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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 10 to 34 of 41. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on May 5, 2005, at 7:38:38
In reply to Re: Hey, Damos, is this a guy thing generally?? » Damos, posted by Larry Hoover on May 5, 2005, at 6:43:44
Quite right again.
I think part of the solution is to be very careful of what I ask him to do or put in his hands. If I evaluate how irritated I'll be if something drags on for months, I'll be able to figure out whether to say
"Gosh, that light is broken. We really need to call an electrician."
or "Gosh, that light is broken. My cousin told me about a good electrician, I'll call him tomorrow and arrange for him to come over, ok?"
Because honestly, there are times I don't mind being without a light for a few months, and I don't want to feel like a bossy wife.
Posted by sunny10 on May 5, 2005, at 7:57:33
In reply to Re: Hey, Damos, is this a guy thing generally?? » Damos, posted by Larry Hoover on May 5, 2005, at 6:43:44
I guess it was just the fact that all of the women were saying the same thing that I wanted to get the guys' points of view...
I can see a lot of truth in what Damos and Larry were saying- and when I think back, they are true of my SO, too.
He's a mechanic, so he is far more likely to want to fix things himself, but unless "it" is well and truly broken, he can't be bothered.
If it's something cosmetically wrong- like a bathroom cabinet door that's off kilter, but still opens and shuts, he couldn't give a darn. But if it doesn't open and he can't get to his shaving things- he'll drag out the screw drivers, drill, wood plane, et cetera and fix it perfectly.
Most men I've "lived with" (within or without the institution of marriage) have been this way. So over the years, I've learned to fix things myself- cosmetically or otherwise. My last landlord of seven years absolutely adored me. He used to call ME to ask my advice about how to better the building!
I think maybe it's just that some of us have a different idea of what needs fixing....simple as that...
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 5, 2005, at 8:26:10
In reply to Re: a guy thing generally??, posted by sunny10 on May 5, 2005, at 7:57:33
> I think maybe it's just that some of us have a different idea of what needs fixing....simple as that...
Hey, you're getting good at this.
It's like the toilet bowl. It always got cleaned before I even realized it was dirty. It's not like I mind cleaning it at all. I didn't intentionally leave it for her to do.
Lar
Posted by sunny10 on May 5, 2005, at 10:45:18
In reply to Re: a guy thing generally?? » sunny10, posted by Larry Hoover on May 5, 2005, at 8:26:10
soooooooooo true... with ONE exception for me; dishes.
I haven't had a dishwasher since I left my parents' home and I HATE doing dishes... don't know why, I just do.
My SO HATES dishes sitting in the sink, so he'll wash them.
Wish I could force myself to NOT FEEL GUILTY, whether he comments about whether it was my turn or says nothing and doesn't seem to mind doing them himself...
Sometimes I think I need to act like I know that I'm not "supposed to do everything for everyone"... classic codependence, no?!?!?!?
Strange sentence structure there, but that's kind of the point. I DO know lots of things about WHY I need to set boundaries and "act like a normally content person".... I just don't know how to go about DOING the things I know...
Sooooooo, like I said, back to therapy for me. This time I have to find someone willing to stop "just listening" and start "teaching me" HOW to do the things I know I have to do.
Gosh, it's times like these that I feel I'm not making any sense at all.....
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 5, 2005, at 10:59:07
In reply to Re: the clean thing?!?! » Larry Hoover, posted by sunny10 on May 5, 2005, at 10:45:18
....but all the thinking in the world will not bring about change.
You do different to be different.
<proud smile>
Lar
Posted by sunny10 on May 5, 2005, at 11:41:43
In reply to Re: you're making perfect sense.... » sunny10, posted by Larry Hoover on May 5, 2005, at 10:59:07
Posted by alexandra_k on May 6, 2005, at 0:00:21
In reply to Re: Hey, Damos, is this a guy thing generally?? » Damos, posted by Larry Hoover on May 5, 2005, at 6:43:44
Hmm.
Do you take out garbage too???
