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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 13:33:29
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger s, posted by caraher on June 26, 2005, at 12:52:14
> when she has tried to be a bit more verbal it's just plain awkward.
Yeah, I guess you're right caraher. I know if it feels awkward for him, it's going to make him feel self conscious, and that's not what I want.
>
> As for the fantasies, just as you don't "name names" to him I think he's understandably reluctant to confess too much detail about his own.These are ppl he knows. I wouldn't want to hurt him, or make him wonder whether I really want them. Not that I'd ever take action, just that I like to fantasize about them. When I brought it, he didn't ask, so I didn't go into it.
>When I first talked about fantasies with my wife it soon became clear that she worried that it wasn't good to be anything other than focused on one's spouse in bed.
I usually don't fantasize about them while I'm in bed with him, it's other times, when I'm alone, and have time to fully develop the fantasy. I guess that's part of why I tend to have a high sex drive, I think about sex a lot.
>if you want to know what happens after the blonde in the car goes after him perhaps you could be the blonde some evening! If that works out perhaps he'll drop some of his reservations about sharing his fantasies with you.
I've suggested this, and maybe one night he will go along. Have to get that convertible first! LOL
JazzyThanks for your thoughts.
Jazzy
Posted by lunesta on June 26, 2005, at 14:24:04
In reply to Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some), posted by jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 9:16:46
keeping your eyes open and staring right into your partners eyes during sex is a common turn on i think. its very useful for people who want to icnrease the experience.
Posted by Tamar on June 26, 2005, at 15:35:42
In reply to Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some), posted by jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 9:16:46
My husband claims he doesn't really have fantasies except about me. When I ask him what he thinks about when he's having sex by himself (I hate the m-word!) he says he thinks about me. Poor foolish man! I try to give him ideas about threesomes with S*ndra B*llock and K*te W*nslet, which he doesn't exactly run away from...
He also seems to feel awkward about saying erotic things to me during sex, and although he sometimes tries, it doesn't always work. Having said that, he said some stuff a few days ago that was so good it had me biting the pillow! I guess the thing about erotic words is that it's hard to find stuff that's universal. People respond in a very individual way. Some women might get instantly horny if their partner said, "Let's play hide-the-salami," whereas others might laugh so loud the poor guy would have to take a vow of silence.
But maybe if you keep talking to him the way you want him to talk to you, he'll get familiar with the vocabulary and the syntax and start feeling more comfortable saying similar things to you. Don't give up!
Tamar
Posted by jay on June 26, 2005, at 17:08:57
In reply to Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some), posted by jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 9:16:46
OK...I am not a 'love god', heh... but some tips (maybe others have already expressed.). An obvious one...but do you both ever watch xrated movies together? In a way, it sort of forces both to communicate, and is a REALLY nice way to start things off.Maybe have a little wine or something beforehand...because it sounds like your Hubby needs to become a bit more disinhibited.
Next, always fun, is getting some great books on a whole range of sex topics...especially get the ones with lots of pics and ideas. The point being, this may open him up a bit more. I found even books on nice sensual sexual massage can go a long way! Question him...constantly in a playful manner, and he is bound to speak, uh, 'up'...lol
I can think of a few other things...many others actually...not 'bad' things, but maybe a bit of a taboo for you and him. Push the envelope a bit..as long as it remains in both of your comfort zones.
Best wishes,
Jay
Posted by Tamar on June 26, 2005, at 17:23:26
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some) » jazzed, posted by jay on June 26, 2005, at 17:08:57
> Next, always fun, is getting some great books on a whole range of sex topics...especially get the ones with lots of pics and ideas.Can you give us recommendations (ideally complete with links to Amazon)? tee hee...
> I can think of a few other things...many others actually...not 'bad' things, but maybe a bit of a taboo for you and him.
Would you be willing to be specific? I know this was Jazzy's thread, but I'm always curious to hear suggestions...
Thanks for your input, Jay.
Tamar
Posted by Susan47 on June 26, 2005, at 18:03:32
In reply to Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some), posted by jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 9:16:46
If you can feel comfortable with it, and start watching x-rated movies that have a lot of talking in them (even the actors in these things sometimes go on forever and ever without speaking, and I find them really flat as well; sex is in the mind, IMO, as much as it is in body) so get some good ones, maybe have the guy at the store recommend a few, or find out which ones have a lot of talking. Watch them regularly with hubby until he's so used to hearing that stuff that it starts to come up in his mind; just expose him to it, that's all. Maybe you should start talking to him that way, loosen him up a bit.
Can you go into the x-rated part of your video store? I'm afraid to go into that section, I'm afraid I might blush my face off, but I can tell you I really really want to go there. Seriously. I want to have the chutzpah to do it myself. Without feeling dirty. Good for you, for knowing what turns you on, and fantasizing, that's necessary because it makes sex exciting, but I've only found a need to fantasize when I'm unhappy, unexcited, by who I'm with. Ideally I'd love to be in a relationship where I don't need to fantasize.
Posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 18:10:53
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some) » jazzed, posted by Tamar on June 26, 2005, at 15:35:42
>Some women might get instantly horny if their partner said, "Let's play hide-the-salami," whereas others might laugh so loud the poor guy would have to take a vow of silence.
>OMGosh! I was eating an apple while reading this, and started laughing so hard that I almost choked to death! LMFAO!!!
Tamar, you are just too funny! But, seriously, everything you said was so true. BUUTTTT, what in the world was pillow biting material!?! Sounds like something that just must be shared!
LOL JK, you can certainly keep it to yourself,
but I will continue to wonder! LOLJazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 18:11:56
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some), posted by lunesta on June 26, 2005, at 14:24:04
> keeping your eyes open and staring right into your partners eyes during sex is a common turn on i think. its very useful for people who want to icnrease the experience.
Oh yes, I agree it can definitely be a turn on.
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 18:18:58
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some) » jazzed, posted by jay on June 26, 2005, at 17:08:57
> An obvious one...but do you both ever watch xrated movies together?
We have watched, not hard core, esp. since I had SA as a teen, but we have watched the chick flick porno - the ones with a plot. I got turned on, he got somewhat bored.
>Maybe have a little wine or something beforehand...because it sounds like your Hubby needs to become a bit more disinhibited.
This does help somewhat, but still not with the talking. In every other respect he has no trouble, just the verbal.
>
> Next, always fun, is getting some great books on a whole range of sex topics...especially get the ones with lots of pics and ideas.Got 'em, we like to look at them together, but it doesn't really do much for our sexual experience. And, this is odd, we do talk about the books, the pics, and what would be fun to try, and we've tried some, BUT it doesn't do anything for him to talk erotically. So, talking ABOUT sex isn't the problem, we do that, it's talking to me that way I guess.
Nothing taboo, since it triggers bad stuff for me.
Thanks Jay!
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 18:32:48
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some), posted by Susan47 on June 26, 2005, at 18:03:32
> Can you go into the x-rated part of your video store? I'm afraid to go into that section, I'm afraid I might blush my face off, but I can tell you I really really want to go there.I know exactly how you feel, I can't either, I do strictly Amazon! Safe feeling, and great reviews.
>Good for you, for knowing what turns you on, and fantasizing, that's necessary because it makes sex exciting, but I've only found a need to fantasize when I'm unhappy, unexcited, by who I'm with. Ideally I'd love to be in a relationship where I don't need to fantasize.
Thanks Susan, I appreciate that coming from someone who writes some posts that have me thinking some pretty sexy thoughts! I can't fantasize when I'm unhappy. I do when I'm happy and feeling good about myself. It adds spice to our relationship because then I want sex more, which he's all in favor of!
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 18:35:09
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some) » jay, posted by Tamar on June 26, 2005, at 17:23:26
Hey Tamar, you naughty girl you! Go to Amazon, and check out the reviews, I depend on them. One book I'm reading right now is something about talking erotically, don't remember the name.
>
> Can you give us recommendations (ideally complete with links to Amazon)? tee hee...
>
>
>
> Would you be willing to be specific? I know this was Jazzy's thread, but I'm always curious to hear suggestions...
>Glad it was good for you too Tamar.....I mean the thread! LOL
Jazzy
Posted by ed_uk on June 26, 2005, at 20:21:38
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some) » jazzed, posted by Tamar on June 26, 2005, at 15:35:42
>"Let's play hide-the-salami"
OMG, that's HILARIOUS! Enough to start a laughing fit!
~Ed
Posted by crazyteresa on June 27, 2005, at 0:15:38
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some) » Tamar, posted by ed_uk on June 26, 2005, at 20:21:38
> >"Let's play hide-the-salami"
OMG my husband says this to me!!!
Posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 7:49:59
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some), posted by crazyteresa on June 27, 2005, at 0:15:38
Hey Jazzy!
:) Have you tried to buy some "womens" erotic stories and read them out loud to each other. Maybe he would be less self conscience if he was reading another persons fantasies. Go for it Jazzy, we know he has to do something to impress you after laughing at you the other night. Make him pay! lol
Posted by Jazzed on June 27, 2005, at 7:57:47
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some), posted by crazyteresa on June 27, 2005, at 0:15:38
> > >"Let's play hide-the-salami"
>
>
> OMG my husband says this to me!!!Oooo, baby, baby, such a turn on! LOL I'm sure in a joking way? I HOPE in a joking way? Please tell me he's joking!
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 27, 2005, at 7:59:14
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some) » crazyteresa, posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 7:49:59
> Hey Jazzy!
> :) Have you tried to buy some "womens" erotic stories and read them out loud to each other. Maybe he would be less self conscience if he was reading another persons fantasies. Go for it Jazzy, we know he has to do something to impress you after laughing at you the other night. Make him pay! lolYep, he laughed! Oh well......
I gave a friend one of those novels, I think they're pretty good, anyway she and her husband read them, and laughed their *sses off!
