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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 91 to 115 of 119. Go back in thread:
Posted by alesta on May 12, 2005, at 22:19:26
In reply to Re: cybersex revisited » alesta, posted by Chairman_MAO on May 12, 2005, at 21:47:23
> This makes me think of my days up at Syracuse University (18-22 yr old). I was so goddamn lonely (and I am a hopeless romantic at heart), and the social phobia coupled with dysthymia (I'm scared to go try to meet girls ... so why bother; real winner of a combo there) had me isolating myself in my room.
yeah, i guess i am lonely. i live with my mom right now (looooong story) so i can't really date or go out or anything, unless she chaperones, lol. i plan to have my own apartment ASAP. anyway, i just got out of, well, 2 relationships (second was very short), actually, so i feel this void..more from the second than the first..i am totally over the first. anyway, i guess it's that void that i'm trying to fill. i guess what i really need to do is get over that person totally? i don't know what i'm feelin right now or why..it just manifests as horniness lol. i was f-i-n-e fine being on my own before this person. i just want to go back to the way i was. now. sorry..hope this isn't more info than you were willing to digest..if so, my sincere apologies chairman..:)
<The only girls, as I said before, that seemed to want to have anything to do with me were the ones who were dating as*holes who needed a decent guy's shoulder to cry on when things weren't going according to their liking. I mean, once I showed up at this girl's place who I was madly in love with after Thankgiving break in these leather pants I just got, a grey alpaca v-neck sweater that used to be my dad's, and blue-black hair. She visibly like melted right there (though I couldn't see it then because I had approximately no self esteem), but still refused to go out with me or even do anything except make out with me because of this other emotionally abusive guy she was on the outs with.
sorry to hear that...just b/c a relationship is over doesn't mean it's *over*, if you know what i mean..you can't expect a girl in that situation to be able to just feel deep feelings for you..it don't work that way.:) so maybe you won't take it so personally, knowing that...i hope....:)
<I had such trouble handling my emotions back then; I used to agonize for literally hours if she didn't call me when she said she would. Man, I wish I were well then, I would've had so much fun.
i know what you mean..tainted love is agony!!
> And to top it off, the girl I'm dating now--who I met at Rutgers, in NJ--was ATTENDING Syracuse when I was there, and she was lonely too!
that IS weird!:)
<Man, I had no idea my life was so well suited to daytime TV until I started typing this message, haha.
yeah, lol...i think i know the feeling. somehow typing all this stuff out makes you realize that you had a h$ll of a lot more drama in your life than you first realized.
thanks for letting me vent. i'm doing a lot of that lately, lol.:)
amy:)
Posted by alesta on May 12, 2005, at 22:37:26
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY?????, posted by Susan47 on May 12, 2005, at 22:00:29
> I would Looooooove to have a dirty shirt of my ex-T's. Major many many O's ...
:-) eeew susan..whatever works
ya gotta get over this dude!!!
if only there was a safe drug out there that made you feel like you were in love. that would be the bomb.
i need to get 'love' and all its constituents out of my system. i think maybe i need to avoid exes. change my life so as to avoid seeing them at all. it's the only way. carrying that out will be the hard part. god, i hate it when i think rationally like this.
amy
Posted by alexandra_k on May 12, 2005, at 22:53:11
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY????? » Susan47, posted by alesta on May 12, 2005, at 22:37:26
> if only there was a safe drug out there that made you feel like you were in love. that would be the bomb.
There is.
It is called 'chocolate'
Posted by alesta on May 12, 2005, at 23:02:09
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY????? » alesta, posted by alexandra_k on May 12, 2005, at 22:53:11
> > if only there was a safe drug out there that made you feel like you were in love. that would be the bomb.
>
> There is.
> It is called 'chocolate'
>well! she appears!:) you know, that is a really great suggestion. i knew i should've gotten me some nestle crunches at the grocery store..i have chocolate chip cookies but there's not enough chocolate in those..
aim
Posted by alexandra_k on May 13, 2005, at 5:42:02
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY????? » alexandra_k, posted by alesta on May 12, 2005, at 23:02:09
I'm serious.
Someone probably knows...
Chocolate has something in it...
It causes some chemical to be released in the brain...
A chemical which seems to only be released when you are in love...mmm
chocolate
:-)
Posted by sunny10 on May 13, 2005, at 9:00:12
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY?????, posted by alexandra_k on May 13, 2005, at 5:42:02
how 'bout a trip to the local sextoy shop???
Geez, you don't need the GUY, just some good fantasies (no, Suze, not ex-T... HEALTHY fantasies... maybe a movie star you think is hot or something?) and a plug-in or battery operated device...
Sorry, chairman, this is NOT about anti-guy... it's about learning how to please yourself so that you can LOVE a man like chairman, not NEED a guy like ex-T or the drug-using ex, et cetera.
Love is so much better when it's something you want instead of something you need.
We need to separate basic human needs (horniness) from relationships (love and respect and intimacy and goodness).
