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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 38 to 62 of 119. Go back in thread:
Posted by alesta on May 5, 2005, at 19:06:53
In reply to Guy answer..., posted by jay on May 5, 2005, at 0:03:08
awww, jay.:) LOL i wasn't sending out invitations for cybersex, lol, but you really brightened my day.:-) and, of course, i am thrilled to have a professional male opinion on the subject.:) thanks for cheering up a grumpy malcontent like myself. you're great.:-)amy;)
Posted by alesta on May 5, 2005, at 19:29:17
In reply to Re: ReFeeling sexual, Me too (whine), posted by Susan47 on May 4, 2005, at 18:36:27
hi sue,
> I think my T wasn't passionate, I think maybe he's not a passionate person, but I made him that way in my own mind because I am, you know? It's the passion I fell in love with, isn't that funny? That I created it then I fell in love with it.
hmmm..that it funny, susan. interesting. i know, i've created traits for people, too, i think..but that is so funny that you fell in love with a figment of your imagination..
<Silly and playful is good if it's done with passion.
yes, i agree.:)
<I am an extremely passionate person, but afraid that I do live it in every way possible, I do. I don't go out making an *ss of myself every day or anything, and there's lots I'd like to do but haven't done yet, but anything I do if I can't put myself completely into it I stop. I start and stop a lot of things. Most things, really. Because the passion in me is channelled into some very basic life experiences. The animal in my nature is close to the surface, and it fights my intellect all the time. Constantly, in fact.
i am very passionate, too! i understand exactly what you're saying. i could tell you were passionate..you are similar to me in that way.
> It's a huge struggle for me. And why would I choose unattainable men as objects of my passion? Why??? Is this chance, what happened? Or a pattern? Could this man really be maybe very ordinary, an ordinary everyday joe type of guy? If he weren't sitting in that seat, talking to me in that voice, looking at me in that way, wouldn't he just be another person, like any other therapist I've ever seen? I have seen a few BTW. And pdocs as well. GP's, you name it, no man has reached so deeply into my soul and taken out so much feeling.
thanks for the additional info, susan..it sounds like bloody chemistry (attraction) to me, if you haven't been attracted to other docs like that..and he might've assisted the chemistry by acting in subtly attractive ways..you know what i'm talking about..some guys/ppl put that vibe out there..are interested in making you attracted to them, for whatever reason, and some don't. (i say this assuming that it is not really about the variable of making your therapist more attractive in your own mind. is sounds now like it is more than that, perhaps..guessing..)
> It's not right. To walk away from that, to do that to someone, then walk away.
so you think it was the latter part of what i just said in the above paragraph..that he tried to act in subtly sexy ways? or do you think it was the former..that he just simply was sexy to you..(that there was simply chemistry there)?
> It's like being violated, it's a violation, it's a crime, a break and enter. A moving violation, a hit and run.
same question as above.
aim :-)
Posted by alexandra_k on May 5, 2005, at 23:56:18
In reply to Re: ReFeeling sexual, Me too (whine), posted by Susan47 on May 5, 2005, at 0:21:44
> It really doesn't matter, in this particular case, whether I felt real love for this man or not. What matters is, I FELT .. truly, something beyond words and very beautiful, and I have hope and this THING in my heart.
Yeah.
Enjoy the feeling.
But maybe it would be less painful to think about how it wouldn't work (with him anyway) in reality.
I just mean that feelings and fantasy can be really wonderful.
But when it hurts too much...
That might be the time to reflect on whether that feeling would / could remain were you to have an ACTUAL relationship with him.
Posted by Susan47 on May 6, 2005, at 12:54:46
In reply to Re: ReFeeling sexual, Me too (whine) » Susan47, posted by alesta on May 5, 2005, at 19:29:17
Now we're getting down to it, finally after a year of obfuscating now we're getting down to it, I am anyway. Yes, he just is that way. When he's in public he does everything possible to put his sexuality away. He locks it up, so to speak. To the point of, when I've seen him with his wife, he has his hands firmly in his pockets.
Oh yes.
He's a pocketer.
