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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Angela2 on July 2, 2005, at 1:36:12
I had a boyfriend for about 5 months, but we broke up. Mainly because of a darkness he was battling with. I really liked him, but the whole time I was with him, his friends really bothered me. I was very uncomfortable around them. They were very nice people, I was just afraid they were going to make fun of me all the time. I guess that's an aspect of myself I need to work on. At one point it got really bad.
I don't really have any real friends. And I feel like I've failed some how by not having them. One girl I hang out with because we both have social anxiety. But I don't really feel fulfilled by her. We just don't click.
Another girl I hang out with a lot right now because I known her for a long time and she just got dumped by her boyfriend and is taking it pretty hard./ So she is kind of using me.
The last person is my ex boyfriend. We have agreed to stay friends even though we aren't together anymore, and we write to each other, sometimes go out to lunch. I think he is my only real friend. And I have a lot of mixed feelings towards him because I still have feelings for him.
I can't help but think that by being uncomfortable around his friends, I have failed relationship-wise. But now that I think about it, we were pretty different people socially (he was able to sustain social relationships, had a tight knit group, I am not able to sustain relationships for some reason mainly because I am paranoid and feel like people are messing w/ me all the time and when I let people in on this, they tend to shy away) and we both have emotional problems. Even though we both like and respect each other, I don't think it would have worked anyway.
I feel really bad that I can't have a real relationship. I think this is something I'm going to work on. I'm going to have to work really hard I think. But I'm going to do it. I'm going to have a bunch of friends someday, who know about my meds and know about my emotional problems and since I respect myself, they will too.
My friend who just got dumped by her boyfriend always wants to go out to bars with me. But I always say no, because the bar scene just isn't for me. I feel like everyone who goes to bars goes because they want to be flirty with other people and be loud and crazy and obnoxious.
But I can't help but feel that I have failed as a person somehow because I don't enjoy these types of activities:(
Thanks if you've read this far. It's become clear to me that I have underlying beliefs and criticisms that I need to change. I just needed to get this out. You babblers mean a lot to me. I'm glad I can come to this place and talk my problems out or socialize or help other people. Thank you again.
-Angela2
Posted by Angela2 on July 2, 2005, at 1:36:12
In reply to I am not worthy of a boyfriend or real friends, posted by Angela2 on July 1, 2005, at 22:44:28
Posted by sleepygirl on July 2, 2005, at 1:36:12
In reply to er, Perhaps redirect? (nm), posted by Angela2 on July 1, 2005, at 23:13:33
Whatcha mean angie?
Posted by sleepygirl on July 2, 2005, at 1:36:12
In reply to I am not worthy of a boyfriend or real friends, posted by Angela2 on July 1, 2005, at 22:44:28
You're getting really down on yourself, for just being a little different than the rip roaring extroverts you've been hanging out with. Some of us just HATE the bar scene (perhaps you can guess that I do too). You may need just need some gentler, more sensitive folk (been know to hang around babbling). Us artsy people are notoriously introverted (not always, but a lot). It's not a curse. If you are at all like me your social anxiety will ease in time (I have no idea how old you are), and as you gain more self confidence, you'll be less concerned about what people think of you and more free to just be you. Hang in there and take wonderful care of yourself.
-sleepy
Posted by caraher on July 2, 2005, at 14:46:42
In reply to Re: I am not worthy of a boyfriend or real friends, posted by sleepygirl on July 1, 2005, at 23:27:11
Bars are not for everyone, and I'll bet that if you could peer deep inside you'd see a lot of the people that look like they're having a good time are cursing the front they put on. What you see on the surface isn't always the whole story.
Like sleepygirl says, social anxieties can lessen. I've improved through therapy. I have an online friend who has made huge strides in the past year, to the point where she's gone from extremely avoidant to confident enough to go ask out the guy she likes who works at the coffee shop. So don't despair, things change, and whether they do or not none of this reflects on whether you *deserve* friends, just on the ease with which you make them.
Posted by Angela2 on July 3, 2005, at 4:55:04
In reply to Re: I am not worthy of a boyfriend or real friends, posted by caraher on July 2, 2005, at 14:46:42
Thanks sleepygirl and caraher. I think one day I'll be able to accept myself. But right it's just hard to.
-A2
Posted by AuntieMel on July 5, 2005, at 14:54:55
In reply to I am not worthy of a boyfriend or real friends, posted by Angela2 on July 1, 2005, at 22:44:28
Not worthy? Are you Attilla the Hun or Idi Amin? Are you mean, hateful and cruel? Do you rob from the blind and kick the homeless?
These are the things that make a person unworthy.
You are a person with high standards. You don't want to go get drunk and pick up guys. You don't make nice with everyone that comes along just so you won't be alone.
The best way to find people that you get along with is to get involved with activities that interest you. Classes, volunteer work, all allow you as much socializing as you want without requiring it.
This is the end of the thread.
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