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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AdaGrace on May 29, 2005, at 23:08:28
And didn't bother to tell me.
Isn't that funny?
Posted by AdaGrace on May 29, 2005, at 23:23:59
In reply to He got married., posted by AdaGrace on May 29, 2005, at 23:08:28
It's over for my heart you know.
This is the end of it, and I can't stop crying.
Just sitting here, sobbing, and hurting so deeply.Feel like nothing.
Empty.I'm so empty
Posted by AdaGrace on May 29, 2005, at 23:27:46
In reply to He got married., posted by AdaGrace on May 29, 2005, at 23:08:28
This scary feeling that life will not go on.
I'm scared. Really scared.Living with someone, and marrying them seems to be so different in my mind.
I am so incredibly embarassed that I thought I was something to this man.
I don't know what to do. What to feel.
I can't stop crying.
I'm afraid the breakdown is coming again.
Posted by anastasia56 on May 30, 2005, at 0:46:59
In reply to I'm affraid of this feeling inside, posted by AdaGrace on May 29, 2005, at 23:27:46
ada, i'm so sorry. There isn't a lot one can do to buffer that. I know you don't want to hear this now, but maybe this will provide the closure you need on that relationship.
It's a beginning for you, not an end.
I'm sending you some soothing vibes (although i know you want none of that). It's painful and i'm sorry.
ana
Posted by Damos on May 30, 2005, at 1:21:28
In reply to I'm affraid of this feeling inside, posted by AdaGrace on May 29, 2005, at 23:27:46
I'm so sorry Gracie, can't begin to imagine how bad you're hurting. But life will go on - somehow, it just must. Write me, ring me scream at me whatever it takes to keep going. Buy a plant you've always wanted and water it in with your tears, allow something beautiful to grow from the love and the hurt.
Please take care of you, you're very special to us.
((((((((((AdaGrace))))))))))
Posted by AdaGrace on May 30, 2005, at 10:24:35
In reply to Re: I'm affraid of this feeling inside, posted by anastasia56 on May 30, 2005, at 0:46:59
I have lost all faith in any beliefs.
Posted by AdaGrace on May 30, 2005, at 10:28:03
In reply to Re: I'm affraid of this feeling inside » AdaGrace, posted by Damos on May 30, 2005, at 1:21:28
Growth has to start from nuturing. I just don't think I have that anymore. Feelings of emptyness abound. I was stupid. I was wrong.
The whole thing was wrong.I shouldn't have looked elsewhere for happyness. I hurt. I am punished for that hurt.
God punishes those who sin.
I should have never seeked happyness. I didn't have it at home, and I looked elsewhere, but it was wrong.
I am going to hell.
I will never be forgiven for the sins I did.
Blackness is in my future.
I deserved the treatmemt I got.
Posted by Susan47 on May 30, 2005, at 20:32:19
In reply to I'm affraid of this feeling inside, posted by AdaGrace on May 29, 2005, at 23:27:46
Okay, just to throw in a bit more irony, I think maybe AdaGrace should go fall in love with some male therapist .. it might be less painful, she might actually find a therapist who'll work it through with her. But if he doesn't, it'll be just as bad ... BUT in the meantime, she won't be pining for this one ... Take heart, Adagrace, marriage'll knock him down for sure. You're gettin' the best revenge there is. Just wait long enough, just wait ...
Posted by Susan47 on May 30, 2005, at 20:34:17
In reply to Re: I'm affraid of this feeling inside, posted by AdaGrace on May 30, 2005, at 10:28:03
I have a friend who's Catholic from childhood. This sounds a bit like him. Have you by any chance had a particularly religious upbringing? Just asking, you don't have to answer.
Posted by AdaGrace on May 31, 2005, at 7:20:51
In reply to Re: I'm affraid of this feeling inside, posted by Susan47 on May 30, 2005, at 20:34:17
Yeah, that's me.
It is like a form of manipulation isn't it.....organized religion. What does any of it teach you? You are bad. You are born bad. If you spend your life repenting, you will be "saved" from your bad self and go to the golden streets.