Posted by Susan47 on May 6, 2005, at 13:02:02
In reply to Re: ReFeeling sexual, Me too (whine) » Susan47, posted by alexandra_k on May 5, 2005, at 23:56:18
I said it to you another way on another board, I think, but the thing is, Alex, that honestly, I always knew he could be trusted with that. That even if he were attracted to a female patient, he might want to be a man, you know, but he wouldn't. He'd always be able to stop himself. I thought that anyway until I caught him staring at my boobs, which are not substantial, not at all, and always tucked in, you know? But this fascination on his face was unmistakable, and hilarious and really shocking, because I've honest to God never in my life EVER seen a guy with a look like that on his face, it was really revealing. So I thought, okay he's having a fascinating thought running through his mind right now, don't know what it is exactly, but he's honest. Look at that, that's honesty right there on his face. Boom. Then he caught himself and he got back to reality, it was like a line was drawn in his mind, and he looked like his usual molded self.
But the fact, you know, that a person could allow themself to be this comfortable in my presence, this open, that he would let a private thought just come up without consciously hiding it, well, that was nice.
But disconcerting.
Because I'm thinking, whoa, have I said too much? Have I revealed too much about myself, somehow, that now he thinks I'm a slut?
And I felt like a slut for a second. Really. And I had to pull hard, really really hard, to try and pull him back in my mind, from having done that.
I created all kinds of possible scenarios to justify the look he gave me. And for a long time I hassled him about the looks on his face at diferent times.
Oh, man.
This is really what it was all about, not all of it, but a lot of it. And it all must have to do with me.
Posted by Susan47 on May 6, 2005, at 13:44:33
In reply to Re: ReFeeling sexual, Me too (whine) » alexandra_k, posted by Susan47 on May 6, 2005, at 13:02:02
You know, that pretty much confirms the way I've been with men, forever since I can remember. Let them get away with things, don't confront them about it because he'll be upset, angry, self-defensive and in the end he'll make it all about you.
And he did.
He did.I don't really think I like him very much, right now.
Posted by alesta on May 7, 2005, at 0:31:50
In reply to Re: ReFeeling sexual, Me too (whine) » alesta, posted by Susan47 on May 6, 2005, at 12:54:46
> Now we're getting down to it, finally after a year of obfuscating now we're getting down to it
really? and it only took us a couple posts! cool!
i'm glad you have some closure susan..a year is an awfully long time to be trying to figure out a bloody man..:) it must have been some spell..:)
aim
Posted by alesta on May 7, 2005, at 2:13:18
In reply to Re: ReFeeling sexual, Me too (whine) » alesta, posted by Susan47 on May 6, 2005, at 12:54:46
> Now we're getting down to it, finally after a year of obfuscating now we're getting down to it, I am anyway. Yes, he just is that way. When he's in public he does everything possible to put his sexuality away. He locks it up, so to speak. To the point of, when I've seen him with his wife, he has his hands firmly in his pockets.
> Oh yes.
> He's a pocketer.
hi susan dear didn't mean to imply closure on this thread where there was none indicated..i hardly slept at all last night (went to bed real late, mom made me get up super early, so skipped a night's sleep), so i'm not thinking super clearly this past 24 hours. aaaanyway.anyways, a pocketer, lol? i hate those. don't you?
whatever happened to dem tender moments?
i gotta go tuh bed..i wish somebody would send me to bed..i can't seem to do it myself..i am such a night owl it's awful..i can't keep staying up late and getting up early..it's not good for my complexion.;)
amy:)
Posted by Susan47 on May 7, 2005, at 10:36:51
In reply to Re: ReFeeling sexual, Me too (whine) » Susan47, posted by alesta on May 7, 2005, at 2:13:18
You might need a mild hypnotic, I take one sometimes, every second or third night if I've been having trouble the night before, and they're helpful. Usually if I start having trouble with sleep, it continues for a few days, then abates a bit. A lot of exercise really helps. And reading in mid-afternoon can make me sleepy enough for a nap, which helps.
Posted by Susan47 on May 7, 2005, at 10:41:13
In reply to Re: ReFeeling sexual, Me too (whine) » Susan47, posted by alesta on May 7, 2005, at 0:31:50
This look that I'm talking about, well it happened in 2003, September or October. And after that I just went off the deep end. I don't know how much of it had to do with him, how much with me, and I can tell you this much: he was an *ss for ignoring what he did, for not confronting it squarely and honestly with me, for not acknowledging his contribution to my problems. I believe I tried to make him suffer, to make him pay for that look and the fact that he never had the courage to acknowledge his error.
