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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on June 21, 2005, at 22:09:59
you're 48 and a man twenty years younger (I think actually 24 years) wants to really have sex with you. But you don't really find him all that attractive. And in no circumstances would you ever choose him or anyone even remotely like him in any way, to be in the presence of for more than five minutes at a time. He actually gives you the creeps, a bit. But the way he looks at you is so fr*gging scary, he's part psycho and you kind of know it. And he's the building manager's son. And he has an apartment in the building. And no matter what, you can't help running into him sometimes. And you've started giving the cold shoulder, because you know he's a dirty little kid, really .. but one day you weaken and you talk to him, and you're both talking about this thing you have in common, which you wish you didn't, and you realize that but can't help yourself .. anyway, now he's excited about talking to you again, and he thinks he can still get into your pants, and that's scary because in the past you sometimes gave in to these guys, guys like this, the Yucks.
But now you're older, and you've been showing really good boundaries, lately, about what's good for you and what isn't. Well, some people might think that was funny, and they'd be right to laugh, but the fact is, you've been having dreams that indicate that's what is happening, and you've worked hard to change yourself in so many ways, from the inside out. Sometimes you let yourself down, but it's not so bad, not like it used to be. You're no longer harsh on others in the same way; you're so much softer now, so much more open and true. The true-ness of being yourself is being felt. It's like an angel, with wings and silver sparkles, flying high ... so high ... my wish, if wishes are real, is she never has to land.
Posted by sunny10 on June 22, 2005, at 8:09:59
In reply to Okay Would You do this?, posted by Susan47 on June 21, 2005, at 22:09:59
don't be with this man. Keep up your boundaries.
Boundaries don't mean that if you talk to him, that you're obligated to sleep with him.
You're never obligated to sleep with anyone.
Please, please, please keep that in mind. You are doing so well. And I know that it seems that it would be so easy to backslide into the lifestyle that you knew. Changing is hard, but worth it in the end.
And I know that you already know this, or you wouldn't have written the post. Stay strong, Susan dearest. And remember, it's your right also, as a tenant, to let the building manager know that his son's attentions are not wanted.
That is considered harassment, by the way, for someone in "management" to make your home a hostile environment by these unwanted attentions. And the building manager should know that and tell his son to back off.
Stay strong, sweetie. You will find the right man for you. Don't settle. You're on the right track; don't swerve off.
Love you,
sunny10
Posted by happyflower on June 22, 2005, at 8:12:21
In reply to Okay Would You do this?, posted by Susan47 on June 21, 2005, at 22:09:59
I would say this a great start for your book! lol Is this really happening? If it is, I would stay his friend, unless you really want to sow some major oats! lol But if you do have sex with him and want to stop it would feel a little weird because you always run into him. Plus if he is a little pycho, then well that story could turn into a horror story. Tell us more!
Posted by crazyteresa on June 22, 2005, at 13:31:14
In reply to Re: Okay Would You do this?, posted by happyflower on June 22, 2005, at 8:12:21
Stay away from him. It sounds like he could make your petals wilt and fall off.
crazy t
Posted by Tamar on June 22, 2005, at 16:38:32
In reply to Okay Would You do this?, posted by Susan47 on June 21, 2005, at 22:09:59
You’re 48, and a much younger (though unattractive) man wants to have sex with you. This is because you are a gorgeous, interesting and sensual woman, and when he looks at you he’s sure you’re a lay and a half.
You don’t want him the way he wants you. Although you ache to be touched and you can tell he hopes he can give you what you long for, nevertheless you know from the depths of your heart that his lovemaking will be self-centred, brief and inept. You know because you’ve been there before; not with him, but with others.
You ache to be touched by hands that fully appreciate the radiance of your skin. You might begin to imagine the warmth rising in places that have been waiting for another’s touch. You might wonder if he has the power to bring your passion to the boil. You’re tempted to give him the chance to prove himself, just because he wants it. It is purely the temptation of old ways of living; ways that belong in the past.
This temptation is only apparent in your slight weakening as you engage in polite conversation. But being desired like this is exhilarating, even if the kid desiring you lacks any semblance of the qualities you need in a man.
You have established new boundaries with strong foundations, like a flood barrier. You could keep the ocean from overcoming you if it were necessary.
And yet that desire you see in his eyes is the desire you crave. It’s the desire all child-women are taught to search for and to instil into our identity. It takes the longest time to comprehend that a man’s desire is not enough to compensate for his shortcomings.
Eventually, after some time of loving yourself, it becomes possible to distinguish desire from shortcomings, and to embrace both. It comes with your full knowledge of yourself and who you can be to others in the world. As you learn to separate yourself from others you simultaneously learn how to merge. Like so many others, you are still on the path, but you have taken many steps forward and you can look back without losing your direction. Your sense of balance is admirable, and those walking the path behind you look to you as an example.
Posted by Susan47 on June 22, 2005, at 21:05:54
In reply to Re: Okay Would You do this? » Susan47, posted by sunny10 on June 22, 2005, at 8:09:59
Wow, I read through this again and thought, that sounds serious. But it really isn't, I've never done more than smoke a joint with him that was my big, huge mistake. Because he was coming onto me even before that. So I was really really cold and yesterday I said a few nice words to him in the laundry and the next thing you know, his eyes are lightin' up and he's smilin' big and dang it, he just has a big ole thang for you darlin'.
Oh, well.
I would never ever let anyone like him touch me, even if I have a past it was never that bad. I dated the guys I had sex with, you know? But there were just too many bad relationships, that's all. The way this guy acts reminds me of the immature little boys I used to date.
