc
Posted by crazy teresa on July 6, 2005, at 2:20:04
In reply to Re: Freaking out about visiting home, posted by partlycloudy on July 5, 2005, at 20:17:43
Will you ba able to leave early if you feel like it?
Posted by partlycloudy on July 6, 2005, at 6:38:10
In reply to Re: Freaking out about visiting home » partlycloudy, posted by crazy teresa on July 6, 2005, at 2:20:04
Oh, yes - we've rented a car. And the last couple of days we are staying at a bed and breakfast all by our lonesomes.
My family is not one for confrontations. Ha! Understatement of the century! No unpleasantness allowed at the dinner table. If you can't muster a smile and polite conversation you get to leave and simmer in your room.
Some rules haven't changed.
When things get really tense, my entire family whips out - BOOKS - and we all sit there reading, in silence. I'm told it's quite a sight.
pc
Posted by crazy teresa on July 6, 2005, at 13:37:37
In reply to Re: Freaking out about visiting home » crazy teresa, posted by partlycloudy on July 6, 2005, at 6:38:10
LOL!!! It sounds like a dream to me! ;~}
Posted by AuntieMel on July 6, 2005, at 14:00:17
In reply to Re: Freaking out about visiting home » crazy teresa, posted by partlycloudy on July 6, 2005, at 6:38:10
What happens if one of you has a funny book and keeps snickering?
Posted by partlycloudy on July 6, 2005, at 15:17:09
In reply to Re: I'll take the bite » partlycloudy, posted by AuntieMel on July 6, 2005, at 14:00:17
I can't recall that ever happening, to be truthful. It must have, but I can't remember it. I think i tended to read true crime books because they made my family seem normal in comparison.
Posted by anastasia56 on July 6, 2005, at 15:27:31
In reply to Re: I'll take the bite » AuntieMel, posted by partlycloudy on July 6, 2005, at 15:17:09
good comparison with the crime books!
i love the concept that you can leave at any time. Stuck without a car would be the pits. Know what you mean about the anticipation part being the worst. Ah well, it will be here before you know it. At least you are escaping the weather at home. Batten down the hatches.
ana
Posted by crazy teresa on July 6, 2005, at 18:10:37
In reply to Re: Freaking out about visiting home » crazy teresa, posted by partlycloudy on July 6, 2005, at 6:38:10
When you say we, do you mean you and your sig. other? If so, maybe you could give each other a secret signal that means get me out of here for a while. Something you wouldn't normally do but nothing obvious. Bite your thumbnail, twirl your hair, pop a sucker in your mouth?
crazy t
Posted by crazy teresa on July 6, 2005, at 18:12:23
In reply to Re: I'll take the bite » AuntieMel, posted by partlycloudy on July 6, 2005, at 15:17:09
I think i tended to read true crime books because they made my family seem normal in comparison.
Or were you looking for ideas??? LOL!!!!
crazy t
Posted by partlycloudy on July 7, 2005, at 6:30:08
In reply to Re: Freaking out about visiting home » partlycloudy, posted by crazy teresa on July 6, 2005, at 18:10:37
> When you say we, do you mean you and your sig. other? If so, maybe you could give each other a secret signal that means get me out of here for a while. Something you wouldn't normally do but nothing obvious. Bite your thumbnail, twirl your hair, pop a sucker in your mouth?
>
> crazy tI'm going with my husband. He's worried about how I'll do this trip :-(
I'm feeling better about being "prepared" for it - being able to articulate my frustrations here has helped a lot. Before I know it, the visit will be over...
pc
Posted by partlycloudy on July 17, 2005, at 16:55:22
In reply to Freaking out about visiting home, posted by partlycloudy on July 5, 2005, at 10:10:07
expectations. But they sure did.
Hubby and I were so surprised at the disconnection in my family that we forgot to take pictures!
I don't think I need to do that again to myself.
<Shudder>
Posted by Damos on July 17, 2005, at 17:39:49
In reply to It's not often that reality lives up to.., posted by partlycloudy on July 17, 2005, at 16:55:22
Glad to see you back pc, I've missed you around the place.
Brrrrrh, families. Aint they just the scariest creation known to man.
Posted by crazy teresa on July 18, 2005, at 11:03:30
In reply to It's not often that reality lives up to.., posted by partlycloudy on July 17, 2005, at 16:55:22
any group reading sessions? ;~}
Did you at least get to enjoy the last couple of days alone with your hubby? Hope so!
t
Posted by partlycloudy on July 18, 2005, at 12:34:32
In reply to Tell us about it...., posted by crazy teresa on July 18, 2005, at 11:03:30
> any group reading sessions? ;~}
>Yes, with both brothers, on separate occasions!!!
OK - first off, I had a tooth go "bad" on me so I spent the holiday on amoxicillin, and then dealt with the consequential yeast infection. This morning I had the root canal. Head feels like it know understands what playing rugby must be like.
Regarding our visit, there is still an acute absence of communication between the entire family. I think our mother used to be the glue, but she gave up out of disinterest. We all very intensely made certain not to notice anything was amiss.
> Did you at least get to enjoy the last couple of days alone with your hubby? Hope so!
Magical. Niagara-On-The-Lake is an exquisite town. So cute you could puke!! but a lovely place at its heart. We had a great 3 days before we returned home. It was the right note to end our holiday on.
partlycloudy
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