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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by woolav on June 30, 2005, at 8:06:09
Hello. I dont know whats going on.... my husband has recently started hanging out with this guy he knows from work and he has stayed out late about 3 times now with this person and comes home drunk. Then, last night, he didnt call or come home at all. I woke at 3am, freaked bc he wasnt home and first off called the 2 local hospital, not there. Then drove to where he parks his work van. Found the van and his car. So I knew he was with someone else. I waited there to see who would drop him off, but he called me at 5:45am and said he was drunk and had fallen asleep at the guys house. (never once calling me to say he was even out drinking that night) we have been married only a year and he just started this behavior. He then tells me today how sorry he is and he wont do it again and that he loves me..
How do u love someone, yet show them so much disrespect for my feelings? I told him to think about why he did (does) this stuff, bc perhaps he doesnt want to be married? I dont know what else to tell him..
any advise?
S
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on June 30, 2005, at 21:24:16
In reply to Whats happening to my marriage?, posted by woolav on June 30, 2005, at 8:06:09
woolav,
From what I remember, your marriage has been pretty stormy, right? Both with him and you? Haven't you been questioning your ability to stay in the marriage as well as remaining faithful?
Has your husband always been a drinker? I've heard that one of the main indicators of depression in men is increased use of alcohol.
To me, it sounds like both of you are so unhappy in this marriage. Have you both ever sat down and talked about it? Or acknowledged it could use some improvement?
To be honest, to have so many problems and doubts in your first year of marriage seems like a red flag to me. What do you think?
Posted by Susan47 on June 30, 2005, at 23:30:49
In reply to Re: Whats happening to my marriage?, posted by Miss Honeychurch on June 30, 2005, at 21:24:16
It's not appearing to look too good. One thing, I don't think I'd ignore this incident, I think I'd address it to death until there were some resolution. Even if it meant sleeping apart, separating for however long it takes, I'm serious. Knowing what I think I know now?
Posted by AuntieMel on July 1, 2005, at 1:55:43
In reply to re-posting from relationships...anyone???, posted by woolav on June 30, 2005, at 14:04:16
Does he have a substance use problem? It sounds like it. "I'll just go have one or two with him and be only a few minutes late" turns into not coming home.
Posted by woolav on July 1, 2005, at 11:05:04
In reply to Re: re-posting from relationships...anyone???, posted by AuntieMel on June 30, 2005, at 17:11:54
I dont know why he is doing this...he reassures me that he loves me and wants to be with me. I told him to think about why he is going out and would rather spend time partying with some guys and he couldnt give me an answer. He just kept saying he was sorry and wouldnt do it again..I dont think he's an alcoholic, but we both have a drink or 2 about 5 times a week.
The only other thing that has caused our marriage to be rocky was when i had the hypomania episode that ended back in april. I told him last night that I cant put up with this sort of thing, because I am not going to worry and wonder where my husband is and be calling hospitals etc..I told him It would take me some time to forgive him bc he hurt me by not thinking of my feelings once! I am sooo angry right now..I am going to see the guy he goes out with at a party this weekend, and i told my hubby that I didnt want to have anything to do with him. First off, I am mad at him for asking my husb. to go out with him drinking, when this man knows he is married. Plus, seeing him at this party is going to make me look like a fool. I feel like he will look at me and think "wow, i guess you must be a real bitch, if your husband would rather be with me than u"..
you know what i mean??? I am not going to be made the fool of, I refuse. What should I do if this sort of thing happens again? Tell him I want him to leave for a while until he can figure out what he wants??
S
Posted by Susan47 on July 1, 2005, at 11:47:18
In reply to Re: re-posting from relationships...anyone???, posted by woolav on July 1, 2005, at 11:05:04
I'm thinking that if he can't give you an answer about why he spent time partying with the guys, maybe it's because that's not what he was doing. Because why would that be so hard to figure out? I mean, okay, you do something, unless you're a little kid or you have really poor cognitive skills, you generally remember why you did it. Hold on though, there's something about some people, they really don't know why they do certain things. Has he shown that lack of self-awareness in other areas? Could be he is telling the truth, if that's his pattern. Maybe a therapist could help him figure out how to figure himself out?
Posted by Susan47 on July 1, 2005, at 11:48:47
In reply to Re: re-posting from relationships...anyone???, posted by woolav on July 1, 2005, at 11:05:04
Tell him you want to leave for awhile if your bags are packed and you're really ready to do it. Otherwise, it's a waste of your breath. That's true.
Posted by Jadah on July 16, 2005, at 20:34:40
In reply to Re: re-posting from relationships...anyone???, posted by Susan47 on July 1, 2005, at 11:47:18
I am in a vicious love triangle. I am in love with someone that I cannot have. He is in love with me but circumstances keep him at a distance much of the time and essentially longterm. I cant bear to live without him although what I am getting from him now, however meaningful, is going to devestate me later. The thought of cutting him loose, never seeing him again just anihalates me emotionally. Just the thought makes me feel overwhelming greif, just as if he were to have died. The possible loss seems to me unbearable and at times I feel like I would rather be dead without him. Help! Any suggestions on how to break away without breaking apart?
Posted by Susan47 on July 17, 2005, at 0:11:35
In reply to Re: re-posting from relationships...anyone???, posted by Jadah on July 16, 2005, at 20:34:40
Nope.
Hi, Jadah.
This is the end of the thread.
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