Posted by Susan47 on May 7, 2005, at 14:34:12
In reply to He wasn't just a Man, He was my Therapist!, posted by Susan47 on May 7, 2005, at 10:41:13
I finally picked up this book "In Session" and it's frightening how ignorant my T was, until too far along in the relationship, of what he was doing.. it says here, "Some have used suggestive, even coercive, techniques to gain complaince, modify behavior, or convert a client to their way of thinking. They have directed therapy toward goals that were not disclosed, let alone negotiated, with the client, seemingly under the assumption that the therapist knows best."
Several months after he terminated me by telephone, I asked him, "What were you trying to do, in therapy with me?"
His answer?
"I was trying to build your trust"
By staring at my chest, dear Doctor?
By dressing to the nines because I had, one day, come in and confessed my love to you? Did you think that would show me that I was important to you, too? Did you think you were dealing with a child? Because I'm quite capable of using language; aren't you? After I let you know, with my head-to-toe assessment of you, that I was definitely not impressed, you came in deliberately casually sloppy.
And finally, returned to "normal".
This T I was going to was so incredibly manipulative. I had to be that, too, in the end, and I Hated not being able to be honest with him. He was the best obfuscator ever .. I quote, "A client's negative feelings can be very threatening to a therapist."
That man terminated me because of my negative feelings.
He terminated me for all of my feelings.
He didn't know how to be honest with me, the idiot said this, "My machine only takes seven messages".
It was insulting to be lied to.
"I don't have any availability this week, I have nothing next week either"
I really don't think I liked the way he behaved.This relationship with a therapist is so important to me and I'm not the only one, I am so Normal it's beautiful, I love that, I wish I'd read this book a long time ago.
Thank you to this Board, thank you to every single one of you who brought that book, and so many others, to my attention.
Posted by 10derHeart on May 7, 2005, at 17:10:21
In reply to Re: He wasn't just a Man, He was my Therapist!, posted by Susan47 on May 7, 2005, at 14:34:12
It's quite extraordinary, that book...and it only gets better. So glad you're reading it. I am starting it again.
The normalizing that goes on as examples are given and you get EXACTLY what she's saying...I found it freeing.
Posted by Susan47 on May 7, 2005, at 20:06:21
In reply to Re: He wasn't just a Man, He was my Therapist! » Susan47, posted by 10derHeart on May 7, 2005, at 17:10:21
The link didn't work, I didn't bother to doublecheck I'm going to do this again "In Session, The Bond Between Women and their Therapists"
Posted by Susan47 on May 8, 2005, at 0:06:28
In reply to Re: He wasn't just a Man, He was my Therapist!, posted by Susan47 on May 7, 2005, at 14:34:12
Relationship...
now this is an interesting concept. One that I have to say was completely accurate in the way my ex-T treated me. I remember asking him, when I called once, at the beginning of therapy, I called him and I was upset, and I asked him if he thought I was acting crazy, or crazy. Pause. He replies, "Not to ME you're not".
Right away, I'm thinking immediately, that was manipulative. That was a deliberate manipulation and he thinks I can't see it. Now that was really funny. If he'd even said those words without the emphasis on the ME, it would've been an awkward thing to have said. Because he's setting up my reliance on him. Right there. That was the beginning of me noticing. Well, maybe not. Maybe the beginning was the look of extreme interest on his face when he first saw me, then the eventual ignoring of me when my ex- was there, in therapy with me, together, at the beginning. I mean, no man has to look at a woman like that unless there's some intent to nonverbally express something. Which is like lying.
There were a lot of things. A lot of things. Here, something from this book, "'There are only two ways to do real damage to patients: seducing them and punishing them. If you do neither of those things, then you can't get into serious trouble.' (Seducing meant more than literally seducing them; it meant working to arouse their desire for you, their admiration for you, their dependence on you. Punishing meant anything, however subtle, calculated to hurt them.)"
This book reverberated with me, with my personal experience with this therapist.
Now I'm wondering, how many other women's he done this to? Who's he STILL doing it to?
It's absolutely no wonder I was having nightmares.
Posted by Susan47 on May 8, 2005, at 0:51:12
In reply to Seduction and Punishment in the Therapeutic, posted by Susan47 on May 8, 2005, at 0:06:28
He acted differently, as well, very differently, when he was alone in the office versus when a partner was in.