When you have a good relationship, the sex is always good.... but when you have good sex it doesn't mean the relationship is good...
So let's focus on starting relationships after we learn to satisfy the NEED for sex by ourselves...
What do you think of my theory????
Posted by Susan47 on May 13, 2005, at 9:30:01
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY?????, posted by sunny10 on May 13, 2005, at 9:00:12
I don't think a movie star is a healthier fantasy than my ex-T. They're both fantasies. Fantasies are supposed to be okay. I'm not fantasizing about anybody but I do appreciate sexiness IRL. Also all the wonderful extras people have, like compassion, humour, gentleness and kindness. I'm just saying, right now my ex-T is the only guy I appreciate that way. That's all. Doesn't mean I'll never know another, just that for me, they're hard to come by.
Example. There's a nurse on my ward everybody thinks, including himself, that he's good-looking. And he is, in a traditional sense. But he's lacking. There's something missing. You know, it might be the thing you can only get in the therapy room, though. I suppose life will tell me, eventually. But no, I've seen it in other men too.
I don't intend to work too hard on "getting over" my ex-T. Because he was worth it. He set a standard. Maybe it was fictional, what I felt. That's what I mean by "ruining" me. Maybe I'll never come across that feeling again, of being accepted and cared about by someone I felt was really a lovely human being and someone I cared about as well. I didn't show it to him because I couldn't. But I'll never forget it. I never intend to. It was a gift. This beautiful man, in his imperfection, gave me a wonderful gift, and I have no way of ever thanking him or seeing him ever again. I suppose that's the tragedy of therapy. You have to come to your own conclusions. I make no more excuses. What happened, just was. If I want to hang onto it, that's my business. If I want to talk about it, that's also my right. No excuses. I felt love; it was mixed with my sexuality in a wonderful way and I enjoyed that too. I miss that I can't have it anymore. I hope one day I have it IRL, if I don't, that'll be a loss I have to live with. It might've been good to be disabused of my notions, because maybe they're unreal. My T didn't have the "right stuff" to disabuse me, and maybe that was a blessing in disguise too. But I gave him the chance to right things, and he took it as much as he was allowed to. He did. He tried really hard, and he proved that he was worth all the love I gave.
Posted by Chairman_MAO on May 13, 2005, at 9:44:23
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY????? » alesta, posted by alexandra_k on May 12, 2005, at 22:53:11
> if only there was a safe drug out there that made you feel like you were in love. that would be the bomb.
Oxytocin and vasopressin, administered at the right times, can do that to some extent, I think.
Posted by sunny10 on May 13, 2005, at 10:12:26
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY?????, posted by Susan47 on May 13, 2005, at 9:30:01
Sorry; guess I'm just confused.
I thought you wrote that you understood that he was emotionally abusing you.
Is that a good lesson to learn, as in to strive for someone who treats you like that??
Have I missed something. I feel like I've missed something important.
I certainly don't ever mean to demean any of your feelings. I MUST be missig pieces.
Let me apologize for being wrapped in my own confusion these days... I am very apparently not up to speed and I didn't mean to make you feel put down in any way.
So, take my post and instead of it saying "not your ex-T, Suze", make it say "not someone who you have very real feelings for; whether good or bad".... I really just meant to make it all about YOU; not emotion except love for yourself.
Sorry for being dazed and confused and thus using an incorrect reference...
humbly,
sunny10
Posted by alesta on May 13, 2005, at 11:35:49
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY?????, posted by alexandra_k on May 13, 2005, at 5:42:02
> I'm serious.
> Someone probably knows...
> Chocolate has something in it...
> It causes some chemical to be released in the brain...
> A chemical which seems to only be released when you are in love...
>
> mmm
> chocolatei *know* you're serious, alex..i've heard this about chocolate, too! it's a pretty widely known fact. (don't feel like looking up what the h$ll the chemical is, though.) still, it's not quite the same as being in love...at all...the 'chocolate response' is pretty mild compared to the powerful feeling of being in love.
amy
Posted by sunny10 on May 13, 2005, at 11:46:34
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY????? » alexandra_k, posted by alesta on May 13, 2005, at 11:35:49
I hear the darker the chocolate, the more of this chemical it still contains from the original bean...
Posted by alesta on May 13, 2005, at 11:57:04
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY????? » alexandra_k, posted by alesta on May 13, 2005, at 11:35:49
alex,sorry if my last post to you sounded b*tchy. i guess i was hoping for a friendlier vibe on this thread...everyone seems cold to me right now, for whatever reason. or maybe it's that time of the month coming..
amy:)
Posted by sunny10 on May 13, 2005, at 13:40:36
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY?????--alex, posted by alesta on May 13, 2005, at 11:57:04
Posted by alesta on May 13, 2005, at 14:32:22
In reply to Re: I think because I blew it, not you, sorry (nm) » alesta, posted by sunny10 on May 13, 2005, at 13:40:36
that's okay..thanks.:) i really appreciate that.:) but it's not just you that i might've been getting that from, or that i was even really referring to at this juncture..it's cool. i'm sorry i mentioned it.:)..aim:)
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 13, 2005, at 16:17:00
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY?????, posted by alexandra_k on May 13, 2005, at 5:42:02
> I'm serious.