Doesn't work for those of us who can't stop repeating the same mistakes.
Posted by AdaGrace on May 31, 2005, at 7:21:51
In reply to He got married., posted by AdaGrace on May 29, 2005, at 23:08:28
Things that mattered do not.
Nothing to feel now.
Nothing.
Posted by Susan47 on May 31, 2005, at 9:28:41
In reply to Re: Catholic from Childhood » Susan47, posted by AdaGrace on May 31, 2005, at 7:20:51
Well maybe you could work on the guilt your childhood provided you with. It's not helping you, is it? Seems like it's making you feel unnecessarily bad and unworthy.. of what? You only have yourself to be "worthy" for. No god would ever judge you as harshly as you judge yourself, if there were such a thing.
Posted by AdaGrace on May 31, 2005, at 17:37:36
In reply to He got married., posted by AdaGrace on May 29, 2005, at 23:08:28
As I read the words "married" next to her name. She that is associated with he.
I stare at his picture, and am unable to move. I simply don't have the will power to get up out of my chair. Maybe I'll just freeze this way.
Posted by Susan47 on May 31, 2005, at 19:38:16
In reply to Re: Sitting Here, Unable to Move, posted by AdaGrace on May 31, 2005, at 17:37:36
I doubt she's more beautiful, competent, or smart than you are. She has a guy who f*rts, picks his nose, sleeps with his mouth open and drools (or undoubtedly one day will, if he lives long enough), gets morning breath, and looks like hell after a day of no shaving ... just guessing, tell us what he's really like, come on, I don't think you've ever said that much about him, really, please tell ...
Posted by AdaGrace on May 31, 2005, at 23:43:11
In reply to Re: Sitting Here, Unable to Move, posted by Susan47 on May 31, 2005, at 19:38:16
Physical atributes mean nothing in the whole scheme of things. He (while he loved me) was kind. Suportive, loving, and tender. Held me when I needed to be held. Listened when I needed to be heard, and never failed to tell me he loved me. Of course, that was all a fantasy because apparently he "loved me" until someone better came along. It is the hardest thing in my life to bear to know that I believed a lie for 4 years. Makes me incredibly stupid.
Posted by partlycloudy on June 1, 2005, at 5:56:58
In reply to Re: Sitting Here, Unable to Move » Susan47, posted by AdaGrace on May 31, 2005, at 23:43:11
You're not the one who married someone who is willing to play with others' hearts until they find what they want. Because that is what he did. He was perfectly willing to string you along until he found marriageable material.
Personally, I don't like the guy. But I'm biased, because he hurt my friend AdaGrace.
Posted by Damos on June 1, 2005, at 17:40:16
In reply to Re: Sitting Here, Unable to Move » Susan47, posted by AdaGrace on May 31, 2005, at 23:43:11
Hey Gracie,
Sorry for being so silent on these threads, just honestly haven't known what to say or do. But something occurred to me this morning and I've been trying to pull it together in my head.
Somewhere you said you were looking for something you didn't have in your life and you found it in him. Gracie believing what you wanted/needed to believe to meet a need and fill a hole doesn't make you stupid in any way shape or form. It makes you incredibly, wondrously human. I wonder if it hurts so much becuase it brings back the harsh reality of those needs and longings still being there, and still being unmet, and made all the worse by your husbands increasing worrying behaviour. I wonder. I also wonder if it hurts even more because this event has made you see how you may have distorted the actual reality of your relationship with this person because of how you needed it to be. I hate that you're hurting Grace I really do and would do anything I could to take some of that pain away.
(((((AdaGrace)))))
Posted by AdaGrace on June 5, 2005, at 23:20:48
In reply to He got married., posted by AdaGrace on May 29, 2005, at 23:08:28
And I can't make the feeling go away. No matter how much I drink, how much I pretend, how much I whore around, it still hurts so very bad.
I just hate this.
This is so hard.
This is the end of the thread.
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