;-)
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 6, 2005, at 5:44:46
In reply to Re: Hey, Damos, is this a guy thing generally?? » Larry Hoover, posted by alexandra_k on May 6, 2005, at 0:00:21
> Hmm.
> Do you take out garbage too???
> ;-)Uh, yes. But not, apparently, toilets (in a time frame designated by Venusians).
Lar
Posted by broken on May 6, 2005, at 9:01:22
In reply to Re: Hey, Damos, is this a guy thing generally?? » alexandra_k, posted by Larry Hoover on May 6, 2005, at 5:44:46
Such an interesting thread, I couldn't pass it up. Even if I am late on reading it.
I admit, without reservation, I am terrible about procrastination. My wife generally won't bother asking me to do something, until she gets really pissed off, and then it's more like, do this now. And since she's pissed off, I do it. Not only because she's pissed, but also because IF she is pissed, it must be something that has needed doing for quite a while. Otherwise, she wouldn't be in that state of mind.
I wouldn't generalize men usually, but I think there are some differences that can be tied into this, sorta, kinda... ok. not really. But anyway..
One of the things I have always found interesting, is that, generally, men are alot less willing to try to cope with mental illness. They are unwilling to admit they have a problem, and less understanding of others that have a problem. Also we (as in men) don't want to learn about mental illness, on the whole. I think that explains the ratio between men and women on this board. I don't know why that would be the case. I don't think it's because men are uncaring, I think it's because some men just have difficulty accepting it, and therefore are less willing to learn about something they cannot accept as being true.
My PBC Disclaimer:
I am a man, and I have observed these traits in myself. I see the difference in the male/female ratio here at Babble. Those things are my basis for this point of view. I realize I may very well be wrong, and I am not applying this supposition to all men, but the majority of men. It's not my intention to offend, only to discuss.Chris
Posted by alexandra_k on May 6, 2005, at 11:55:18
In reply to Re: Hey, Damos, is this a guy thing generally?? » alexandra_k, posted by Larry Hoover on May 6, 2005, at 5:44:46
Hmm.
But do you leave the toilet seat down???
Posted by Dinah on May 6, 2005, at 14:07:05
In reply to Re: Hey, Damos, is this a guy thing generally?? » Larry Hoover, posted by alexandra_k on May 6, 2005, at 11:55:18
Just imagine how much better it is left up than not lifted.
Posted by sunny10 on May 6, 2005, at 15:02:16
In reply to I'm relatively tolerant of toilet seats left up, posted by Dinah on May 6, 2005, at 14:07:05
Posted by gardenergirl on May 6, 2005, at 15:35:25
In reply to Re: Hey, Damos, is this a guy thing generally?? » Damos, posted by Larry Hoover on May 5, 2005, at 6:43:44
>.
>
> I'm also a leadership/decision guy. But then again, I am an Aries.Okay, my hubby is officially an Aries, but I swear, it doesn't fit him at all. Unless he is really good at hiding it. He's more of a Taurus, I think.
Or unless taking FOREVER to make a decision is still an Aries trait. :)
gg
>
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 6, 2005, at 16:02:47
In reply to Re: Hey, Damos, is this a guy thing generally?? » Larry Hoover, posted by alexandra_k on May 6, 2005, at 11:55:18
> Hmm.
>
> But do you leave the toilet seat down???I am very conscious of toilet seat position. In my own home, I do as I please. But, when in any possibly female-inclusive environment, the default down mode is operant.
Lar
Posted by alexandra_k on May 6, 2005, at 21:04:15
In reply to I'm relatively tolerant of toilet seats left up, posted by Dinah on May 6, 2005, at 14:07:05
Hmm.
The issue is that sometimes I get really involved in doing something... And then I realise I need to go to the bathroom... And then I have to get there PRONTO. And if *someone* has left the toilet seat up then I end up sitting on it with the toilet seat up :-(But, hmm. Interesting. Maybe we should leave it up for them? But then they use it down sometimes... So if there is only 2 of you then it needs to be down more than half the time anyway...