> Someone probably knows...
> Chocolate has something in it...
> It causes some chemical to be released in the brain...
> A chemical which seems to only be released when you are in love...
>
> mmm
> chocolate
> :-)PEA. Phenylethylamine. Formed from decarboxylation of the amino acid phenylalanine. Promoted by ingestion of DLPA (d-,l-phenylalanine).
There is probably a synergistic interplay with other compounds....just as tobacco is not all nicotine, St. John's wort is not all about hypericin, etc.
Lar
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 13, 2005, at 16:21:32
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY?????, posted by sunny10 on May 13, 2005, at 11:46:34
> I hear the darker the chocolate, the more of this chemical it still contains from the original bean...
Yes. Cocoa powder is actually a powerhouse. Dark chocolate is dark because it hasn't been watered down by adulterants.....which are the sugar and milk proteins etc. that are added to make sweet milk chocolate.
I've heard that there is a cocoa extract supplement product of some sort.....I forget what it's called though.
Still, I doubt that any amount of chocolate can mimic the feeling of love. It's a factor, I suppose, in getting that PEA thing happening.
I now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
Lar
Posted by Susan47 on May 13, 2005, at 18:34:52
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY?????, posted by Susan47 on May 13, 2005, at 9:30:01
I realized today that I have a problem with looks, oh yeah, me.. I assume if a person knows he's good-looking, he's going to have an attitude as well. But sometimes, I found out today, the attitude is a cover for sensitivity. mmmm. Y'know, good-looking sensitive men can be real, I wonder, is that a new concept just for me?
Posted by Susan47 on May 13, 2005, at 18:36:55
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY????? » Susan47, posted by sunny10 on May 13, 2005, at 10:12:26
I don't know if he's pathologically predatory or not, whether this was a one-off, but I doubt it. Wives are usually only hawk-like when they have something to worry about. I think you misunderstand the message, which is I forgave him. Bad feelings aren't worth the effort or the energy to feed them. But thanks for your concern.
Posted by Susan47 on May 14, 2005, at 1:12:12
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY????? » sunny10, posted by Susan47 on May 13, 2005, at 18:36:55
I just wanted to apologize for the curtness I've been posting with lately. I'm just changing and it's all a bit much right now. So I'm sorry. I don't have the energy to check many threads anymore. I come here for comfort, as I always have, but the comfort isn't needed as much as it used to be. Thank you for being my friend.
Posted by alesta on May 15, 2005, at 7:25:49
In reply to Re: Pffft, a GUY?????--alex, posted by alesta on May 13, 2005, at 11:57:04
hi alex :)
i'm really sorry for what i said. you didn't do anything wrong..i guess i just needed a friendly face that day...but i realize that some ppl are just more reserved than i am sometimes..i didn't mean to take it out on you. you just keep on being you. i won't take it personally next time.:) i'm under quite a bit of stress, and i guess i'm a little irritable. i hope you're not upset with me. guess i don't blame you if you are. me sorry.
amy:)
Posted by alexandra_k on May 15, 2005, at 14:59:38
In reply to sorry - alex, posted by alesta on May 15, 2005, at 7:25:49
Actually I'm not sure why you have to be sorry...
Maybe I am a bit dense...
Anyways... We are cool, ok????
Posted by alesta on May 15, 2005, at 21:20:41
In reply to Re:Thats ok..., posted by alexandra_k on May 15, 2005, at 14:59:38
thanks, alex...:-) just wanted to make sure, mi amiga. thanks for understanding.:) i hate not knowing if i might've offended. glad you don't hate me!:):):)
amy, who has yet to have cybersex :-)
gawd, i'm awful!!:)
Posted by sunny10 on May 17, 2005, at 9:21:44
In reply to Sunny, if you're still reading here, posted by Susan47 on May 14, 2005, at 1:12:12
Here or not, you made a friend for life.
Call me whenever you want, okay?!? If I don't answer I'll call you back!!! Just leave a message at the sound of the beeeeeeeeeep.
Posted by Susan47 on May 23, 2005, at 14:21:52
In reply to Re: He wasn't just a Man, He was my Therapist!, posted by Susan47 on May 7, 2005, at 14:34:12
Susan does a lot of complaining. She's like a little kid, you know, sometimes. Like, the world should be Perfect. It isn't, and I can't get over that. It's pretty sad really. This man was so fascinating to me, he has so many many sides, and they're all fascinating. I was completely captivated by 'im Scotty.
Posted by sunny10 on May 23, 2005, at 14:28:33
In reply to Re: He wasn't just a Man, He was my Therapist!, posted by Susan47 on May 23, 2005, at 14:21:52
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