That's all. Thank you for reading, I know I'm kind of here, there, and all over the place lately. I don't know. I just don't know. I have so much going on in my head with work and new people and new experiences, it's all just a bit much. I don't even know what I'm doing here, on babble, because I really ought to be just relaxing and getting outside. It's gorgeous out there. It's summer.
I'm losing my mind. I almost signed my real name. Too many work e-mails.
Posted by Susan47 on June 22, 2005, at 21:10:26
In reply to Re: Okay Would You do this?, posted by happyflower on June 22, 2005, at 8:12:21
Are you kidding? Nothing to tell, he's just very strange and we never were friends. I hate talking like this. I'm going to stop, now. Because it feels like I'm putting him down and I don't mean to, he's just a bit icky to me. And what he wants from me makes me feel gross and terrible. I mean, how can you tell someone he's eating you with his eyes? Which is what this kid does. He really is scary. I'm not kidding.
Posted by Susan47 on June 22, 2005, at 21:15:40
In reply to What about this? » Susan47, posted by Tamar on June 22, 2005, at 16:38:32
You understand. Better than I did, but now I do, I think, and thank you So Much. And you said some really lovely things to me, too, in with the understanding. You've been here, haven't you?
Posted by Angela2 on June 22, 2005, at 21:53:38
In reply to Re: Okay Would You do this? » sunny10, posted by Susan47 on June 22, 2005, at 21:05:54
Susan, I have been where you have been before. I'm glad you aren't giving in.
Posted by sunny10 on June 23, 2005, at 7:46:24
In reply to Re: Okay Would You do this? » Susan47, posted by Angela2 on June 22, 2005, at 21:53:38
Yes, I am waiting for some nice weather to come around on the weekend!!!
Posted by Damos on June 23, 2005, at 17:21:31
In reply to Re: Okay Would You do this? » sunny10, posted by Susan47 on June 22, 2005, at 21:05:54
Okay, so I'm channelling Yul Brynner here and he's giving me this message: "Just don't toke!"
Well at least not with this guy. Stay strong Suze, you are all the things Tamar said and I know in my heart that you are going to create the love so deeply desire. Bless you dear lady, bless you.
Posted by Susan47 on June 23, 2005, at 19:58:40
In reply to Re: Okay Would You do this? » Susan47, posted by Angela2 on June 22, 2005, at 21:53:38
Yes, it sounds like many women have been there and do understand. I'm just so happy I'm not there anymore, and never will be again :) I'm so strong compared to even a year ago. I really feel like I have a strong inner core beginning to happen and I just hope I don't fall into depression ever again because it took a lot of heartache and trouble to start creating that core, and depression can tear it down in no time flat. And if that ever does happen, I hope I get out of there fast. I just need to keep taking meds and keep having friends and I think the rest of my life might be all right, you know? I hope so. I have a few plans, things to do before I hit the hay for the last time. How're you doing? Would you ever get back to where you were before?
Posted by Susan47 on June 23, 2005, at 20:00:52
In reply to Re: Okay Would You do this?, posted by sunny10 on June 23, 2005, at 7:46:24
What's your weather been doing? We finally had a couple of decent days in a row. It's been a really wet June. I hope July is much better. We get a lot of bad weather in fall and winter, thank you very much. And I can never afford to go anywhere. Sigh. Or maybe I just don't want to go alone badly enough. That's the thing. Yeah. How're you doing today, Sunny?
Posted by Susan47 on June 23, 2005, at 20:01:21
In reply to Re: Okay Would You do this? » Susan47, posted by Damos on June 23, 2005, at 17:21:31
Posted by sunny10 on June 24, 2005, at 8:27:37
In reply to Re: Okay Would You do this? » sunny10, posted by Susan47 on June 23, 2005, at 20:00:52
our weather has been really odd. Usually it is hot, hazy, humid, and in the high 90's by now. But this year, we had a freak warm spell in February, then winter again, than late June-like weather in April, then winter again, then three weeks of rain, and now it's been overcast and cool for June!
Very strange. We basically missed our whole Spring, which is usually really pretty and mild (though rainy at times). And I can't believe that June is almost over!
During all of the freaky weather, something about it killed almost all of the trees in the pine and fir families. There are brown, dying pines all over the place- even the bushes that belong in that family. I wonder if all of the rain washed away too much acid from the soil... Or, if our strange winter (below freezing for more days in a row than usual) stopped the precipitation from getting down through the frozen ground to water the roots. It's gotta be one of those things, I think.
What has your year been like from Jan 'til now? Anything strange going on in your part of the continent?
And by the way, it's really great to hear you so strong.
Posted by jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 16:32:27
In reply to Okay Would You do this?, posted by Susan47 on June 21, 2005, at 22:09:59
You've recognized that "he's part psycho", and that "he gives you the creeps". Stay away from him, keep your boundaries, and don't sleep with him.
Find someone, somewhere who will love and respect you.
Jazzy
Posted by Susan47 on June 25, 2005, at 20:03:40
In reply to Re: Okay Would You do this?, posted by sunny10 on June 24, 2005, at 8:27:37
I have no idea what our weather's been doing, really, I just wish it would be more changeable.. which it already is.. but I love the fact that here, it can change several times in any 24 hour period. I love that. Patterns? I honestly only notice when it's severe, as in a prolonged dry spell or something. The internal weather's more important, I guess. It speaks louder, anyway.
Posted by Susan47 on June 25, 2005, at 20:05:21
In reply to Re: Okay Would You do this? » Susan47, posted by jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 16:32:27
Yech. Oh, gross. I can't even imagine getting close enough to this character.. oh, Gross! You have managed to disgust me with the thought of this .. Person's.. person coming anywhere Near Me!!!
This is the end of the thread.
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