Cold and withdrawn when the partner was in.
More open and kinder, gentler, when alone.
As though, in his own mind, he was doing something wrong.
After awhile, that's how it became, I'm convinced of it now.
Especially because of the time I came in dressed a certain way, you know, and he was .. different in some very obvious ways. He'd have to be an idiot to not know what he was doing in the looks he gave and the voice, how his voiced changed, more than subtly. Obviously. So he didn't have very good control. And in the beginning he didn't try very hard to have control, either, because I honestly believe at this time, anyway, because I have no evidence to the contrary, I believe that he didn't think I'd ever be a threat to his chastity. Somehow I believe he thought he was impervious. I have to admit I was mousier, in the beginning, I'd learned to become that again, in my beaten-up emotional state. And he knows a beaten woman when he sees one, let's be realistic about this. he knew what he was doing, on some level he had to have known. All the signs were there, it was too obvious.
And me, being so used to male-egocentricities and feeding into them, allowed him, I allowed him to get away with it to a point where my tolerance snapped, and I snapped, in a way, as well.These things are all true, I don't know why I never admitted it to my consciousness like this before. Well, I did. I was just afraid to say it, I was so afraid to say everything. But I'm not scared anymore. I might be dead someday soon because I can imagine a psychopathic type of person would want to do me in after this, and maybe that sounds paranoid, but stranger things have happened. That's certain.
This guy when I think about it, really, kind of scares me.
But I have to maintain more control. He's hurt me already, and I somehow was able to help myself in spite of him. In spite of him, and he knows it, he acknowledged it to me after termination, once, in his office, standing there at his counter. He said that, he said, "No, you made it work for you," in response to my statement that whatever he'd done, in spite of all the pain it was causing me, it was helping it make me better.What I'm finding really interesting about all of this is that in finding this therapist, in finding someone and wanting to attach to him so much, I've exactly repeated the abusive patterns in my relationships with my father and my two exes, all men in my life. I found probably one of the few men in town who really do silently and stealthily, VERY stealthily, prey on women. My God.
It's eerie, it's not something I've created, it's real. This guy may think he has good intentions, that's what is really scary. To be that unaware.. is he? I really have to wonder about that.
Posted by Susan47 on May 9, 2005, at 12:42:37
In reply to Re: He wasn't just a Man, He was my Therapist! » Susan47, posted by 10derHeart on May 7, 2005, at 17:10:21
A book that segues really well, for me, from Deborah Lott's book is "Labyrinth Of Desire" by Rosemary Sullivan. This whole weekend was an Ah-hah experience. Wonderful.
But I have so much more to say, still. It's kind of frightening, to think if this therapist had been willing to hear, to really listen, that he could've really helped me, but in the end he served as a vehicle for me to help myself. And I know I would've found that vehicle, in any case, because I NEEDED to be obsessively in love with someone. But he shouldn't have exploited me, he's a therapist. And he did, thinking no one knew. Because I made a lot of telephone calls that were, had to be, seductive, considering what I said on them, considering the state of mind/body/soul I was in at the time. And he allowed it. He allowed it for a long time before he finally put the lid on it, months after I first had asked him to. Because I did, I asked him to put a lid on it. But he didn't. He didn't do that for a long time, and he didn't try at all aggressively, not one bit, to bring it up in therapy. I was always the one who brought up the phone calls .. making light of them. And he let me do that.
I was sick, but as a therapist, he was sicker. He didn't tell me my job was to be obsessively in love with him and his job was to help me get to the root of why that was. He tried to make himself the person worthy of my love. I a lot of ways. That man needed to be loved. He tried to tell me he's the same lovely person outside of therapy that he is in therapy. Well, we were discussing what a lovely person I thought he was, and how that's probably not really true, and what he said was that he's no different outside therapy, IRL, than he is in. It's him, he's the same person. He's just a nice, easygoing person, if I were to ask his friends that's pretty much what they'd say, that he's very easygoing. But he'd already displayed to me that that wasn't true.
And I can't even go into the details of that, without sounding strange, because the incident is almost too strange to be credible, but it is, in the range of human emotion and the way people punish each other, it's very credible.
