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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on June 28, 2005, at 18:58:09
I have been married 11 years and have tried so hard to get my mil to like me. But no matter what I do it is not good enough ever. She talks behind my back, is so jeoulous of the time my husband spends with me and the our kids. We never visit enough, do enough for her, she says nasty things to me under her breath while my husband is in another room. It goes on and on.
Early on, she told my young stepkids that they didn't have to listen to me because I am not their real mom. She asks my husband if found a hot chick to be with at a convention, etc. I am so sick of her, I want to divorse her, but then I would miss my father in law, who is like a real father to me.
Then she is so critical of our young kids, makes them cry every visit.
Well they moved away 7 months ago, yipee! Well we were going to visit them next month. Well now it had to be postponed due to financial reasons. Well she told everyone that we aren't coming because I didn't like her.
Will she ever change? My husband has tried to confront her but it is a lost cause. She doesnt listen or thinks she does anything wrong. Which of course she never says she is sorry when she is wrong. I have had ENOUGH! Thanks for reading my rant!
Posted by Jazzed on June 29, 2005, at 8:05:58
In reply to anyone feel that their inlaw hates them?, posted by happyflower on June 28, 2005, at 18:58:09
Yes, happy, we have very similar MILs. Yours is definitely worse, maybe they are sisters sep. at birth.No, I don't think she will ever change. (btw, I like my fil too) It's time for your husband to stand up for his wife, and quit putting you in this poisonous situation. There is no good reason to keep visiting this woman when she is so hateful to you, and makes your life so miserable. I'm glad she moved away, it's freeing, at least until the next time you see or hear from her. She asked him if he found a hot chick? I'm sorry, that's inexcusable! Not to mention all the other stuff she does. I will not be alone with my MIL bec. she says/does things to me when no one is around, she couldn't stand that, but now has adjusted!
Your husband needs to divorce her! That was a very good way to put it. Will he go to marriage counseling to work this out?
I will be thinking about you!
Jazzy
Posted by crazyteresa on June 29, 2005, at 18:51:10
In reply to Re: anyone feel that their inlaw hates them? » happyflower, posted by Jazzed on June 29, 2005, at 8:05:58
Oh, Honey!
I have the same kind of MIL. She started off behind my husband's back then moved on to doing things in front of him. But then again, what should one expect from a woman who told her 9 yr. old son (my husband) since his dad was dead he would have to be the man of the house? He's still under the impression he has to take care of her even though she has been remarried for over 20 yrs!
All of the yrs. of begging and pleading with my husband to put an end to it were a waste of time. No amount of badgering can motivate a person to take action to make changes until they're willing to make them. And techincally, it's really between you and her.
Things finally came to a head one day when I could no longer tolerate what an evil bitch she was. I was very nice but frim, and she attacked me in front of our children, screaming, cussing, and crying. It was horrible. All my husband could do was stand there and watch. (I was really pissed, but looking back, it was probably the best thing that he stayed out of it.) We left her house and did not speak to her for 6 mos., until my husband invited them to Thanksgiving dinner. It was a tense but ok time.
Since then, she has been ok to me. It just seems that the more you let someone walk all over you, the harder they will stomp. Stand up for yourself and whether she likes it or not, she will have more respect for you.
Do you realize it is not your job in life to MAKE this woman happy? And that you can't MAKE someone like you? The book "Changes That Heal" could help you tremendously with this situation. I used to try to please everyone. Not doing so any more is so freeing! Also, my self-respect has increased--good for me, too bad for all the butts I used to kiss! ;~}
My MIL is still not a wonderful grandmother to my kids, still enjoys manipulating my husband and still is not my friend, but she is tolerable because now there are boundries which we both respect.
Posted by cockeyed on July 8, 2005, at 20:56:39
In reply to anyone feel that their inlaw hates them?, posted by happyflower on June 28, 2005, at 18:58:09
happyflower, yeah, and it can be a soul killer. My MIL hated me and made my life miserable. But she had the good grace to die. Now my in-laws are merely condescending. But I'm such a nice guy I've only freaked once. Any way I look at it I lose. I'm a step-father and now a step-grandfather. Not much use any more-I'm disabled and can't babysit in the approved entertaining fashion. Give me a break. It's a drag but as long as I shut up and grin and bear it...as for your trial. GEt her alone and ream her out and scare her. That's a terrible thing to say, but, sometimes that's all that works. Good luck. cockeyed
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