I dunno.
I'm starting to wonder now.
But I do prefer it left down I think.Good on ya Lar :-)
Posted by alesta on May 7, 2005, at 0:08:14
In reply to Re: I'm relatively tolerant of toilet seats left up, posted by alexandra_k on May 6, 2005, at 21:04:15
Posted by Damos on May 8, 2005, at 16:53:02
In reply to Re: I'm relatively tolerant of toilet seats left up, posted by alexandra_k on May 6, 2005, at 21:04:15
Have to admit to being a lid putter downera and a garbage taker outera.
Posted by 10derHeart on May 8, 2005, at 18:25:48
In reply to Re: I'm relatively tolerant of toilet seats left up » alexandra_k, posted by Damos on May 8, 2005, at 16:53:02
>>Have to admit to being a lid putter downera and a garbage taker outera.
Gosh, I may just be in love....;-)
Posted by damos on May 8, 2005, at 21:37:16
In reply to Re: I'm relatively tolerant of toilet seats left up » Damos, posted by 10derHeart on May 8, 2005, at 18:25:48
If only that was all it took. Thank you 10derHeart. Does never having done drugs & only having a single drink once in a blue moon add any to the alure?
Posted by 10derHeart on May 9, 2005, at 0:57:47
In reply to Re: I'm relatively tolerant of toilet seats left up » 10derHeart, posted by damos on May 8, 2005, at 21:37:16
I think sometimes we don't give enough credit to how important those little things turn out to be.
Yes....and yes.
Cat just jumped up on my lap (rarely does that) and tried to push my hands off the keyboard.
Hmm, what the heck was that about?
Dumb cat.
PS - How's your canine friend? Sounds like a sweet one from your posts. I miss having dogs. But, I do love this silly, spoiled feline like he's another child...
Posted by Damos on May 9, 2005, at 16:54:18
In reply to Re: I'm relatively tolerant of toilet seats left up » damos, posted by 10derHeart on May 9, 2005, at 0:57:47
So the question is does your cat ever post when you're not watching?
Sarah is good. Don't know how I'd get through the day without her. She is so sensitive, knowing and giving. Dear Sarah is more spoiled than any child could ever hope to be. Talk about a pampered pooch.
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 10, 2005, at 10:18:02
In reply to Re: I'm relatively tolerant of toilet seats left up » damos, posted by 10derHeart on May 9, 2005, at 0:57:47
> I think sometimes we don't give enough credit to how important those little things turn out to be.
Hmmmm.....is it a little thing? I see it as a symbol.
In the greater scheme of relating, I'd rather do all I can to let things stay on point. What I mean is, if there is a dispute of some sort, I don't want it being compounded/confused/combined with other issues.
If putting the seat down can simplify a relationship, then the seat thing is really not much effort at all. It's a win-win, IMHO.
Lar
Posted by 10derHeart on May 10, 2005, at 10:28:40
In reply to Re: the toilet seat issue has life, eh? » 10derHeart, posted by Larry Hoover on May 10, 2005, at 10:18:02
What you said, is what I was trying to convey to Damos.
That toilet seats, taking out garbage because it's just there and has to go out, etc., turn out being important, precisely because they are symbols. To choose NOT to "make a statement" about what you don't have to do, or can't be made to do if you don't want to, could be a powerful, positive message in a relationship.
You said it better and more directly. No big surprise there.
Posted by sunny10 on May 10, 2005, at 11:11:14
In reply to Re: the toilet seat issue has life, eh? » Larry Hoover, posted by 10derHeart on May 10, 2005, at 10:28:40
I find that if these little things ARE an issue, there is generally a power struggle going on within other aspects of the relationship...
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 10, 2005, at 13:13:16
In reply to Re: the toilet seat issue has life, eh?, posted by sunny10 on May 10, 2005, at 11:11:14
> I find that if these little things ARE an issue, there is generally a power struggle going on within other aspects of the relationship...
That's kind of the glass half empty version of what I said, do you think?
Lar
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