Posted by Susan47 on May 9, 2005, at 12:47:35
In reply to 10derheart, posted by Susan47 on May 9, 2005, at 12:42:37
Aargh. "Labyrinth of Desire"
Posted by Susan47 on May 9, 2005, at 12:51:19
In reply to Book Link System, posted by Susan47 on May 9, 2005, at 12:47:35
I'm sorry, I didn't submit my links properly. I'll try again, here it really is this is a book worth reading "Labyrinth of Desire". I saw a book thread, was that on Social? Anybody know?
Posted by alesta on May 9, 2005, at 15:53:13
In reply to Apology for the Poor Link, My Fault, posted by Susan47 on May 9, 2005, at 12:51:19
hi suzie q, i'm wondering..since you like to get into these types of discussions and ramble on with me about things..if you know who your 'type' is relationshipwise? i am trying to figure this out right now for myself, and can't come up with anything definitive..
for myself, i think extraverts are always more attracted to me than introverts..guess cause i'm an introvert, and opposites attract. (at least, i think i'm an introvert..hmmm.) yet the opposites attract thing seems to only work one way..cause i still get attracted to introverts. but introverts never seem as attracted to me in the long run as extraverts. am i making sense? if not, that's cool...i am so bloody serious today..i am metamorphasizing as we speak..into what..i have no idea...talk to me sue....amy:)
Posted by alesta on May 9, 2005, at 18:14:12
In reply to Re: cybersex, Alesta » alexandra_k, posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 21:41:03
hey alex, where you at? haven't seen you much lately..maybe if i respark our cybersex conversation you'll return???
aimsky
p.s. i was just kidding that one night..i had something i had to go do..i didn't really have cybersex with anyone. :( yet...although i heard it through the grapevine that somebody was sniffing around for answers..gee..wonder who that was...:0) just kidding.
Posted by Susan47 on May 9, 2005, at 18:15:49
In reply to Susan..or anyone who feels like rambling on..., posted by alesta on May 9, 2005, at 15:53:13
You don't seem like an introvert.
I don't think I have a type. I like men who're slightly extroverted, not to the point of being annoying about it though. I like the self-confident, sure type, nice-looking, attractive but humble about it, not assuming Anything because of his looks. I think, in general, guys tend to have an instinct towards natural self-inflation (OH THAT'S A KNEE-BANGER, banger, get it? All right) okay .. self-congratulatory-type behaviour. You know, I must be really good 'cause she wants me, that type of thing. Then there's the other kind, the kind who wouldn't assume you'd date him if he were Gates himself (no I wouldn't date that man I don't care how much money he's got, he's gross, his nature IS printed all over him, his features themselves aren't generally disgusting, although not overly attractive either, but it's his Nature, you know, it's the nature of the man that shows and makes him unattractive to me).
Hm.
Not answering any questions though, your question. I like extroverts, slightly but not annoyingly so, you know, like the kind of guy who thinks his personality is so wonderful he just HAS to be liked, the blind kind. Those men assume too much, waaaaayyy too much, they're generally really incredibly successful with women and because of that they're a bit empty inside. There's a hardness that men like this develop, over time. I don't know why that is, exactly. I've known incredibly good-looking men who don't assume too much, and the funny thing is, they're all in really happy or seemingly happy marriages, you respect these marriages because both partners seem well-balanced. Hmm. I don't know why I wandered over here, I'm sorry. My mind is dreamily wandering today. I feel free, and sad, incredibly sad. Because I'm thinking about tears being shed, unnecessary tears. Love is always just around the corner.
Posted by alesta on May 9, 2005, at 18:16:46
In reply to Re: cybersex, Alesta » alesta, posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 21:07:51
Posted by alesta on May 9, 2005, at 18:29:37
In reply to Re: Susan..or anyone who feels like rambling on..., posted by Susan47 on May 9, 2005, at 18:15:49
> You don't seem like an introvert.
i know..i think i might be split right down the center between intro- and extroverted, now that i think about it. not sure..
> I don't think I have a type. I like men who're slightly extroverted, not to the point of being annoying about it though.
see, you've got it easy..there are plenty of extraverts floating around out there...and you're introverted right? so that's a nice, neat little package that makes sense and everyone's happy..
<I like the self-confident, sure type, nice-looking, attractive but humble about it, not assuming Anything because of his looks. I think, in general, guys tend to have an instinct towards natural self-inflation (OH THAT'S A KNEE-BANGER, banger, get it? All right) okay .. self-congratulatory-type behaviour. You know, I must be really good 'cause she wants me, that type of thing.
my ex....that's my ex....