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 27, 2005, at 8:03:31
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some) » crazyteresa, posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 7:49:59
Well, my husband got home yesterday evening, after being out of town all weekend. Once he was settled, and had rested awhile, I came over, sat on his lap facing him, started kissing him and running my fingers through his hair. I looked into his eyes and started saying things to him, and he LAUGHED!!!! He laughed at me! So, I tried again. I asked him and erotic question, and he laughed and said, "I have to go to bed". Not like come with me I want to be with you, but like I'm tired I want to go to sleep. I was pissed, and he knew he made a big mistake. Oh well fodder for my T appt tonight!
Jazzy
Posted by anastasia56 on June 27, 2005, at 10:40:49
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some), posted by crazyteresa on June 27, 2005, at 0:15:38
mine does too!
Posted by caraher on June 27, 2005, at 13:16:53
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some) » jazzed, posted by Tamar on June 26, 2005, at 15:35:42
>I guess the thing about erotic words is that it's hard to find stuff that's universal.
So true! I've taken the precaution of quizzing my wife about turn on/turn off words since I'm the one more likely to babble and I'd hate to ruin the festivities by saying something stupid!
> People respond in a very individual way. Some women might get instantly horny if their partner said, "Let's play hide-the-salami," whereas others might laugh so loud the poor guy would have to take a vow of silence.
And people really say that? Hopefully in a campy Austin Powers-esque fashion...
The cornball line my wife has used that I hate is "Let's make a baby." I'm sorry, it just makes me feel too much like a sperm donor rather than a lover...
Posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 13:21:42
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger s, posted by caraher on June 27, 2005, at 13:16:53
Posted by Jazzed on June 27, 2005, at 15:42:12
In reply to Love the Austin Powers movies! (nm) » caraher, posted by happyflower on June 27, 2005, at 13:21:42
Posted by Jazzed on June 27, 2005, at 15:49:20
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger s, posted by caraher on June 27, 2005, at 13:16:53
> So true! I've taken the precaution of quizzing my wife about turn on/turn off words since I'm the one more likely to babble and I'd hate to ruin the festivities by saying something stupid!You're so thoughtful! That's just a really sweet thing to do.
>
> The cornball line my wife has used that I hate is "Let's make a baby." I'm sorry, it just makes me feel too much like a sperm donor rather than a lover...I can understand how it might make you feel that way, but ; ), to her it's a sweet way of saying she wants to have YOUR baby, and only YOUR baby, and no one else in the world will do because you're just so perfect, and the two of you would make the most beautiful babies in the world. Yeah, it might feel better if she said, I"m so longing to feel you inside me now, I just can't stand it another minute! While she's tearing off your shirt, and grabbing at your belt! But, to a woman who is fertile, who wants to have a baby, it's romantic!
You should ask her what goes through her mind when your making love and trying to make a baby! My thoughts were a bit unusual, so I won't go into that. Nothing kinky, just different.
Just please don't say, "let's play hide the salami!' OMGosh! That would have to be done in a very playful moment to elicit laughter!
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 27, 2005, at 15:53:43
No one posted back to me after this, so of course, I was feeling very neglected! ; ) JK, but it might have been missed, so I thought I'd try a new thread. Any thoughts?
Well, my husband got home yesterday evening, after being out of town all weekend. Once he was settled, and had rested awhile, I came over, sat on his lap facing him, started kissing him and running my fingers through his hair. I looked into his eyes and started saying things to him, and he LAUGHED!!!! He laughed at me! So, I tried again. I asked him an erotic question, and he laughed and said, "Yes, you still do, and I have to go to bed". Not like come with me I want to be with you, but like I'm tired I want to go to sleep. I was pissed, and he knew he made a BIG mistake. Oh well fodder for my T appt tonight!
I think it was an uncomfortable laugh, maybe because the kids were around. But hey, isn't it better for them to see their parents getting along and in love than fighting? BTW, the kids saw me kissing him, but didn't hear what I was saying to him.
Jazzy
Posted by crazyteresa on June 27, 2005, at 20:13:13
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some) » crazyteresa, posted by Jazzed on June 27, 2005, at 7:57:47
> > > >"Let's play hide-the-salami"
> >
> >
> > OMG my husband says this to me!!!
>
> Oooo, baby, baby, such a turn on! LOL I'm sure in a joking way? I HOPE in a joking way? Please tell me he's joking!
>
> Jazzy
>No, he's not! But yes, it's in a joking way. He also says: play funeral home, bury the stiff, have a hot beef injection, etc., etc.
I swear I married a 12 year old! But we do have a lot of fun. And the sex is outstanding! ;~}
crazy t
Posted by crazyteresa on June 27, 2005, at 20:14:54
In reply to Re: Talking erotically, sensually (might trigger some) » crazyteresa, posted by anastasia56 on June 27, 2005, at 10:40:49
> mine does too!
We can NEVER, EVER let them meet!!! LOL!!!Thank goodness I'm not the only one!
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