<Then there's the other kind, the kind who wouldn't assume you'd date him if he were Gates himself (no I wouldn't date that man I don't care how much money he's got, he's gross, his nature IS printed all over him, his features themselves aren't generally disgusting, although not overly attractive either, but it's his Nature, you know, it's the nature of the man that shows and makes him unattractive to me).
i think gates is a narcissist..i can't remember much what he looks like or anything..
> Hm.
> Not answering any questions though, your question. I like extroverts, slightly but not annoyingly so, you know, like the kind of guy who thinks his personality is so wonderful he just HAS to be liked, the blind kind. Those men assume too much, waaaaayyy too much, they're generally really incredibly successful with women and because of that they're a bit empty inside. There's a hardness that men like this develop, over time. I don't know why that is, exactly. I've known incredibly good-looking men who don't assume too much, and the funny thing is, they're all in really happy or seemingly happy marriages, you respect these marriages because both partners seem well-balanced. Hmm.let me guess...your T...just kidding :)
<I don't know why I wandered over here, I'm sorry. My mind is dreamily wandering today. I feel free, and sad, incredibly sad. Because I'm thinking about tears being shed, unnecessary tears. Love is always just around the corner.
i know...i just want to learn to be alone..and *stay* alone, lol. i'm sick of heartache..sick, sick, sick..whenever i start to get used to being alone, though, is always when some dude shows up to sweep me off my feet..figures, right? well, not this time...:)
amy:)
Posted by Susan47 on May 9, 2005, at 20:23:10
In reply to Re: Susan..or anyone who feels like rambling on... » Susan47, posted by alesta on May 9, 2005, at 18:29:37
What're you doing, daring fate? Because fate never steps up to the plate when you think you've got it fooled that you're not looking. It knows you're saying but looking anyway.
Do you know what a good-looking man is? Not gorgeous, but empathic. Not handsome, but gorgeous in his love for himself, his love for what he's found he's capable of, and his awe of that because of the power he knows he has; but respectful of the power, and honest with himself over his use or abuse of it, and honest with others, because he really in his heart can take risks in the name of love.
There're men who're quite happy to hurt others. There are men who do. You can see them, they're the gobblers of the world, the roosters, and they take no prisoners.
A good-looking man recognizes his fears, but doesn't allow the fear to be his master.
Have you ever seen a man who's afraid he's going to be caught doing something he shouldn't? The beautiful turned ugly, for a moment and then for eternity, because you cannot go back, time just won't work that way.
Damn.
Posted by alesta on May 9, 2005, at 20:57:26
In reply to Re: Susan..or anyone who feels like rambling on... » alesta, posted by Susan47 on May 9, 2005, at 20:23:10
hehe..you're so dramatic! yes, i do understand what you're talking about concerning the true beauty of a man..absolutely. and i am not looking for a drop-dead gorgeous guy. been there, done that. it's nice to be attracted, and it doesn't take chiseled (sp.) looks to achieve that at all...i could be just as attracted to an 'average-looking guy' if he has the qualities i want...probably more attracted possibly..or attracted in a better way..i want something fulfilling, ya know..a connection..
no, i'm really not tempting fate, susan..love seriously has been really painful to me..people don't realize that i am an *extremely* feeling, sensitive, passionate person...i mean, it is not overt..it is something i feel inside me for the person..it's not that i'm like one of those chicks on the cover of romance novels lying in his arms with my shirt popping open..not overt like that..but the intense feelings i have for the person are there..i think i must produce an excessive amount of the love chemical in the brain..PEA, oxytocin, dopamine..whichever it is...b/c when i fall in love there is no one more in love than i. i don't notice any other guys than the one i'm in love with..i mean i am intense, honey. and so, (yes, i'm getting to an actual point here :)) love is always going to be painful for someone like me..you feel the intense happiness of being in love with someone, but then you feel the pain just as deeply when they disappoint you..romance is not a stable happiness..it's almost like temporary insanity, lol..for me anyway..i'm a different person when in love..i just don't want it anymore. honestly.
unless..i am willing to deal with the romance part in order to get to the 'friendship' part of the relationship...but i don't know if i really *want* a close friend to work the whole rest of my life around. i think i might be happier on my own...these are all things i need to think about. ahhh sorry susan i went on there a bit long...
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